Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never the right Chemistry      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 57
Never the right ChemistryPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Chemistry is not something that you can force.
Relax and enjoy the ride until it happens....and it will.
Everyone is meant for someone.
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 58
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:35:07 AM

It wouldn't bother me if i could get dates as easy as that.
But considering i even struggle to catch a womans eye or get a reply.


most people in this electronic world have become very very picky, they keep chasing for a
"much better one" since it is just one-click-away


Maybe i should take a break from all of this and really think what i am up against and what i really have to offer a woman.


don't give up, keep trying, do your best...
p.s. try not to speak too much boring or unnecessary in the meeting
 knowingme2
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 59
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/21/2013 10:18:05 AM
At least she told you you and she was nice about it,rejection hurts yes,but learn and be stronger next time. Whats the bet she will contact you again anyway?
Maybe she was seeing if you liked her?
Waiting for a response after that date and you nrever texted so she thought she would say what she did?
Ok just a theory,as guy's I dated have always texted to see if i got home ok,and to say how fun it was etc.
 KToned53
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 60
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:27:27 AM
Its all attitude, Its not always going to be there. Just be yourself, if your fun and engaging. And she does not like you. Ohh well one door closes one opens up , if not the door then go through the window. Tomorrow another day , The sun will come up and there another women to daTE. And it could be the one, you never know. If not enjoy where you are at. The food the drink.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 61
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:18:33 AM
First, what do you expect? In almost 2 years, only 2 women and you expect to hit it off? The odds are not good for you unless you're meeting lots more than that. What you might consider is going the friends route first. Then you'll be seeing each other, no pressure, and it will give each of you lots of time to get to know each other as platonic friends and to also see if there's any chance of romance in the future. It's really hard to tell all of that in one meeting. To do so is to be very shallow. But, of course, if some bad behavior is discovered then it's a no go for one or the other or both. Chemistry takes time, anybody who can judge you after 2 hours is pretty immature and very superficial. I always give people some time unless they've lied to me or misrepresented themselves in their profiles. Then I'm polite, don't want to ruin the outing, but let them know afterwards why I'm not taking it any further. No chemistry is a lame and immature message. It's meaningless.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 62
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:30:02 AM
"Chemistry" is pretty much just a scapegoat word to use instead of just saying "I'm not a fan of your personality".

Avoid women who talk about wanting chemistry, and all that stuff.... Because you're not going to have that with someone you just met. They're looking for a connection that takes time to build.

The problem is that nobody wants to work towards a relationship anymore. They want to meet one time and expect the two of you to be in love, and have that first date feel like you've been together for the last 50 years.... Well it's just gonna happen.

OP, she lied. Even though you two were talking for 2 hours, she might not have like your personality, she might have thought you were boring, we can't tell without being there. But theres still the chance that it wasn't love at first sight, and that's the reason she backed out.

