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 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 115
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Agreed as well OP. Went on a date a few months ago and the gent had two mobiles and a blackberry and was constantly looking at ALL THREE from the start of the date. And during most of the date he was checking them and had very little eye contact with me. The majority of the date he wants to show me things on Facebook or some other website and then after talking mostly about his interests all night, wants me to come back to his place to show me things on his computer. No thanks!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 116
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 5:26:16 AM

Went on a date a few months ago and the gent had two mobiles and a blackberry and was constantly looking at ALL THREE from the start of the date.


And you stuck around? If someone did that with me, I would've say: "I see you're busy with your plastic friends, so I'll leave now so I won't distract you", and I would walk out.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 117
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 7:53:07 AM
Regency, I completely agree with you!!!! Fantastic posts!

Your observation about technology draining the ability to *build character* is spot on. I feel like people are reverting to childhood with their phones, gadgets and tablets, retreating into this anti social world, disconnected from what is going on around them.

The most obvious sign of this child-like regression are the TANTRUMS that people throw when you dare tell ask them to get off the phone. I mean come on..people going on dates and sitting there screwing around with a phone all night? (been there, experienced that)

Celphones are swell, and they also bring out the worst in people..THE.WORST. Distracted drivers who forget they are not sitting on their couch but driving a two ton machine, driving with a celphone is illegal here in Ca. yet I see it allllll the time, people trying to back up out of tight parking spots in their SUV's while talking into a phone..no one looks at one another anymore, everyone staring into phones, wandering into traffic (seen it) and having public meltdowns if they are asked to switch the phone off (also seen it).

Screaming, bleating, self centered, raging children. Zero sense of community and responsibility.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 118
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 9:00:22 AM
I wish it was legal to Darwinize people who are so engrossed in their cell phones, they totally disregard safety and common sense. There have been numerous times I had to quickly come to a stop while driving because some arsehole is totally focused on their phone and decides to cross the street without looking to see if they're stepping into the path of a moving vehicle. They don't want to spend a second to look for on-coming traffic because that second is time away from looking at their cell phone or tapping out a message. What they don't realize is there are a lot of drivers who are just as messed up as they are, who are texting or reading messages while driving who won't notice if a pedestrian is crossing the street right in front of them.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 119
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 3:23:44 PM
I find it a bit humorous that some women stopped communicating with me because I let them know I did not have a cell phone . Would not be able to text . Would actually have to talk on a phone .
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 120
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 4:11:11 PM
Think Hamilton12345 has it pretty close to right. 80% of cellphone users are not addicts or rude about it. Everyone I know has a cellphone even my technically challenged brothers LOL, none of them are rude in the usage of those phones.
But the 20% give the rest a bad name. And then there are the luddites!!!!
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 121
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 4:30:55 PM
I will to end of days find it amusing the way that people can't accept that things have changed.

Do I excuse the bad manners of people who use their cell phones at inappropriate times? Not a chance, but I also understand that there will be times that someone has to answer that call. It is all about expectations of appropriate public behaviour. Have I walked out on a date who was overusing his cell phone? You bet and I said exactly that in one of my posts.

Do I answer my phone in public places, if I need to yes and then I excuse myself and walk away. Would I go to a movie, concert or live theatre if I was on call and knew there was a chance that I may have to take a call? Not a chance. But yes I would go out for a meal, if the phone rang I would answer it and ask the person on the phone to wait while I step away to take the call. Do I see people doing that? Regularly. Do I see people talking on the phone while they are in fine dining establishments? Never, I have seen someone get up and take the call outside but never sit at the table. Sure people talk on the phone while riding the bus, as long as they are not loud, I am not sure what the harm is.

Am I justifying cell phone use so that I can use my phone wherever and whenever I want? Not a chance, there are many places that it is not appropriate to use a phone and yes there are many people who are addicted to their phones.

I cannot remember ever going to a movie where there wasn't at least one person who talked through most of the movie. Nothing has changed. Rude people will be rude regardless of anything else.

If you don't want a cell phone, don't have one. If you don't want too date someone who uses a cell phone, don't date them. But don't relate the use of the cell phone with the end of civilization becuase it just isn't so. It is simply another in a long line of communication tools.



