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 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 42
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding lovePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Helenbackagain- I love your name, lol.

I am higher than average socioeconomically, but am usually contacted by men who are at/near the poverty level of income. I would want any man I might have a serious, long term relationship with to be able to carry half the load with bills.
Either that, or ever moving in together would not be an option.

I imagine that I will get some flames for saying that, but- I supported a spouse through his schooling until he obtained his PhD, then was served with divorce papers. I thought I was investing in the financial future of the marriage at the time, but that turned out not to be the case.
I never really did give a damn about a man's looks- especially because physical looks and attraction are not necisarily related in my mind. but he better damn well have a good job, lol.
 apafely
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 43
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:54:58 PM
Original poster, this is a brilliant idea for a topic. It is divergent in its answerable nature, so it encourages people to get their creative juices flowing. It is controversial enough by its own merit to attract attention of the mind of thinkers.

Indeed; if people who are beautiful are the most successful in our social miazma; and those who are not beautiful are considered losers; and if we accept that being single is a lack of success in life, and finding a permanent partner to be happy with is what success is in terms of singlehood; then there is something here that has to "give", if the success stories of couples joining in holy matrimony as a result of PoF are any indication when classifying couples for their success and by their looks.

Whew, that was one mother load of a mouthful of a sentence.

I propose the following, independent probable or possible causes:

1. Success is not really to find a mate.
2. People who are beautiful are jaded.
3. People who are beautiful are way too much self-confident, and consider themselves too good than to use the "matching" functions which PoF freely supplies, such as the "chemistry" test and other psychological tests that would find a mate in a flash. This is not to be sneezed at, since PoF can say with an 87% rate of prediction success, who you will end up with if you don't die first.
4. Less attractive and less successful people have to depend on something, too, for their ideological life sustanance, ie. for a sort of "raison d'etre", if you must, Beautiful and successful people believe that they have the right to live, coz they are beautiful and successful. Unsuccessful people find this meaning only when they achieve a partnership in amorous love, in a committed attachment of "specialness" with their equally unsuccessful partners.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 44
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:26:09 PM

I laughed so hard...really....wow.


Yeah, really. If looks matter to you, what would you call having to look past looks? If you ONLY want a hot girlfriend, you're settling by going for a less attractive one. You're taking something that isn't what you want. You're settling.

But even still, regardless of what word you want to use to describe it... Why does the guy have to look past looks, but the woman doesn't?

I'm just calling the women here out on it. If they're going to agree that what that guy said is what you're supposed to do, then they should take their own advice and actually talk to the guy they think is ugly.

Hey, if I'm supposed to give women I don't find attractive the chance to see what's on the inside, well so is every single woman on this site.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 45
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Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:46:29 PM

It doesn't change the fact that there is something about that girl who is an example of physical perfection that's making no guy want a serious relationship with her which brought her to a website to try to meet someone.


Maybe she isn't interested in the guys that approach her. Really, you just assume no guy wants a relationship with her if she is single? You make it seem like coming to a dating site is so awful; that anyone here had to come because they have no other options. ::eyeroll::
I love when people automatically think there is something wrong with a good looking person if they are single. I also love how people think that good looking people have lines around the block of people wanting to date them.
I have a lot of good looking friends who are single. The only thing wrong with them is they're not meeting people they click with. Or the guys that approach them are douches. They are some of the kindest, smartest most generous people I know ~ I see people approach average people out in public MUCH more than I see them approach the super model in the room.
 CuteAsianCanadiansRock
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 46
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/25/2013 8:40:54 AM
I don't know if you're referring to dating sites outside of POF but in my area, the number of successful and attractive men is very low.

Attractive and successful people have higher standards therefore they are pickier and have slimmer pickings. If you have high standards for yourself, you would want someone who sets standards for themselves as well and there is nothing wrong with that. Most of my friends are married but I notice a pattern, most didn't go for post secondary education after high school, married young and regret not having a career. A lot of my friends who married early are not completely dissatisfied but I have actually had some confess to me that sometimes they wonder what it would of been like if they waited longer and kept their options at the time.

