Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
My cell phone is a dial out tool for travel or road emergency only. I give no one except my daughter the number, and she knows better than to call that number if her house isn't burning down. When I leave my house, I don't want to be bothered while I'm driving, and sure as hell don't want to listen to somebodies B.S. while I'm trying to shop or engaged in another activity.....there is nothing you've got to say to me that can't wait, and if it's that bad, call 911...not me! I know who of my friends are the phone freaks, and I never invite them to accompany me anywhere...I'm not interested in overhearing their B.S. conversations either.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 31
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/28/2013 9:40:02 PM
It is definitely a new wave of society. I had to laugh; the other night there were four of us together and ALL four of us were witting there at a table with each other all texting/emailing/facebooking on our smartphones.

On dates though; I never ever take calls unless it is from one of the kids who only would call in the case of emergency.

However, I will confess if I come across someone who gets out their phone and starts in on it; then mine comes out and I start catching up. And they can wait till I am fully caught up. Had one guy last year who was really obvious about showing how important he was and made a huge deal out of stopping to deal with whatever was going on on the other end with no comment, no just a sec and no apology; and I figured that was my cue to check what I had gotten in the past half hour while I was with him. Ironically, though he had no problem whatsoever making me chill waiting for him, he was absolutely livid that I would dare check my phone.

Apparently, OCD is only allowed by the other party; we are not all allowed the same luxury :)

(but if it is my choice; the phone waits till after the date; the world won't end in an hour or two (despite what the darn mayans say) :). Whatever is going on can indeed wait so I can focus on the person I'm out with. How do you get to know a person when you have multiple other people at the table with you by proxy?

(but there are definitely many out there who don't feel that way. I try and stick to those who do)
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 32
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/29/2013 12:28:29 AM
Wow Soul Union GREAT post! The best thing Ive read anywhere in a long time!!!!

Its sad when we have to second guess ourselves if celphone use on dates is rude..because this is how we start to assume we just have to put up with it..or any number of anti social, rude, selfish behaviors.

YES it is rude to take phone calls during a date! Just remember...what happens on that first date is a precursor to everything else! You dont like it? Get ready, there will be more of the same.

I finally ended a friendship with a guy who could not shut his phone off. He'd be texting and e-mailing and calling whenever we got together. I quietly counted once-he texted/checked his phone 35 times during a movie we were watching.

I dont have to put up with this. He can go sit and home and****around with his phone.
 sunsunsun4
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 33
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:28:49 AM
Unless someone tells me at the beginning that they're a doctor/vet on call or they have a loved one in the hospital, I find checking and answering cell phones rude. Even if you have a semi-urgent situation, you can always excuse yourself and run to the restroom to check messages. I absolutely know how addictive these things are. I dumped my cell phone after I nearly had a head on collision in my car.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 34
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:40:10 PM
Wow Soul Union GREAT post! The best thing Ive read anywhere in a long time!!!!

Its sad when we have to second guess ourselves if celphone use on dates is rude..because this is how we start to assume we just have to put up with it..or any number of anti social, rude, selfish behaviors.

YES it is rude to take phone calls during a date! Just remember...what happens on that first date is a precursor to everything else! You dont like it? Get ready, there will be more of the same.

I finally ended a friendship with a guy who could not shut his phone off. He'd be texting and e-mailing and calling whenever we got together. I quietly counted once-he texted/checked his phone 35 times during a movie we were watching.

I dont have to put up with this. He can go sit and home and****around with his phone. --- VolcanoKing


Thanks, VolcanoKing. I appreciate your post and your kind words.

Just to give an example of how 'obsessive' I am about cellphones and how I would not even have one near me, just this morning I was in town in the car, waiting to pick my flatmate up from the cruiser boat where he works. The boat was half an hour late, so I had some waiting to do.

I am quite an observant man. I sat there and watched the people around me, coming and going, walking across the pedestrian crossing - a dangerous business at the best of times in this country, especially with this particular one constructed on a blind bend, where cars come a-whizzing around the corner and have to crash their brakes at the last gasp if anyone is crossing.

