Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 26
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitationPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
like venus said..u waited too long..then asked last min..even if she wasnt busy..most broads will say.'sorry, already have plans', especially beautiful ones that get hit on every minute of every day.
2nd faux paux...'maybe later this week'..is wimpy..have a plan (before) you call..and also 2-3 backup plans..
Be decisive..say..how about fri. nite @ 7? how about sat. brunch around noon? how about a****ail at sunset on sunday? If she cant 'squeeze' you in on any of the above..then she was just being polite..one date does not make you own her or her time, but the above questions will 'flush-out' her interest..or lack thereof.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 27
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/23/2013 9:27:06 PM
^^^ + 1






(messages this short may not be posted)
 Lucky...13
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 28
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:27:19 PM
OP. Women want to feel like they're important and not a last minute Plan B option. Hire a Secretary and get organized. Lol
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 29
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:41:42 PM
I wouldn't worry to much about how you responded but more so how you plan dinner dates at the last minute. She responded as any woman would when it's last minute. If she hasn't replied by now to your " OK, thanx . . . maybe later this week?" Than chances are she is not interested in any more dates with you whatsoever. Leave it at that, wait and see if she responds at a later date and time. And if not, take it as a lesson learned and make sure the next time you set a date with a woman you give her plenty of notice.
 Tom0777
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 30
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:09:56 PM
I'm struck by the fact that she didn't say: maybe we can try another time of the week?
Did she just say: I have plans 4tonight?
sounds like lack of interest. Or maybe she was 'offended' by your last minute invitation (presumptuous, etc).

Try again with something more precise. Apologize for the last minute thing, etc
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 31
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:12:43 PM
Instead of saying maybe later this week; how about being firm in your plans and pick a day and time. Don't text. Call her.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 32
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/29/2013 5:38:05 PM
Where there is one hot babe, there will be others. If she gets back to you, she's interested. If she doesn't, move on. I would never ask a woman out on a first date via text, hopefully you called her. But NEVER set up a FIRST date past Wednesday. Not good etiquette.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 33
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/29/2013 5:44:05 PM

I asked her this afternoon if she wanted to go to dinner tonight

That's a fumble for sure...


I replied 'OK, thanx . . . maybe later this week?

That's not a bad fumble recovery but you get a penalty for not being more specific. I would have said, how about tomorrow night (or another specific night).
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 34
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 1/29/2013 6:05:04 PM
Most of us are pretty busy and I, for one, value my quiet time. But I have no "hard and fast" rule against accepting an invite on short notice. I would not be interested in someone who was so disorganized or "spontaneous" that everything was last minute, but for someone I know at least a bit--and like--I would not be offended by an occasional invitation spurred by a last-minute change in his plans (he had a meeting; it got cancelled, etc.)

I would say that such an invitation needs to be very occasional, though. And I may not be in the majority on this. I am *very* low maintenance and I know for a fact that at least 2 women of my acquaintance would swear they could not be ready (for a date) on anything less than 48 hours' notice. There's the dry cleaning to collect, of course, not to mention that the right shade of lipstick is available only in the mall across town . . . :)
 Nvrlukbak
Joined: 2/5/2013
Msg: 35
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/1/2013 11:54:42 AM
I have no problem with last minute dates, it's called spontaneity. I am a last minute, let's go do something kind of person. :)
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 36
view profile
History
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 1:38:57 AM

I asked her this afternoon if she wanted to go to dinner tonight. She stated 'sorry, have plans 4 dinner . .


She could still be interested, but you ask on the same day for that night as if she doesn't have a life?
She probably had plans.

That's you assuming to much IMO.

Next time you have a great first date ask "When would it be a good time to see you again?" Then ask what she would enjoy doing.

"Maybe later this week?" isn't an invitation, it's a wishy washy thing to ask.

I think you may have blown it, but you can try by calling after you have looked at whats going on in your area she would enjoy and give her a couple of options.

There's a great band/whatever Sat. night or there is a play on Sunday afternoon.
I thought you might enjoy one of those.

If she says no..move on.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 37
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 7:43:36 AM
Well that was posted almost a year ago and he never came back to tell us what happened. Don't ya just hate that?




Next time you have a great first date ask "When would it be a good time to see you again?" Then ask what she would enjoy doing.


