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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why do people wait so long to take a chance?      Home login  
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 logicalman1111
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 48
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am getting old and I don't want to take a chance now for the same reasons I didn't want to take a chance at age 18. A lot of people like myself feel crippled financially. We feel like we have never had money to do anything for ourselves let alone someone else. The only difference might be that a lot of people don't let that stop them. They live together in poverty not knowing if they will even be homeless the next day. Half of those people end up in divorce because of fights over not having money to do anything. This is why I wouldn't have children, and this is why I sincerely hope our economy will change. I don't mind being single but I don't want to be left without a house or food. And that happens to the best people. Some people have everything and lose it all and some people never got off the ground to begin with. I see the people in Washington drinking expensive wine and driving 300,000 dollar cars and they complain that poor people ask for medicaid or medicare. Hannity is doing a special on this right now, everyone should watch, because they are showing evidence that just about everyone in government has an entire lifetime of friends and relatives becoming lobbyist. 535 people have managed to steal money from 300,000,000 people, you wouldn't think that is possible. The solution is to fire all of them, if you like democrats replace them with another democrat, or republicans replace with that, but for damn sure get rid of all of them that are there now.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 49
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:55:33 PM
The game of love rewards risk-taking with pleasure. Staying single rewards caution with safety. Being too picky is a way of playing it safe to avoid losing again. I think this is a female strategy that men adopt. It's female because of how women attract and men pursue. By keeping her hair up, Rapunzel gets no men tangled in it. They remain below where they can't touch her, below her window, drawn by her lament but unable to ascend. Men who pretend to be too picky should look out their window and count the absent women there. Women don’t wait around for men to let down the hair they no longer have.

So Rapunzel continues to lament:
* I can't find someone worthy of my love.
* I can't find the love that doesn't ask me to risk losing out again.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 50
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/26/2013 8:02:14 PM
Because taking a chance means being vulnerable. Being vulnerable to scrutiny. Because being vulnerable takes balls (maybe not for women). It means being truthful about your own insecurities. Whether it's debt, multiple marriages, alcohol as a lifestyle choice, etc. Reaching that precipice...that cliff...you see a possible soul mate standing across a chasm...you look down into that chasm...you realize that in order to really reach that soul mate...you're going to have to open up and share your demons and insecurities. Maybe some people are just not ready to be vulnerable to that?
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 51
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/26/2013 8:07:00 PM
Never been a game to me, so it seems my reward is the pleasure of knowing to risk it means to risk it all. and if I am not playing a game there are no winners or losers. But to know that I can love, is reward in itself regardless of whether I am hurt and sad with grief, to understand that if I care about someone I become vulnerable, knowing that we don't die through exposing our vulnerabilities is a blessing in itself. Doesn't matter if rejection or acceptance happens because we grow through those we allow to touch our lives. And I would rather live and grow than play games.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 52
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/26/2013 11:31:52 PM
I have exactly 8 things that are none negotiable, they are ALL idiology based and VERY hard to find.

EVERYTHING else is negotiable, I do not see how 8 things, out of many hundreds of possibilities could make me too picky.

I have heard the comment "but you need to compromise" many times in my discussions.

To that my reply is: Compromise is for after marriage, before marriage it is called settling.

You and I are in similar circumstances OP, we are both searching in a very narrow segment of our society. Yours may even be narrower than mine is, good luck!

OFMM
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 53
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/27/2013 7:35:59 AM

Because taking a chance means being vulnerable. Being vulnerable to scrutiny. Because being vulnerable takes balls (maybe not for women). It means being truthful about your own insecurities. Whether it's debt, multiple marriages, alcohol as a lifestyle choice, etc. Reaching that precipice...that cliff...you see a possible soul mate standing across a chasm...you look down into that chasm...you realize that in order to really reach that soul mate...you're going to have to open up and share your demons and insecurities. Maybe some people are just not ready to be vulnerable to that?
Well put.

But even the most staunch against it, will build a bridge across that gorge for the right person :)
 cucv1
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 54
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/27/2013 12:08:47 PM
Fear. Not wanting to leave the comfort zone.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 55
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/27/2013 1:21:52 PM
Because they are holding out for things to be better in the next life ... when they are reincarnated as a rabbit or something.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 56
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:59:16 PM
Why are people not honest to realize that each day that passes by ---you are getting older.
And wiser. And that's why.

Economic experiments have proven that people want to hang onto what they have more than they want to add to it. They dislike loss more than they appreciate gain. That can be a lot of resistance to getting out of a comfortable chair in front of the TV to date someone. As people here have experienced, there is more online communication and texting than dating, at least among people who post in the forums. When you figure out how to get people out of their homes in the evening let the rest of the people here know how yo do it.

I was aware of one motivation among women in their late 20's, what was called the ticking biological clock. The were getting serious about dating because they felt the time was running out to marry and start a family.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 57
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/30/2013 10:57:40 AM
Some interesting insights as to why I am still single. But, while it is a corny old phrase, I (and probably many others) hav taken a chance, "but the "right one" has not come along". It is all about CHANCE in terms of luck.

Since we are all products of our upbringing, I would suggest that is one of the biggest contributing factors involved in terms of why "people wait so long to take a chance". Some are shy. Some do not know how to proceed. Some do not do well with rejection so shy away from it. Some do not really want a relationship, but live in a dream world wherein they are in one. Some have a hard time choosing from so many different choices (it is enough to drive a person mad). And on it goes. Every person has a different reason for what he/she does in different situations in life. A lot of us live with regret for things we have not done - but that too is just another aspect of living.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 58
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/31/2013 12:08:43 PM
Going back to the OP. Everyone needs to be aware of the adage: there is no use striving for perfection in a non-perfect world.

If I were to make a guess about why people wait (or do not make a move by introducing themselves or showing interest even); it is the fear of rejection. Somewhere, on all online dating sites, it should be disclosed that this is just like real life - the odds of being "rejected" are far greater than being "accepted" - it is the way things are, no matter what the venue is. Behind all this is the situation today where there is so much to choose from (in terms of dating - online or in real life in this instance), that individuals are over-whelmed and become unable to make a choice at all - it has to do with how our brains have to filter all the information available and become over-whelmed by the sheer volume that comes at us. A simple example is how we make decisions based upon a picture of an individual - it is said that a picture if worth a thousand words). We can look at a picture here on POF and instantly discard that individual, without a care or interest in to the individual and their character - thereby passing by a very good catch/match in the click of a mouse. Technology is not always helping us, is the bottom line.
 ToughMudding13
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 59
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/31/2013 10:55:36 PM
Op asked a question I've wanted to ask since about 2 weeks in on here. I think she meant it as more broad but I'm wondering why so many women are complete shells on dating sites like this. Look at the profile review forum. For every girl asking for a review there's at least 30 or 40 guys asking for one because they can't get a response.

It's become painfully obvious that you're almost only judged by your photos on here (I'll add Match too since I was on there a while back). That's a compounded problem for me because:

1) even in my best photos I'm not a 9 or 10 (even though I'm not contacting girls who are). I'm better looking in person and it doesn't translate to photos
2) for various reasons ( friends are sticks in the mud, none of them are good at taking photos) it's almost impossible to get a good shot of me out on the town

No matter what the girls in my age range I'm primarily focused on (22 - 28) say about wanting no jerks, great guys with jobs who are fun, there's this unspoken "must have shiney muscles/hunt bears/own a boat/ look like Channing tatum" vibe I get that guys must measure up to.

It really kills me that women with kids are as picky as they are. I've messages a few with short, witty, grammatically correct messages I've genuinely been interested in and gotten no response. I really find it hard to believe they're going to find a better candidate as not too many guys in the 25-30 age range who are as successful as I am who is genuinely looking for a relationship are raising their hands to get to know someone with a child. I wasn't originally but decided to buck that from my list of deal breakers.

In short I 110% agree with the OP and it is ruining the online dating experience for the bulk of people investing in it to try to find a date or relationship. This is why I think the future of "online dating" are meetup groups and meetup.com. They have targeted events that are easy to find and there's not near the amount of competition. Meetup.com is where online dating was 10 years ago and I think it's where guys who fall in the middle of the road looks wise can find success. It gives you a more controlled environment with MUCH less competition to showcase an excellent personality in person without the awkwardness that comes with trying to meet people at bars and clubs who aren't savvy at it.

Online dating just isn't the bill of goods it is sold to be on commercials because by and large you can't get a girl to take a chance on you for the reasons the OP stated.
 esquaredphoto
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 60
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/1/2013 2:08:51 AM
I have taken chances. In the online game I have taken the chance close to 200 times now. I have dated from 25 years younger to 15 years older. The one I am seeing now is a lot younger but we have a lot in common so I am taking another chance. I have never been just about looks or weight and have given almost everyone that has contacted me here a chance. I am still no closer to what I want but I should get a a++ for effort. I have felt a lot of the women I dated I could be happy with if only they felt the same way. I am very good at communicating.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 61
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/1/2013 11:06:52 AM

Who doesn't realize that when each day passes by we're getting older?

Who's looking for perfection?


^^^Probably too many to count.


Has it ever occurred to you that people are giving you a chance?

