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 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 151
Question for Ladies 50+Page 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
OMG a man who gets it!! Dontaskme.. that is what dating should have always been about!!! ( it always was for me) Its not about sex.. that will come with the natural progression of a relationship, not in the 3 date rule. Here's a man who finally gets that a real relationship is based on friendship, trust and mutual respect.. these thing may or may not develop into a sexual relationship, but if one does develop, it will be far more fulfilling than casual sex ever could. BRAVO!!!!
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 152
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/14/2013 4:46:56 PM
that is what dating should have always been about!!! ( it always was for me)

There is NO definitive what dating should be ALL about. Who died and made you boss?
Having lived as a wife with all the responsibilities and duties inferred, since age 14, this IS not MY time to
look for a mate and settle down. A companion to hit the road with or just stay at home ... that's what I crave and have enjoyed somewhat recently. There wasn't a hint of casual sex, from either of us. No one I find interest in reminds me of my son because they are 40 and up and he is 24!

Also, I prefer a fellow with his own home that he takes care of himself! : )

Worked for Hepburn and Tracy and STILL works for many people, even me.
Dating is NOT one size fits all, nor are relationships.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 153
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History
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/14/2013 4:55:01 PM
Sheesh Page darlin, knickers twisted much? Take a deep breathe and relax. No one here has said there is a right and a wrong. There are just different opions. Opinions which I enjoy reading for the most part. I bypass the bitter ones who continously slam the genders.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 154
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/14/2013 5:01:13 PM
sorry to offend you Page.. I was merely agreeing with a man on here.. and why should that bother you? I never said it was what everyone should or should not do.. just complimented a man who thought like I did.
 sushisue
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 155
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History
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/14/2013 7:08:13 PM
I'm 5' 1". They are rarely shorter than me, but often come up short in the area of sense of humor about height. I'm short and so are they...so what. My dad used to tell me, "if your feet hit the floor, you're tall enough!"
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 156
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 12:14:40 PM

charliesmom21
sorry to offend you Page.. I was merely agreeing with a man on here.. and why should that bother you? I never said it was what everyone should or should not do.. just complimented a man who thought like I did.


Maybe some of us has read many posting by that person and we don't find their opinion valuable. I'm not going to take advise how to pair bond in a LTR from someone who hasn't even been able to keep a medium length relationship going. 50 and 3 years and they're preaching the gospel according to them, RIGHT. If that person's advise was so great, maybe they'd have something to show for it.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 157
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History
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 12:59:29 PM
I have pretty much given up...I am not stupid, and I don't want to play games, I don't do "hookups" or "car dates"...EWWWWW!
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 158
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:02:39 PM

Worked for Hepburn and Tracy and STILL works for many people, even me.


An adulterous affair works for you?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 159
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 4:01:16 PM

I'm 5' 1". They are rarely shorter than me, but often come up short in the area of sense of humor about height. I'm short and so are they...so what. My dad used to tell me, "if your feet hit the floor, you're tall enough!"


I have these two cousins, on my father side one is 6.6 and on my mother's side one is 4.11. As you may have guessed, by father was 5.10 and my mother is 4.10. I looked up to my father and looked down to my mother, this was not the only dichotomy, but is surely the cause of my bimodal personality.

When young, I used to be in their company often, though not all in a group at the same time.

The short cousin had a pretty nasty disposition, he was a Golden Gloves boxer and told a lot of tall tails of his exploits, I am pretty sure his very short stature was the cause of that, while my very large cousin is pleasant and easy going. Though he did once throw a man through a car window and broke the other man's ribs, but I can't blame him, 3 men jumped him for dating one of the guys' GF.

But the short cousin got married for life until he died, my taller cousin has been married twice.

I am sure there is some truth to the short man syndrome.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 160
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History
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 5:40:21 PM
I am 4'11", and was married to a man who was 5'5" and had a serious Napoleonic complex. No more, no thanks!
 OfficeDweller
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 161
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 8:54:19 PM
Hi...good question! Me, personally, (and some peers) feel this way. The older I get, the more life I have experienced, it seems daunting to start to explain what I'm about. When I was younger there was a shorter story and more time to let things simmer and see what direction it goes. Now I look to men who can carry their part of conversation. I can tell a lot by wht he shares, or how he tells a story. If he shares fun and uplifting or interesting things he's done then I think he'd be fun to go forward with. If all he does is ask me questions or complain about being single, lonely or what's wrong with the world, I assume that his core nature. Also for me, I HATE it when guys think we immediately are looking for a man in our age group that is still sexual...that just isn't on my radar until he makes me laugh and makes me feel safe and comfortable. Good luck to you. Relax and have fun. Sandi
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 162
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/15/2013 9:58:44 PM

Now I know lying is always quoted as the big kahuna of dating faux pas, but telling the truth about those things people typically lie about doesn't get anyone a date either. No one seems to get points for unpleasant truths.


