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 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 62
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
The funny thing about this thread is that the POF first meet guidelnes advise woman to place their turned on cell phone on the table at the beginning of the date. So when someone does this, they are doing what POF has suggested they do.

I laughed when I saw this because how on earth was my cell phone sitting on the table in a public place make me any safer.

NowI will admit that I am a smart phone addict. I use facebook, whatsapp, my kids text me and I check both my personal and work email from my phone. That being said, I put my phone on silent and put it in my purse when I am on a date. There is nothing so urgent going on in my life that it cannot wait a few hours and if there is, it really isn't the right time for a date.
 02HDF150
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 63
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Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 2:38:29 AM
When i've gone on dates, i've always let the woman know i'm shutting my phone off and do so in front of her. That way she knows for the short time we're together she has my full attention.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 64
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Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:19:53 AM
Like most I agree 100% with the OP.

It is incredibly disrespectful to take and make texts and calls on your mobile during a date. It's HUGE Red Flag -- if they cannot attend to you on a first date what will the rest of the relationship be like when they are NOT on their "best behaviour".

In exceptional circumstances when placing the phone on the table, the person should apologise and state clearly to the date: "I have an elderly frail mother and I will only take a call if it's from her. Please rest assured that I won't be answering it otherwise, or reading any texts."

And you know what makes my blood boil? Every one of these devices is designed to (a) take voicemail messages that can be listened to later and (b) text messages that remain on the phone for years! They don't auto-delete after ten minutes, but you'd think they did the way these rude people carry on.

Do these phone addicts sleep? They do? In that case, they CAN go 6 to 8 hours without checking their phones or texts. So why cannot they give you an hour?

But, dear OP, I have a solution for you - and the rest of us who find it infuriating. Within minutes of meeting with your date, after the initial pleasantries, and at a suitable moment say: "I got read a text from my friend. Apparently the woman/man he/she was on a date with yesterday took texts and calls while we were together - isn't that incredibly rude?" Then make sure he or she sees you switch off your phone and tuck it away out of sight.

Is that a good solution?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 65
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:03:31 AM
Posted by curviest:
"...But, dear OP, I have a solution for you - and the rest of us who find it infuriating. Within minutes of meeting with your date, after the initial pleasantries, and at a suitable moment say: 'I got read a text from my friend. Apparently the woman/man he/she was on a date with yesterday took texts and calls while we were together - isn't that incredibly rude?' Then make sure he or she sees you switch off your phone and tuck it away out of sight.
Is that a good solution?..."

No, it sounds snarky. It is a fabricated story. It is better to be direct and truthful.
Why not just say to your date, "I am silencing my phone so nobody disturbs our time together."
He will likely respond in kind.
 Angelito584
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 66
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:44:56 AM
I'm with you OP. When it comes down to it, we just accept it or not. There are no obligations or contracts on these dates, but a little courtesy goes along way. Perhaps is best that the date shows what he or she really is, that way we can choose to continue or not.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 67
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Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 3:57:27 PM
not acceptable in any way, unless s/he has sick or young kids or other family member with an urgent matter or pets in the animal hospital or on call for work if that was the case with me, i would let my date know ahead of time. otherwise, rude!!! does not matter whether they click with you or not. says something about their manners and social finesse. even my kids don't do this (especially when "i" am calling them, lol)!
 southernleaderman
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 68
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 3/4/2013 11:56:46 AM
Put something in your profile about how you feel about cell phones. You'd be amazed how that will carry over into the dates themselves. Second, if someone you meet shows up and says up front that there may be an emergency call they have to take and then excuses themselves briefly to take that call, then fine. However, openly taking calls at the table or walking away with nothing said to you is not. That happened to me once. When it did, I paid the bill in full for both of us and left while this person was away from the table. Interestingly enough she called me several times after that to try to meet again but I never took the calls. Whatever you live with in the beginning of a relationship you will be stuck with for the duration.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 69
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Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/6/2014 4:10:33 AM
I am a "working-class" guy. Not even 'middle-class'. Not poor. Working-class.