Welcome to dating.... It's a headache...
 L,A, Woman
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 63
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:37:48 AM
Yep you either want to make out with someones lips or you don't. Attraction can be a funny thing, dont take it personally, get right back on the horse as you seem attractive. Watch you don't say too much this can be a turn off for some women. Some women size you up in the first few minutes, some are shallow and looking for money and if they think you don't have any bye. It is the sad truth. Put on your profile qualities of what kind of woman you are looking for so you don't get this type. If it is out in the profile the nasty ones will stay away. Good luck, hope you find one soon.
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 64
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:30:51 PM
Ok here's the deal, its a term that means different things to different women and/or guys.Personally, i seems to be thrown around to much in the modern dating arena and its kind of funny. Most stable relationships today including our parents and grandparents were not based on instance chemistry. If it was , our population would be much lower lol. Internet dating has bought the term back to the forefront because they are blind dates of sorts. Although , you see the person and can tell if you think person is cute and you want to meet them, you can't read the "energry" until together. This happens during the meeting. Guys being men with sexual uncontrollable urges are less likely to want a fairy tale feeling named chemistry and a HOT body is a hot body for us ,but seems women (kind of why we think they are crazy) have a bunch of other hormonal/ other thoughts going though their heads. It is an excuse of course because obvious rich handsome movie stars these girls will NOT feel the lack of chemistry. If chemistry is so special why is it that so many will have sex with certain movie stars? Obviously the universe wouldn't give certain guys more opportunities to develop chemistry. So the tern has been overused. Better word would just be "internalized emotional response". Lets call this an acronym IER. Obviously we won't have IER with most people. Women being that they are not just looking for a hot body will less likely get an IER that's favorable which explains why women use this against guys more. But is it instant? Most of the time NOT. Unfortunately media and modern feminism and internet dating has made it so. This way its in the womens hands as oppose to traditional dating where men win over their princess.
OP you did not do anything wrong. However, there are guys who are like PRO'S at getting favorable IER. There even are material you can read.Don Juan's of the world know naturally how to get these IER's to be favorable. That's what seduction is about.Today women and men look at seduction as BAD and Evil. But is there anything more fun and passionate than seduction? Those are the most passionate of relations. Next time you are on a date, REGARDLESS of what her body language is, you need to step up your game. Weird things will and often happen. Hate becomes love ,etc. When you see guys who are not models whose seem to get all the girls, they are just skilled at getting positive IER. Some guys doing by playing guitar, it depends.Its about emotions so get an emotion. Even emotions of hate can be turned around. Problem with "meet and greet" culture is there is no passion in the silly coffee shop dates .They are like interviews thus fail to spark chemistry.Why do you think women often get emotional from listening to intellectual professors or poetry or good music? Its the same response. Be honest was their any emotions during the meeting? or was it just a series of questions and a few forced laughs?Stimulate her mind, dreams and body(yes i said that, not saying he should rape people) and you can create a spark.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 65
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 1:05:45 PM

The men who women want to sleep with have plenty of money,Good looking and drive a fancy car.Can be very nice geniune people or complete Arseholes and it would make no difference to most women.
Thats how i see it.
Can anyone prove me wrong eg???


What I have leaned is that many women feel intimidated by great looking guys. They think they are going to cheat on them. And they are right. MOst of the time they have arrived at that place in life because of having their heart broken by one of these players. So, what happens then. Average, regular guys, get the girl. Why? Because deep inside, even the hottest of women are looking for one thing. They are looking for a man that makes them feel the way the felt with their father. That is a sense of security, a sense of love. Interestingly enough, women that never had good relationships with their fathers, tend to have problems with men or end up in abusive relationships.


Maybe i should take a break from all of this and really think what i am up against and what i really have to offer a woman.


You went on a date. ONe. And you are giving up? WOW. I can see why you are having a problem developing chemistry. Instead, you should keep going out, having fun. There are a ton of techniques that work at creating attraction and that sense of chemistry. Believe it or not, they do actually work.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 66
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 1:29:47 PM
Chemistry for the most part is the animal attraction thing; pheremones. It happens or doesn't. I've dated now on and off for about 4 years.

"Chemistry" was there for about 4 or 5 out of 10-12. And chemistry was sex.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 68
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:02:51 PM
lightningman1-Maybe i should take a break from all of this and really think what i am up against and what i really have to offer a woman.


Outmind-You went on a date. ONe. And you are giving up? WOW. I can see why you are having a problem developing chemistry. Instead, you should keep going out, having fun. There are a ton of techniques that work at creating attraction and that sense of chemistry. Believe it or not, they do actually work.



lightningman1-What i am trying to say is if i was in my late teens or early 20s and had a lot of success i could proberly handle some disapointment in the dating field.
But considering i am nearly 37yrs old and have had little luck even getting a date let alone leaving one like a failure its really starts to get you down.
There is nothing special about me i don't claim to be some hot stud. .So i do know i am not expecting a glamour to want me.I am mr average but a good person.
Just after a good person . Wow how hard can this be??
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 69
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 3:33:02 AM
I wouldn't over-think it.

