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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How do I handle being stood up      Home login  
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 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 10
How do I handle being stood upPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You can rationalize it. That sometimes works. Convince yourself it's not important.

You can look at yourself in the mirror every morning after you finish brushing your
teeth (the full 3 minutes) and repeat slowly and earnestly "I will not let rejection bother me"
until it is imprinted in your subconcious mind and you no longer feel bad when rejected.

You can go out an purposefully get stood up and rejected as many times as it takes to
get over it. I think it's called "flooding".

I'm sure there are other techniques. You can find them in books at the public library
and problaby now on the Internet too.
Take charge. Don't let rejection ruin your life.
 tinkerbell30948
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 11
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/17/2013 12:45:27 AM
No I had one man say I looked like a man and another stood me up two different men
 fryan
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 12
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/18/2013 8:30:17 PM

I did that I am saying how do I not feel so rejected about and how do I best move on.


First, you need to understand that it's got nothing to do with you. It is entirely a reflection of the person who stood you up. That person demonstrated the lack of character, not you. Feeling rejected is a tough thing to get past, and it's different for all of us. Asd the old saying goes, "the best way to get over the last one is the next one". A bit of a cold saying, but when you find somebody who is worth your time and considers your feelings you won't even remember this person's name.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 13
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/18/2013 11:24:38 PM
Because you're new to online dating it's hard to put this into perspective. I've learned not to get all "twitty-pated" and excited about meeting someone new because 90 percent of the time I wind up feeling disappointed and let down.

He actually did you a favor by showing how inconsiderate and mean he really is BEFORE you got involved.

FLUSH the toilet and imagine your bad feelings circling the drain. A woman friend- who was also meeting men online-and I talked on the phone. Together we flushed our toilets at the same time and laughed!
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 14
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:02:58 AM
Yes, it is irritating and inconsiderate!

But you are looking at it backwards from my perspective, you are focusing on the irritating/hurt part when you SHOULD be focusing on the "showed true colors" quickly aspect. He did you a favor by not "hiding" his true charactor for weeks or months and wasting your valuable time.

Almost everything in life has a silver lining if only we allow ourselves to see it.

OFMM
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 15
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/19/2013 10:39:00 PM
I say if you are supposed to be meeting at a restaurant and he stands you up, go ahead and buy yourself a nice dinner, enjoy the evening, go home, and count your lucky stars that you didn't waste your time on someone who was clearly a loser!
 angellight2091
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 16
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/21/2013 9:32:09 AM
To Quote fmusb..."If a date was set and the person stood you up... that is an expression of the type of person he is and has nothing to do with you! Do not experience it as rejection but a huge RED FLAG that he is a jerk!!! A decent guy, a gentleman, would have called and cancelled, no justification needed, a simple, "I apologize for the short notice, I must cancel our date."

Exactly!!! Good riddance... Better to find out right away then to have wasted weeks or months on him..

In the future, to avoid embarrassment, meet in the parking lot of the place you are going... Wait 15 minutes if he doesnt show call him, if he doesnt answer, personally I would leave a message that you are sorry you missed him and then leave..

Also I would definitely speak with him on the phone prior to leaving the house for the date to let one another know you are both leaving and what time you should be arriving..
 yougottabekidingme
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 17
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/21/2013 10:34:46 AM
Not everyone is what they seem.

Some are married or in a relationship but love to 'play'.

Many are not what they seem. Old pictures, lies out the wazoo etc.

Best to chat online for a couple weeks before moving to a phone call. Then see how you click talking. Check out things he tells you in these conversations. (Hint: Guys that say they have no profile pictures are not undercover detectives, they are married men hiding that fact.)

They say you need to meet (not talk, actually meet) 8 people from an online site before you connect with someone meaningfully.

Remember, you will ALSO reject men for one reason or another. Their feelings are the same as yours. Get past that and look forward, not backward. If it takes 8 guys that means at least 7 were not a match.

Good luck.
 AstroCat505
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 18
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/21/2013 11:28:05 AM
My plan B is my trusty whiskey flask. In the event that I have to endure a no show, well it's nothing a little swig of liquor can't heal...
Once I take my medicine then it's on to the next adventure...
 browneyedbliss
Joined: 8/1/2012
Msg: 19
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/21/2013 1:33:55 PM
Hi Tink...just read your profile, and you might want to tweek it a bit...delete the things you don't like,and focus on the things you do!! You gave too much info about your personal life,leave that private. Be more positive....more upbeat...and the handle the stood up part??? Its all part of the game, the dating game of horror,and sometimes we get burned...we all do...so pick yourself up,shake yourself off,and get back on that horse and don't stop looking until you find mr. maybe!!! We have to kiss alot of frogs first, its not easy...but you can do it!!! Don't take it so seriously,its just dating!!! It's not who you are, or why he stood you up, it doesn't matter at this point. Look at it as an adventure on meeting someone new,and it might work out, or might not...its his lose if he doesn't take the time to get to know you!!!
 SambaDeUmaNotaSo
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 20
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/24/2013 4:05:28 PM
Absent some amazing verifiable excuse, if someone stands you up, it is OVER. No person of character and good manners would treat another person like that.

This certainly isn't about you - it's merely a display from someone with awful manners and a lack of decorum.

That being said, that this person showed their true colors so early in the process, is a bonus for you.

Now you are free to meet someone better!
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 21
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/24/2013 4:37:33 PM

It happens. In my case, it was usually women that were afraid of giving me their phone number. When I came up with my rule, no phone, no date, never had that problem again.

Also. I usually meet at the bar of restaurants. So when those cases took place, I made friends with the people at the bar. So always have a contingency plan.


Awesome! If I do not have a way of contact, other than the bat signal ,I will not show up myself.

I am not a drinker but I think after work bars are cool. Just as cheap as coffee, more romantic ambiance and if it does not work out I will get a number from someone else. Its almost like the meet up girl is a wingman.
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 24
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 2/6/2013 11:01:38 PM

Hi today I was stood up by a person on t,his site. I am new to this site and new to dating. I am not interested in a relationship but I must say being stood up really hurt. I felt like I had been played a fool. I am a smart woman but so far I have had one person out right say he thought I was a man, and now this. I was very upset about it. I realize that not everybody is like this but I am now not trusting of others and as a matter of fact just told another person who was saying some things similar that I had a feeling that even though I want to meet him he would hurt me. He was angry and said how dare I say that to him. I just don't handle rejection like this very well and when that happens I say rash things. HELP please I need to know how to be more resilient when this happens so I don't react and chase others off.


Easy,

ALWAYS have a plan B. ALWAYS have a backup plan so if your date leaves you hangin' you have something else to look forward to the rest of the night. And plan the date early enough so he can't ruin your night.
 Quick70
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 25
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 2/7/2013 8:32:00 AM
Tinkerbell,

Don't let it get you down. If you don't continue to put yourself out there you may miss that great guy you're looking for. He is out there...somewhere. Can only speak from my experience but I got stood up on a date early last year. It bothered me but after being in contact with her again I found out that she just got cold feet. It happens. We tried again and I found her to be exceptional. We have continued dating and who knows where it could go. Maybe I was just lucky and maybe that guy was really just a jerk but keep one thing in mind. It's something I live by. It's not how many times you get knocked down that matters. It's how many times you get up. Maintain your class. Good luck to you.

Ed
 MS1029
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
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How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:14:19 PM
This is a true example of the old "it's not you, it's me" except that he didn't have the courage to say it.
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