Anyway, I watched these people with their cellphones. Heads down, staring into their little bit of plastic, putting their personal safety last on their agenda, and laughing and tittering and giggling, as if traffic - as if solid, metallic, whizzing-along, quarter-ton objects - don't apply to them, and all it takes is a coy smile and a throw of the hair and everything in the universe halts for them. The phone call must continue, pedestrian crossing or not. The verbal dribble, the tittering to their buddies down the road, the mindlessness, the cretinism.

Here in New Zealand a law was introduced six months ago, which banned drivers from using cellphones. It's an instant fine. Anyway, I'm sitting in the car, sweltering with the summer heat, and I count no less than 15 drivers whizzing along while nattering away into their bits of plastic. Seems that the message isn't getting through. How come it's getting through to me, a non-cool, non-cellphone user, someone who is not part of mainstream society and who doesn't want to be, either? How come all these great people don't know the law? Or are they just pig-arrogant?

Naw, if I went on a date, and that's a rare prospect with my outlook and at my age, and the woman placed the cellphone on the table, that would be the first and last straw. I'd get up and walk away. I would go and have a coffee somewhere, relieved to escape all that nonsense. I'd pull out a book and just read. What a relief.

Ah, for the old days . . . with the fountain pens, the embossed writing paper, the thick envelopes, the marble paper-weights, even the wax seals on the back of the envelopes. I find all that so lovely and rich and personally meaningful.

Today? Today we have the brutally illiterate text messages and the virus-encrusted spam just waiting for you to open. ("Wait till they get a loada me," kind of thing.)

Guess I'm just a walking, breathing anachronism. You don't have to tell me, guys. I know the score. I know it well.

Best to all.

- Peter
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 35
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:45:27 PM

My phone is on silent and out of site.

If my date does not deserve my full attention and he mine then the date is a waste of time. It's called respect.

This is the way I feel as well.. if my date took a phone call, I would be asking for the check.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 36
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:14:16 PM
Soul U,
Just to give an example of how 'obsessive' I am about cellphones and how I would not even have one near me, just this morning I was in town in the car, waiting to pick my flatmate up from the cruiser boat where he works. The boat was half an hour late, so I had some waiting to do.

I am quite an observant man. I sat there and watched the people around me, coming and going, walking across the pedestrian crossing - a dangerous business at the best of times in this country, especially with this particular one constructed on a blind bend, where cars come a-whizzing around the corner and have to crash their brakes at the last gasp if anyone is crossing.

Ah, for the old days . . . with the fountain pens, the embossed writing paper, the thick envelopes, the marble paper-weights, even the wax seals on the back of the envelopes. I find all that so lovely and rich and personally meaningful.



Sounds like you might get along well with my ex-wife. But she doesn't own a cell phone, a phone or a computer.

You could write to her, virtually the only way to contact her. If I want to contact her in a "hurry" I relay a MSG through her church who then contacts her.

BTW, Last month I got my first ever cell phone, my wife gave me one of hers, I guess so she could call me anytime. :):). Handy devices when you are traveling.