Good one.
But what if the shoe is on the other foot and you are the person on a date and you want him to ask you out again, but unsure if he feels the same way. You wait, but at the end of the evening he says nothing indicating that he would like to see you again, but he does say, "Chat soon okay?" So you think to yourself, "Hmmm"

Later, when you check your messages, one is waiting from him telling you that how much he enjoyed your company, finds you attractive and intelligent, but says not one word about getting together again. Is that just a very gracious way of him saying "He's just not that into you?"..lol

You know what really sucks about all this, it's the first time I have been out with a member of the opposite sex in.......What year is this? Lol. It's been a while.
Dating is hell.


...mae
 fedexmale
Joined: 8/24/2013
Msg: 38
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 10:34:41 AM
He handled it just fine... if she had a good attitude and was interested, she would have counteroffered with another day. That's the only type suitable for a happy and healthy long term relationship anyway.

What would she have done with a friend? A relationship is a friendship on fire with romance and affection to turn up the heat.

And waiting a week to call for a date in the beginning is fine. A crush won't die in a week. Plus, you want to mirror her interest... but you don't know her interest level, so you should go slow. Besides, in online dating, the good ones will always message you within a week after the date. She never did that, did she? She was no good, at least not for you.

And you don't make another date while you are on a date, that would be unnaturally needy.

There are good girls out there and bad girls.. just because someone is beautiful and breathing does not mean they are good relationship material. Choose wisely, choose the good woman.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 39
view profile
History
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 12:52:02 PM


What would she have done with a friend?


I have yet to meet a woman ( this particular thread subject) that will give a man, esp a new guy she may have possible intentions of dating regularly half the" slack" or consideration she will give a "friend".

Unless she is "really short on date material" and is used to it. Nicest way I can say it.
Talk about mens egos, Ha! just cross a womans ego that is used to be treated a certain way.

He is on new grounds and she is setting up acceptable social/dating rules according to HER.

It's no secret we will wait 15/30 minutes EVERY time we make plans with a good friend who is late/forgot their wallet/dressed over the top or under the rock, but let a guy we are new to dating do something wrong..Holy crap.

"How dare he show up looking like that!!"

"He must not know who I am and how in demand I am to ask me out for Friday on Friday!"

"That's going to be steak AND drinks tonight..Keeping me waiting like I am a nobody."( 20 minutes late because he got stopped for speeding so he wouldn't be late)
 pamioakley
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 40
view profile
History
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 2:52:28 PM
I think your response was great. I actually applaud you for asking her out spontaneously. When I was first divorced (10 years ago), a good friend of mine who is male gave me this advice - "If a man does not reserve your time by Weds for the upcoming weekend, say no because you are his second choice." Do I think he was right? There have been men I've met who I would absolutely have to agree with my friend about. Others, not so much.

Text her tomorrow to nail down an actual date. If she makes another excuse, let it go. Good luck!
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 41
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 5:23:04 PM
All this depends on how busy a person SHE is. Not necessarily what inane "rules" you may think she may believe in. The OP says she is "gorgeous" but neglects to mention anything else about her life. Just how it went on the date. Some posters assume she is busy simply because she is attractive. Hogwash.

I'm busy and booked most of the time with work related social events. I make sure men know that when they meet me. Most show an interest because I am busy and because of WHAT I am busy with. Far too many still tend to call a couple of hours before they want to go out or WHEN they are already out asking me to spend the evening with them. Then they go through a childish "Oh, so you are one of those high maintenance types who needs me to book weeks ahead for a simple dinner or drinks?" What nonsense. That statement is usually also for the benefit of whoever at work or the watering hole after work, is close enough to hear them being turned down. I always let anyone I know, male or female, that I need a couple of days notice or I am likely booked. A couple of days! Most people expect a couple of weeks notice, in my world, when the shoe is on the other foot. Once someone knows you need notice and does this same day ask, anyway, they are playing games. I wont' say which ones or why, but my experience, whether I clear my schedule and accept( which I no longer do for good reason) or ask for the couple of days I do, from everyone else, they are playing games if they consistently run counter to what you communicate is good for you.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 8/4/2013
Msg: 42
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 5:44:39 PM
OP mentioned she is a looker, so perhaps she does "circular dating" if that many men are asking her out, she fills up her schedule fairly quickly.

