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 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 73
Single MothersPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Isn't part of being a potential mate, being fertile and a good mom?

I can make happy and build a family...

Ultimately, isn't that part of being a "potential mate"....

but its not THEIR family, nor their kids. No woman cares how great a guy is if she cant have him, same for men. Hat good are your qualities if they are being spent elsewhere?

No matter how great a parent you are, you will be dividing your time and energy between his genetic kids and your ex's kids. I respect any man that can get past that, but its not something you should expect of every person man or woman.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 74
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:21:32 AM
(KajunCutie) I made it CLEAR I didn't need a father figure or support.


And how'd that work out for you? Still single, I see...


To one? we dated 4 months and all of a sudden he said "Your kid is an issue".


Maybe, at the START of the 4 months, he was fine with it. Maybe, AFTER 4 months of seeing what a spoiled, vindictive, evil little snot your kid was, he changed his mind. Men *ARE* allowed to do that, you know...

(not saying y0ur kid is any of those things, BTW; just suggesting it as one possibility -- one that a lot of single mothers don't, apparently, consider...)


Well obviously I don't mean it like "That. I mean--understand I am a mommy first. Before I am a date.


Then shut up, stop complaining about guys, and be a mommy first.



 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 75
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:01:39 PM
you're an angry elf..

she can date.. and she can complain about guys all she wants.. it's a free country.. and if she' taking care of her kid, then she is being a mommy first. duh..

If you don't think us single parents consider our child in everything we do, you've got a very skewed view of single parents. I know my child is something to be considered by the guy. I make it clear up front, because I know exactly what my child wants from any guy I get serious with and he has to be ok with it or adios! I also hate the "it's not you it's your kid" excuse. be a man.. have some guts.. if that's not the real reason, then tell me the real reason. I *hate* that excuse because you knew about the child from the get go. Maybe some guys really think they can handle it and can't, but I suspect most just lose interest in the woman and take the easy excuse.
 Iflylow79
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 76
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/1/2013 1:53:16 AM
"BlazinBlue" You have to understand that many women need to make sure that men understand how important their children are and that yes, you will not come first. This is not a bad thing! If a woman puts me before her child then I am turned off. I prefer a good mother over someone who caters to my every whim. once a good, strong, intelligent woman sees that you understand what is most important in her life then you become elevated in her eyes. She will find time for you without compromising the bond that she has with her children.

As for stating that men are looking to date and not be a father to her kids....ummm, ouch. When you say that, then I have to ask this. What happens if it becomes a good solid relationship and her child/ren look to you for guidance and as a role model? And if they do, then what if they choose you as a fatherly figure?

I am not assuming anything here. Maybe you should clarify your position. maybe you don't want that thrust upon you right out of the gate but you may be open to it as the relationship advances.

Back to the point...many men just want women for sex, so they state many things on their profiles to help weed out the bottom feeders. Ask one of your potential dates to show you some of the emails they get from guys and then you'll probably understand.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 77
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/1/2013 8:03:15 AM
(Confuzzled4ever) you're an angry elf..

she can date.. and she can complain about guys all she wants..


When I take over, that'll be the first thing to go...


it's a free country..


I'll remember that when I pay my taxes...


and if she' taking care of her kid, then she is being a mommy first. duh..


How can she be taking care of her kid, if she's grousing about how difficult it is to date with ankle-biters around? Kids have an amazing ability to sense resentment in others (particularly their parents), so when someone blows on here with a "Woe is me! Nobody wants to date a single mom!" schtick, her child(ren) picks up on it... d'uh.


If you don't think us single parents consider our child in everything we do, you've got a very skewed view of single parents.


Never said, or even suggested, anything even remotely close to that. Stop trying to raise the Silliness-Quotient of PoF -- it's already more than high enough.