Well...we shouldn't really blame the phones - it's the people who are the problem. If these very same people did not have cell phones, they would be constantly jangling their charm bracelets, or staring at the ceiling fans turn around, or looking over their shoulders at other people and asking "what you think of THAT couple".

These people simply have short attention spans and the phone is just a convenient distraction. These are the very same people who used to drop pencils, pass notes, and chatter incessantly in classrooms. The same people who can't walk by any display without putting their hands on everything that's out. The people that will touch every item on a snack tray in search of the perfect cracker/cheese/dressing combination.


The above came from the first page of the thread and is exactly what I have been saying, the rude cell phone user would be rude even without the phone.

The cell phone haters seem to be looking for any excuse to complain. Good gawd now using cell means you most liekly lack in character, ^-^ the eyebrows raise and the eyes roll at this. Accept it folks, cell phones are here to stay, people are going to use them and misuse them.

Now one final thought for all you single folks with a million rules, perhaps that is why you are single.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 122
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/14/2014 7:01:42 PM

Now one final thought for all you single folks with a million rules, perhaps that is why you are single.


Knocked it out of the park right there. Have you looked around these days, what's missing, that was every where years ago? Try & find a Pay Phone when you're out & about. They were every where then, not so much these days.
 Ss823j
Joined: 9/23/2013
Msg: 123
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/17/2014 1:16:08 PM
Back on the first page of this thread, NoPoet hit the nail on the head. A first date is a first impression. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can tell you that when I am on a first date, I am there to let the other person know who I am. Now some might say...another words youre gonna be a bit phony..no..for me not so. I wont answer a phone call if I am having lunch with a friend, ordering food in a restaurant or have arrived to the check out person in a market. It is rude. Think about it..what am I saying to a woman who is in the middle of sharing something..perhaps something intimate..with me..and I put my hand up in the.."one second.." position interrupting her to take a phone call. I would consider HER well mannered if she didn't get up and walk out.
Getting back to the first date. I would hope it gives the woman I am meeting a glimpse into who I am and how she might expect me to treat her should we meet again or move on to the next level. Lucid, you said you didn't mind a short interruption. You are kind. How about the person leaves the contraption in the car and it becomes a non-issue.
Why do we have first dates..or any in person meetings..Why just not move from texting and skyping to the wedding. Sounds silly doesn't it. We meet in person because communication is significantly more non-verbal than verbal. Remember mom..it's not what you say, it's how you say it...It's also what you are doing, how you comport yourself, what your body is saying while you are talking...all of this and more is included in communication. Picking up that cell phone is a huge deal. Ill mannered scratches the surface..but it says so so much more.
Also frm the first page from Soul Union, a great quote .."An invisible (or visible) third party.
So over to this last page. I don't have a million rules on this subject..I have one..it is old as time...heck even old as me...you know..that golden rule thing.
Since I have started dating again, in this modern day and age of cell phones and tablts, I have walked out on first dates twice after several hands up in my face, can you wait a sec phone calls..And now we have tablets.
The reference to pay phones. I am so old that my first phone number started with letters. Yes, there was a pay phone in the Hilltiop Diner where I had more than a few first dates. No, I have never put my hand up mid-sentence while a date was talking and said. I have to hit the phone.
These are different times..Some things are timeless. I can't speak for anyone else. Would I say something if a woman came to a first date and put a cell phone on the table...No..Would I still be sitting there after the third call..not a snowball's chance in a very hot place.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 124
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/25/2014 4:33:47 AM
Actually the excuse of "I have kids" isn't valid either to have a cell phone out and ready to use. The whole world, believe it or not, existed and functioned without mobile phones for a couple thousand years.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 125
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/25/2014 7:26:26 AM
A first meet/date is pretty much like a job interview. Even though that doesn't sound romantic and fairy tale like, the concept is exactly the same-impress a stranger enough to want to have further contact. How many people would answer their phone during a job interview? If I was a manager at a company interviewing someone for a job, and the person felt a need to interrupt the interview to answer their phone or check for a text message that just came in, that would end the interview and any chance of getting a job. It would indicate to me that their phone is the most important part of their life and it has priority over job performance, and there would be constant interruption when doing their job. It's the same in the dating world. If a phone takes priority over anybody you're with, date your phone. Most people wouldn't date someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, so why date someone who is addicted to their phone?
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 126
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/25/2014 6:16:52 PM
^^^Good analogy maleman999. Or maybe the first meet isn't working out for them so they are being rude intentionally, who knows? So many people are socially retared with their cell phones, it's shocking.