Its a myth that attractive and successful people don't have trouble getting a mate. They are normal people like everyone else. And I don't think all men are the same but I find a lot get intimidated if a woman happens to be attractive and very independent.

Sometimes they are on here because they haven't met the right person yet or they spent a lot of years building on their education or career and don't decide until now that they are at the right stage in life to look for a longterm mate.

A good male friend of mine is a successful business owner, congenial and extremely attractive...tons of women want him but he wont settle until he finds what he is looking for...he wants a woman who takes of her body, is intelligent, is educated and makes a high income too since he makes over 100, ooo a year. Unfortunately, in our city- dating isn't exactly the cream of the crop and there is not a lot of ambitious people here. I would date him but there is zero romantic chemistry....I would def recommend him though to any good quality woman who is looking!
 Aristotle_Amadopolis
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 47
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 1/25/2013 11:41:28 AM

It seems to me that there are more and more people on the dating sites who are extremely attractive and successful.

I would think that such people would not have any problem meeting many people who would be interested in them.
Conversely, when I view Success Story pages of marriages and happy couples on these sites, many of them are generally average, or even below, as far as attractiveness, career, and such.

Then you would be making a false assumption, as the facts are; Attraction goes much deeper than looks.




With our society placing so much importance on physical attractiveness, and socio-economic status, it seems to me that the Success Stories would be more heavily laden with the "Beautiful People" and the actively looking section would be more full of Average Joes.

Why?

If there are more average looking people, then the greatest number is going to come from the biggest group, as how you look has little to no effect on your ability to meet someone that is compatible and if anything could hinder it as the group you are picking from is much smaller.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 48
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:09:37 PM

You make it seem like coming to a dating site is so awful; that anyone here had to come because they have no other options. ::eyeroll::

There are plenty of people that get into online dating thinking that it's the 'bottom of the barrel'. There are also plenty of people in here that dwell on the stigma that a free dating site is by far WORSE than a pay site, even though easily half (or more than half) of the people are on BOTH sites at the same time. It's a stupid assumption, but like political views, you're not ever going to get them to change their mind.


I love when people automatically think there is something wrong with a good looking person if they are single. I also love how people think that good looking people have lines around the block of people wanting to date them.

All I know is that anyone 'super' attractive that's WILLING to date an 'Average Joe' is doing so because they canNOT find a pretty boy they like/get along with. That's part and parcel of the whole online screening business. It's a known fact that the very attractive get a lot more attention online - now quantity vs quality can always be called into question - but when an average Joe gets 1 message for every 85 a pretty gal gets, I don't really care how bad they might be - she's got a better chance, period.

I know assuming pretty gals who can't get dates are messed up is a lousy assumption, but I tend to agree with it - two of the most attractive online women I've actually had a chance to date showed up with all kinds of serious character flaws.


I have a lot of good looking friends who are single. The only thing wrong with them is they're not meeting people they click with. Or the guys that approach them are douches. They are some of the kindest, smartest most generous people I know ~ I see people approach average people out in public MUCH more than I see them approach the super model in the room.

The part that I notice about very attractive women is that they are NEVER by themselves. I realize that does not make them un-approachable, but it's much different having to 'win over' a GROUP of people versus just one person. The "Super Model" usually has their entourage with them, and they will run interference with ANYbody they deem 'not worthy'. Once again, it may be an unfair assumption that the woman cannot be approached, but seriously; it's not very easy to do.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 49
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/27/2013 10:22:47 AM
This topic is similar in nature to all the discussion that goes on about "picture or no picture" on a profile. Those with no picture simply because they would like to be considered based on character rather than physical attractiveness are put down. Like many have said before on this thread, most of us are "average folk" and lack that external beauty that is appealing to others - but often is only eye candy.

It all boils down to why one is here on POF. What ones hopes and expectations are. There are as many different reasons why individuals are on POF as to what they hope to achieve by being here.

