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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Am I trying too hard?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 17
Am I trying too hard?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP
thats common. some guys will message 20 women and only get 1 reply. You just have to keep at it. or get off and try your luck at a bar or mall haha. Its hard dude I send out alot and most replys i get are from overweight single mothers! theres too many hooks in the water Get better bait!
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 18
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/22/2013 5:06:53 AM
10:1 is about average..but DON'T use these sites as the ONLY way to meet chicks..get out & enjoy yourself....
 logicalman1111
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 19
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:31:08 PM
I honestly don't know what you are worried about. I would say have a lot more patience because getting out of the airforce is a major thing. For most people that means a really good job. If you are some kind of pilot you will end up fighting off flight attendants. Anyone whom has a good job these days with such a high rate of unemployment would be a magnet for women and you probably won't need a dating site at all. Most of the men on here have the same results, about one out of ten responses. I'm sure a lot of women here get a lot of messages and are pickier because it's so easy to be picky behind a screen. I think it is much easier to meet women anyplace other than a dating site, this is just for extra contacts.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 20
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:35:59 PM
Someone please explain this bs. I will talk to the girls on here, try to strike up a date, and then nothing. Some I have been talking through text messaging, all of a sudden stop talking. Are these girls on here just to play games and just want attention? This is pissing me off, when I am genuinely interested in them. I really want to get to know tbem, not just base them on their looks for who they are. I am being serious.
 Deltah3avy
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 21
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/26/2013 4:47:17 PM
Lol don't sweat it dude. You're slightly overanxious but it's understandable. Yes people flake on here often . It's the norm. It's their way of saying they either aren't interested, loss interest, or more likely met someone else they're more interested in. That's just the way it goes. Messaging more women for more opportunities is the only way!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 22
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/26/2013 5:27:45 PM
OP: i understand your frustration. heres the deal: when youre talking to some girl you met on POF and youre trying to get to know her, she has about 5 other guys all doing the same thing you are. odds are, she will find one of them more interesting than you, and date him instead. most of the ladies here get so many messages from men that it becomes difficult to get their attention. i say dont bother. meet women in the real world. i wouldnt put much effort into pof at all. it aint worth it man.
 434handyman
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 23
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/27/2013 12:53:30 PM
One in ten is good!!!! If you want a relationship make it a good one not the first one that comes along. When I was looking for a relationship I put the same pressure on myself, so I changed tactics. Change your staus to dating, and in your bio that a relationship wouldn't be out of the question. I think women feel pressured too when you put relationship. Don't get down young man-there's alot of women out there and you have plenty of time.
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 24
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:35:39 PM
I took a sec to preview your profile and your heading about being one boring guy screams insecure right off the bat.

Also the fact that you have plays video games makes you sound like a child.

Way to go though for being in the Air Force!! ONE thing, and this is off topic, since I am 38
and didnt stay in the Air Force(WORST thing I ever did)-I would HIGHLY recommend staying in it!!
I know people in the computer field. Theres not the jobs out there that you think. Once you get out
you will be just another number without a job and it will be easy for you to be dissapointed.
Do you realize that if you stay in the Air Force and even retire in it, you will make serious bank!!!
My dad did and still does. So many places dont offer benefits, retirement options ect. PLEASE
think seriously before getting out!!
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 25
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:44:12 PM
I get 100% response, I find something about them to inspire a witty remark or I harass something (jokingly) about their profile. Works every time but the key is to actually know you're funny and to be truly inspired not just write some generic crap. That will never work. There has to be a connection that is real. When I find someone attractive but not inspiring, I never contact them EVER.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 26
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/30/2013 11:07:58 PM
I changed the heading several times to see if they look at that to make their decision to talk to me. I do get messages, but most of the time, they are women that I am not the slightest attracted to. I don't see anything wrong with videogames, people older than me play videogames, it's a hobby. The girls profiles that I have been looking at like to play video games. One of my goals is to get a career in designing videogames through computer programming. I do other stuff besides videogames. I am a musician that enjoys playing guitar. And for the Air Force, I can not stand it. I have been waiting to get out. Today's Air Force is nothing like the old Air Force I hear so much about. My concern is to just continue along with college and work on my music. Anyway, I have had a couple datrs from this site. Some of have answered, talked to them, get as far as getting their cell number and to the point of setting up a date, they flake out; no more contact out of the blue for no reason. I question if it is me, but it can't be. I show that I am a guy that takes his time, wants to get to know the girl, and so on. Maybe I am insecure. I never had much success with women to begin with, if I did, I most likely would not even bother with online dating. I had atleast one gf, which was great, but our relationship went downhill. I am doing my best to find another one to replace my ex that I was forced to moved on. Being lonely is one of the worst feelings.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 27
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/1/2013 2:34:53 PM
The problem is that I don't think the girls here are serious. If they say the want a good guy, I'm a good guy. It makes me feel that the majority of them here are full of shit.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 28
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:28:29 PM

The problem is that I don't think the girls here are serious. If they say the want a good guy, I'm a good guy. It makes me feel that the majority of them here are full of shit.