You know, in many second / third world countries they don't have land lines, everyone owns a cell phone, it's their only way to call. Or an air card on a computer. Now that would drive you crazy, many have 2-3 cell phones.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 37
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:09:44 AM
Just set some ground rules before the date begins. No cell phones, or other internet accessible devices. Just you and me. If they can't handle it, find one that can. It's no big deal, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
 aries1947
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 38
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:35:16 PM
My cell is usually in my purse - turned off. I don't even answer my land line if I have guests over. That's why there's such a thing call "voice mail". I saw this idea recently on Facebook and it makes sense to me: Put the cellphones on the table and the first one to answer theirs gets to pay for the evening.
 sunnyway2
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 40
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:43:23 PM
I'm a Luddite, too, when it comes to telephones. I spent my entire career tied to a telephone at the office. As a result, I hate hearing the phone ring. Give me peace! I traded in a smart phone for a pre-paid cell phone that resides in my car, where it's used only road emergencies. Otherwise, it is never turned on. I do not want my pocket or purse to ring. I don't want to hear yours ring--especially those ludicrous irritating LOUD songs people use for ring tones. I don't want to see and hear another train pedestrian conducting a loud conversation, some doofus in the grocery store arguing with wifey over what kind of stewed tomatoes to buy, a silly mature woman keeping her cell phone on alert during social events just in case her (apparently helpless) 30-something kids call her, or homicidal idiots driving their cars with cell phones held to their ears. I do not want a wanker to text or check voicemail or email while I'm giving him my attention. If texting morons get killed because they walk into traffic or fall into manholes, I consider the gene pool improved.

Yes, yes, I know cell phones are invaluable business tools, but for personal use there are very few calls that can't wait until one checks voice mail at a more appropriate moment. I don't even answer my landline unless Caller ID identifies someone I know and with whom I want to talk. Lest you think that I'm totally anachronistic after this rant, I love technology, but as tools, not as tyrants that rule my life. I have two iMacs, a Windows laptop, and an iPad (but no TV, because although the flat-panel TVs are very sexy, I know I would never use it).
>end of rant<
:D
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 41
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:35:58 PM

I'm really put off by the notion that I must somehow set "ground rules" for behavior that should be obviously embraced, rather than adopting an antithetical philosophy, when on a first date.

Concurred. If it isn't "just you and me" from the outset, then why the heck are we on a date?
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 42
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:40:03 PM
"""""""""""Guess maybe I'm the perfect date, lol! No cell. When I had one, it was mostly turned off. Still not sure why they're needed, except for cases like Tink's. Just me, I guess.""""""""""""""

I don't even HAVE a cell phone.

I guess the perfect dates are those dates, that never get a date. I can't remember even the date on my last date. I don't remember the calendar date, and I don't remember the woman's name. Then again, I don't remember whether later during that date, on that fateful date, I ate a date, or my date. After many years, they start to taste and even look the same.

Unless I mistook my date for a prune.

JFC. I drive even myself up the wall, sometimes. Most people get this when they hum a tune and they can't get it out of their heads. I get this with a type of sense of humour, that won't leave me, though it drives everyone bunkers, incl. me. And then it just wouldn't budge to leave.

------------------

""""""""""""""""I quietly counted once-he texted/checked his phone 35 times during a movie we were watching."""""""""""""""""""""""

Let me get this straight: you two went to the movies. He checked his phone 35 times, because he was confident you were watching the movie. You were, instead and in fact, watching him. Thirty five times, no more, no less.

Well. For the price of the admission, you two could have stayed home, rented a DVD, make a big bowl of popcorn, and you could have watched him as he was watching his phone.

Cut.
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 43
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:52:28 PM
"""""""""""""Just set some ground rules before the date begins. No cell phones, or other internet accessible devices. Just you and me. If they can't handle it, find one that can. It's no big deal, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I'm really put off by the notion that I must somehow set "ground rules" for behavior that should be obviously embraced, rather than adopting an antithetical philosophy, when on a first date."""""""""""""

Whoa nelly, Lucid. I like the notion of ground rules.

We make a date. I march into the place raising my boots high and stomping around like a sturmbahkommandofuhrer.

"Yavole!! Vir muss groudnrules lain doyn. 1st. No spitting. 2. man muss not inspect legs of waitress close-up, and feel for dzee rough edges derein. 3. Wolman muss her underwear bra adjustieren in the toilet, not at dzee bar, asking a patron to help her do it. 4. Smoking verboten. 5. Man muss shirt wear in restaurant. 6. Bill muss be paid at end of event. Etc.