I have ZERO interest in dating a high-powered, "Martha Stewart/Oprah" type woman, who NEEDS to have her phone accessible "just in case" President Obama, Vladimir Putin, or Warren Buffet call
needing
economic advice
or
the recipe for lemon squares
while she is on a date
with me.

Sarcasm aside.

Rudeness/Social cluelessness are HUGE deal breakers for me. If I were 25 (and dating 20-something women), it would be highly irritating, however, at 45 (and dating 35 to 45 year-olds-------people who SHOULD know better and who are set in their ways); if she answers that phone/text
in my presence
without a prior explanation about a sick relative, then I am gone.

There will be no speech, pronouncement, or explanation. I will just be O-U-T.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 70
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Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/6/2014 4:17:22 AM
.....................and it has never happened to me
but,
I have about this ||<------------much patience for the "my sick kid might call with an emergency" nonsense.

If your child is that sick, I have the PERFECT solution.

Wait for it! This is going to be groundbreaking
and
transformative advice.

Epic, really.

Ready?

Stay the hell home with your child.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 71
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/6/2014 9:13:57 AM

Second, if someone you meet shows up and says up front that there may be an emergency call they have to take and then excuses themselves briefly to take that call, then fine.


If someone feels there might be an emergency call during a date, stay home and wait for that call-if it ever comes. How are you going to get to know someone if your mind is totally focused on your cell phone and maybe getting a call? Don't date if getting a phone call/text is more important than face-to-face conversation.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 72
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Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/6/2014 9:28:16 AM
I don't have a set boundary about the other person's cell phone use. It depends on why they have the cell phone thing going on during a date, sometimes there are good reasons, other times it's a weeding out process. If a person needs to talk to others a lot, I think, oh crap he's going to be calling & calling me too and weed him out. If he has business or family reasons to need to use his cell phone on dates, then who am I to get all huffy. Certainly I would answer my phone if I thought I needed to.
 lasttangointulsa
Joined: 2/25/2014
Msg: 73
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/6/2014 12:02:22 PM
Unless you have minor children, there's absolutely no need to even bring a phone on a date. Leave it in the car, put it in your purse or pocket, but TURN IT OFF. Nothing and no one is so important they can't wait an hour or two for a response.

I've had so many bad experiences with men responding to texts, talking on the phone or just surfing while I'm trying to talk to them that I've started telling them ahead of time if I see or hear a phone, especially if they talk or text, I'm outta there. So far, no takers LOL
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 74
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/7/2014 9:33:31 AM

I have far less tolerance now than I did 10+ years ago. Why did I tolerate those two dates? Because she had big knockers and I was hoping to do more than just look at them.


Thank goodness for needy teenagers. They helped her dodge a bullet.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 75
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/7/2014 9:41:24 AM
^^^

CoolDog65 was clearly being playful.
She took double-digits worth of telephone calls during dinner and a movie?
He clearly dodged the bigger bullet for sure! :-)
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 76
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/7/2014 12:21:40 PM
^^^^ I have no doubt she put them up to it---in all likelihood, she was feeling ambivalent towards him and used the kids to c--k block him.

They both dodged a bullet. It's a matter of opinion who dodged the bigger one.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 77
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 78
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/8/2014 7:09:09 AM
If I was in a situation where I was on a first or second date and the person was non stop on her cell phone . I would get up and wish her good luck and walk away . That type of behavior with a cell is very rude , especially when you are trying to get to know someone . So obviously a woman doing that is not acting in a lady like manner , which to me is a automatic deal breaker . As for myself I do not have to worry about acting in that rude way considering I have never owned a cell phone . I still find it amusing how so many people let a small piece of plastic control their lives .
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 79
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/8/2014 8:27:53 AM
I find it amusing how so many demonize the cell phone. It is simply a piece of technology that allows a certain amount of freedom that was not available in the pre cell phone age.