I wouldn't conclude that they are full of it, per se, although I can relate to finding their behavior a bit perplexing. Just treat their minds like an impenetrable black box.

Here's the thing. They can't conclude that you are a good guy. Until proven otherwise, you are just like any other guy. Doesn't matter one way or another if you say you are or not. Most bad guys probably claim that they are good guys, so it doesn't really do any good to say you are. Of course, I would be the last person to jump onto the ridiculous POF forums bandwagon and say people who call themselves "nice guys" are automatically bad. The truth of the matter is that it is not possible to conclude anything one way or another from the fact that someone calls themselves a nice guy or a good guy.

I know the feeling of thinking about how you'd treat your girlfriend so well, your last relationship proves it, blah blah blah. But you have to put it into perspective and realize that they don't know you. They have no way of knowing that. If they believed you, they would have to believe any guy who says he's good. Not that I'm accusing you of going around telling them that. But, you just have to realize that all guys look the same to them at first. You feel like they should be psychic or something and realize that you're a good guy because you are biased by being yourself, but they don't have good guy radar. They can't tell. So, you have to get rid of any bias towards yourself.

Secondly, maybe they want MORE than a good guy. Maybe they want a good guy who is attractive, funny, and any number of other things.

Maybe what they are doing is working for them and they have no reason to change it. Or, if they want a good guy and can't find one, maybe they just don't know how to find one. Maybe they pass by good guys who were right in front of them. Rather than than blaming them for not being serious, you might realize that maybe they don't really know how to find what they are looking for and are unfortunately making the wrong decisions at times. And yeah, maybe some of them are not serious, maybe some are really judgmental about silly things. Like the poster above who said playing video games makes you look like a child. That's their problem if they think that way. People are judgmental about the most trivial things. That's the way it is. Their peevish reasons for rejecting you may have no substance. Or maybe they do have substance. You don't want someone who doesn't like you to just go through the motions.

The dating world is not ideal, so you just have to accept that and deal with it the best you can.

The general principle is just to be skeptical and not leap to any conclusions about people's motives because there is no way for you to know what they are thinking, whether it's reasonable or not. I think probably a lot of women probably have totally shallow reasons for not liking me, a lot of them might be making a mistake in rejecting me, but probably a lot of them also have totally legitimate reasons and not be making a mistake. I have no way of telling who is in which of those categories. There's just no way to know.
 OPeningdoors87
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/15/2013 9:18:53 AM
10:1 is pretty good wish mine was that high haha,
I have found if the ladies are generally interested they will help you out with the conversation/meeting up. They show enthusiasm, some will just give you vague answers or ignore the question.

Good luck with the older woman. ^
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 30
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:22:44 PM
Look who's talking. You are an example of a useless piece of shit to society Jonestown. Do me a favor, go blow your brains out. I will go live my life the way I was meant to live it without a freak trying to tell me what life is.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 31
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/15/2013 6:14:55 PM
mature women want good guys. Not mature women want jerks
Some women on here join this site because they are sick of dating jerks, but then when they see how fast their inbox gets filled they forget why the even joined the site. They become super picky and end up meeting a jerk on here then complain about it Like its so hard to find a nice guy whos not trying to just screw you.
There are plenty of nice and good men. they are the ones you simply ignored their messages
 Truth556
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 32
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:21:05 AM

i won't give you the satisfaction of that, anyhow, i was just displacing negative emotions on an internet forum for shits and giggles, almost therapeutic at times! and before you go and say im a keyboard warrior i'm always down for a good scrap too, but yeah thats about it, it seemed to illicit quite a reaction from you, considering the fact that you put SOOO much effort into it and get ****ing NOTHING. I've ****ed ****es 15 minutes after meeting them and dating sites are a ****ing joke, i've only come to realise that now. perfect for people who can lie and bullshit.


lol the **** are you talking about ?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 33
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/17/2013 7:06:23 AM
Don't worry about jonestown OP, he's from Alberta and we give those ones a break here in Canada. It's not their fault they have to live in that province. Now,OT.

You're 24 OP,give yourself,and the GIRLS you are trying to attract a break . You speak of "a long time" when you in fact haven't been alive that long. Get your future in order, and then aim for that lofty goal of yours of finding that "one". Cause really, at your age right now, you should be just sociallizing,dating here and there, phucking if ya need and getting to know others, along with yourself.

Relax and enjoy, if you can.
 XwecantryX
Joined: 2/5/2013
Msg: 34
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/25/2013 6:24:53 PM
The Military is a wonderful career and I don't believe that is the issue. Maybe it's the type of person you are looking at. Don't separate because you want a girlfriend. Most of the people on this site are here because they are lonely. Go back to school...you'll meet people there. Don't rush through life looking for someone to marry. You are young, enjoy your time now. She will come when the time is right. I believe it happens when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.
 Reboot76
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 35
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/25/2013 8:00:36 PM
Exactly! Stop worrying and just live your life. I used to be very active on here but got frustrated and sad at the lack of activity. So I stopped coming here as often and casting my line to as many women as possible. I got a few dates. Met mostly nice women but nothing that really clicked. Actually, I met a really good friend here. I learned that the PoF experience is different from male to female.

Guys cast as many lines as possible to as many women as they find attractive.

Girls have all these lines in their pool to choose from. She'll look at them. Sometimes feel overwhelmed. Then tug on the most interesting lines. They'll ignore the rest. Not because they're being mean...just because of lack of time. They're looking for a potential date not to be a secretary for their own messages. (Though nothing wrong with a good secretary fantasy! HAHA!)

Instead, I just waited and became more selective who to target. You'll inevitably have some woman that will add you to her Meet Me list. Those are the ones you have a better chance with. It doesn't guarantee a reply...but at least you're on her radar. It's better than being buried in a bunch of messages.

And 10:1 reply rate is about right for the guy's side from my experience.

And since I've stopped being concerned about it so much, I met this really amazing woman here. It took a lot of trail and error in dates with other women. A lot of "women disappearing after texting a few times". We've not gone beyond the dating phase...and we might not. In the meantime, I'm just happy I met her.

And if it doesn't work out, so what?

There's no such thing is failure. Everything is just experience until you succeed. (Though I really really want this one to succeed...)

So OP, keep getting experience no matter how small...and you'll get there.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 36
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:46:38 PM
I'm getting out of the military because I have no choice. It is not up to me. My command is not allowing me to reenlist, but I am able to finish my enlistment. I am not getting out of the military to meet a girl. And to be honest, I'm glad that I am getting out. I will be continuing college when I leave the military. The thing I really want right now is companionship. I had a girlfriend for a short while, which was about 5 months ago. I want to fill that emptiness. The future girlfriend is not a rebound by any means.
 Albvs
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 37
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:03:15 PM
Dear Jeff,

The only people on dating sites are those who couldn't date in the real world.

Sincerely,
The Universe
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 38
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:12:01 PM
^^^^
hold up dude I date online and off. Are you saying you only made a full profile on here just to use the Forums?
We are not huge fattys who can't leave the house This site is just a option and hopefully not anyones only way of dating. Its harder on here than in the Real world!
 Albvs
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 39
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:32:39 PM

Are you saying you only made a full profile on here just to use the Forums?

I had no delusions that I would date when I joined this site.

When I want to date I drive myself to a much bigger city, put on a nice shirt and hang out in a bar. Seems to work just fine for me.

I didn't suggest that you nor anyone else in the forum area are 1) huge, 2) fatties or 3) immobile. But you must admit that there is a quality difference in the people who hang out in the forums and those who lurk in the dating section. I say "lurk" because that's exactly what most of them are doing right now. They're viewing lots of profiles and photos of people they'll never talk to on here nor respond to.

The people in the forum area are probably twice as smart on average as the lurkers. We're here because we enjoy intercourse (and I'm talking about the verbal kind).

The OP was complaining that this dating site doesn't work. I would agree. Now ask me if the forum of a dating site works. Unfortunately not, since geographically all the really cool conversations you're having are with chicks from Vancouver or somewhere else equally distant.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 40
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:45:13 PM
I can date in the real world. This online dating has become pretty much a lost cause for me. Despite the few dates I had on POF, the women are not serious. I would be better off finding another young lady through the friends I have. That is how I got the girlfriend I once had in the first place. Networking! :)
 Albvs
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 41
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 2/28/2013 4:07:11 PM

I can date in the real world. This online dating has become pretty much a lost cause for me. Despite the few dates I had on POF, the women are not serious. I would be better off finding another young lady through the friends I have. That is how I got the girlfriend I once had in the first place. Networking! :)

Absolutely. Get out there and have fun. They'll see that if they're with you, they get to go along for the ride. (You can't do that on a dating site like this.)
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