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 AUTHOR
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 46
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I think I have doen something rather stupidPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Not to worry. It's not a matter of growing up, it's a matter of developing a thicker skin. Yours is now getting thicker and you are now a little wiser. We've all been there, we've all been rejected, we've all survived. Besides, he was probably married or has a girlfriend. At least that's what you tell yourself...then move on.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 48
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I think I have done something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 5:58:36 AM

Now I feel like a sad, immature human being! I wish I hadn't sent that message but I guess I got angry.
I clearly need to grow up!

I think it's perfectly normal to send a message like that.
Childish maybe, but you had to let your anger out.
 mmmkayyy
Joined: 1/20/2013
Msg: 49
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 5:59:23 AM
I think sometimes people get more attached to the "fantasy" of what could be....feeling that online connection, than the actual person. The same thing happened to me once---for 5 months!!----so consider yourself lucky you didn't waste that much time as I did lol. Just take this as a lesson learned for yourself about that guy. Be open to meet the right person, but don't get attached early on. Online dating is VERY fickle at times, gotta roll wid it ;)

And DEF "lose" his number. You don't want to have the temptation of messaging him again.
 TALLTEXAN2012
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 50
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I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 6:14:39 AM
OP I think your reply was "spot on!"
I went on five dates with a guy and after the last one...nothing. I finally sent a "what went wrong?" message but no real explanation was given by him???
Months later he contacted me to go to dinner but I said "been there-done that" NO THANKS! Still not sure what went wrong...wasn't willing to back-track!!!
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 51
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 6:57:55 AM
OP: I don't think you were wrong at all. Some people are just not worth being upset over though, and he is one of them. He mislead you and he has issues, not you. Some people come on dating sites just to play the field. Some are married, some would not know how to make an honest connection if they tried. I feel for you, its happened to many of us. I had a first meet that was awesome, we laughed and hung out together all day ( no sex) and his parting words were I guess we will be seeing a lot more of each other and then he vanished. No text, no call, no anything. Some people do this and say they want to avoid a scene.. Really? I think its just a cop out and plain rude. But, they wont change just because we ask them to. Some people are just not worth your time and the guy you were with was one of those. Best of luck in your search.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 52
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 10:23:03 AM
You will be a lot happier if you do not waste one ounce of emotional energy wondering why someone lied or otherwise behaved badly. Work on developing the attitude of "Ok, next!" when a relationship breaks down. You have no control over how another person reacts to their situation, so you can only control your reaction. People feel hurt and angry when they think negatively about another's behavior and take it personally. Just do not take it personally. You cannot know why someone behaves badly and to take it personally is the mistake. It's their behavior. And it is not a rejection of you so much as it is a continuing search for someone who matches their needs. Why should you feel upset that you didn't meet their needs? You want someone whose needs you meet and who meets your needs. At least 1/2 the equation wasn't there, and one way or another, he let you know--Next!

Most connections do not end in something permanent or long term. No biggie.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 53
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 10:44:25 AM
OP, you remind me so much of myself - when I was in my late teens I was worried about making sure I didn't emotionally react. You are an intelligent, logical human being who is keeping good inventory on your feelings and subsequent actions. So many people twice your age in the forums never learn to do this.

By default, because you are the way you are, you will likely never be needy - at least not for very long before you check yourself. IMO, 80% of the issues here are with people who don't often stop and take a look at themselves.

It's so good to see someone actually process their own experience in a healthy fashion. The only advice I would give (and I know it very well firsthand) is to avoid too much analyzing, allow yourself to be human (even if you want to keep your actions in check, you should allow yourself to feel the way you do), and try not to be too hard on yourself.

You dealt with someone who could have just said "I'm not interested" but instead thought that you had to be lied to. To some degree this is unfair as they assumed you wouldn't be able to deal with being told the truth. That's the part that would bother me way more than the guy not being interested.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 54
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 10:50:15 AM

"I personally feel like a person owes another person an explanation when they've invested time and given of themselves"
I do too, however I don't expect for everyone else to have the same standards of behavior, politeness/courtesy that I do. Plus I'm aware that some people just avoid any explanation that wouldn't be positive because they're afraid of a nasty confrontation or argument. I understand that, because I've attracted a stalker by doing so. Some people can't handle anything that isn't an affirmation of how great they are...haha.


Yep ... you are right that not everyone can communicate in a matter that is polite and courteous ... there are ways to explain without being nasty or even negative :)

Re stalker ... I've had that unfortunate experience as well ... suspect I know who is behind the fake profiles ... but cannot be certain ... fortunately they have stopped.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 55
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I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:04:00 PM
We all do things we regret later. It's a part of life and how we learn. How you feel is normal, but you are young. Just learn from it and move on. No harm, no foul!
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 57
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/7/2013 6:41:55 AM
That happend to me similar story. Went on a 3 dates with a guy just to gets msg after 3rd one stating that he don't fee a spark sorry. So I erased him from my fb n terminated words with friends game we were playing. He just text me that it was childish n how I could like him after only 3 dates. Well I did? What do u guys think?
 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 58
I think I have doen something rather stupid
Posted: 4/7/2013 11:14:19 AM
Give yourself a break, there is no harm done in letting a man know how you feel. If he is a mature man he would have assumed you were feeling some sadness about it not working out, resulting only in good emotions from your message. Water under the bridge, as they say; it sounds like maybe you at least made a distant friend out of the situation, even if you are not communicating on a regular basis.
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