I disagree with this--I have met guys who have posted out of date pictures and believe it or not --they hadn't aged that much --it was just the idea they had to lie about it. One of the guys I met 5 years ago has a picture of him on this site (met on another site) he says it was taken in 2012 and he had it on the other site in 2007-- but the lie is an indication that he doesnt feel he is aging well and why would anyone want to be with someone who has this type of denial.

One of the greatest loves of my life was 5'5" but he was built like a greek god --back before I even cared about bodies--I just liked his personality and yes I wore high heels when we went out--I always thought of Dudley Moore in the movie Ten, he just held his head up high as he walked thru the restaurant with the girl towering over him.

My point is if someone is lying on their profile, like the lady who loves to post here all the time and takes pot shots at everyone and ends up she is lying about her age by a good 5 years, it shows a massive character flaw to me.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 163
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/16/2013 12:30:30 PM
I haven't met any people that lie about their profiles, but then again I haven't met many people from the Internet, it's surprising how few people I have met. A profile is pretty limited amount of information.

Many are unpleasant, when I learn this I would have no desire to meet them, so does it matter if they are lying or not?

If someone claims to be 100% honest all the time, that is the biggest lie of all.

IRL 100% of the people I know have lied about something, most of the time it is a white lie to either protect someone they love or not cause an argument with someone like their parents, something like that. Some people have a job that requires them to lie. Those that lie about being 6 inches shorter than stated height are psychotically delusional, but most people that lie it is about something that they can at least get away with for a limited amount of time, like the lady what claims an age 5 years different, it is a major character flaw, but it would take a while to actually discover this.

People lie because it works, they achieve short term goals, sometimes as short term as just meeting someone for a meet/greet, but often it hurts them in the long term. Sometimes their goal is simply to post on a forum and never meet anyone, so they can create very elaborate lies. Many, I would say over 50%, will lie to avoid getting punished. My guess is about 95% of public figures lie when caught in some legal / moral indiscretion.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 164
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/17/2013 5:26:13 AM
When I caught my child lying to me I sat her down and we talked about what a lie is but more importantly how the person you lied to is suppose to deal with you in the future.

See when you tell someone a lie --you are saying Hey I am not good enough on my own (coward most of the time or in denial) I feel the need to lie to you about things. Or you lie because you think the person is stupid enough to believe it.

So lets say we chat online and by the phone for a bit and I really really like you---ALOT but then when we met I see that you aren't as tall, or you aren't as young, or you lied about what you did for a living, etc --at this point it is up to me to determine what I do about YOUR lies--can you think of something more unfair?

You lied but now the whole thing comes down to me--so I can go along with you and pretend I dont notice that the things you told me to get me to meet you were lies--so now you think Im stupid or I can call you out on it to prove Im not stupid and there go most chances of building anything--you get defensive and while we both liked each other it is now too strange and awkward to move forward.

I remember the 2nd person I ever met was this very delightful man, ORNL scientist, we had a great time talking and when I got home my kids eagerly asked me what happened and I told them I liked the man but I was confused about why he lied--and they said what did he lie about, --he said he was 5'8" but Im that height and he was a good two inches shorter than me--at which point my daughter goes--Why would you lie about 2"--if you are going to lie you might as well lie big!

See that is what I don't understand--if you are going to lie--make it worth your while--2" or 2 years or whatever the slightest thing just makes other people wonder WTF -- I liked the guy but if he was going to lie to me over 2" I had no desire to find out what else he would lie about.

As I said more of the guys I have met who lied--I would have liked anyway--I guess a better question is if you lied and they still liked you--what of what they have told you that was a lie also? See it is a two way street and one without any trust living there.
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 165
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:03:47 AM
I dont wear "knickers" because I am an adulterer! None of us do ... doncha know! lol
Replying that we ALL anything is a bit close minded does not mean I am upset or knicker knotting it means I have an opinion that I stated calmly.

While I was clear that the appeal about separate domiciles was about maintaining some independence and my partner doing the work to care for their own home, while I am responsible for my home, not boinking someone else's partner! Apparently not clear enough for those waiting to swoop down with a Scarlet Letter for me.

I come here for connection and info just like most of us. But, this is not the only place I learn about or interact with people. NOR where I spend most of my time. Maybe that's why I don't have such a "living in the bubble" response or attitude on the forums.