A friend recently asked me to go on a long drive with her to store we have both wanted to go to for shopping. We enjoy each others company and can chat for hours, and have done so for years. Off we go and her son calls, they talk for about 5 minutes until I interrupt. I said I feel like I'm in a phone booth with you, this is not pleasant. She argued that she was hoping to check in with all her 5 kids during the drive. Luckily we worked it out and are still friends because she put the phone down.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 127
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/25/2014 8:24:53 PM

A friend recently asked me to go on a long drive with her to store we have both wanted to go to for shopping. We enjoy each others company and can chat for hours, and have done so for years. Off we go and her son calls, they talk for about 5 minutes until I interrupt. I said I feel like I'm in a phone booth with you, this is not pleasant. She argued that she was hoping to check in with all her 5 kids during the drive. Luckily we worked it out and are still friends because she put the phone down.


Time will tell if you're such good friends now. Or if she put the phone down because she didn't want to be in the car with you for a long time arguing all the way. See if she asks you to go on anymore long drives.
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 128
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/25/2014 11:25:53 PM
^^^Sorry to shine some light on your negative little hate-fest but she's already planned another trip for us. There's no lack of love there.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 129
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/26/2014 9:46:45 PM
I went on a road trip recently with my daughter and my niece and their spouses, my son and his wife unfortunately could not come with us. Well we called them a number of time while we were driving, put my cell phone on speaker and had a wonderful time catching up. Gotta love my cell phone.

Just saying there are two sides to every issue. Then again, I don't have a strict, holier than thou set of guidelines for the expected behaviours of the people in my life and it works for me. I guess some of us have the ability to adapt and some don't.

Happy fishing all and hope you find someone that is suited to you.

 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 130
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 2:05:56 AM
^^^Bottom line ladies is some of us appreciate good manners and some don't. That shouldn't be too hard for you to understand or maybe it is? Just because we expect to be treated respectfully doesn't mean we don't appreciate cell phone technology. Duh.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 131
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 11:16:47 AM

...my son and his wife unfortunately could not come with us. Well we called them a number of time while we were driving, put my cell phone on speaker and had a wonderful time catching up.


Catching up? Were you catching up from when you called him 20 minutes or half an hour earlier? If you called him a number of times while you were driving, what was the time span between calls? Who knows what earth shattering events happened to him during that time between calls. When I hear stories or see in person about parents who are constantly calling their kids to find out what's going during every minute of their life when they are not in view, the term Helicopter Parent comes to mind. For those parents who are always calling their kids non-stop to keep track of every second of their lives-even if they are adults living on their own-how often has your kid said to you: "I'm so glad you called. I was dying to tell you that I had a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch along with a salad. And before that, I took a dump..Since you asked, I will be wearing white sport socks today and will be wearing my runners..."

I'm glad there were no cell phones when I was growing up. It would drive me nuts if I had a parent, or a friend, who constantly monitored every second of my life, phoning me 20 or 30 times a day to find out what I'm doing. How is that any different than house arrest or being on probation? Cell phones have become like ankle bracelets that monitor people's movements.
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 132
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 1:06:18 PM
People who do not act respectfully with their cells, nor expect to be treated as such tend to be very defensive about obsessive cell phone use to the point of insulting those who prefer to be in the moment, not give in to chatty gossipy behavior, nor be leashed or tethered to a phone. It's a strange sort of addiction that keeps them from living in the present, which is very hard for many individuals. It's hard for them to be patient or enjoy the beauty of nature, instead these things are viewed as cell phone opportunities.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 133
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 2:31:30 PM
^^^Bottom line ladies is some of us appreciate good manners and some don't. That shouldn't be too hard for you to understand or maybe it is? Just because we expect to be treated respectfully doesn't mean we don't appreciate cell phone technology. Duh.


You are absolutely right on this regency. Some of us do appreciate good manners and know when to to treat others with the same respect that we demand. Guess that is just hard for you to understand. What you deemed to be respectful, others deem to be outdated and not so charming.


Catching up? Were you catching up from when you called him 20 minutes or half an hour earlier? If you called him a number of times while you were driving, what was the time span between calls? Who knows what earth shattering events happened to him during that time between calls. When I hear stories or see in person about parents who are constantly calling their kids to find out what's going during every minute of their life when they are not in view, the term Helicopter Parent comes to mind.


Talk about jumping to conclusions without having the facts. First assumption is that is what a short trip. When I say road trip, I sure don't mean a hour or two down the road, I mean a trip spanning many days.


For those parents who are always calling their kids non-stop to keep track of every second of their lives-even if they are adults living on their own-how often has your kid said to you: "I'm so glad you called. I was dying to tell you that I had a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch along with a salad. And before that, I took a dump..Since you asked, I will be wearing white sport socks today and will be wearing my runners..."


And again the assumption of a non-parent, I talk to my kids almost every day and most of the time, they call me, I don't call them. Some days it is a 30 second calls to say hi how are you, other times we have more to talk about and the days that we don't talk, we text. It is all part of being a close family. Just like when I moved away from home and my mother said you are welcome to come here anytime you like, but I will never come to your house without an invitation, I would never infringe on my children's lives.


I'm glad there were no cell phones when I was growing up. It would drive me nuts if I had a parent, or a friend, who constantly monitored every second of my life, phoning me 20 or 30 times a day to find out what I'm doing. How is that any different than house arrest or being on probation? Cell phones have become like ankle bracelets that monitor people's movements.


And again you are making big bold assumptions about others. The ones who monitor every second of the lives of others are the same ones who never let their kids out of their eyesight pre cell phones.


People who do not act respectfully with their cells, nor expect to be treated as such tend to be very defensive about obsessive cell phone use to the point of insulting those who prefer to be in the moment, not give in to chatty gossipy behavior, nor be leashed or tethered to a phone.


Now the above has to be the most defensive thing I have read in this thread. Again we go back to if it not my way, it is the wrong way. Your story of your experience with your "friend" sounds a lot like jealously to me, she wanted to use a little free time to catch up with her kids, you wanted her attention all on you. From reading what you have written, it sounds to me like you are the type of person who expects that things are always going to happen your way and if you don't agree with something it is simply wrong.


It's a strange sort of addiction that keeps them from living in the present, which is very hard for many individuals.


Now that really doesn't make any sense, how does talking to someone on the phone keep you from living in the present?


It's hard for them to be patient or enjoy the beauty of nature, instead these things are viewed as cell phone opportunities.


Not really, but many of us do live incredibly busy lives and there are times where we have to take advantage of any spare time we have. Pre-cell phones and laptops, people used to catch up on their reading on long road trips, I always got car sick if I read so I tended to sleep in the car. A couple of weeks ago, I was travelling with a colleague and I was on a couple of conference calls while we driving, works perfectly, travel time is not wasted. When my SO and I travel any distance by car, I tend to drive so that he can use some of the time to catch up on work before we start our weekend together, might as well be catching up with his office or reviewing documents on his laptop because if he drives, I fall asleep in the passenger seat. So we crank the music, he works and I drive. Works for both of us, so it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of the technology and how we use it.

And that is the final point, doesn't really matter what others think of the use of technology as long as it is not obnoxiously in their face and the vast majority of cell phone users are not in other's faces. Don't like it? find a time machine and travel back 50 years.
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 134
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 4:25:01 PM

You are absolutely right on this regency. Some of us do appreciate good manners and know when to to treat others with the same respect that we demand. Guess that is just hard for you to understand. What you deemed to be respectful, others deem to be outdated and not so charming.


When you ASSume it's your right to talk on your cell phone whenever and where ever you want without showing the respect and/or the consideration of asking others if they mind being in earshot, especially in a car with the windows up, it's bad very manners and completely self-serving. You can twist it around all day if you want to attempt to justify self-centeredness. Nobody but you and a few others of the same ilk here are buying it.

Good manners and respect are never old fashioned, only the truly clueless would see it as such.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 135
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 8:38:37 PM
When you ASSume it's your right to talk on your cell phone whenever and where ever you want without showing the respect and/or the consideration of asking others if they mind being in earshot, especially in a car with the windows up, it's bad very manners and completely self-serving.


