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Show ALL Forums  > Science/philosophy  > Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?      Home login  
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 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 76
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Dokkodo...
in a "real" and honest world...
what you say is correct to me.
but we live in a society that has changed everything.
confused things.
if one person wants to marry and the other doesnt..
this can cause one to think the other doesnt love them enough..
when in reality...it has nothing to do with love.
love requires no papers or contracts from the govt.
yet...we live in this society.
and that changes things.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 77
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/15/2013 10:39:05 PM

government should be unbiased in such matters.


I think you should think about that a little bit more than just your short sighted personal interest. What do you think is the role of government? Have you ever dealt with someone that is unbiased? Your 50/50 screwed if you do.

Their should always be a bias to government. It's for the best. The hope is that the bias is in your direction.
 Luxxi
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 78
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/17/2013 9:04:03 AM
I don't actually care for marriage myself... in fact, I NEVER plan to get married.

Love can only remain alive and flourish if its given freedom to be.. its like a candle flame; it'll burn forever as long as you keep it out of the wind and leave it alone to do its thing, but the moment you begin placing demands/obligations/restrictions on it (imagine trying to trap the flame under a glass lid) then it fizzles out and dies!!

(Note: I believe in COMMITMENT and LOYALTY, but only if it flows naturally into that.. not because one day we feel obligated to being together just because we're "married".)

Love is freedom, marriage is restraint. The two together just don't equate to happiness in my eyes.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 79
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:44:43 AM
Some people here have been trying to make the case that because governments make laws in support of marriage, that therefore marriage is proven thereby to be desirable. I've been refuting that, as being defective, closed-loop reasoning.

Some people have been declaring that marriage, required and supported by legal force, is necessary to a well ordered and/or healthy society. None of them have offered any supporting evidence or proof that this is true, they have only repeated that laws exist, and therefore it MUST be "a good and necessary thing."

I'm not taking a stand to say that marriage is necessarily a BAD thing. I am speaking up against flaky, prejudiced, and/or inept non-reasoning, masquerading as logic.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 80
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:17:57 PM
good post themorningafter1

i was trying to explain a similar idea on a fwb post about being in a committed love realtionship with your best friend as being the best.
but most wouldnt go for it.
i want to find my best friend and me be his.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 81
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/19/2013 8:42:08 AM
^^ Some people believe that you can have all of that without the legalities.. I'm not sure why the incessant false dichotomy. It honestly blows my mind.

Earlier I was actually told that I am not capable of deep and true love, simply because I don't want to get married. Like, wtf?! I don't even understand this line of thinking. Social mores run so deep and without question, sometimes it genuinely scares me.
 RussArtLover
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 82
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/19/2013 9:28:14 AM
How other peoples marriages result doesn't impact anyone elses. Statistics sell ideas. Sometimes very confusing ideas. Best to just not be confused :)

I'd hate to wake up some morning married and feel confused. Before I could get my head on straight she might intuit or even ask why, then I might answer. Someone once said marriage is a conspiracy to keep your trap shut. Maybe so. I had a dream a couple of nights ago, I was 30 years younger in college, rolling around with a Freshman. She certainly wasn't interested in marriage. More like bragging to her friends :)
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/26/2013 8:58:47 PM

Has it occurred to anyone, that all those people who are actually happy in their marriages or relationships, are not contributing to this thread or members of POF. - nipoleon


Not entirely true, my friend. There are some couples (married or not), who came here, met here & became addicted to the forums. My profile clearly states that I am "married", "not looking" & here for the forums, only. I know 5 local couples (Vancouver , BC area) who met here & are now married, plus 2 engaged couples.

It's been interesting reading all the varying responses to this thread. My viewpoint is this: Marriage is a committment between me & my husband. The church & the state have no say in our committment. It's a bond of love, a promise we have made to one another. We both put the other first & our relationship, which is why it works so well.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 84
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/28/2013 3:57:16 AM

I think the ceremony of marriage should reflect it's reality. Since it is an economic arrangement, it should happen in a boardroom instead of a church. The couple could invite their friends to watch a powerpoint presentation of their mission statement and life plan while having their lawyers present. Then there would be the signing of the documents followed by some finger food and cake. Dress is business casual.


