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 funnygirl_13
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 45
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

But the distance was an issue. He didn't want to move back to where I live and he used to live. No way was I upping and moving to West Wales without a good 6 month trial run, which would have proved too difficult - giving up work, etc. So we lost contact...


Has this changed? If not, why is the rest even relevant?
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 46
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 11:13:18 AM
Most men I date or have relationships with, i'm not physically attracted to.

The last one was old, short, bald and fat.

I find if i'm attracted to them, I get intimidated by them.

So for me, its easy when i'm not attracted to them.

For others, it may be a problem.

You need to find out for yourself if its a problem or not. No one else can tell you that.
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 47
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 11:29:28 AM
yeah my head can be turned by the perfect physical specimen for a quick roll. However I find for myself physical appearance does nothing for that long haul sexual intimacy and attraction. For me I hate it when I get in a relationship with someone who really only went for me because I met their physical requirements. Because often once we really know each other it kills the physical attraction. They never liked me for who I was anyway..
 eve1962
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 48
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 11:45:35 AM

"has a small holding in West Wales"

Me thinks this lady is not in it for the physical attraction or the possibility of building a loving relationship but for the fact that this man may be wealthy and affluent and seems to be causing her to have the proverbial "dollar signs" in her eyes that are strangely motivating her...


Oh, he's not rich at all - he's actually struggling. A small holding does not mean rich. It's a hard lifestyle. I don't see "dollar signs".
 LivvyH.
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 49
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 1:48:13 PM
Make sure it's something you can deal with in the long run. You say everything else is great. Give it a chance, see if it is something that you can "tolerate" for lack of a better term.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 50
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 1:56:15 PM

Most men I date or have relationships with, i'm not physically attracted to.
The last one was old, short, bald and fat.
I find if i'm attracted to them, I get intimidated by them.
So for me, its easy when i'm not attracted to them.
For others, it may be a problem.
You need to find out for yourself if its a problem or not. No one else can tell you that.

Well, that's interesting - and it's definitely a different way of looking at it, I guess.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 51
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 2:15:44 PM
1) some people want lust in their sex. others enjoy a connection. as the OP pointed out, if the situation is right (maybe alcohol, maybe foreplay) sex can occur, and it wasn't so bad. if it works for her, so what if it doesn't get validated by the general public?

2)after understanding the first scenario, and realizing that means there won't be horny quickies in the kitchen, no monkey sex, no wild abandon, etc, the question then becomes....how often do you need sex per month? if you're willing to only do it when the mood strikes you ,and cuddle the rest of the time...
 Isabella12
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 52
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 2:22:30 PM
( Quote ) Ok, we're 50-something....none of us look "wow" anymore. If you can find a man who actually wants to date a 50-something y/o woman you'd better take another look at him.

There is a lot of truth to this statement but the same goes for the 50+ men out there who are nothing to look at anymore either. LOL!! We are all doomed!!!
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 53
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:11:31 PM
I have had gorgeous men with no personality or rude and this did nothing for me. I have had geeks with a personality and he made me laugh so hard I was able to look beyond his looks and it really did not matter because I loved his personality. He was polite, funny and confident and I asked myself at the time if I could fall in love with him and the answer is yes. My last boyfriend was a much older guy, that was somewhat attractive but not drop dead gorgeous and I loved that man for 8 yrs with all his faults and no one would have stayed with all his issues, but I fell in love with him and bent over backwards for him. I totally fell in love with him. It was his personality and he made me laugh. I loved his essence! I loved that way he talked (deep voice), carried himself, and major sense of humor stole my heart. He had great hands and gave great foot rubs. I loved the way he looked into my eyes and his love for God. He was into health and vitamins. We did a lot of things, bands, festivals, movies, dinner, etc. and I loved just being with him. He had real issues but refused to get help for 8 yrs. I could not meet his family or friends, he flirted with women constantly, he became disrespectful towards me and refused to take medication for his condition that affected behavior and mood. I loved him with his flaws but he did not try to make things better by taking a simple medication that would have corrected his moods and behavior and relationships. Because I could never meet his family and was always alone during the holidays and at his grandchildren events---I could not handle the rejection any longer and it caused alot of arguments----so I have decided to end the relationship. It is hurtful that the woman he is just starting to date---he says that he will confront his family and give them an ultimatum when he refused to even attempt to confront them when I was with him 8 yrs even when I reasoned with him to stand up to them.

In answer to your question----YES< YES< YES----you can love someone you are not physically attracted to but you get along great with. After a while you do not even look at the physical attributes and you look at his heart. Everyone ages. If it is simple things like getting a haircut, wear contacts, get teeth cleaned, work out at a gym,----these things are easy to make one physically more attractive. Encourage him in simple things that make him appear more attractive. Sometimes we all could use a make over in simple things. Good Luck and definitely keep him. He will grow on you and you will not put so much emphasis on the physical. Give him a make over and go shopping with him and get his haircut and simple improvements. I did them one time with a POF guy and went shopping and did a make over with him and he thanked me and told me about all the attention he is getting because of the make over I did on him. Do what you could but stay with him.
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 54
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:41:00 PM
It won't work for you long term.

Chemistry is soo crucial, to a major connection - then the head weighs it all up, and My heart does the rest.

 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 55
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:48:52 PM
This sounds like settling to me and I don't think that's a good idea for anyone.
You were bored and messaged him because he lived in West Wales...not a great motivater for long term in my opinion.
I don't think you're being shallow. I believe there has to be some initial spark to sustain attraction. You can't 'grow' it.

Spending your life with a good friend that you get on with isn't such a bad thing...but Im guessing at some point it will leave you looking for more.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 56
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:49:30 PM
For me I hate it when I get in a relationship with someone who really only went for me because I met their physical requirements. Because often once we really know each other it kills the physical attraction. They never liked me for who I was anyway..


I hear you sister. This has happened to me so many times. It's a perennial problem for LARGE women - men are attracted because they have a fetish for large women. On the first date my body is all they are interested in. I try to engage them in conversation about non-sexual matters but they aren't listening. They undress me with their eyes and keep bringing the subject back to sexual matters or ask me what bra size I am, or dress size, or hip measurement, or underwear... or whether I own any sexy clothes etc.

But most men who DON'T have a fetish for fat women won't date me at all.

Catch-22.
 My_name_is_paul
Joined: 12/3/2012
Msg: 57
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:47:00 AM
Typical 'grass is greener' syndrome.

We are all one trip or fall from a horrible disfigurement. Look at all the women who have disfigured Veterans for husbands. I'm sure some are some that are shallow and can't take it then get a divorce. But many do stay together because of love.

I think you were more desperate than in love.
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 58
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/21/2013 2:06:02 PM
yep I am all for really liking a person, and loving them for who they are personality wise rather than anything physical...I have had very wonderful intimate relationships and found many of my partners extremely attractive the more I came to know them and we built emotional intimacy. As well as found some extremely unattractive as they began exposing their true nature and withheld emotional intimacy.
 Seeing_Stars
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 59
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/22/2013 11:40:26 PM
Is there something he could change to make him more attractive in your eyes? Some guys are open to it, depending on what it is (ie. get contacts instead of wearing glasses). I think the physical aspect is important in a relationship. While in the past, I have dated men that I didn't find attractive but had a nice personality, I find that now I am at a stage in my life where I need someone who stacks up to me. If I am going to put effort into my appearance, I would expect a man who's going to take care of himself as well!
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