Like your hat, BTW: very nice.
 gregor122
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 78
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/1/2013 3:22:41 PM
Lets just make it simple. Dating someone with kids is not for everyone and if you realize this than just move on. It's not so much as saying the obvious. She just letting you know that you won't be the focus of her life or for you to expect to be. If this is what you expect than its probably selfish and ought to not date a mother with kids.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 79
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/1/2013 7:10:21 PM
~~~~
When I take over, that'll be the first thing to go...
~~~~
As long as men complaining about women goes with it.. then I'm ok with it. lol

~~~~
I'll remember that when I pay my taxes...
~~~
Ah.. agree there.. I recant that statement. lol

~~~
How can she be taking care of her kid, if she's grousing about how difficult it is to date with ankle-biters around? Kids have an amazing ability to sense resentment in others (particularly their parents), so when someone blows on here with a "Woe is me! Nobody wants to date a single mom!" schtick, her child(ren) picks up on it... d'uh.
~~~
Um.. If they are saying it in front of their kids.. sure.. . Most likely she's just venting. We all need to vent. I'm sure I've been frustrated before with dating.. and vented and got upset when I had to cancel because my kid got sick. I wouldn't hesitate to do so, but it' *is* frustrating. Or to be cancelled on because of kid related things. Oh and yes.. I deal with it all the time.. like tonight.. my guy? cancelled.. He picked his kids up instead. it's *frustrating* but I would expect nothing less from him. And I'm certainly allowed to feel upset that he cancelled and frustrated by it.

~~~~
Like your hat, BTW: very nice.
~~~
ha! Thanks :~p I love it too!


~~~~
You do realize that you come across as a lot brighter than many of the single mothers many of us encounter during our lives...
That view may be skewed, but it's as real as your view is...
You're never going to trade your kid for a bag of crack or a new car or whatever... but some single moms are that "skewed"...
Now you may say that those ones are rare extremes... and I will agree with you... but from those rare extremes to the ones like you that do "get it" there is a whole range in between... If people like you were more vocal and more in the apparent majority, a lot more of us guys would consider single moms a lot more highly...
Not saying I agree with you on everything... but... you at least seem to have a head on your shoulders...
~~~~~
Hey thanks! I don't think I've ever been complimented on here.. lol.. Also.. i'm not certain you've ever agreed with me before? LOL. the majority is never the most vocal. We just live our lives and go unnoticed. It's the way the world works.in just about any facet. ... btw.. what kind of car we talking?? (joking!) I just find it funny how you can talk to guy and they like everything about you, how you live, how you are your attitude, but the second the kid is introduced, on I can't deal with the drama? Doesn't even know how much or *if* there is any! Come on.. Child less people have just as much drama, it's just different. Just *lump* single mom.


~~~~~~
but its not THEIR family, nor their kids. No woman cares how great a guy is if she cant have him, same for men. Hat good are your qualities if they are being spent elsewhere?

No matter how great a parent you are, you will be dividing your time and energy between his genetic kids and your ex's kids. I respect any man that can get past that, but its not something you should expect of every person man or woman.
~~~~
Guess the same can be said for in-law and friends.. They aren't yours so you shouldn't have to deal with them? If I wasn't dividing my time between my children, I wouldn't be a good mom. It's not as hard as people try to make it sound. You just love your kids and it's easy to make them all feel important. If you are incapable of accepting a child that isn't your then don't even talk to a single parent with the intention of a potential date. Because it's unfair to *them*. If you are jealous of the time the parent spends with her child, then you reallllly need to step away.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 80
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/2/2013 1:13:21 PM


(AT) When I take over, that'll be the first thing to go...

~~~~
(Confuzzled4ever) As long as men complaining about women goes with it.. then I'm ok with it. lol


You'll pry my right to complain about wimmin from my cold, dead hand...



(AT) How can she be taking care of her kid, if she's grousing about how difficult it is to date with ankle-biters around? Kids have an amazing ability to sense resentment in others (particularly their parents), so when someone blows on here with a "Woe is me! Nobody wants to date a single mom!" schtick, her child(ren) picks up on it... d'uh.

~~~
(Confuzzled4ever) Um.. If they are saying it in front of their kids.. sure.. .


You obviously think that if you don't come right out and connectt the dots for your kids, then it's all good. Children are extremely perceptive, and will perceive a *LOT* more than you think they will...


Most likely she's just venting. We all need to vent.


"Venting", and "whining", are *NOT* the same thing...


I'm sure I've been frustrated before with dating.. and vented and got upset when I had to cancel because my kid got sick. I wouldn't hesitate to do so, but it' *is* frustrating. Or to be cancelled on because of kid related things. Oh and yes.. I deal with it all the time.. like tonight.. my guy? cancelled.. He picked his kids up instead. it's *frustrating* but I would expect nothing less from him. And I'm certainly allowed to feel upset that he cancelled and frustrated by it.


Yes, you most certainly are allowed to feel upset and frustrated by it. What you *AREN'T* allowed to do, but you almost certainly will, is bust his balls for it, or play "Let's see how long I can withhold sex from him!"...
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/2/2013 1:42:12 PM
When an x bf asked what his ''role'' was with my daughter i told him she has a good dad, i am not trying to replace him, but a kid can never be loved by too many people. This answer seemed to suit him.

I think it is funny when you see in a guys pf that his kids are ''his world'' and he sees them twice a month lol! I am not saying there is anything wrong with only seeing your kids twice a month, but they really are not you ''world''
 aarront
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 82
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/2/2013 2:08:14 PM
Of curse.if u struggle by urself u get better at things n plus u riskin g yo life for ur son or daughter
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 83
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/2/2013 4:53:08 PM
U kno what I agree I am not looking to become step mom to someone else kids I'm looking for potential late to have " my own " kids lol
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 84
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:34:17 PM
~~~~~
You'll pry my right to complain about wimmin from my cold, dead hand...
~~~~~
Typical..

~~~
You obviously think that if you don't come right out and connect the dots for your kids, then it's all good. Children are extremely perceptive, and will perceive a *LOT* more than you think they will...
~~~
*sigh*

~~~
Yes, you most certainly are allowed to feel upset and frustrated by it. What you *AREN'T* allowed to do, but you almost certainly will, is bust his balls for it, or play "Let's see how long I can withhold sex from him!"...
~~~
You know nothing about me or my guy and nothing about our relationship. I don't know what constitutes "busting his balls" But I tell him everything, even the stuff he isn't going to like. Oh.. but if I *wanted* to do those things.. I certainly am *allowed* to and so is he.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 85
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/4/2013 8:35:41 AM