Lack of attraction, could mean a million things. Could be something you said, or could be the fact you remind them of an ex, relative, friend, or something of the like.

Attraction is hard to explain. However, her saying nothing, would be unfair to you. That would be beyond cruel, as they're leading you on, knowing far too well, they're not feeling a thing towards you.

Appreciate her maturity, in being upfront about it, right away. Some people will lead you on for months/years, not knowing how to tell you they're not feeling you. *Far* more painful, and harder to get over, once you've fallen in love with them.

I would chalk this up as "her loss", and continue fishing!
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 70
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 7:17:51 AM

But considering i am nearly 37yrs old and have had little luck even getting a date let alone leaving one like a failure its really starts to get you down.
There is nothing special about me i don't claim to be some hot stud. .So i do know i am not expecting a glamour to want me.I am mr average but a good person.
Just after a good person . Wow how hard can this be??


Are you still only meeting girls on here? Cuz if you are, we went over this in another thread... These sites bring out the worst in a lot of people. And not just that, but the reason they're single offling, is still going to exist, and still be an issue online. And a lot of people are single purely because of themselves.

We've all been there, where we just go through this point where we just can't seem to have any real success in dating, it happens. But you can't let it get to you.

And you seriously need to start looking off this site way more than you look on it. If you rely purely on this site, you'll get to the point that you think you're just never going to meet anyone. Dating in the real world is infinitely easier than dating on PoF.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 71
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 7:44:46 AM
Dude,

Your problem is that you are using a paradigm of failure instead of a paradigm of success.
Instead of looking at that date as a failure, look at it that considering that you got none before, now you got something. Also, what did you expect? To climb mount Everestt because you decided that you could go up a hill.

Also, while you consider yourself average, you forget that women dig musicians. Many of them go ga-ga. So use what you have. The problem is that you are so afraid of this failure, and so entrenched in your own preconditioning of you being below and unworthy, that in the end that is what you get.

Go for another date. And your goal should be simple. YOU, have a good time.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:02:16 AM
I don't think anyone can explain the attraction or lack thereof. I went out twice with a guy, he was absolutely everything that I would want in a guy but I just simply was not attracted to him.

I wouldn't worry about it, eventually you find someone that both of you feel the chemistry.


What i am trying to say is if i was in my late teens or early 20s and had a lot of success i could proberly handle some disapointment in the dating field.
But considering i am nearly 37yrs old and have had little luck even getting a date let alone leaving one like a failure its really starts to get you down.


You either need to give up entirely or suck it up. You cannot possibly expect to hit it off when you go out with one woman a year. You will likely need to go on 6, 12 or more dates to find someone with whom things click.

This woman, she either bailed early because people can grow on you in the attraction department but at the same time she did you a favor by recognizing that her feelings were unlikely to change. The guy I dated several years ago, after two dates it didn't seem like I was going to change and it was kind of lucky for me we never planned that third date and I didn't have to hurt his feelings by telling him that the attraction was absent on my side.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 73
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:52:11 AM
You gotta have a thick skin. Brush off the experience and don't let the rejection jade your view of women or online dating. It happens. I think getting back out there dating again is a big step. I have a friend that is iffy about getting back out there and I keep telling him that the positive experiences outweigh the negatives.

At least she didn't leave you wondering, right? I text a woman once after a 'meet up' and said I'd like to see her again. She replied, 'You are lovely, I'll let you know soon'. Never heard back from her. I would have taken a no response better then false hope!

I personally don't do coffee dates because I'm nervous enough and I'm not comfortable knowing the 'meet up' will end soon. Anyway, try to have fun and keep your expectations low.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 74
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 10:44:17 AM
You gotta have a thick skin. Brush off the experience and don't let the rejection jade your view of women or online dating. It happens. I think getting back out there dating again is a big step.


Ditto on that. Keep in mind finding a girl that makes you two get hot-and-heavy is NOT Chemistry, either - it's animal attraction.