I guess you all forget leaving the babysitter the number for the restaurant and anywhere else you might be going for the evening and not being able to deviate from the plan in case heaven forbid something went wrong at home.

Or how about sitting at the office waiting for an urgent call? I remember cancelling plans more than once because I needed an answer from someone about something and the only way to get it was to sit by the phone. Now I can get on with life while waiting for answers. So take a call while on a date? It depends on the circumstances and who I am with and to be honest, someone who hates cell phones and has 5000 rules regarding date behaviour would never be a good match for me.

 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 80
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/8/2014 8:37:03 AM

Posted by Hamilton12345:
"I guess you all forget leaving the babysitter the number for the restaurant and anywhere else you might be going for the evening and not being able to deviate from the plan in case heaven forbid something went wrong at home."

Yet miraculously people still dated and I don't recall waiters running to tables with urgent messages to call babysitters. The trick is for the recipient of the calls to have the good sense to know when to turn-off his/her cellular phone.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 81
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/8/2014 8:45:05 AM
Some how I think it gives people an ego boost for every one to see them blabbing on their cell phones constantly . It gives them the illusion of , look at me , I am important . I find it rather pathetic . But I do not have 5000 rules , mine are very simple . Either I get shown the same respect I am giving , or I give no respect .
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 82
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/8/2014 10:15:10 AM
Some people use the phone for work like it or not they need to answer it. Its the times we live in, There are things that people expect an answer and a solution right now. Some technology use is legitimate, While some people use technology as a way to occupy there time as they need constant entertainment.
When I go on a date I apologize in advance in case someone calls me and I need to answer the phone. I put the phone on vibrate so it wont be loud and attract attention. If the person I'm on a date with can't except that then so be it.
I would say that on the other hand if I'm out with someone and they are always on the phone with different people I would say something about it.
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 83
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/11/2014 12:10:20 AM
Even though I live out of range and don't own a cell phone, I like them very much. Excellent little qualifying tools. I learn so much about an individual from observing their cell phone usage behavior:

1. do they have manners?
2. do they talk too loud?
3. do they put it on vibrate or musical ring when out on a date?
4. etc...

You can save a lot of time in getting to know someone if you pay attention to what they do with their cell phone. Class or no class, self-centered or considerate, it all shows up real quick. Hurrah!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 84
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/11/2014 8:13:43 AM

Some people use the phone for work like it or not they need to answer it. Its the times we live in, There are things that people expect an answer and a solution right now.


Are you on call 24/7, 365 days a year, and never allowed to have any "me" time? That would be a bigger issue. I thought slavery was outlawed a long time ago. What would you do if you were in the middle of having sex and the phone rang? Would you interrupt the sex to take the call? Would you warn a woman beforehand that if you're having sex with her and she's about to have an orgasm, and the phone rings, the phone has priority over her orgasm?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 85
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/11/2014 9:34:15 AM
^^^

Maleman999...you got that right! There is a time and place to make/receive calls.
Some people will provide countless excuses why those infernal cellular phones must be nearby.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 86
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/11/2014 2:30:02 PM

Are you on call 24/7, 365 days a year, and never allowed to have any "me" time? That would be a bigger issue. I thought slavery was outlawed a long time ago. What would you do if you were in the middle of having sex and the phone rang? Would you interrupt the sex to take the call? Would you warn a woman beforehand that if you're having sex with her and she's about to have an orgasm, and the phone rings, the phone has priority over her orgasm?


I had a job where I was on call 24/7. Got called at concerts where I couldn't hear them talking. Got called several times at midnight -3:00 AM while in bed. When we take vacation, it was popular to get out of range, like a cruise or wilderness camping.

Never had a call during sex, I suppose I would ignore it. After all, it will only be a couple of minutes and I can call them back.

After I left that job, I didn't own a cell phone for 14 years. I have one now, but text is turned off.
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