Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 26
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding lovePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

It seems to me that there are more and more people on the dating sites who are extremely attractive and successful.


True enough.


I would think that such people would not have any problem meeting many people who would be interested in them.


True enough.


Conversely, when I view Success Story pages of marriages and happy couples on these sites, many of them are generally average, or even below, as far as attractiveness, career, and such.


True enough.


With our society placing so much importance on physical attractiveness, and socio-economic status, it seems to me that the Success Stories would be more heavily laden with the "Beautiful People" and the actively looking section would be more full of Average Joes.


A cursory first glance at the surface would tend to lead someone to think this, but analysis beyond the surface reveals the full story.
Yes, the numbers play a part in it, but part of it also depends on how one defines average and below average attractiveness. People can pretty much agree on "Beautiful People" or "10's", but if one thinks that everyone who is not a 10 is average or below average is being too general. What about 9's? They are very attractive, too. What about 8's? or 7's?
The other part of the story is mental. And for this we need look no further than Hollywood and the entertainment industry. Lots of "Beautiful People" physically, but how many of them can make a relationship work? Lots of revolving door relationships, despite looks, despite money, despite fame, or maybe because of it all. Where is the mental connection that keeps them together long-term? Two "Beautiful People" both vying for the spotlight has not proven to be a match made in heaven. And the same mentality probably does apply a lot of the time in the non-Hollywood world, too.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 27
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:17:09 PM
A gorgeous girl in a bar EASILY has her choice of guys there... Which brings up the question: Why does she need POF? Why isn't she finding a guy that easily offline?


I can answer this one with another question - who the hell wants their 'choice' to come from a BAR?
Dating involves a helluva lot more than just Happy Hour. Maybe you might be able to meet someone well-lubricated with social enhancement fluid that you would not otherwise meet, but in the realm of quality vs quantity, who the hell wouldn't go online with thousands of (SOBER) choices, versus a BAR that may have maybe five guys tops on any given night?
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 28
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:22:08 PM
A bar was just an example of a place, I thought you'd know that without me pointing it out. But the same fact holds true. Guys are lined up for these women offline, why are they on POF?

It can be a bar or a library, it doesn't matter. It doesn't change the fact that there is something about that girl who is an example of physical perfection that's making no guy want a serious relationship with her which brought her to a website to try to meet someone.
 MrShoesnchocolate
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 29
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:24:59 PM

A gorgeous girl in a bar EASILY has her choice of guys there... Which brings up the question: Why does she need POF? Why isn't she finding a guy that easily offline?



Maybe she gets tired of getting hit on by dorks and douchebags or even guys she has no common interests with who really only wanna bang her BECAUSE she's gorgeous . So, one day she thinks " hmm , maybe if I tried online dating it might be a more EFFICIENT way to find someone who has common interests and who wants more than just a roll in the hay ?

Make sense ?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 30
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:32:28 PM

Maybe she gets tired of getting hit on by dorks and douchebags or even guys she has no common interests with who really only wanna bang her BECAUSE she's gorgeous


Judging from the number of complaint threads and protests from women in their very profiles, the women get plenty of that kind of activity here, too.
 MrShoesnchocolate
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 31
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:35:19 PM
^^^^^ Of course, but minus the stale beer breath, for example, would be preferable I would think, LOL
 36_Julietta_52
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 32
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:38:23 PM
True compatibility is difficult to find, irrespective of your success and appearance. Perhaps people with more going for them can afford to be a bit more selective than people who are (considered to be) below-average in the aforementioned two criteria. I suppose it's then a question of whether or not the above-average are too picky, and/or the below-average are not picky enough...
 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 33
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 1:36:17 PM

For me personally, and as an average looking guy, I had to up my game substantially to be successful here. Money helps. In addition, I also did give average looking ladies a shot rather than always stick to the hot ones, and I met many, many nice ladies in the process. Some of which still are my friends. My current GF who I met here is no bombshell, but she is beautiful from the inside out.......testament to the fact that outward attractiveness is by no means a measure of success when it comes to relationships

^^^
This is an encouraging post.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 34
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 3:51:16 PM
I have a good friend who was recently widowed at the young age of 45.
After a year of singleness he got on here and found a girl.
And is remarried.
Took him about 6 months.

His secret?
REALISM.

He was just an average guy who had an average job
and did nothing overly exciting.
He knew he wasn't Tom Cruise and had average looks.