My only words of wisdom (for what they are worth), is that one must remember that beauty is only skin deep. In no way can it reflect whether or not an individual is happy, or what kind of success they will have in the world - that is a matter of luck!

(As an aside though - I too have wondered about some of what I personally consider to be really attractive people on POF - and other dating sites. I am left wondering just what kind of person he/she truly is underneath the face and body as one would figure these people would not need to resort to being on a dating site - so what is the negative side of who they are?? I have never seen a profile that provides that kind of information. We tend to reveal the good things about ourselves... but the beautiful people are searching for a mate for some reason.)
 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 50
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/27/2013 11:00:40 AM
^^^^^Excellent points, Life_Is_Better.

I have made the first email contact to a couple of men here who had NO pictures on their profile, just based on what they wrote, and how they wrote it.

Ironically- both turned out to be good-looking, but had been less than truthful about job, lifestyle and other things on their profiles. One said "self-sufficient" in his, and talked about the importance of being independent. Turned out he lived with his mom, and had 4 kids he was not paying child support on, lol.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 51
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Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 12/3/2013 7:45:17 PM
yeah, I pulled up an old thread cause i knew I'd get flamed if I started a new on one a similar topic. And I'm not quite sure how to say what I mean without it coming out as self pitying or attentions seeking. And I don't mean it that way, really.

I tend to be a positive thinking kind of chick. I'm intelligent. I have a lot of positive qualities. But...I know how the world tends to work. I don't think there's any denying that when it comes to dating, people in general tend to seek the more physically attractive. Yes, I know about confidence. I know "it's what inside that counts". I know all the cliches. I have confidence, but like I said, I know how the world works. And hey, it's ok. 99.99% time, it doesn't bother me at all. I know and like who I am. Then, there's that teeny tiny % of the time, I wish I knew what it felt like to be a pretty woman, not beautiful, just pretty. And not hearing impaired. And tall! Ah well, you play with the cards you are dealt. Some of them you can change and some you can't. Que sera, sera.

On to the next one.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 52
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 12/4/2013 7:28:15 AM

I love when people automatically think there is something wrong with a good looking person if they are single. I also love how people think that good looking people have lines around the block of people wanting to date them.
I have a lot of good looking friends who are single. The only thing wrong with them is they're not meeting people they click with. Or the guys that approach them are douches. They are some of the kindest, smartest most generous people I know ~ I see people approach average people out in public MUCH more than I see them approach the super model in the room.

If a person is attractive & shy, they r seen as a snob.

Then we have the douchey folks who try the PUA stuff, like "negging"- well just cuz someone is attractive they should be insulted?
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 53
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 12/4/2013 7:31:10 PM

I see people approach average people out in public MUCH more than I see them approach the super model in the room.


That is most likely because they feel they have a better chance with an average looking person than the supermodel.
Supermodel types are not exactly famous for their warm and friendly manner.
 theritefoot
Joined: 3/30/2013
Msg: 54
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 12/5/2013 8:31:45 PM
I totally disagree with the OP's observation that "extremely attractive and successful people" go to dating sites.
My experience says otherwise.
The "hot chicks" are for the most part fake profiles, and my guess is the hot guys probably are too.

Hot women have their pick of men, men falling all over them everywhere they go, be it the market or the mall
or even a quick hop to the gas station....the really hot women have no reason to go to a dating site.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 55
Just an observation- Attractiveness/Success abd finding love
Posted: 12/6/2013 5:43:33 AM
People in general like to be w/ a partner who is in their league, so someone who has worked on their appearance/mind/financials may have a harder time, particularly in older age...

Why watch ur weight & go to the gym just to date a myriad of obese men from POF?

Or go back to college & take more courses/get a 2nd degree just to date a man who can barely put 3 words together?

Or have all of ur financial ducks in a row in order to date a fiscally irresponsible person?

Or have ur head screwed on straight just to date mega personality disorder-ed folks?

IMO it is way easier for unattractive, not so smart & broke people to find eachother, as there are more of them out there!
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