Frankly OP, I have had times in my life w/ nothing to do- was a tad bit bored/lonely & if a man asked me out last minute, I would still say "no"...it sets the tone...that he doesn't have to plan, that my time is not that valuable, etc.

When a man who has his sh1t together really likes a women he makes plans for the next date while on the current date. He pursues.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 6:22:53 PM
Op, Trust your gut reaction if that is your true nature and it has worked all these years you will eventually have your answer one way or another so don't fret. The only way to know for sure is to take a mind reading couse.
 Just_Bopping_Around
Joined: 6/28/2013
Msg: 44
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/2/2013 11:02:59 PM
I'm a single father with full-time custody. *If* I asked someone last minute, I would tell them that something fell through and I'm free this evening and I know it's hellaciously short notice and I don't expect her to be free, but I really enjoyed our date and thought I might call on the off chance that she was available this evening.

Oh? You aren't free tonight? I didn't expect you to be and apologize for the short notice, but being a single parent I have to take advantage of the opportunities I get and I enjoyed our time. What works better for dinner next week, a weekday or a weekend night?

You have to show that you're not taking them for granted. (IMO YMMV).
 pamioakley
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 45
view profile
History
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/3/2013 5:39:46 PM

*If* I asked someone last minute, I would tell them that something fell through and I'm free this evening and I know it's hellaciously short notice and I don't expect her to be free, but I really enjoyed our date and thought I might call on the off chance that she was available this evening.

Oh? You aren't free tonight? I didn't expect you to be and apologize for the short notice, but being a single parent I have to take advantage of the opportunities I get and I enjoyed our time. What works better for dinner next week, a weekday or a weekend night?

You have to show that you're not taking them for granted.


There are not that many single fathers out there that are pushing 60 and want to date me, but I have to tell you that if you asked me out at the last minute saying exactly what you said above? If I were free, I'd accept. Bravo.
 Asclepiuss
Joined: 8/12/2013
Msg: 46
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/7/2013 6:06:54 AM
If that was me I wouldn't do anything. I would wait for her to take the initiative and call or text me. These are modern times and the signals you can get back from this sort of thing can be confusing. This way you know the feeling is mutual and your not sounding desperate and creepy. Some women like to know that your not going to be like every other guy, set yourself apart.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 47
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/14/2013 2:37:36 PM
There are what I call 'date speak'...if when meeting someone for coffee and a chat the fella says, upon leaving, "I'll email you or I'll call you" it means he's not that into me...the email might come and it says, "it was really nice meeting you, yadda, yadda, yadda" he's not wanting a second date...

If the fella says something concrete like, "would you like to see a movie or do something tonight?" it generally means he's interested. Even if you can't go that night it shows he's definately interested. As a woman I would never call a guy numerous times to see if he wants to go out! Yeah, old school I know. Perhaps why I haven't had a date in forever.

It's not real complicated...some rejections are nicer than others...but they're still rejections...move forward and above all keep living your life, doing the things you like to do.
 actualizing
Joined: 9/3/2013
Msg: 48
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/14/2013 6:27:38 PM
OP you could have said you understood and will call her later. Texting a question about a possible date is less of a thrill.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 49
view profile
History
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/16/2013 9:31:27 PM

you say you dont like last min. dates...........ok

but suppose the guy finds himself home from work early and its a spur of the moment thing ?.........sure.if he does it all the time....i understand............but if its a short notice thing on his end too?


Personally, I would think it was sweet if someone I'd meet and liked had some unplanned free time and wanted to do something later. If your free, why not? As long as it's not the norm.
 Just_Bopping_Around
Joined: 6/28/2013
Msg: 50
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/16/2013 10:57:30 PM

Personally, I would think it was sweet if someone I'd meet and liked had some unplanned free time and wanted to do something later. If your free, why not? As long as it's not the norm.

I'm with ICtheLite.

If I'm dating someone new and I really want to see them again, I just tell them "I had some free time open up unexpectedly and I know it's short notice and I would love to do something tonight (tomorrow night). But it is short notice and if you already have plans, we can always do something later."

I think it's important to acknowledge that
1. It's short notice
2. That they most likely do 'have a life'
3. That it's okay to say no because of the short time frame
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation