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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 actualizing
Joined: 9/3/2013
Msg: 48
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitationPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP you could have said you understood and will call her later. Texting a question about a possible date is less of a thrill.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 49
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gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/16/2013 9:31:27 PM

you say you dont like last min. dates...........ok

but suppose the guy finds himself home from work early and its a spur of the moment thing ?.........sure.if he does it all the time....i understand............but if its a short notice thing on his end too?


Personally, I would think it was sweet if someone I'd meet and liked had some unplanned free time and wanted to do something later. If your free, why not? As long as it's not the norm.
 Just_Bopping_Around
Joined: 6/28/2013
Msg: 50
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/16/2013 10:57:30 PM

Personally, I would think it was sweet if someone I'd meet and liked had some unplanned free time and wanted to do something later. If your free, why not? As long as it's not the norm.

I'm with ICtheLite.

If I'm dating someone new and I really want to see them again, I just tell them "I had some free time open up unexpectedly and I know it's short notice and I would love to do something tonight (tomorrow night). But it is short notice and if you already have plans, we can always do something later."

I think it's important to acknowledge that
1. It's short notice
2. That they most likely do 'have a life'
3. That it's okay to say no because of the short time frame
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 51
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gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/17/2013 4:59:56 AM

Well that was posted almost a year ago and he never came back to tell us what happened. Don't ya just hate that?

I really wanted to know as well..
I was going to say, she probably WAS interested, but hasn't heard from him in a few days so she thought oh well.
Than out of the blue he asking her out, and she supposed to drop everything?..Hm..
 Luv_Life_Now
Joined: 8/6/2013
Msg: 52
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/17/2013 7:13:30 AM

I replied 'OK, thanx . . . maybe later this week?


This was a safe response. But not one which will get the answer you want. Any more when men respond with "later" or "sometime", especially via text, I just ignore them. I want the man to be the man and to make a plan. If he can't do that, he's not he man for me.

Also, whatever happened to men picking up the phone? It's disappointing to most women when men want to mainly communicate by text now. It's to the point, where if I didn't use it for work and to communicate with my roommate who has a hearing issue, I'd discontinue it entirely. Far too many miscommunications happen via text because you can't hear voice inflection.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 53
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/17/2013 8:33:21 AM

Frankly OP, I have had times in my life w/ nothing to do- was a tad bit bored/lonely & if a man asked me out last minute, I would still say "no"...it sets the tone...that he doesn't have to plan, that my time is not that valuable, etc.



Now see blondie, I'm different in that if someone asked me out last minute and I wasn't doing anything I would most likely say, " You know what....It just so happens I don't have plans either and would love to do something, what do you have in mind?"
So much better than sitting home bored and feeling sorry for myself.....lol

....mae
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 54
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gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/17/2013 2:50:36 PM
Well, I have always taken any refusal without some compelling reason as terminal. I never ask again. If you are in this age group and want to play coy, check what is on TV. I know what I want out of life, and uncertainty or playing games is not part of it. I think that one really has to keep in mind that there is a huge amount of competition out there and that you won't likely get anywhere toying with opportunities. That is true even outside of the dating world, IMHO.
 DawnLuvs2Run
Joined: 8/8/2013
Msg: 55
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/18/2013 10:26:03 AM
Last minute on a regular basis, would eventually get a no.

However, if I just started seeing someone and I liked him, and he called at the last minute but I already had plans my response would likely be "Sorry already doing ____, but if you want to pick another night perhaps tomorrow (or other date), let me know. Rather then a simple "sorry I'm busy" I too would have made a suggested alternative date/time. That way he knows I'm not brushing him off.

But if I truly am not interested, I agree it's not fair to waste anyones time. Plus no sense in going out several times then hurting the poor guy (or gal). If you truly know after that first date, even if you had a good time, it's always best to say something like "I had a really good time and you're a great guy/gal, I just don't feel we have enough in common to continue this". Thank him (her) for the great evening and wish them luck. And guys, do it at the end of the date, poor taste to do in the morning if they were foolish enough to spend the night.

Just my two cents worth.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 56
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/18/2013 12:05:49 PM

I think that one really has to keep in mind that there is a huge amount of competition out there and that you won't likely get anywhere toying with opportunities


So true. Wouldn't want to miss out, that's why I keep my duct tape handy at all times *grin*




Last minute on a regular basis, would eventually get a no.

