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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Bella5849
Joined: 1/16/2013
Msg: 51
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I was married for 35 years to the first man I met. Unfortunately, he died six years ago and my world came crashing down on me. My whole life was in pieces. I functioned because I had too. I still had to teenagers to care for. I threw myself into my job, trying to drown the loneliness and emptiness that came with it.
I totally agree. I don't need a man to support me. I need a man to love me, take care of me in an emotional way by having my back when these don't go right and vice versa. To share my days and nights with. I'm 59 years young and even though you wouldn't give me that age. Men and women think I'm 45 years young. Sometimes I feel old and unwanted. I allow myself to feel that and than I carry on. Because what else is the alternative. But I have hope that the right person will come along.
 Feather21
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 52
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:54:34 PM
100 percent I believe I'll never marry, and I'm o.k. witht that.

I've seen too many married people who are miserable, so its not the end of the world for me.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 53
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:54:25 PM
I have no desire to get married anytime soon, especially with the divorce rate so high, and divorce favoring women so much.
 Loves_Montana
Joined: 10/16/2012
Msg: 54
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/25/2013 12:03:49 AM
You sound a bit confused. On one hand you consider yourself a Catholic and then post that you are a rather easy jump. You cannot have it both ways. Relationships are not developed through the vagina. You say guys only call you beautiful in order to get on your topside. Looks to me like it may be the other way around. Glad you asked for honest opinions. Hope this helps.
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 55
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/25/2013 12:26:33 AM
Randomfish pretty much has said what I'm feeling. . at my age, I don't have much time to wonder if I should have kids or not. It's never been something that I absolutely knew that I wanted. I'm open to having them, but only if the right person came along. But, as I get older, I know that the risk for the woman and the child goes up. .more complications/problems. Also, if the right person never comes along; and I'm in a financially sound position to do so, I too would think about adopting.
 434handyman
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 56
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/25/2013 2:21:35 PM
I am jaded but accepted it and life is never better. i was married twice to two different women that I had dated off and on four years each. I have now been divorced 15 years but what is amazing that my relationships in those 15 unmarried years hurt more than the divorces, with the exception of my first because I had a child involved. One thing I have recently done in the last two years is just date-forget the relationship factor too because most women have exes and kids and alot of drama. I didn't say baggage, I said drama. We all have baggage, but when we let it control our lives and run our lives then it becomes drama. My best relationships have been friends with benefits. It's not just the sex but having common interest and getting away a weekend a month to unwind is awesome. I know some women wouldn't even fathom this but don't knock it till you try it. I know I'll never get married again because I am happier now than I've ever been in my life, so why give that up?
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 57
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:16:22 PM
Im not quite sure who you referring to about them posting "their an easy jump" Nothing in My profile says anything of the sort.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 58
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:52:27 PM
With the general attitude in relationships nowadays, where people will jump ship and bail out of a marriage as soon as a problem arises, and then fight like pit bulls in divorce court, the real question should be: Do you think you will ever marry and divorce again?

Everyone here says their next marriage will be the one that lasts for life. That's what everyone thought the first time around, and how did that work out? Second or third or fourth marriages have no better chance of lasting forever than first marriages.
 Tom0777
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 59
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:09:42 PM
I'd marry for purely romantic reasons. At my age there isn't going to be a family unless the lady is young enough or has kids already. I've never been married.

We read about marriages ending disastrously but there are many others that don't end or end in a friendly way.

If you pick someone who you are deeply attracted to, is a good match, and is sane, level-headed, it's not likely to end in disaster. Not impossible but not likely. That is, not the likeliest possibility.
Why be so worried? (saying this in general, not to you op). You can always make a pre-nup just in case.
It's a bit of an adventure...hopefully it would be built on a good foundation