Maybe you aren't making the most out of the chances you are given.

Just sayin.


^^^Totally agree.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 62
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/5/2013 1:13:34 PM
I guess I don't understand "I'm getting older" bit, what-so-ever. I guess it's because I took up on some amazing opportunities in my youth: I started motherhood early; I lived overseas; I had an exotic wedding in an international destination; I had a small business and an interesting career (which I surrendered when I started the business); I had the boy and girl; I went back to school while I had my children (which has and had been an amazing experience): I traveled; and I lived long enough to write about it. I even had a nervous breakdown, in the process.

These days, I value relationships as if they're treasures, not so much what they could give to me, but as so to contribute to positivity, as much as possible. I don't feel the need to be with anybody for my convenience and I would not enter a relationship if a man has demonstrated that intent with me. Through my experiences, wonderful, miraculous, some terrible, I have become secure and wise, which are compulsory traits necessary, to make sound decisions.

I'm extremely picky, and I should be. I also don't lament when men pass me over, and they do. I value people based on who they are and not what they can give me, so long as I don't get the unwanted gifts of phone calls from disgruntled exes, stories about the disgruntled exes, problems with child custody, and VD. I also value a person's right to be as selective as they wish, more so than my own desires and wishes, which may contravene it. I would also not want somebody to encroach on mine, and believe me, as of late, I have received a handful of e-mails, as such.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 63
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/5/2013 1:28:29 PM
@auntyemm - If everything about the situation was right, that person would take a chance and move forward. Something isn't right for them, be it the timing, the individual, etc. Whatever it is, it prevents them from "taking a chance". Because, they've already measured the risk and have not yet found enough to make them take it. Something isn't right.
 Aristotle_Amadopolis
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 64
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/5/2013 1:42:40 PM

Why are people not honest to realize that each day that passes by ---you are getting older. Why is it that both men and women are looking for perfection and won't even give anyone a chance?

Because they have not found the one and probably believe that you can not make something out of nothing.




...We are not going to live forever. Take a chance. Find someone that you think you might be compatible with and communicate and take a chance. Comment on why men/women are so fussy and do not want to take a chance.

Why not take a chance at being single?

Find a passion/s and envoy it/them, and then "let come what may", and do not live your life chasing something you have no control over.

IMO: It takes bigger balls to walk away from something that is only 1% wrong, than it does to just give it a shot.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 65
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/5/2013 2:14:27 PM
I don't think it's fussy persay, just totally don't want to get murdered.;)
 rocking ritschel
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 66
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/5/2013 4:38:51 PM
Fear,lack of confidence or not sure of themselves.Maybe even lack of reality,alot of people foolishly think there gonna be around forever or like 90 years and theres aways tomorrow which no one is promised and thats foolish to think like that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 67
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/6/2013 11:52:17 AM

Why not take a chance at being single?

Find a passion/s and envoy it/them, and then "let come what may", and do not live your life chasing something you have no control over.

IMO: It takes bigger balls to walk away from something that is only 1% wrong, than it does to just give it a shot.

Amen. I second this.
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 68
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/6/2013 2:26:46 PM
I think most people are cautious when taking a chance.If someone your attracted to doesn't give you the body language or some sort of "sign" that you might be interested,he/she won't take that chance.Most women or even men don't like to be hit on by someone they're not attracted to or interested in.
 ChrisNYY24
Joined: 1/24/2013
Msg: 69
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:33:32 PM
I think a lot of people here are under the impression they're going to magically, first shot, no frills find their perfect match and soul mate and they'll just know it when they see it. It's completely stupid, and I agree with the OP; people disregard the fact that people are totally different in person and when you get to know them. That's idealism for you.
 mr_random_irish
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 70
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:47:45 PM
i think if people were required to reply to messages and actually start some back and forth conversation people would open up to the idea that though this woman isnt my type she seems like a great person. any one who has dated knows that a good personality can trump super model good looks, with out interaction all people on pof can resort too is shallow perfectionism.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 71
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/8/2013 9:51:04 AM
Sorry to be picky Chris, but it is not idealism, it is dreaming. It is nice to dream though.

I saw this on a T-shirt "Keep the dream alive; go back to sleep".
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 72
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Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:37:11 AM
OP, I think a lot of the reason we fail to take a chance is rejection. The fear of it both on the recieving and giving ends of it.

Almost as though we're all infants with our thumbs in our mouth's, the other hand clutching our security blankies. Safe and warm in our worlds of rejection free solitude. Neither being rejected or in turn rejecting....

Other than the fear thing though, I have'nt a clue why we'd be put off by leaving a shout out to an an attractive stranger.
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