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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..      Home login  
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 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 43
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think you need to speak for yourself bro. I don't play that sh(t with women. Some guys are jerks and some aren't. Some are munipulators. Some aren't. The men who are worth a damn are honest and direct. You should seek those men out and ditch the liars/losers. I think your question has been answered many times over.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 44
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/15/2013 9:11:37 AM

He will do better for about a week or so and then it's right back to the same ole crap


Yes. I would like to know why a person would do this too.

Honestly, I don't understand why someone has to pull you into their life, do things that are indirectly rejecting, and then they push you away. If someone doesn't really care for you, why can't they just let you walk away? And... if the answer is that he does care for you, why can't he just behave like a "normal" person?
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 45
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/15/2013 1:19:06 PM

What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head.


The real problem? You tolerating this and allowing it, so end it and stop banging your head.

My work is done here.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 46
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:31:18 PM
I dated someone for 7 months like this. Yes, 7 months of my life I won't get back. He just wanted me to go to all his band bookings, and be his Friday night bang. I just left a message on his phone one night that I was done and to come get his bike I had been using all summer. He never did, so I now own a very nice mountain bike! Actually, I got back at him 6 months later when he thought he was going to start the same thing up again. I did something rather mean, but he deserved it. You are better off with out him. If he isn't giving you emotionally what you need, why waste the time at our age.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 47
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:05:11 PM
The question has been addressed and answered. Why is this thread even open ? This isn't promoting the intelligent exchange of ideas. Guy is an ass=drop him. Enough said.
 parisautumn
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 48
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:00:48 PM
You need to get angry - real angry!!
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 49
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/16/2013 8:24:42 AM

Why is this thread even open ? This isn't promoting the intelligent exchange of ideas. Guy is an ass=drop him. Enough said.


Few things are every THAT simple - and this is a prime example of one that isn't, IMO. I think the OP can learn a lot from some of the comments here. The two that jumped out at me as being worth "think time" were:


Jerilyn
At 49 you know the answer to your own question. What you should be asking is why you are in denial about it.
and:
4x4fan
The biggest question you'll have to answer for yourself is are you interested in him because of his way of rejecting you, and would you be into him as much if he was totally into you and didn't seem to reject you.
It's the perfect "push/pull" and he's purposefully, or accidentally playing you like a fiddle.


OP - think about your original statement: "I know I am just wasting my time with him..I just want to know why he acts the way he does"...and then re-read 4x4's post. Jerilyn's right about you knowing the answer - even your original post said you know you're wasting your time - but what seems to be keeping you there for now is that you seem to want to "get" why...so just like 4x4 said - by pushing you away, he's actually getting you to pull yourself back in and stay longer, while you try to make sense of his sociopathic way of treating you. Funky, huh? Kinda ties in with things like "women trying to FIX their guy", or even "women being drawn to abnormal/criminal psychology".
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 50
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 4:49:15 AM
"He needs to be dumped. It will teach him some humility. "

Hurrah
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 51
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:44:24 AM
OP, it doesn't matter WHY he acts the way he does. You have recognized that he does act that way, that you don't like it and that you need to do something about it.

The "real problem" is that you are voluntarily continuing to bang your head. He's not forcing you to do that - YOU are. Stop seeing this guy who isn't interested in you, and I'll bet the head-banging will cease.

Unless you really prefer to be a martyr...in which case, bang away.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 52
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:59:57 AM
Thanks for explaining things Your_Move. I get it now.

If the guy is on purposely pushing your buttons, he's a sociopath. It's his messed up way of keeping you in the relationship longer than you need to be. If he's accidentally pushing your buttons, he just doesn't care enough about you in spite of the fact that he says that he does. The actions speak louder than words. In this case, it doesn't matter why he does it. You've addressed the issue. He refuses to make permanent changes. Two years is too long of a time to be dealing with someone like this.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 53
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 7:24:15 AM
It's not just men who do this and they are more likely Narcissistic than sociopathic although the two are very closely related.


The bigger question is why do women tolerate this shit for so long??
Are they foolishly optimistic the men will change or just slow on picking up signals? I really don't get it.


They are typically given mixed messages and get confused between what a man/woman says and what a man/.woman does.
When "we" pursue,they pull away,when we pull away,they pursue.

It's a pointless game based in dysfunction to be sure.



If a guy can get you to tolerate his bullshit for months at a time, he knows all it will take is a few sweet words for you to tolerate it for a few more


Not to mention,when they have commitment/intimacy issues,they can't commit to hello or goodbye and they make others who forgive too easily to look foolish for continuing to believe the "words" despite the actions.



If you don't want to be a doormat, don't act like one.


Better yet,if you don't want to be in a relationship,don't keep stepping all over a person who does.

It takes two confused and fearful people to create this dynamic...so please don't oversimplify it down to being one persons fault.

Ever head of this?

The "Betrayal Bond" Index Test
http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/betrayal-bond-index

This goes for "love addiction" as well.
There is a rhyme and a reason for who we ALL react without relationships.

Some of us we conditioned to tolerate more abuse and neglect than others and
our boundaries and self esteem suffer within all of our relationships.

Others of us,were conditioned to abuse others as a defense mechanism for self survival.

Hope that helps you "get it".
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 54
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 12:18:23 PM
Stop giving him what he wants and see if he still wants to hang with you. I read your profile and looked at your pics etc... you haven't told me the whole story. It's always something more....
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 55
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 12:50:48 PM
3 pages for a thread that has a simple answer. Really ?
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 56
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 2:27:30 PM

but I'm just tired of beating a dead horse now


Ding ding ding...we have a winner !

Dead beat tired of the same old path ?

Time to go "off road" and find another.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 57
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 2:46:15 PM
GabbyLeigh- The real problem is that you would let yourself be treated this way.
I'm not judging, I understand sometimes people get caught up in emotion and don't make wise decisions, I've been guilty of it too.
I'm advising you based on what I learned from the experience-You teach people how to treat you.
He all but ignores you except when he wants sex and you still stay. You are telling him he can keep doing what he's doing.
Please walk away. Every day you stay you are wasting time that you can never get back.
You are a human being with feelings and you deserve better.
Take some time to examine what it is in you that you would put up with this. Once you figure it out, work on your self esteem until you know you are worthy of better, because you are.
THEN date again and find a man who with treat you with kindness and respect.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 58
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 2:51:43 PM

but I'm just tired of beating a dead horse now


I'm reporting you to the PETA. That's a mean thing to do, even if it's dead.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 59
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/18/2013 7:07:04 PM
If you are tired banging your head you can ask him to ;-)
 800Megawattz
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 60
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What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/18/2013 10:19:39 PM
The reason doesn't matter!!!!
Once you understand and accept that you can kick him the fluck out! Why perpetuate yourself at his mercy???
 ndependentlady
Joined: 12/22/2012
Msg: 61
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/18/2013 11:46:05 PM
If you keep banging your head, you're knock yourself out!
 DotComMaverick
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 62
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:44:13 AM
You want what is not true.

Cut. It. Out.

You are the last on the list. At least, for him. Accept it and move on.
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