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 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 26
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What to say on the first message?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
That's good advice science.

I hate when k get messages saying "we have so much in common blah blah blah" and then I look at their profile and see nothing. I wonder is it because they just didn't write it, or they really are just looking at photos. I never respond to those.
 floral2
Joined: 7/10/2013
Msg: 27
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 6:17:00 AM
Unless the content of the first message is clearly rude. Such as emails containing sexual comments. It won't matter what a man writes. My decision will be based on the profile and photos.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 28
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 6:59:30 AM
The message sure mattered to me. I have more value than being the tenth cut and paste woman he's massed messaged that day. I want a man who is attracted to me in some way and isn't just out to hook a random honey. Most of the profiles can be copied from others to come across ok but he can't do that with a message unless its equally generic. Like Indira says a lot of guys write that we have things in common, should get together but no meat on the bones. Besides, I like literate men.
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 29
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 11:59:26 AM
A wink ;) works just as well as anything, as far as getting qualified responses - from people who actually like you.

Yes, a written message will get more responses - but not more qualified responses, and it's inefficient.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 30
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 7:02:38 PM

For the most part, it doesn't matter what you write. If she likes your photos and profile, most likely you will get a positive reply.


Agreed. I wrote various types of first messages. Didn't change my response rate. However when I added new photos, I often got more interest from women.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 31
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:01:52 PM
I'm pretty sure most women will delete an uninteresting message, regardless of the pic/profile, unless you are truly gorgeous--and if you are truly gorgeous, you don't have to send messages or do internet dating anyway, right?

I know I delete crummy messages (boring, impersonal as well as the crude or stupid) without reading the profile, even if the pic is good. If you cannot generate a decent 2 sentence message, we aren't a match. Either you think you are too good to waste time on a decent message to me (and I'm maybe just good enough to f8ck in your world), or you really are that clueless/stupid. Too much of that going around to waste my time.

If the first message is respectable, and the profile is fun, and the pic is reasonably attractive to the specific girl you are writing, you are likely to get a reply from girls who are not on everyone's top 10 list. But then, you have to be emailing those girls, of course.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 32
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:25:27 PM
I'm pretty sure most women will delete an uninteresting message, regardless of the pic/profile, unless you are truly gorgeous--and if you are truly gorgeous, you don't have to send messages or do internet dating anyway, right?


This is probably true for some women. But as mentioned by others, if a woman liked his photos and profile, he would often get a positive reply. Unless the email clearly contained crude remarks. The ironic thing is most women that contacted me on another dating site sent me winks or a generic message such as "How are you? I liked your profile."


Either you think you are too good to waste time on a decent message to me (and I'm maybe just good enough to f8ck in your world), or you really are that clueless/stupid. Too much of that going around to waste my time.


Or they started using short and/or generic messages because most of their well written first emails were either read / deleted or unread / deleted.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 33
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/7/2013 6:15:59 PM
Post #26, yes, a terse answer to a question usually means polite disinterest. I let such conversations end.

Nearly half of my first contact messages get responses: 8 for 17. Would rather be 1 for 17, the 1 from Miss Right.

My rate will likely drop. Almost immediately after joining, I did an advanced search with dog for the pets setting and didn't change that setting for over a month, so I only messaged gals with dogs. Asking someone about their pet has a high reply rate. They might not necessarily want to meet.

My messages are spontaneous, saying what seems natural. No rules about length or structure.

The gals I message are definitely above average. One told me 85 guys messaged her the first week she was on here. I think I have good intuition who to message and what to say.

A coworker in his 20s says he gets about 3 responses for every 5 first contact messages he sends. He is straightforward, telling girls to reply if they want to have fun.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 34
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/9/2013 10:14:47 PM
After looking at the profile and picture. I always ask their complete birth date to see if we could be compatible,because, I am very into Astrology.
The things NOT to say is "Waz up? Or even if you can actually spell "What's up"? Please don't ask me about oral. I state in my profile that if I meet someone I like, There will be no oral contact. I think that is very clear. Let your hands do the touching as a start and your tongue do the talking as in communication of the art of actually speaking. Perhaps I should put this explanation in my profile.
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 35
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/10/2013 9:11:24 AM
I wanna do what bunnies do with you if you know what I mean
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 36
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/10/2013 10:08:21 AM