If you think the way I phrase my comments is hostile simply because it doesn't mesh with what you think or the way you reply, you live a very sheltered life and must have a sugary sweet boss and neighbours! It's life, people disagree, I was not rude and never will be. Can't say that for a great deal of posters on here. Why not have a go at them? Oh wait ... most of them agree with you. : P
 NNJGal
Joined: 9/8/2007
Msg: 166
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Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/17/2013 12:02:04 PM
I happen to like nice guys. I've had enough bad guys to really appreciate the good ones. That being said, no one wants a choir boy. Try flirting a little, using some humor, or offering a sincere compliment. Self-confidence is sexy.
 needsloveheart
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 167
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:09:36 AM
actually, my experience ON HERE, has been the same with the men. i dont think it's gender bound.
i've not been here long. but so far, what I've encountered most are men who do not like to emerge from behind their computers for any kind of interaction. they much rather just keep on asking their interview questions even if the answers are plainly stated in my profile, and tell me they're going to the movies ALONE rather than giving a thought to asking if i might want to tag along...
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 168
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:51:27 AM
haha, this past weekend I went on my ideal friendship-first romance type date. We went to a poetry reading and then back to her place (her idea) and we had a very nice conversation. No kissing, no attempt to get in each other's pants/panties. Just two people CONNECTING. The real thing. We have another poetry reading lined up this week and we'll be attending the AFTER party at another poet's home. I'm baking some no-knead beer batter bread as a house-warming gift. AND, we met on POF. POF can work, especially if you seek to really get to know that someone special. That's the key, I think. They have to be special to you, not just a pretty face, or hot body. Tons of pretty faces and hot bodies on POF, dime a dozen. If that's your thing, you'll succeed in getting laid but you won't find a lasting relationship. P.S. we ended the night holding hands. Now, THAT is real romance. And, I'm also committed to loving her and starting by writing her weekly (give or take a few days) letters. Letters that help share my inner thoughts, feelings, who I am, my past, my friends, sense of humor, etc. I sent one to her BEFORE our first date, based on our emails and phone calls. I normally wouldn't do just a crazy thing, but it was for Valentine's Day which landed a couple of days before our first date. I made sure it was not creepy, hitting just the right notes. Something nice to get on Valentine's Day. She's read it many times since receiving it. This is how friendships can work in romance.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 169
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/18/2013 8:53:16 AM

You lied but now the whole thing comes down to me--so I can go along with you and pretend I dont notice that the things you told me to get me to meet you were lies--so now you think Im stupid or I can call you out on it to prove Im not stupid and there go most chances of building anything--you get defensive and while we both liked each other it is now too strange and awkward to move forward.


I think people tell the truth, but for me everything about a story has to fit. When it doesn't fit, I think it's my problem not understanding something, so I keep asking questions. It makes people very uncomfortable, it usually comes out they were lying or they start to get angry and say I behave like a prosecutor.

The lies you are talking about are men trying to deceive you to get a date, or continue a date, a narrow segment of lying to gain something. But I was talking about lying in general and why lying is something that doesn't always upsets me. For me it depends on the whole situation, when I don't know someone well I am very non-judgmental.

I have a male friend, his wife was arrested and spent 6 weeks in jails, he told everyone that she was taking a vacation to visit her mother.

He needs to drop off his child at school, people ask questions about where is his wife, clearly this is a lie, what would you have suggested he tell people?

My ex-wife lied to be about her birthday when we were getting to know each other, she changed the month/day but kept the right year. I was puzzled and she told me she was afraid of identity theft. It didn't seem like a big deal lie to me.

Should I have stopped dating her, what do you think about that lie?

When I was 29 I dated a woman that had a 6 year old boy, the company she worked for went bankrupt, she lost her job while we were dating, and was looking for a another job. She didn't have a lot of savings, and was a scared of what might happen. She had an interview with a company that required a typing test, she was afraid that maybe she would fail, so she wrapper her hand in a compression bandage and said she slipped on ice and sprained her wrist. She got the job and kept it.

So should she have taken the test or was the lie a means to a better ending?

I worked at at SP500 company, we would hear rumor of layoffs, if anyone asked executive management if there was going to be a layoff soon, they would always say no, nothing is going on. The rumor was always true and the executives would always lie about it.

Executive management is under orders not to reveal the upcoming layoff, what are they to say if someone publicly asks them this sort of question?

I recall when I was in grade school, some kid would be talking in class, maybe say something insulting about the teacher, like Miss X is a BIACTH, the teacher would hear it, and demand, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?”, nearly 100% of the time the child would say”NOTHING”.

This always seemed like a lie to me, and the teacher clearly heard what the child said, but to repeat what they said again would result in harsh punishment. I think the best answer would have been, “Sorry, I said something insulting and mean, I apologize for my lack of manners.” But I this answer didn't occur to me until I was 45 years old, I doubt many 9 year old could up with that. And it isn't actually answering the question. When I was older it seems like the teaching is actually teaching it is better to lie.

A women that I know had a few dates with a man, the man had bought her children some gifts, she thought he was serious about her, but once they had sex he took off. She told her children the gifts came from her brother, she was embarrassed to look like she had sex in exchange for a few gifts for her children, she didn't want the children to know where the gifts came from.