However, if I just started seeing someone and I liked him, and he called at the last minute but I already had plans my response would likely be "Sorry already doing ____, but if you want to pick another night perhaps tomorrow (or other date), let me know. Rather then a simple "sorry I'm busy" I too would have made a suggested alternative date/time. That way he knows I'm not brushing him off.


Absolutely agree with this Dawn. Don't want to be taken advantage of either so if he made it a habit of it I would have to draw the line. I would handle things exactly the way you described.....especially if I liked him.


...mae
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 57
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gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 9/23/2013 1:43:20 AM
I know that many or most people I'm interested in can turn
out to have highly structured lives, but the weather is the
weather, and so much of what I want to do is affected by
the weather.

Also, I don't hardly know what a date is, since that, to me,
implies stranger-dating. By the time I've asked for a specific
thing that seems anything like what people call a date, I know
a good deal about her, already, and know what sorts of offers
she'll most likely accept.

The chess-game thing is so far away from what I know about,
I don't understand the basic premise.

There are rules? Really? Wow.

. . .

I will say that the thought of having been taken for granted
has crossed my mind, but it'd be terribly confrontational to
just put that out there, and suggest that's what's going on.

My friends will tell me first: she's a time sink. I won't notice
it so early.

Busy people, I cannot understand. That's a social butterfly,
or a workaholic, a climber, married to their career, or something
like that -- or, it looks that way, to me, who doesn't have that
gene (though I do on occasion get seriously caught up in a
project, and have to make the effort to let people in, during
those times). Of course, some people can't stand to be alone
(at all). I'm not like that.

I wonder what else comes with that.

You don't have to worry about me, or how I think; I'm way off
center demographic. ;)
 99__0
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 58
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 10/4/2013 8:26:21 AM
Personally I like to
1) plan dates about a week in advance, especially if I do not know someone well.
2) not date someone more than once a week unless I am in a more serious relationship with them, as it gives me time to reflect and introspect on what transpired during the date without clouded vision.

Best wishes to you! :)
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 59
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 11/3/2013 8:32:45 AM
when she responded sorry have plans for that day did she also provide the time she is available? If not she is too busy with her world and you are not included in there .
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 60
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gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 11/7/2013 2:15:17 PM
You know, it always seems to be the women saying that they will not accept a last minute date. If a man wants to see you, wants to take you out, spend his hard earned money on you and do something fun, I do not see how you can take that in any negative way. It is playing games and nothing else. You are trying to train them to do it how you think it should be done and that is unfair. Go out, see if there is still something there and then if it happens more than you would like, talk to him, communicate that to him instead of playing games and expecting him to read your mind. Men are much more simple creatures than we are and they are not reading into everything like you seem to be.

Now I have two situations where I did refuse last minute dates. One was a very good looking guy who made it very apparent that I was his "option" and not someone that he was pursuing seriously. I told him straight out that I did not wish to be treated that way and what I was looking for. He did keep trying but in the same way. Eventually I just ignored his texts as he ignored my wishes. I am pretty sure that his looks have gotten him by in these situations but I am not that shallow.

The second was supposed to be a first meet. I do think first meets need to be more planned, first impressions are everything. He constantly was asking late in the day/early evening to come out and meet him and at a place where he hangs out all the time. I told him I needed more notice for a few reasons. I needed time to get ready, time to drive there which is 45 minutes and also that I would like to meet on more neutral ground. We then had plans for a date that he cancelled and did not do much to make it happen after. We tried one more time, he went back to what he was doing in the first place that I asked him not to. Again, complete disrespect for my wished so I said goodbye.

Being disrespectful, especially after I made it clear to you is just downright rude and selfish and not someone I would want to date.

I have since met someone that gets it. The communication is awesome and I am keeping my fingers crossed. :)
 Talllkonnly
Joined: 1/16/2013
Msg: 61
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 11/22/2013 9:54:59 AM
On a second date, don't like last minute invites. It makes me feel you had nothing better to do so I got a call at the last minute. If I am newly dating you I want a few days notice. Maybe I need a manicure or the outfit I want to wear needs cleaning. If she is beautiful as you say, I'm sure she is dating many till she finds the one. You should of asked her after she said no, how about such and such night. I think you were just scared of her saying no the second time which would mean she is not interested if she then doesn't offer a free night.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 62
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 11/22/2013 2:02:27 PM
Ahhhh...mush like OP's dis-continued participation in this thread many first dates turn out to be one hit wonders...we sit there thinking everything is hunky dory and he/she is interested in us...and they're sitting there thinking "this is nice, but I wish he/she looked younger/better/prettier/handsomer"
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