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 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 5
Your vetting processPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I really don't look to fondly on people that can't drink a lot of whiskey.

And they sure as heck better know how to roll a doob, and smoke it.

And they better have lots of lube,chains, some rope and lots and lots of toys.

That's about it,,, I think.


Ooooops,forgot one. They should own a jet boat, and are able tie some flies.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 6
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:49:43 PM

I always ask what the person does for a living because if they travel a lot for work it wouldn't work out because I travel for work.


Rather than ask what they do and assume how much travel that entails, why not ask them if they travel a lot for work?

I don't mind telling someone what I do after I know them, but it's not something I like to talk about beforehand. Fortunately, I haven't met someone from this site in a few years and it just isn't an issue meeting the old fashioned way.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 7
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Your vetting process
Posted: 1/14/2013 7:19:46 PM
she has to be 6 feet or more ..taller than me is fine
lean and mean
sense of humour
grad school
grammar..unless she is foreign.
likes and plays a difficult sport for the challenge

I think i can put her together from a software app i found on google play lol
 RJHistoryGirl
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 8
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Posted: 1/14/2013 11:53:59 PM
No drugs- especially marijuana. Anaphylaxis is not my thing. No creepy stalker vibes. Don't ask me for or send me undressed pictures. Pass the best friend's BS monitor (there's a reason for this).

Other than that, show me you have a well developed mind and a healthy sense of adventure and you aren't afraid to use them.

Anything else can wait to be discovered as we get to know each other.
 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 9
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Posted: 1/15/2013 12:57:36 AM
msg 15 I would say your being prejudice when you said this "5'10" or taller (my only shallow requirement)" given your own height of "5'3" as a deal breaker for a man. People are entitled to say what they are looking for but it seems you have one rule for yourself and another for the man. After all isn't being prejudice about someone's physical features such as skin color and race and deciding not to interact with them based on that the same as doing the same with height. I have no problems with my own height I was just making this remark as I found they conflicted with each other, I would say the rest of what you have stated is fair enough.

prejudice:
An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts. A preconceived preference or idea. The act or state of holding unreasonable preconceived judgments or convictions. Irrational suspicion or hatred of a particular group, race, or religion.

 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 10
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Posted: 1/15/2013 3:04:41 AM

If someone I've never met asks me what I do for a living, I will ask her why she wants to know.

^^^^^^^Funny.
IRL It's often the first question men and women both ask after "ARE YOU SINGLE"?

It's what you spend most of your awake time doing.

I am finding more and more that people that post on the forums are not like men that do not.
Most enjoy talking about their work/passions ect.
They take pride in what they do.

THEY bring it up.


I get plenty of e mails from men that will go into detail about their work in opening e mails.
It's a major aspect of their life.

FIRST vetting process.
If the user name is odd/*whatever* to me.
I want to know why they picked it.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 11
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:35:43 AM
1. He has to be single; divorce or widowed (not only separate)
2. He can not be a smoker
3. He can not live more than 25 minutes away
4. He can not be prejudice against others.
5. All children must be over 18.
6. He has to have weekend free from work (the nights I mean).
7. 45 to 55
8. 5'10" or taller (my only shallow requirement).
9. Financial Responsible like me
10. He can not have any addictions or on sleeping pills or mood prescription pills. I'm a Buddhist.
11. Kind to OTHERS.
12. Have a Higher Power who can be God or whatever.. but some Spiritual belief. :)
13. Old fashion to open car doors etc. I'm a lady .. and he better take me out like a lady; and I'll cook for him like a king in front of my fireplace.. pack him food for the week.. do things to reciprocate..but when Out & About.. I'm the Lady. :)
14. Be romantic.. !!!
15. Be sensuous but only in a monogamous relationship.. no players..
16. no dogs.. since they have to always run home to take care of pets.. my children are grown now. :)




He can not be prejudice against others:


Oh the irony.
Seems to me,you are just that against men who are:

separated.
smoke
live farther than 25 miles away.
has children under 18
doesn't have weekends free
is younger than 45 or older than 55
is under 5'10"
takes prescribed drugs
isn't buddhist
doesn't have a "higher power"
isn't old fashioned
or into dogs.

Your "vetting process" eliminates about 99% of the men here.

Good luck!

I'm good with relatively handsome,sexy,character bound
and good with his hands in and out of bed.

 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 12
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Posted: 1/15/2013 5:18:04 AM
^^^ good to know , I find lots of women end up making full on lists hoping the right guy will show up and jump through all them hoops to get to the prize. It's perfection seekers like that who stay around and alone.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 13
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:56:50 AM
that is a normal question...a human question that advances knowledge about the person you are going to be meeting. Something like that bothers you....pshhht!


It doesn't bother me so much as I don't see why anyone needs to know that before agreeing to meet for coffee. I wouldn't provide last name and address before a meet, either.

I'd say pshhht to anyone that needs to know someone's job before they'll agree to meet if I were still meeting people this way.


Most enjoy talking about their work/passions ect.
They take pride in what they do.


I will talk about what I do and I do take pride in it. It's just not something I wish to disclose about myself before I've met the person. After we've met and I've decided that they are someone I'm interested in, yes. Before that, no.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:20:19 AM
No ex bashing, dont care what the circumstances are/were...if you are here and trying to date all of that should be water under the bridge. If in the frst few exchanges they feel the need to vent about an ex, we will not be meeting.

Has a job they dont whine about and pays thier bills/responsibilities-not on assistance.

Is truly legally single, divorced.

Non religious and not afraid/ashamed to say it.

I have to find him appealing in my eyes, I want to want to kiss him.
 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 1/15/2013 8:30:56 AM
The height thing is not being prejudice; just my preference... due to all my high heels. :) Just like some men like brunettes and other like blondes... it is not a prejudice. I mean I'm tiny myself... lol. :)



I hate to tell you but you can't mix and match with what you think is prejudice and what isn't its got a clear definition and if you was put up into court for a hypothetical action you had caused which could have been made out of prejudice im sure the jury won't agree with you.

Your still wrong your still being prejudice against height amongst other things, you can sugar coat it all you like but you stated it as a requirement and not a preference anyone that would require only white men messaging her would be called a racist and prejudice against race. Yeah some men like blondes but its hardly ever going to be a deal breaker for a sane man , plus women can change their hair whenever they like. Your deciding against all men under 5 foot 10 due to high heels, are high heels really worth examining and men decided against not to meet this standard , your basically saying men lower than your requirement are some how inferior in your views as you can't wear your heels. You say your tiny yourself so you cant be prejudice, so why does height and a persons gender change how you view them. If you feel so strongly about these things perhaps you should state them clearly on your profile so the men who fit what your looking for message you, although I guess that may put the 99% of men off if they have seen the list you have provided here. Then again what do I know I'm only 24 perhaps having a long list is the best way to find a suitable partner to love.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 16
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Posted: 1/15/2013 1:03:54 PM
devotedexplorer.

I have to admit to reading your last post more than once as I think you are hitting on to something that i had not thought about in terms of prejudice because just as different skin colors cause prejudices, so does height. Even though height would be the weakest of the arguments it is also, like skin color, something that the bearer can't do anything about. It is in what it is.

However, since folks often state the idealisms on dating websites, i am sure it doesn't mean the sweetheartedlady would avoid dating a 4 feet pygmy since she did not state that she never will do that. She basically stated a preference. Point taken though.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 17
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Posted: 1/15/2013 3:15:56 PM
I must confess to being bewildered why women want men to be SO much taller than them!

I had a boyfriend 6ft 4 (I am 5ft 4) and not only did I get a crick in my neck when kissing him, having sex lying down with him on top I was looking him straight in the ... nipple! Not possible to kiss, even! Was much more physically compatible with a man of 5ft 7... kissing better, hugging better, sex better. However, he was not able to get things out of my top cupboards, so perhaps that is more important to these "size queens"?

I ask a man his occupation almost at once because as someone said upthread, it's what most people spend most of their waking hours doing! PLUS it tells me so much about a person... if he is an artist or musician, that is very different to a man who is a truck driver or an investment banker. Something drove that choice, and that says something about his personality or his education or his natural inclinations.

sweetheartedlady bewilders me! I'm particularly worried that she wants someone who believes that he is being controlled by a "higher power". Isn't it better to have a man who believes himself to be in charge of his own destiny, rather than one who is leaving it in the lap of the gods, faeries, etc?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 18
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:06:10 PM

I ask a man his occupation almost at once because as someone said upthread, it's what most people spend most of their waking hours doing!


It also gives a reasonably good idea what they earn, which is why any woman overly curious about my profession would be weeded out.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 19
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Posted: 1/15/2013 4:12:18 PM
"It also gives a reasonably good idea what they earn, which is why any woman overly curious about my profession would be weeded out."

You are SO paranoid! Either that or very selfish about YOUR money and making sure that NOBODY ever gets any bit of it - not even your partner!