But I'd do it, for the right woman I would.
 mark777771
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:17:10 PM
Just enjoy each day and the person you're with. Let the chips fall where they may.
 logicalman1111
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 61
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:19:29 PM
I agree that most people whom haven't married by age 30 will probably not marry, but I don't agree with any divorced people or people whom have deceased spouses as being jaded, most of them marry again. I'm sure some of them don't but probably not so much at age 30 which is still pretty young. I think most people that marry once will marry again and they hate being single.
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 62
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:37:01 PM
I've nver married. not jaded just faded. Really even in my young days it wasn't my only choice for my life. I never ruled it out but I also never ruled out being single. I always wanted children but thought I would be a nun running an orphanage. so we all take life as it comes.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 63
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:41:53 PM
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
-----------------------------------
At times yes and still am Jaded about marriage. I would like to get married but to the right lady and that is critical. If it means 80% chance of me being single then so be it. I'm not in a rush for marriage anyways. I'm not even in a rush for a relationship and I'm 31
 CureCurious
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 64
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 1:37:48 AM
If ever I get married it wlll be to a lazy arse dude. I mean, what other conclusion can i draw from having to wait til now? :) Yes, I will call him a lazy arse too if he ever comes around. If not, well at least he died trying....
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 65
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 4:02:34 AM
In a world that literally it seems everyone that has been married, also has been divorced,
do you find that you are more Apprehensive to marry?


I've married and divorced, and it hasn't changed my mind on marriage. If you marry for the right reasons, there are no reasons your marriage won't stand strong, and last a lifetime.

I think many marry under pressure or for the image of it, rather than what you should truly be marrying for. I'm no different, in my first marriage (I caved in under the pressure), but I won't make the same mistake again. Marriage shouldn't feel like you're being held hostage. If it does, you're making a mistake. I unfortunately made a mistake, and a very costly one (I was of the thought I'd only marry once in this lifetime, so took the failure a lot harder than I probably should have).

As such, I know my second marriage should it occur, will be a stronger one, as I know what to avoid (and the red flags I should listen to).

Lesson I've learned, is don't focus on the marriage, and rather finding a man/woman who appreciates you as much as you appreciate them. Let things evolve naturally, and the marriage should be the icing on the top, and not the expectation.

Marriage at the end of the day, is just a piece of paper and a ring. Finding a loyal partner who wants to spend the remainder of their lives with you, is priceless.

 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 5:27:11 AM
Actually I think marriage is more for us over 45s that have done many things and have learned what we really want in a long term companion for ourselves, not your DNA for making super babies and not someone to JUST enjoy sex with but don't really LIKE them that much. jmo of course.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 5:30:51 AM
Is it being jaded, or is it experience. I was married a long time ago, divorced in the early 90s, and I always told myself that I would never get married again, and I haven’t.

My reason is not so much because I said that I wouldn’t marry again, it’s because I never met anybody that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with…. “Rest of your life”, that’s a hard one.

So, I believe in marriage, I did it as mentioned, but it’s got to be with the right person.

Here’s what I experienced and saw in my life. I’m way over 30.

First off, never marry anybody until you have been in a relationship over two years. The reason is, you never know what you are involved in as a couple the first two years of any relationship, because people change. If there are changes in the lifestyle within the two years a couple can see if this is what they can live with for the rest of their lives together. That is a big one! People that meet and get married with a year or two, many end up in divorce, or they complain how unhappy they are, See the statistics.

Never compare what the past has done to you to take into the future. Each year brings a new beginning or change. I’ve seen people’s lives totally change in a month! It’s true, life isn’t easy, and things happen. We all are broad-sided time and time again.

Build your own life. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. When you balance these within you, then to find another that has also balanced this they will be a match for you.

Build a career, so you can financially support yourself, do not count on another for your survival.

Never settle for less than who you are and want.

Never beat yourself up for what another didn’t do or should of done to you or for you.

Not everybody will be like you 100%.

Love yourself first, by loving yourself then you will be able to love another.

Forgive yourself first, then move on, never look back.

Anyhow, I could go on and on…. Marriage is wonderful with the two right people. Don’t be afraid of marriage, but realize not everybody is marriage material, and you might love the wrong person. Take time to find out who you love.