I had a first date with a gal that ended with a VERY steamy make out session in her car - and the only reason we didn't push the envelope all the way is because we were in a public parking lot with people streaming out from the movie theater all around us. The next Tuesday I get the 'Not Good Chemistry' text message. Sure, I was annoyed - but I knew she was right - Chemistry is all about how well you 'Get Along' with someone, not how quickly you 'Get IN' someone. We liked each other physically, but the mental attraction to personality was almost non-existent.

You can't control what others think, so don't try - don't guess, and above all, don't DWELL on failure. Move on and try again.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 75
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 12:24:40 PM

How the hell did all this become so hard and soul destroying???


OP, you are a pessimist, I saw it in your review thread, you complained about not being able to get a date. Now after "fighting us" (the reviewers) for several pages about making your profile POSITIVE, you actually GOT a date!

Are you now optimistic about the PROGRESS?

Or have you now found SOMETHING ELSE to be pessimistic about?

OFMM
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 76
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 12:27:27 PM
^^^ oldfashmntman just about summed the entirety of this thread.


 toooldtoplay
Joined: 1/27/2013
Msg: 77
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/6/2013 1:17:48 PM
That's the whole purpose of dating, it doesn't have to be perfect. Either you want to see her more or she wants to see you more, or you both want to see each other all the time. I wouldn't just settle so I would like to find the right chemistry myself but it sounds to me like there wasn't much sexual preference between you and this girl because she is making comments like she is preparing an essay on you instead of hey, I had a great time, when can we do this again and you aren't stating a word about how you feel about her. Just sounds to me like a mediocore or possibly bad date. If everyone had everything in common and couldn't have fun during the date there is no chemistry. You were put back, what does that say? Sounds negative.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 78
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/9/2013 2:47:39 PM
All I can say is at least you heard from her. It's better than her disappearing or her choosing to ignore your phone calls, emails or texts. I been on some dates when I thought something was there, but it wasn't. I can relate because I been on the offensive and receiving end of this issue.

With that said, try not to think about this girl, delete her number off your phone and whatever reminders of her and keep it moving.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 79
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:03:46 PM

I hear ya. I had a wonderful first date with a guy I met a couple summers back on the Cupid site. We talked and laughed until 2 in the morning, and I already was smitten..to me, this was wonderful, it was like we had known each other forever...and at the end of the date we got up to depart and he gave me a hug goodbye and said he felt "no spark" but still wanted to be friends. Stupidly I agreed, and set off on a year of sexual frustration and pain.

I have since ended the friendship.

I subsequently have again gotten the "I feel no spark but I really would like to be a friend" thing.

This time, no matter who it is, I decline the offer.

I have plenty of male friends. I am looking for a boyfriend.

Just keep sight of what it is you want..let those go who just wanna "hang" and especially do NOT allow yourself to be friendzoned by anyone, then continue to hang out with them hoping.

Also, it is impossible to judge how attracted a person is to you even if you've had a "great date." People can have a great time but feel nothing sexually.


Bravo! That's good way of standing up for yourself and showing your worth! I had to do that with a woman too. Not sure what those men were thinking, but hell if I was in your neck of the woods, I would date you, but that's just me :)
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 80
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/9/2013 4:41:54 PM
So far all I get out of this having to have chemistry is if the woman lusts after you or not . Looking for a immediate spark of so called chemistry is such BS . I see it in profile after profile we have to have chemistry at first sight .So basically she wants to know if you are handsome enough to sleep with before she can decide if there will be another date . Women are showing just how shallow they really are . Basically this so called chemistry is if a woman wants to have sex with the man or not . So far on this sight all I see is allot of speed daters . It's actually rather humorous .
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:42:40 PM
I don't consider it shallow, but appearance is everything. Most men at least are honest about physical attraction, but women struggle with this because they have been conditioned to be non confrontational with their opinions. The few women that are opinionated and blunt are ostracized by our society but I consider such women being able to deliver such honesty rare gems.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never the right Chemistry