This has actually been the practice for some peoples, in some strata of society in the past. And don't overlook the modern use of prenuptial agreements. So don't laugh.

Besides, even the romantic SOUNDING most common American marriage vows (from this day forward, in sickness and in Macy's, etc) is a reading off of a contract of financial/behavioral rules, to which the participants must agree.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 85
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:01:57 AM
My position is simple, and it has nothing to do with the government, although the married have many more important legal rights than the non-married. Very simply, a person would have to be nuts to walk away from marriage with a person they deeply love simply because they don't believe in marriage and I would also assert that a person who refuses to enter into marriage EVER is a person incapable of deep love. And they know it. That's why they say they will never marry. They deep down know they will never love anyone enough to want to get married. That or they will change their tune once they meet the right person . . if ever.


VVVVVVV


Why should the views of the one who insists upon marriage trump over the one who doesn't?? Simply because society says that's how it should be.. . .
Ultimately, relationships involve a degree of compromise.. if that isn't possible.. walk away. Simple as that.


I would look at a woman in amazement who said something like this and indeed would walk away. To me it is simple. Either she loves you enough to want to marry you or she doesn't. If she thinks its open to debate, I would get out while the going was good and be glad I avoided a huge mistake. You are free to take any position you want, but good luck convincing some guy you truly love him with this kind of argument.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 86
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:19:19 AM
^^ Not everyone believes that marriage is 'the gospel', lol.. sorry. And I think I'm in good company on that point. Especially in my age bracket, when many are already divorced at least once and the fantasy has worn off. But thanks for your 'well wishes', lol..

a person would have to be nuts to walk away from marriage with a person they deeply love simply because they don't believe in marriage
Why should the views of the one who insists upon marriage trump over the one who doesn't?? Simply because society says that's how it should be.. ?

Maybe the one insisting upon marriage over and above the loving relationship they are already in, enough to walk away.. is the one who is nuts?? See how perspectives can differ? Who is correct?

Why should either one project their preferences/beliefs/expectations on another as though theirs is only way?? And make judgements about the other's capability to love? Obviously his/her desire to marry the one who doesn't believe in marriage is proof to the contrary on that point...............

Ultimately, relationships involve a degree of compromise.. if that isn't possible.. walk away. Simple as that. It doesn't mean one person has to be less than, or 'nuts'. Quite frankly, I find your judgments about those who don't want to marry harsh and more indicative of who YOU are than the other way around.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 87
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:51:47 PM
they are both nuts to walk away
stubborn..
neither will compromise.
 scribble82
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 88
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 3/4/2013 8:22:53 PM

1) don’t you think all those people who failed thought they would make it?


Yes, I did. But I was also under the impression that people got divorced because they just didn't try hard enough, or they picked the wrong person. I thought I'd be fine because I really believed divorce wasn't an option for me. I didn't count on marriage changing the dynamic of the relationship, or the simple fact that people change over time.


2) Everything that marriage offers can be achieved without being married (sex, children, companionship).


I wouldn't quite say that. I think for some people, the commitment is meaningful. Also, marriage can offer some spousal protection in certain cases. And of course, there are legal benefits, which I disagree with.


3) Spouses get lazy after marriage, they having sex, they gain weight, etc because they are protected by the legal institution of marriage (they have their partner trapped, they don’t have to try to attract anymore)


It sounds harsh, but it seems true; marriage definitely changes a partner. It kind of killed my libido, and it made my ex lazy and demanding. She didn't get fat, but her personality was drastically changed. I've seen a lot of guys AND girls balloon up after getting married. Marriage was great for the first year or so, but familiarity breeds contempt, or at least it did in my case.


4) Marriage is an unchallenged cultural/religious norm that people do because its tradition, because its what is expected, considered normal, good, successful...


Definitely agree. Go to college, get a degree, get a career, get married, get a house, have 2.3 kids. It's like there's an unwritten script you're expected to follow. None of that really worked for me (not that I tried to have kids).


5) If you really love and trust your partner then why do you need the government/church/3rd part etc to sign a contract and validate your relationship? It seems to me that if you REALLY love and trust your partner then a 3rd party isn't necessary.


Completely agree.

My older brother and sister (we're 7 and 5 years apart, respectively) and I all got married within three months of each other. My sister and I are divorced. I see my brother and his wife with their three little girls and I believe him when he says he is happy. I love spending time with all of them and I would absolutely hate to not have them in my life. But his life is not the kind of life I want. I don't think marriage is for me, or my sister, or my other brother. I think the problem is that marriage isn't for everyone, and it's unfortunate that society forces the expectation onto us.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 89
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 5/26/2013 11:30:02 PM
well, what the hell.

what do we do then? breed and then when we realize its not the false dream, kick them to the curb?

divorce is terrible!
if not, theres something different between your constitution and mine.

society, books, media, they all spread the false dream.

fact is the more times people marry, the sooner they divorce.

what's the big hate for that piece of paper?
make the promise, sign the little piece of paper, and stay together.

but the bullshit takes over and we think happiness lies somewhere else.
well guess what!!! its you, dummy, not your spouse, or the marriage, its you.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 90
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 5/30/2013 11:49:38 PM
Do you mean like a real marriage according to the vows with the until death do it's part stuff?....well of course we do.. since we're all divorced. LOL
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 91
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 5/31/2013 9:22:58 PM
Yes I believe in marriage and committing to the right man -- but a simple quiet ceremony. Double medical insurance benefits is one nice perk I can think of as well as financial security and stability. I never thought I would want to hit the "hitchin' post" again in this life time but now I'm more open minded.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 92
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 6/4/2013 4:39:40 PM
Marriage is a form of contract and are no longer economically viable for men . Traditional relationships are becoming a thing of the past . Because of no fault divorce laws lobbied for by the feminist lobbyists , men are finally waking up .
 Aristotle_Amadopolis
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 93
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 6/4/2013 6:00:53 PM

Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?

I believe it is possible for two people to enter into a partnership that may be life long, what someone wants to call it does not matter to me.

I also believe that no one can claim ownership of marriage, and that it should not be defined past the union of two consenting adults, and anyone that attempts to do so should be forced to wear a sign proclaiming their hate for other peoples rights.
 cesska
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 94
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 6/4/2013 9:24:34 PM
no cause nothing lasts
yes from the legal stand point
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 95
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 8/17/2013 9:47:42 PM
anytime YOU talk about selfishly abandoning your marriage commitment, you should include the kids in the discussion, or its just that, a selfish action!

which divorce is, a total selfish action.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 96
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 8/18/2013 6:00:03 PM
Marriage is not special, which is unfortunate, because if marriage really WAS special, families would be better off and people in general would have a stronger family base, and be much healthier emotionally. When people are married but don't act in the best interest of that marriage, it is very likely to erode and dissolve.
It's not "marriage" that is good or bad, it's how the individuals treat their marriage.
 Cheating_at_solitaire
Joined: 7/30/2013
Msg: 97
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 8/18/2013 6:06:14 PM
Baaam!! You nailed it greenThumbz:)
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 8/21/2013 3:37:38 AM
What in the hell is that ^ all about?? Did the paste function get stuck?
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 8/21/2013 3:45:42 AM
to be in love is not just to look at each other
but to look together in the same direction

- Saint-Exupery
Terre des Hommes, 1939


I still find that some people imagine that intimacy is only a matter of approximating genitals one to another...Intimacy...requires a type of relationship which I call collaboration, by which I mean clearly formulated adjustments of one’s behavior to the expressed needs of the other person in the pursuit of increasingly identical – that is, more and more nearly mutual – satisfactions.

-Harry Stack Sullivan
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 100
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 9/6/2013 10:12:02 PM
divorce is a total selfish action, Paul, why complicate and come up with distractions?

or

explain to me how divorce is NOT a TOTAL selfish act.

ok, I'll bite, did your wife do the football team?

a reason why someone steps outside a marriage, yeah, usually its for a selfish reason.

why is that so hard for us all to admit?

say it;
we are selfish.

nothing wrong with the institution,

the problem is 'you'.
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