And again, you are the one doing the ASSuming, no one here has said that they have the right to talk on their cell phone whenever and whereever they want. That is your bias once again shining through.


You can twist it around all day if you want to attempt to justify self-centeredness. Nobody but you and a few others of the same ilk here are buying it.


Talk about self-centred, in this day and age of being mobile, apparently if you might have to take a phone call, you had best not leave the house for fear of bothering the haters. Funny thing is that as many or more who have posted here have said basically the same things that I have said. Yes there are a few people out there who inappropriately use their cell phones, not as many as it is made out to be. The majority of those are the people who would have had different boorish behaviours in the days before cell phones. You know, the ones who talked too loud in restuarants, the ones who talked all the way through the movie, the ones who gossiped and judge anyone who was different in any way and let's not forget the ones who only saw eveerthing as black and white and let the rest of the world know.


Good manners and respect are never old fashioned, only the truly clueless would see it as such.


Yep, you are right, however, the definition of good manners appear to be different from person to person. I personally do not find it at all bad mannered to take an expected call while out in public, to use travel time to catch up with kids, friends, work calls etc. Seems to me to be a efficient use of time, but then again, I also don't expect to be the centre of the universe for every hour of every day.
 BreakTheRuIes
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 136
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/27/2014 9:38:30 PM
There is a book called Amusing Ourselves to Death where he discusses how people are so enthralled over the immaterial things in life, the immediate, the shallow. This should tell any man or woman something. The phone is a priority to the person and not your company.

I ask people, what did people do before cell phones? Did they stay at home in fear there might be an emergency with their kids so they can't go out? Do others need your attention so badly that you can't give another person your attention and in a dignified way?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 137
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/28/2014 1:09:49 PM
Those "what did you do before (cell phones, tvs, car, computers, indoor plumbing)" drive me crazy.
What difference does it make what we DID? Things change, progress is made (mostly for the better),
and new technology is constantly updating. Not many of us were taking selfies 10 years ago.

I like the changes.
But I also have manners and know how to behave.
Most of the population also knows how to behave.
It's the few public lunatics that give cell phone users a bad name and force others to bemoan the
advances of technology and half heartedly dream of the "old days".

A cell phone is not an immaterial thing, nor is it's owner shallow.
I don't have a land line. I work late at night...I like knowing I have a cellphone should I break down.
I like having a cellphone if I'm running late and people are wondering where I am...the list goes on.

I have lots of things I like...and things I like to play with.
Doesn't mean I don't know how to show restraint when on a date.
The ones that don't show restraint? You don't need to know them.
 WomanInSF
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/28/2014 2:28:30 PM

I find it a bit humorous that some women stopped communicating with me because I let them know I did not have a cell phone . Would not be able to text . Would actually have to talk on a phone .

I don’t think that the issue is not being able to text. Nowadays, when someone doesn’t have a cell phone they make an impression of being either too poor or too cheap for pay for it, or living in the past and not keeping up with progress. Neither of those qualities are attractive. Regardless whether it’s true or not, that’s the perception.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 139
view profile
History
Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners?
Posted: 4/28/2014 3:38:40 PM
Also it may not be about not having a cell phone, but about the attitude and delusion of making one thinking they are better than and that anyone with a cell phone must be some idiot. That may not be, but it does jump out as a possibility. It's like when someone says they don't watch TV/they don't have a TV, I may well jump to the conclusion that I'm going to be getting lectures on watching TV, I like TV, I'm not going to keep talking to someone who starts out saying they are TV snobs or anti-TV. I'm not into people who feel they are better-than those who choose normal activities that they happen to like. Attitude will kill someone finding you interesting quicker than anything I can think of. Now if it's someone who doesn't happen to want a cell phone (or TV), it may or may not be a deal breaker, that person I'd have to get to know better, if other things were of interest. I hardly ever talk on my cell phone, but a land line would do me almost no good. I'm not about to be around someone who is a snob about cell phone users, even thought it's highly unlikely that my phone would ring during a date. I too would have no interest in a cell phone junkie getting calls & texts like it was their whole life, but a call during a date, I don't see how that would be so rude in most cases.
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