I have never known anyone to tell the truth in all situations, but I nearly always tell the truth as I don't like to tell lies nor keep a fake story straight. When I know too much I avoid the subject. Some might say avoiding talking about sometime is creating a false impression, IMO that is a pretty subtle distinction, but isn't a lie. But I allow for the possibility that I could be put into a situation where I thought telling a lie would be better for everyone.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 170
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/18/2013 10:02:47 AM

I have never known anyone to tell the truth in all situations, but I nearly always tell the truth as I don't like to tell lies nor keep a fake story straight. When I know too much I avoid the subject. Some might say avoiding talking about sometime is creating a false impression, IMO that is a pretty subtle distinction, but isn't a lie. But I allow for the possibility that I could be put into a situation where I thought telling a lie would be better for everyone.

I live in a somewhat small town, many people know eachother, socialize in the same venues etc. & many have FB. So recently a proprietor asked me about a mutual acquaintance, seemed as though they were on a "fishing expedition". My 1st reply was non-commital, so was my 2nd & 3rd...I did not lie, but I refused to gossip & changed the subject. So is the "sin of ommission" a lie, or just being wise, or discreet?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 171
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:33:36 PM

So is the "sin of ommission" a lie, or just being wise, or discreet?


If one attempts to always tell the truth, you really have to be not only discreet, but diplomatic as well.

But I tell my wife, it's a good thing I don't speak Thai, not only does it make it very easy to keep secrets, I can avoid requests to do things I would rather not get involved with.

Yesterday I was chatting with some friends that moved to a small town, she told me that when they buy something at the store like some wine, her bother-in-law will ask the next day, do you still have that wine? The town is only 400 people and has one small store. I don't think I could adapt to that.
 Sissy2U
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 172
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History
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:31:43 PM
""What women are looking for at my age" is exactly what we were looking for at 16. A man who treats us as if we're unique, special, and appreciates our individual charms and opinions."
^^^^^^
Absolutely! and I would bet that there are a lot of guys looking for the same thing,
 All2rosie
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 173
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:29:49 PM
I expect more... We are older and hopefully wiser and more mature than when we were younger. LAH-DEE-DAH - of course that statement is laughable and is not applicable to dating at over 50.

Interesting finds so far...guys says:
- I don't drink so I don't pay for drinks - you want alcohol you pay for it (Wow I can see we are really going to be socially compatible)
- I don't do drama - if she can't do things my way then I walk away, there is no point in arguing (I guess I'm supposed to be dumb as rocks and have no thoughs or opinions on anything)
- What do you mean we don't match (he wants to date, I want a LTR...lol, failed to read profile)
-If she doesn't like sex as frequently as I do, I will get my needs satisfied elsewhere (selfish, selfish, selfish jerk)
-You are too fat for me (he works out at the gym 5days a wk - I walk several miles 4-5days/wk - yep - shallow, metrosexual male hung up on looks rather than substance - good for him)...lol
-We seem to have much in common (and never suggests a meet but) wants to talk sexy on the phone (?? what is wrong with this picture?).

Personally I think meets and dates are great to find out if all that you have read and heard and thought about the person in question really shines through. Of course not everyone is upfront - hopefully that which has been hidden will come to light during the dating process. I enjoy taking and other activities (other than sex) that help me to better understand the person I am dating and to start building the foundation of a real relationship.

I have read several profiles and forums where the writer says they don't want to feel like they are being interviewed.
I think some women just want to get the basics questions out the way all at once.

I have not been on a meet yet - am somewhat new to the site. I try to figure out where a guy is really comming from, I listen to waht he says and how he expresses himself. Can I can see him fitting in my life or me in his? Do I like him as much in person as I did when we were talking and sending messages? Do we see things the same way and if we don't are we able to talk throught it? Are the things I don't like deal breakers? What are his deal breakers?

All that being said we all just want to be treated well, to have a good time and to leave a great impression and to hope both of us want more of each other. I don't want someone who has to change to be what I think they should be - that is just not an option at over 50...lol. I prefer to like the core person he is. We can figure out the other stuff,,as we go along.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 174
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:50:44 PM
I loved your list all2Rosie.. I find it equally funny when a man says similar kinds of things to me and then wonders why there will not be a meeting or the meeting is never going to lead to a date. I have met all kinds on here and yes.. met them in person.. I have been flaked on, lied to, harassed and asked some pretty odd questions during meetings. I actually gone on a few dates with men from this site, however, have not met anyone I could see dating in the long term yet. ( I still keep a positive attitude in spite of it all) I feel the need to take breaks from dating as a result of some of the insanity I have encountered, then I get back up in the saddle again. I love the forums.. I learn quite a bit. i wish more men from my area wrote in here, I would know who is a great catch and who is a jerk, lol.
 LvOldMovies52
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 175
Question for Ladies 50+
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:27:51 PM
well said and absolutely true...
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