Within 2 or 3 messages men ask me my occupation, and d'you know what? Unlike you, my first thought isn't "He's only asking to find out if I have any money". In fact it's never crossed my mind. You seem obsessed.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 20
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Posted: 1/15/2013 4:15:22 PM
Yourmove "Also, does she monopolize the conversation - and does she keep the conversation "all about her"

I totally agree with you! There was one guy who I was growing very fond of on email, but when we first spoke on the phone, he talked nonstop for 45 minutes, told me his entire life story, and asked me nothing about himself! Of course I never wanted to meet such a gauche and disfunctional person. The mystery is, why didn't I hang up? LOL


"...and if I can get them to talk about their ex, all the better to find out more about the "angry" thing above."

Very, VERY true. However, I've found that 90% of divorced man say either that his ex is a b1tch, or that she was a psycho.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 21
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Posted: 1/15/2013 4:16:19 PM
"I can not date a separated man because morally to me he is still married. I do not want to interfere with a man's marriage."

Illogical. He separated from her BEFORE he met you -- how can you be "interfering" in his marriage - duh!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 22
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:19:08 PM

You are SO paranoid! Either that or very selfish about YOUR money and making sure that NOBODY ever gets any bit of it - not even your partner!


Your logic is faulty. The fact that I wouldn't want to date someone looking for a meal ticket does not mean that I am selfish. It means I want a woman to like me for who I am, not what I earn.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 23
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Posted: 1/15/2013 4:29:42 PM
The fact that you think that because a woman is interested in what career you chose, she MUST be looking for a meal ticket PROVES that you are paranoid.

I own two businesses and my own home (paid off the mortgage) and I have never (and would never) live off a man or expect him to input more financially into our relationship than I do.

But one of my first questions to him is about his occupation, so you are wrong, wrong and wrong again. And you are very insulting to women. And rather degrading to yourself, if you think that you have nothing else to offer a woman so she can only be after your money!
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 24
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Posted: 1/15/2013 4:37:15 PM
I like to keep it simple..
1.Is he truly single, no recent break ups
2. no alcoholics/drug addicts/sex addicts. gambling etc
3.can communicate
4.likes some of the things I do
everything else is chemistry and connection which is something you only find out in a face to face meeting
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 25
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:46:12 PM
The fact that you think that because a woman is interested in what career you chose, she MUST be looking for a meal ticket PROVES that you are paranoid.


You're entitled to your opinion. That and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee.


But one of my first questions to him is about his occupation, so you are wrong, wrong and wrong again. And you are very insulting to women. And rather degrading to yourself, if you think that you have nothing else to offer a woman so she can only be after your money!


Your ad hominem arguments are worse than your logic.

Luckily I don't need to meet people this way.

I don't mind talking about my job, and it boggles my mind that anyone would get so defensive about it.


I don't think I'm being defensive. I simply don't disclose what I do until after I've met someone. If that response gets me "vetted," I don't care.

Like I said, I don't meet people this way so it's purely a hypothetical discussion.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 26
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Posted: 1/15/2013 4:52:23 PM
"I don't mind talking about my job, and it boggles my mind that anyone would get so defensive about it."

Hurrah!

"Actually, your occupation in some instances can reflect on the type of person you are"

Exactly! A man who works at a stables or is a vet, clearly loves animals. A man who works in an office probably works days and has weekends free. A man who is a nurse or a taxi driver probably works weekends and nights ... etc.

If a man tells me he is in the army, I block him. Nothing to do with money. I just know he isn't going to be my type of man. Plus he will probably be posted abroad for months on end and I don't want that kind of relationship.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 27
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:00:53 PM

salary isn't even in the top few reasons why someone might ask about our jobs - or why I ask about a woman's job.


That it isn't why you ask doesn't mean it isn't why some people might ask.

There's a difference between asking about it and being overly curious about it.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 28
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Posted: 1/16/2013 5:56:18 AM
I agree, some people need to look up the meaning of a word before using it. Why is it that a man can have his laundry list of what he finds acceptable and a woman can not? We all have preferences and that is just a fact. Why do some of the men feel a woman has to date a man who lacks what she is already offering? Does he want to pull someone up or does he want to find someone who is already there? Or as long as she is hot in a skirt all other preferences are tossed out the window?
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 29
Your vetting process
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:31:23 AM
This thread reads like the losers lounge on how to sit home dateless on a Saturday night. Beyond the basics for safety sake anything pertinent can be learned face to face.
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