(AT) Yes, you most certainly are allowed to feel upset and frustrated by it. What you *AREN'T* allowed to do, but you almost certainly will, is bust his balls for it, or play "Let's see how long I can withhold sex from him!"...
~~~

(Confuzzled4ever) You know nothing about me or my guy and nothing about our relationship. I don't know what constitutes "busting his balls" But I tell him everything, even the stuff he isn't going to like.


Whoa-whoa there, HellCat! Retract y0ur claws! This, BTW, is just one of the reasons guys aren't best friends with their SOs...


Oh.. but if I *wanted* to do those things.. I certainly am *allowed* to and so is he.


Just because you cansay something, doesn't mean that you should say it.
 maryannps1
Joined: 4/28/2010
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Single Mothers
Posted: 3/4/2013 3:44:25 PM
I just happened to stumble on this forum and I just want to say thank you for your input. It is refreshing to know that there are guys who do understand what it is like to be single and have kids. Thanks.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 87
Single Mothers
Posted: 1/31/2014 11:10:58 AM
The kids are number one. So what? - You'll be the number-one romantic partner. Some of you guys take things too seriously. Sheesh!
 Sumogrin
Joined: 3/19/2014
Msg: 88
Single Mothers
Posted: 4/4/2014 8:55:34 PM
Ive got to agree whole heartedly to your statement
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 89
Single Mothers
Posted: 4/4/2014 11:48:31 PM
I love my kids to death and they will always come first, but I won't put it in my profile, because 1) that should go without saying and 2) it's annoying to throw that into someone's face. I will make time for someone if he is worth it, but I've met single dads who NEVER had time to do anything because they were constantly doing things with their kids. Sorry, but even I as a single mother with no family around whatsoever is not sympathetic.
 Justme_and_k
Joined: 4/21/2014
Msg: 90
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/6/2014 7:58:15 PM
So, my guess is you are not a single dad. I have the same shit in my own profile. My child is #1 and everyone else can be a close #2. If you are not down, the oh well... I'll keep looking til I find someone who understands this, and likely a single mom. I also make sure to say I do not have a revolving door, so you are not likely to meet my child until I think it is going somewhere or at least we have established that we will be good friends.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 91
view profile
History
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/18/2014 8:59:32 PM
I don't normally like to date single moms anyway, but I will definitely pass on any girl who has that "my kids come first" crap in her profile.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 92
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/19/2014 2:02:59 PM
BlazinBlue- You just illustrated the very mind set that scares the beezesus out of single mothers!
We know you aren't the father of our children, but we also know if things work out, you are going to spend more time with them than their fathers do (if we have custody).
What you have expressed here is exactly what most of us avoid.
You can't be with us if our children are annoying reminders that we actually had sex with another man and produced a child.
MOST women are not willing to be with a man who just tolerates our children.
There is a big difference between asking you to take on the role of a father and asking that your care about them.
Do as you will, but you will NEVER find a good mother who wants to be with a man who only wants her and treats her children like they don't exist.
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/25/2014 10:00:41 PM
Myself, I've always been a bit confused as to why a parent stating in their profile that their kids come first is ever included in any list of things that we think are put-off-ish, nonsensical, contradictive, funny, red-flag-ish, or plain dumb. Whether you care about a date having kids or not, or do or don't want kids yourself, or whatever...how or why is that something to be huffy about or take in any kind of bad way? Might be a little unnecessary, or irrelevant to mention in a single's profile, and you may not want to date a single parent...is so, then don't...but there are so many other things that are actually dumb or red flagish or put offish. She states that her kids come first. So what. God, who cares.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/26/2014 4:57:04 PM

I think they are just being honest about what to expect in a relationship when they say their kids come first. For example, you know that their kids will take priority over your kids and vice versa (maybe they have 4 kids and they don't want to be paying for or watching your kids when they need to worry about their own kids). Whether you want to deal with that is up to you, but at least you know what you are getting into upfront.


I think they are pointing it out because it has been a problem for them in the past. This is why some of the single moms I know say they mention it. They might have to cancel dates often, or something along those lines, and whoever they're dating gets tired of it.
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 95
Single Mothers
Posted: 6/9/2014 4:43:05 PM
Men post the same exact thing in their profiles.

Simply put.. if that is a turn off for you, then great, save both of you heartache and pain and move along without sending a message. This site wasn't' built around your specific needs and desires.
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 96
Single Mothers
Posted: 6/11/2014 11:47:53 AM
I don't agree. At all. It doesn't scare me in the least. What does scare me is when the guy has nothing to say that doesn't start with "my kids" or "my job". Yes.. my son and my job are a significant part of my life. but I have hobbies and interests and a life outside of those two things which I'd much rather talk about.
Single Mothers
Posted: 6/11/2014 3:48:25 PM
Oh god, y'all are just parent and kid haters. Hehe!
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