So he didn't get in here to hit the hottie lottery.
nor to try to relive his youth.
nor to score and get laid.

All that seemed like alot of work
and well....probably not something he couldn't pull off
If he wanted...which he didn't.

All he wanted was to find a woman who would put up with him.
wouldn't nag.
would cook for him
and feed his dogs.

and well he did.
She is average.
She just wanted a normal guy who could hold a job,
so she doesn't need to nag,
and is plenty happy to put up with him,
cook,
and feed his dogs.

Their realism in who they are and the modest goals they set
to achieve dating happiness......has worked out.

It seems....
average doubled
equals
happiness squared.
 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 35
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 4:18:36 PM
For me personally, and as an average looking guy, I had to up my game substantially to be successful here. Money helps. In addition, I also did give average looking ladies a shot rather than always stick to the hot ones, and I met many, many nice ladies in the process. Some of which still are my friends. My current GF who I met here is no bombshell, but she is beautiful from the inside out.......testament to the fact that outward attractiveness is by no means a measure of success when it comes to relationships.


^^^^^ YAY! Someone who gets "IT" ! Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus..........Hope Springs Eternal!^^^^^^
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 5:32:25 PM
Hello1824....you need to move out of Bradford mate :)
move to London.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 5:38:27 PM
Cartergirl32...i guess you don't need to be told you are pretty...you know it already lol


Pretty people need love too! LOL!

People ask me all the time why a dating site. I feel more conforatble getting to know people by talking first rather than just going out and having a ton of guys hit on you based on your looks. I want someone to want to date me because I am cool, funny, smart, and I have something to say and they want to listen rather than just being something pretty to look at.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 38
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 5:57:31 PM

Why are there more average success stories?
1. There are more average looking people, so by default, greater numbers.
2. Average looking people are less discerning, so they have a wider range of choices.
3. Unsuccessful average looking people need each other to survive, so there's a draw.

+1

I am convinced that looks have very little to do with love. No, I don't go for the "if they're good looking they must be a horrible person" or are bad in bed or have standards that are impossibly high (that's code for "they don't like me so I hate them"). The reasons they're single vary. Maybe they like being single. Maybe they've been through a divorce & don't feel like they need to settle the next time around.

Looks don't matter. Patience waiting for the right person is all that matters. You don't want to be hooked up to Mr. Wrong when Mr. Right walks by.
 Ted_tspark
Joined: 3/10/2012
Msg: 39
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 6:23:33 PM
Define "attractive" and "successful".

Prepare for a bazillion different answers.

"To each his own said the man as he kissed a cow"

YMMV...but reading this thread puts on a display of a less-than-healthy sense of own self worth by a variety of posters.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 40
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:01:22 PM

For me personally, and as an average looking guy, I had to up my game substantially to be successful here. Money helps. In addition, I also did give average looking ladies a shot rather than always stick to the hot ones, and I met many, many nice ladies in the process. Some of which still are my friends. My current GF who I met here is no bombshell, but she is beautiful from the inside out.......testament to the fact that outward attractiveness is by no means a measure of success when it comes to relationships.


^^^^^ YAY! Someone who gets "IT" ! Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus..........Hope Springs Eternal!^^^^^^


Right, he gets it perfectly. Guys have to settle, but women don't. That kind of thinking is part of why you don't see the hot ones as the success stories too. The idea that they're in any position that they can be holding out for only the full package. At the end of the day, everyone on these sites is someone who turned to a dating site.

If what's on the inside is what matters so much, why don't more women on here put their money where their mouths are, and actually talk to the ugly guy? Or for almost all of you, why not actually talk to the guy messaging you instead of judging him based on the pictures to his profile, or how well he could talk himself up? Almost none of you will do it, because you're not ready to take your own advice, you feel that you're above it.
 Ted_tspark
Joined: 3/10/2012
Msg: 41
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:27:58 PM

Guys have to settle


I laughed so hard...really....wow.

For every shallow snap-judgement making Jersey Shore reject retard (men AND woman).....there are exponentially more out there that actually have a brain to go along with whatever perceived "attractive quotient" is immediately visible.

And nothing against the real Shore by the way. I used to rent a beach house in Sea Isle City and other locations with friends for years....and none remotely resembled the current crop of media inbred's.
 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 42
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:16:29 PM
Helenbackagain- I love your name, lol.

I am higher than average socioeconomically, but am usually contacted by men who are at/near the poverty level of income. I would want any man I might have a serious, long term relationship with to be able to carry half the load with bills.
Either that, or ever moving in together would not be an option.

I imagine that I will get some flames for saying that, but- I supported a spouse through his schooling until he obtained his PhD, then was served with divorce papers. I thought I was investing in the financial future of the marriage at the time, but that turned out not to be the case.
I never really did give a damn about a man's looks- especially because physical looks and attraction are not necisarily related in my mind. but he better damn well have a good job, lol.
 apafely
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 43
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:54:58 PM
Original poster, this is a brilliant idea for a topic. It is divergent in its answerable nature, so it encourages people to get their creative juices flowing. It is controversial enough by its own merit to attract attention of the mind of thinkers.

Indeed; if people who are beautiful are the most successful in our social miazma; and those who are not beautiful are considered losers; and if we accept that being single is a lack of success in life, and finding a permanent partner to be happy with is what success is in terms of singlehood; then there is something here that has to "give", if the success stories of couples joining in holy matrimony as a result of PoF are any indication when classifying couples for their success and by their looks.

Whew, that was one mother load of a mouthful of a sentence.

I propose the following, independent probable or possible causes:

1. Success is not really to find a mate.
2. People who are beautiful are jaded.
3. People who are beautiful are way too much self-confident, and consider themselves too good than to use the "matching" functions which PoF freely supplies, such as the "chemistry" test and other psychological tests that would find a mate in a flash. This is not to be sneezed at, since PoF can say with an 87% rate of prediction success, who you will end up with if you don't die first.
4. Less attractive and less successful people have to depend on something, too, for their ideological life sustanance, ie. for a sort of "raison d'etre", if you must, Beautiful and successful people believe that they have the right to live, coz they are beautiful and successful. Unsuccessful people find this meaning only when they achieve a partnership in amorous love, in a committed attachment of "specialness" with their equally unsuccessful partners.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 44
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:26:09 PM

I laughed so hard...really....wow.


Yeah, really. If looks matter to you, what would you call having to look past looks? If you ONLY want a hot girlfriend, you're settling by going for a less attractive one. You're taking something that isn't what you want. You're settling.

But even still, regardless of what word you want to use to describe it... Why does the guy have to look past looks, but the woman doesn't?

I'm just calling the women here out on it. If they're going to agree that what that guy said is what you're supposed to do, then they should take their own advice and actually talk to the guy they think is ugly.

Hey, if I'm supposed to give women I don't find attractive the chance to see what's on the inside, well so is every single woman on this site.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:46:29 PM

It doesn't change the fact that there is something about that girl who is an example of physical perfection that's making no guy want a serious relationship with her which brought her to a website to try to meet someone.


Maybe she isn't interested in the guys that approach her. Really, you just assume no guy wants a relationship with her if she is single? You make it seem like coming to a dating site is so awful; that anyone here had to come because they have no other options. ::eyeroll::
I love when people automatically think there is something wrong with a good looking person if they are single. I also love how people think that good looking people have lines around the block of people wanting to date them.
I have a lot of good looking friends who are single. The only thing wrong with them is they're not meeting people they click with. Or the guys that approach them are douches. They are some of the kindest, smartest most generous people I know ~ I see people approach average people out in public MUCH more than I see them approach the super model in the room.
 CuteAsianCanadiansRock
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 46
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/25/2013 8:40:54 AM
I don't know if you're referring to dating sites outside of POF but in my area, the number of successful and attractive men is very low.

Attractive and successful people have higher standards therefore they are pickier and have slimmer pickings. If you have high standards for yourself, you would want someone who sets standards for themselves as well and there is nothing wrong with that. Most of my friends are married but I notice a pattern, most didn't go for post secondary education after high school, married young and regret not having a career. A lot of my friends who married early are not completely dissatisfied but I have actually had some confess to me that sometimes they wonder what it would of been like if they waited longer and kept their options at the time.

Its a myth that attractive and successful people don't have trouble getting a mate. They are normal people like everyone else. And I don't think all men are the same but I find a lot get intimidated if a woman happens to be attractive and very independent.

Sometimes they are on here because they haven't met the right person yet or they spent a lot of years building on their education or career and don't decide until now that they are at the right stage in life to look for a longterm mate.