If you think this is crazy... then what would you do if you had a date with my mother.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

""""""""""""" I spent my entire career tied to a telephone at the office""""""""""""""

Sunnyway, you got off easy at work. My sister Zsuzsa, the woman of my own flesh and blood, spent her entire 56-year-long career at the office tied WITH the telephone wire. It was in a communist country, at the Stabgewesenwahrheitsgesundreissenkommando unit. In the Hergestellt Ministerium. ("Modimpex.")


I guess you have guessed by now: Misogyny is not in the vocabulary of my old country.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 45
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:22:38 AM
I have a cell phone, not a 'smart phone', don't text. I have it for emergencies mostly, take it in my car always. BUT, if I were fortunate enough to have a meetup with someone for coffee, it would be turned off. I have actually done that. If I were with someone who had to keep checking every 5 minutes for messages or texts I would consider that very rude and would probably ask them to turn it off while we were chatting. If they refused I'm afraid it would mean they're addicted to the thing...and that would indicate, at least to me, that when they were with me, I wouldn't be very important to them. And that would hurt...and there would be no second date. ;-(
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 46
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:46:08 AM
OP,

I agree with you wholeheartedly, there's no place for a smartphone during a meet and greet, first few dates. I have mine on vibrate in my pocket and unless it vibrates more than a couple of times (emergency?) I will ignore it until after the date.

There's one variable that no one seems to have mentioned; the "date break" phone call or text. This happened to me a few times, about 30 minutes into the date she'll get a call or text message as a means of possibly ending the date. Once the woman got up and went to the ladies room, came back and said she had to leave. The other times it happened we laughed about it (other women), as they knew that I knew what was up. I asked, so what's the verdict staying or leaving?
 justmaybe185
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 12:01:58 PM
I think it is very rude to answer a call while on a date. there are of course exceptions, these should be mentioned before the date starts. For instance if the date has children left on their own(teenagers) for a short time. There always should be a back up person the child can call.
I don't think it shows respect if a date leaves the table for any reason, bathrrom duty is before or after a meal. I had a guy once leave the table several times for sometimes as long as 15 min. I caught him checking the score at the bar.
Bottom line there should be no distraction, one should be in the moment.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 48
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 2:51:32 PM
I am in real estate so my phone is my business. However, it is rude to let a business meeting or date be interrupted by a phone call. Unless I am waiting for an urgent call on an offer, I set it to silent and let voice mail grab it. If it has to be on, I let the man know why it has to be on and excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom or outside to take the call if it comes during the date. So far, no complaints from clients or dates.
 12thour
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 49
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:13:11 PM
If a man places a phone on the table I will excuse myself from the meet immediately. I have done this twice. No explanation needed from me but the second time I did say "Oh I am sorry I didn't know you had an impending date. We could have rescheduled." I smiled and then left. He did try to call me several times but I had no desire to revisit that scenario.

If the person who MIGHT call on the other side of that line is more important that the flesh and blood in front of you then I can't be upset later on in our life together when I feel like he didn't see me as someone who should come first. I knew it from date one.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 50
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:57:53 PM
If a man places a phone on the table I will excuse myself from the meet immediately. I have done this twice. No explanation needed from me but the second time I did say "Oh I am sorry I didn't know you had an impending date. We could have rescheduled." I smiled and then left. He did try to call me several times but I had no desire to revisit that scenario.

If the person who MIGHT call on the other side of that line is more important that the flesh and blood in front of you then I can't be upset later on in our life together when I feel like he didn't see me as someone who should come first. I knew it from date one. --- 12thour


OMG, a woman after my own heart. I agree 100% - more, if possible.

It reminds me of an incident that happened back in 1993, when I first came out here to New Zealand from Britain. It has changed my view of telephones - of all kinds.

I was living in Auckland. It was one of those days when you know the rain pelting down isn't going to ease in a hurry. It was literally lashing down, stair rods, as we say in Britain, cats and dogs - that kind of rain. It was being whipped horizontally by a gale-force wind. Bits of branches bounced down the streets. Doors slammed. Pedestrians huddled in nervous knots behind shop-front windows.