Thanks for the post.
Take Care,
Jan
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 68
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 6:05:12 AM
time has changed and the economy isn't helping much. I am 23 and doubt I will get married within the next five years, but do hope I can have a child, maybe through adoption, by then, preferably a girl. My sister is 29 and still has not married :(
 recvrynurs
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 69
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:24:47 AM
I have been single for more than a decade, after being in a "crisis filled, financial nightmare, him constantly cheating" marriage for 13 years. That said, I am not jaded; I think long term relationships where the two parties are loving, giving and WANT to be there, are the ideal, and do exist. Do I personally want to be married? Ummmmm- NO! I WANT to be in a relationship with someone who values me for me, not because he is mandated to be there by a piece of paper. Which by the way is not worth much of anything if he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Honestly I don't care what the rest of society thinks if I live with someone. If the person is not a friend of mine their opinion is of no value to me. My children are almost grown, so the NEED for co-mingling finances has past. I would not co-habitate without clearly written expectations regarding finances, and would not expect less for my partner. That would protect us both (and our respective children.) As to matters of the heart; I want someone with whom I can have fun, no matter the activity. Yes, that is possible.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 70
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 10:37:24 AM

…so the NEED for co-mingling finances has past. I would not co-habitate without clearly written expectations regarding finances…


MONEY
This is a major reason why so many people are jaded when it comes to remarrying or getting married for a first time in the middle aged or older crowd. When people are young and marry right after finishing school, they usually start out with nothing and build up equity together. But by mid-life, most people have built up a financial pot-whether it’s a few dollars or a large amount-and have assets. Nobody wants to marry “down” and take the risk of needing to financially supporting someone else or lowering their current life style. A person’s financial portfolio becomes just as important as being compatible and attractive when marrying or co-habitating. Everything becomes “This is my stuff and my money and will go to my kids and my family when the time comes” instead of “this is OUR stuff”. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where people are guarding their money and assets like armed guards at Fort Knox and taking legal measures to make sure their spouse never gets a penny of it should they pass away or become unable to look after themselves.

And the other aspect of keeping your money separate and sharing all expenses 50/50 instead of pooling their money together sounds simple and easy on paper, but there can be complications to this that could cause problems. What happens if a person’s financially situation changes through job loss or some financial crisis to one of the partners, or if one of the partners gets a promotion and raise and starts to make a lot more money that the other? Will there be resentment and bitterness when one of the partners isn’t able to pull their burden of financial weight as before?
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 71
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 12:41:15 PM
JAN 1025,

VERY excellent points and advice, thank you.

For everyone else, I was really surprised by the number of people that said that they would not
marry again. I realize to some a marriage license is just "a Piece of paper" , but to me it means
alot more. The idea od having someone love you enough to where you take their name is
huge to me, along with the hopefullness of spending the rest of my life with them.

To me as well, the value and Sanctity of marriage seems to be lost in this day and age...
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 72
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 2:47:39 PM
I am one of those who said I would never marry again. Do not think that marriage wasn't important to me. My wife and my family were more important to me than my own life, which I was ready to take/end in the hopes that their lives would improve (since bad luck always seems to follow me). She found another way and divorced me. Her life has surely improved, but the kids have had a very difficult time.

Even though I no longer want her back, I know if I even got another chance at a relationship that it would not be the same. The new woman would not be the mother of my children. The bond just wouldn't be the same. I am coming to accept that a relationship, or even companionship, is no longer in the cards for me. That is a tough pill to swallow; I hate pills.
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 73
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 2:50:31 PM
Joe bnd, Ive seen a few other people on here say that they dont feel like they will
ever find someone-what makes you say that. Does it have to do with age or just feelings?
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 74
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 3:29:09 PM
Nope..don't see marriage happening for me again. Maybe there's nobody that I'll have strong enough feelings for that are reciprocated. Maybe I'm so jaded that I'll never give anyone a chance. Either way...not happening. It's also possible I subconsciously choose people who are not marriage material so that I never risk anything.
 Lucky...13
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 75
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 3:32:48 PM
WTF....I'm so sick of this thread. *WUT* DO we need an attitude adjustment Missy?
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