A good male friend of mine is a successful business owner, congenial and extremely attractive...tons of women want him but he wont settle until he finds what he is looking for...he wants a woman who takes of her body, is intelligent, is educated and makes a high income too since he makes over 100, ooo a year. Unfortunately, in our city- dating isn't exactly the cream of the crop and there is not a lot of ambitious people here. I would date him but there is zero romantic chemistry....I would def recommend him though to any good quality woman who is looking!
 Aristotle_Amadopolis
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 47
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/25/2013 11:41:28 AM

It seems to me that there are more and more people on the dating sites who are extremely attractive and successful.

I would think that such people would not have any problem meeting many people who would be interested in them.
Conversely, when I view Success Story pages of marriages and happy couples on these sites, many of them are generally average, or even below, as far as attractiveness, career, and such.

Then you would be making a false assumption, as the facts are; Attraction goes much deeper than looks.




With our society placing so much importance on physical attractiveness, and socio-economic status, it seems to me that the Success Stories would be more heavily laden with the "Beautiful People" and the actively looking section would be more full of Average Joes.

Why?

If there are more average looking people, then the greatest number is going to come from the biggest group, as how you look has little to no effect on your ability to meet someone that is compatible and if anything could hinder it as the group you are picking from is much smaller.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 48
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:09:37 PM

You make it seem like coming to a dating site is so awful; that anyone here had to come because they have no other options. ::eyeroll::

There are plenty of people that get into online dating thinking that it's the 'bottom of the barrel'. There are also plenty of people in here that dwell on the stigma that a free dating site is by far WORSE than a pay site, even though easily half (or more than half) of the people are on BOTH sites at the same time. It's a stupid assumption, but like political views, you're not ever going to get them to change their mind.


I love when people automatically think there is something wrong with a good looking person if they are single. I also love how people think that good looking people have lines around the block of people wanting to date them.

All I know is that anyone 'super' attractive that's WILLING to date an 'Average Joe' is doing so because they canNOT find a pretty boy they like/get along with. That's part and parcel of the whole online screening business. It's a known fact that the very attractive get a lot more attention online - now quantity vs quality can always be called into question - but when an average Joe gets 1 message for every 85 a pretty gal gets, I don't really care how bad they might be - she's got a better chance, period.

I know assuming pretty gals who can't get dates are messed up is a lousy assumption, but I tend to agree with it - two of the most attractive online women I've actually had a chance to date showed up with all kinds of serious character flaws.


I have a lot of good looking friends who are single. The only thing wrong with them is they're not meeting people they click with. Or the guys that approach them are douches. They are some of the kindest, smartest most generous people I know ~ I see people approach average people out in public MUCH more than I see them approach the super model in the room.

The part that I notice about very attractive women is that they are NEVER by themselves. I realize that does not make them un-approachable, but it's much different having to 'win over' a GROUP of people versus just one person. The "Super Model" usually has their entourage with them, and they will run interference with ANYbody they deem 'not worthy'. Once again, it may be an unfair assumption that the woman cannot be approached, but seriously; it's not very easy to do.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 49
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/27/2013 10:22:47 AM
This topic is similar in nature to all the discussion that goes on about "picture or no picture" on a profile. Those with no picture simply because they would like to be considered based on character rather than physical attractiveness are put down. Like many have said before on this thread, most of us are "average folk" and lack that external beauty that is appealing to others - but often is only eye candy.

It all boils down to why one is here on POF. What ones hopes and expectations are. There are as many different reasons why individuals are on POF as to what they hope to achieve by being here.

My only words of wisdom (for what they are worth), is that one must remember that beauty is only skin deep. In no way can it reflect whether or not an individual is happy, or what kind of success they will have in the world - that is a matter of luck!

(As an aside though - I too have wondered about some of what I personally consider to be really attractive people on POF - and other dating sites. I am left wondering just what kind of person he/she truly is underneath the face and body as one would figure these people would not need to resort to being on a dating site - so what is the negative side of who they are?? I have never seen a profile that provides that kind of information. We tend to reveal the good things about ourselves... but the beautiful people are searching for a mate for some reason.)
 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 50
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/27/2013 11:00:40 AM
^^^^^Excellent points, Life_Is_Better.

I have made the first email contact to a couple of men here who had NO pictures on their profile, just based on what they wrote, and how they wrote it.

Ironically- both turned out to be good-looking, but had been less than truthful about job, lifestyle and other things on their profiles. One said "self-sufficient" in his, and talked about the importance of being independent. Turned out he lived with his mom, and had 4 kids he was not paying child support on, lol.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love