Anyway, I went into a store, one of those emporia where you can find diverse things from a safety pin to an anchor. I was looking for an aerial for my TV set.

The wind sort of threw me through the door, my hair was sodden wet and I looked like I'd just stepped out of the shower. I gave myself a shake like the family pet would do, before making towards the counter, where the lone assistant stood, watching me with some humour. He was clearly at a loose end.

I smiled, took a deep breath and walked towards him. Just as I was about to speak, the telephone rang. He didn't excuse himself or say 'wait a minute,' or anything of the sort; he merely picked up the telephone, sat down and took the call. It was clearly from an enquiring customer, probably phoning from the comfort of his home. The call went on and on and on. I stood there, dripping.

What I am saying here is, just like 12thour, that if the person on the other side of the line is more important than the flesh-and-blood customer in front of you, then . . . it's all over. It's finished. Don't need it.

I waited for about ten minutes. That's a long time, especially with me being the only customer in the store. I gave up and made towards the door. The owner freaked out and ran towards me. I put my hand up. "Forget it," I said. "I see your priorities. I won't be back."

I am, or was, one of those people with fragile egos. All it takes is someone to say "piss off" to me and my heart breaks. I took seriously what people said, unfortunately. I put Them 'up there,' and Me 'down here,' and always did. At least, until that fateful day.

I no longer fall for the illusion of anybody being 'better' than me. If they don't treat me with a modicum of respect - and, clearly, this store owner did not do that - then I don't go back. I don't revisit the situation. Same with cellphones. Bring that radiation-blasting crap out in my company and I'll simply walk away. I won't get upset. I won't wave my arms or make a fuss or upset your wonderful day with a nasty frown. I will simply walk away - and keep walking.

My chances of finding my ideal mate on PoF are about as good as winning the Tri-State Lottery, especially with 99% of people determined to expose themselves to cellphone radiation and EMFs at all costs, right into the brain.

"Cellphones are the most radiative appliances we have invented apart from the microwave oven, and people are actually putting them alongside their heads, the most sensitive part of the body." — Roger Coghill [Bioelectromagnetics scientist]

"It is generally not known that there is a cumulative effect and that talking on a cellphone for an hour a day for ten years is 10,000 watts of radiation. That's 10 times more than you get from putting your head inside a microwave oven." — Dr Paul Rosch [Clinical Professor of Medicine at the New York Medical College]

So be it.

- Peter
 staffmom
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 51
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 4:16:54 PM
I take my cellphone on dates and I will check it from time to time. My mother is in her mid-80's and lives alone. I am her emergency contact. There was a time some months ago when my mother was in the hospital, things seemed to be stable and a male I had seen a few times was visiting. The phone call that I took was because my mom had taken a turn for the worse, was being moved to Critical Care and her doctor needed to review DNR wishes. The male saw I was visibly upset, insisted on driving me to the hospital.

So... yes, there are times that a call on the other side of the line is more important than the flesh and blood in front of me.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 52
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 4:44:57 PM

yes, there are times that a call on the other side of the line is more important than the flesh and blood in front of me

in that case, the one w/ the phone & emergency should TELL the other person 1st!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 54
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 7:33:07 PM
This latest account baffles me.

I did not date while my mother was in the hospital. It didn't seem like a good idea and I wasn't interested anyway.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 55
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 7:49:50 PM

This latest account baffles me.

I did not date while my mother was in the hospital. It didn't seem like a good idea and I wasn't interested anyway. --- HelenBackAgain


This is exactly what OldnLucid is talking about.

- Peter
 staffmom
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 56
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:11:52 PM
to clarify: the gentleman guest was, indeed, aware that my mother was in the hospital. She was stable and doing well and no one anticipated the change in her condition. The gentleman asked to come over because he knew I could use friendly company.

Through reading the forums, I'm finding there are many rules and much to learn about dating at this age.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 57
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:15:37 PM

This is exactly what OldnLucid is talking about.

Yes, I know.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >