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Show ALL Forums  > Science/philosophy  > Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?      Home login  
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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 101
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
1)50% or more of marriages end in divorce, what makes you think you would be in the 50% who make it, don’t you think all those people who failed thought they would make it? What makes you think you’re an exception?

Well over 50% of Relationships end in a breakup. What makes you think you'd be in the 30% who make it? By your rationale, getting into a Relationship would be a Worse idea. But to answer your question -- relationships/marriages vary going into them. You meet a girl in Vegas & drunk you walk into a 24hr chapel and get married... you know the chances are Far higher than a gal you grew up with, who you don't fight with, thru thick & thin the relationship doesn't come into question, etc.

2)Everything that marriage offers can be achieved without being married (sex, children, companionship).

Sans a marriage contract and any official stamp recognized, as opposed to unofficial word-of-mouth. So not Quite everything. But yes, you're close to right... but what it does lack is why people get married -- you're not allowed to break up just because you have a change of heart one day or you're starting to fight too much. There's a cost because you're re-negging on your promise to stay together forever. Getting married is going to make you stick to the Relationship more than without one.

3) Spouses get lazy after marriage, they having sex, they gain weight, etc because they are protected by the legal institution of marriage (they have their partner trapped, they don’t have to try to attract anymore)

But you just said that they get everything the same in #2. :) Listen, live-in significant others, notably when they have kids, are going to let themselves go. And they many times get back into better shape -- whether it's a divorce or breakup. Avoiding marriage isn't going to have a positive effect on this. It's still going to happen if you're meshing lives the same as if you were married. I think having kids and changing that lifestyle would be the bigger instigator than marriage.

4) Marriage is an unchallenged cultural/religious norm that people do because its tradition, because its what is expected, considered normal, good, successful...

There is that, but not the only reason. It's an official together-forever link that's recognized by society & govt. Untraditional people will also get married if/when they are involved with the right person for a long time.

5)If you really love and trust your partner then why do you need the government/church/3rd part etc to sign a contract and validate your relationship? It seems to me that if you REALLY love and trust your partner then a 3rd party isn't necessary.

Why do you need a party celebrating an anniversary? If you want to make it official & recognized, make it so. The govt doesn't know your social life. Having an official partner -- and for the two people making the statement to be together forever -- they want to make that statement of dedication. To dedicate when, in 10 years, they would consider possibly breaking up if they weren't married, they wouldn't consider it and it would take much more. Point being, people will want to do that.

Why wear a promise ring? Why give Valentines Day cards? Seriously? You NEED to do that to prove that you love them? You see where I'm going with it. Two people will WANT to do it, in a traditional fashion or not. That's not to say there's wackos out there who want to be married when they're single (which makes no rational sense), thus are into the concept of BEING married. But two people getting married -- whether it be a contract they drummed up themselves -- or an official one -- is something of significance and not a mere by product of tradition & culture.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 102
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 9/18/2013 8:07:58 AM

divorce is a total selfish action


Andddddd, "marriage" isn't????

Think about it for a second, cause we "all do" something because somehow there is a "benefit" somewhere along the lines for us, as an individual, even if you don't want to admit it. Being a parent, or wanting to be a parent "could" be put into the same category.

Now, on topic. Marriage, in my mind, is a "ceremony". I don't attend many. I dislike the idea of "funerals" too. I'm hoping I'm not around for mine.
 actualizing
Joined: 9/3/2013
Msg: 103
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/21/2013 6:19:47 PM
Marriage is a sacrament of the heart. It is a sacred union. I totally love the ceremony as a joyous and beautiful celebration of love. I have officiated at seven marriages: from the apple orchard to the church. I am myself divorced, thank-you very much, and I am friends with my ex with regards to our two adult children.

I believe that true marriage is marriage with the self. Once a person feels whole and safe to express fully from the heart, they are ready for union with another.

It is sacred, not to be trifled with.
 nanshe
Joined: 10/27/2013
Msg: 104
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/30/2013 6:06:51 PM
Marriage as we know it now is just a way for the government to have a "say" between two people that cannot somehow just trust each other to honor their vows and fulfill their responsibilities in the event of separation. In the event that you want to separate ways, you then have to ask permission from your government in the form of what they call "divorce". How messed up is that?

It is such a messed up system to categorized kids as "Legitimate" and "Illegitimate" child. How can a child be an illegitimate child? WTF

Legal marriage is just an indication of how messed up humans are. They can't be trusted.

Despite everything I said above, I still believe in marriage. I just don't believe in humans anymore.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 105
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/30/2013 7:14:35 PM
^^^^I just love smart women, and I'd bet you know about the Mosuo tribe and culture...a few small tweaks, and you'd have the perfect functional society. Wouldn't ya just know it....I finally find my soul mate, and she's 30 years too young..damit, damit, damit.LOL
 cesska
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 106
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/30/2013 8:12:06 PM
no, it is ownership, no one owns me
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 107
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/30/2013 11:17:37 PM
so we just breed and leave.

gee, some animals do 'better' than that.

most of your dogs 'stick by' better than that.

I take it that marriage and commitment mean the same for most of us on here, for arguments sake, for now.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 108
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/18/2014 9:21:09 PM

Otherwise....you are only one bad mood away from being kicked to the curb.


Now days with speedy divorces being offered online, its already there. Why bother going through all the legal ramifications of going about it 'the traditional route' because of the reasoning of 'that's how it was always done'. From a scientific outlook, cavemen didn't have marriages and we got to where we are today. From a religious stand point, the bible (koran, or what ever other holy book you want to enter here) never had a 'marriage' ceremony for Adam and Eve. They were made for one another, and stuck by one another likely because of cooperation and compromise. Something I did not get from my last relationship that lasted 7 years. All the work and effort put forth to actually make it work was all on me alone. Hence why I don't believe in having to go through the legal mumbo jumbo of getting away from a toxic relationship. Best to try and figure out if both are willing to put forth effort in the first place as soon as possible, and not have to go through the headache of trying to make things work that aren't meant to be.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 109
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/27/2014 11:17:53 AM
Nope, I sure don't. But I think I made that clear in the earlier pages of this thread. Great to re-read this one. It still amazes me how deep cultural/social conditioning goes, and without question.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 110
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 3/2/2014 11:23:51 AM
It's not important to me. Do I want to be coupled, of course, but I don't care about the papers. (I'm also not the ceremonious type).
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 111
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 3/2/2014 1:55:03 PM
'The papers' can be quite a boon in later life. I was married for nigh on twenty-two years, a second marriage for him the first for me---now at the age of coming up to sixty, me a widow now, I can collect 'survivor benefits' in the USA through Social Security. Did not have a big ceremony wedding< we just decided to be together and make it legal. Lots of advantages to taking vows.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 112
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 6/14/2014 9:56:52 PM
O what the hell, kids raise themselves.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 113
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 7/18/2014 9:39:29 AM
A committed, monogamous relationship between a man and a woman is the IDEAL/OPTIMAL situation in which to raise children (which should be the focus) -provided that the relationship is good. The fact that many marriages are disasters does not mean marriage is a bad idea, but that people don't do it very well -or even know how.

We desperately need education on the subject of all kinds of healthy relationships early in life -especially given the lack of good examples these days.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 114
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 7/19/2014 12:30:20 AM
Before I got married the second time, I analyzed marriage quite a bit.

My conclusion was that marriage was the best way for a man to be happy in his life. Granted, it's critical to marry the right person, just being married isn't any guarantee of happiness.

One of the things I looked at, what do those who have nearly unlimited access to sex and women do? And what happen to those well known people that never marry?

Adam Levine is engaged to Behati Prinsloo, John Lennon was married twice, last to Yoko Ono, warren Buffet was widowed and remarried, Steve Jobs was married till he died. The list is endless.

These men can date many different women and can get sex any time they wanted it. But virtually every sucessful man or woman gets married. Even those who are gay want to marry.

So if they and many others like them thought being married as better for them, who am I to disagree? While those men famous men who never married are rare, J. Edgar Hoover is one that comes to mind.

So those that are against marriage, how many well known / famous people can you name that remain single?
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 115
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 7/19/2014 1:02:34 AM
So those that are against marriage, how many well known / famous people can you name that remain single?

Al Pacino, Sheryl Crow, Oprah Winfrey, Ludwig van Beethoven, Diane Keaton, The Wright Brothers, Condoleezza Rice, Cameron Diaz , George Clooney ,Bill Maher, Coco Chanel, Queen Elizabeth I, Joan of Arc , Adolf Hitler, Thomas Jefferson, Sir Isaac Newton, Jesus Christ .
Just to name a few .......
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 116
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 7/20/2014 6:36:14 PM

Al Pacino, Sheryl Crow, Oprah Winfrey, Ludwig van Beethoven, Diane Keaton, The Wright Brothers, Condoleezza Rice, Cameron Diaz , George Clooney ,Bill Maher, Coco Chanel, Queen Elizabeth I, Joan of Arc , Adolf Hitler, Thomas Jefferson, Sir Isaac Newton, Jesus Christ .


Interesting list. Some of these people were abused as children, but some weren't.

I guess you didn't know Adolf Hitler got married just before he died. I guess he was a regular guy just like Jesus Christ. BTW, you forgot Mother Teresa.

Thoman Hefferson was married and had children, I am not sure why you had him on your list. George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey are engaged and say they are about to get married, but it's not over till the fat lady sings. So maybe they may well call it off.

I did see some of people on a list where they noted , 40+ people famous people who never got married. But they created this list because it is rare.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 117
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/20/2014 1:14:47 PM
Marriage promotes monogamy. Monogamy reduces the chance of std's, broken homes, ESPECIALLY KIDS LIVING IN BROKEN HOLMES, unplanned pregnancy, and heartache. Marriage has it's pitfalls... nothing is perfect. But it is a better way (particularity for the little children of the world).
 B3ll0na
Joined: 11/7/2017
Msg: 118
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/6/2018 8:00:34 AM
Divorce rates and the fact that people just dont take it serious no more.

Id rather spend 10k on a car then a wedding :D
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 119
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/14/2018 2:18:22 PM
marriage is a legal contract that gives you rights, as well as takes them away because you're now obliged to the other person in that contract. that's all it is, like you say you can have al the other stuff without one.

never wanted to get married personally, don't feel a need to legally tie myself to someone else.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 120
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/23/2018 1:13:56 PM
belief??? Marriage exists.. end of story- for my choice no!! but indeed it does exist LOL: maybe you are really asking if we believe in LOVE??? that indeed we could believe or disbelieve? I can touch a marriage contract, apply for the license-go to court to get my legal sanctioned benefits-but love that is debatable...
 reason782
Joined: 1/28/2017
Msg: 121
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 2/24/2018 7:02:55 PM
marriage can be a form of empowerment in terms of status married, but it also comes with its negative status divorced.

marriage is the celebration of a union of two people who are then to procreate, that is a celebration of union and creation. the celebration includes more than two people, and the creation adds 1.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 122
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 5/16/2018 8:49:17 PM
so a sterile person man or women/or coupling should cannot claim status of empowerment or divorce Or are you indicating that when two humans bond in union it becomes a creation upon itself? so one and another + created union of love-therefore they procreate love
Not Married but together and Happy both successful and have several children
http://buzz.auntyacid.com/34-years-together-goldie-hawn-kurt-russell-share-life-changing-news/
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 123
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 10:40:03 PM
Yeah, let's come up with our own way of doing things, I mean, thats got a good past record!!!
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 124
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/30/2018 9:01:59 PM
The link i showed earlier Goldie Hawn /Kurt Russell clearly it does work for many "our way" is the legal marriage- the union of male and female is blessed indeed but for operating humanely as humanity-sharing male/female to further/sustain not drain and strain
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 125
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Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 11/8/2018 8:03:24 PM
Yes. I believe in marriage.

If you love someone you should be willing to put everything on the line.
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