I wanna do what bunnies do with you if you know what I mean

You want to chew on her furniture and leave little balls of your poop in every corner of her apartment?
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 37
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/10/2013 3:34:10 PM
I just write if you're interested let me know....
 MartyBrodeurFan30
Joined: 8/5/2013
Msg: 38
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/11/2013 4:19:25 PM
I like how POF forums regulars keep b*tching about how there's thousands of threads based on what the OP asked, who cares!!!! If you don't like the thread, then don't read it goofball! OP, just look at her profile word by word and ask her 2 questions about her interests and maybe add an interesting question. Just use your imagination!
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 39
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/11/2013 4:59:20 PM
Unfortunately, it matters not what you write. If she doesn't like the way you look, she wont read it, or reply to you anyway. However, if she does like how you look, and as long as it's a respectful message, then she will reply.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 40
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/11/2013 6:10:27 PM

A wink ;) works just as well as anything, as far as getting qualified responses - from people who actually like you.

Yes, a written message will get more responses - but not more qualified responses, and it's inefficient.


Exactly. Although controversial......best qualifier is a girl who has the HOT's for you without doing much.Even better to not initiate at all and let them do it first but I understand that won't be possible for all.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 41
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/11/2013 7:27:14 PM
I think the OP is gone but for all of the men that said things like "It doesn't matter what you say" ... You couldn't be farther from the truth, JMHO. The initial message forms the first impression and if it's lame you probably won't get a second chance.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 42
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/13/2013 12:43:26 PM
I like what IrishEyez (post 2) wrote. I agree with every single suggestion.

And OP, don't get frustrated or think you're doing something wrong (if in fact you aren't) cause that's what I used to think because none of the men I contact respond back to me. I finally realized, the sea/ocean is simply humongous and we come across more fish than we can imagine. Also, attraction/love is apparently a needle in a haystack. So just be patient as I am and we all are trying to be. :)
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 43
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 12:24:13 AM

Don't say "nice boobs". They hate that.

Is that not the same as “Don't comment on her physical attributes.” ?
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 44
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 6:18:12 AM
Just comment on something on her profile. Phrase it in a question and sprinkle humor on it. Keep it short too so you remain mysterious. If she's down...she'll hit you back and allow things to properly advance.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 45
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 9:33:03 AM
I think the OP is gone but for all of the men that said things like "It doesn't matter what you say" ... You couldn't be farther from the truth, JMHO. The initial message forms the first impression and if it's lame you probably won't get a second chance.


It's the pictures and maybe the profile that forms the first impression. If she doesn't like his photos and/or profile, he won't get a positive reply. Regardless of what he wrote. Some women will delete his email without even reading it. As mentioned before, I wrote various types of first messages. Didn't change my positive response rate. However when I added new photos, I often got more interest from women.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 46
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 4:57:42 PM

What to say on the first message?


There is a writers quote about it being easier to write when you have something to say. When a woman's profile intrigues you, then the words should come easy and from within, revealing a bit of yourself to her, and will hopefully intrigue her enough to reply.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 47
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 11:22:18 PM

It's the pictures and maybe the profile that forms the first impression.

I guess this would be true if you only looked at pictures and "maybe" read the profile using that as a basis to decide whether you would reply ( positively, negatively, or not at all). I based my comment on my own habit of reading the message first, then looking at the profile.


If she doesn't like his photos and/or profile, he won't get a positive reply.

Agreed; good message + decent pictures/profile= a more positive reply.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 48
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/15/2013 3:24:41 AM
There's only one way to sell a used car.....and everyone on here is a used car salesperson....you can word your profile anyway you want, its still a used car. And we all know what that salesperson has to do, move cars. And just how does he/she do that, show a nice shiny pic...What does the Add read, used car very little rust and low mileage! they all read the same.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 49
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/15/2013 11:46:57 AM
Farmergiles65:

Actually his phrase was "if she doesn't like his photos or profile" - there was no mention about messages.


He was commenting on my comment; try to keep up, lol. We were both talking about messages ( msg:55).


Girls don't care about messages - they only send one just to seem like they are being nice - then suddenly they'll stop communicating without warning as they go by your photos.


You are assuming it is because of your pictures (& it could be) but there is no way to know that for sure. It could as easily be something else; boring about me section, didn't like your hobbies, distance, age, occupation, astrological sign(haha) ... who knows.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 50
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/15/2013 2:48:36 PM
Lol.. well first off, keep in mind that whoever you are messaging is a loser.... and your interested in if she has more value than a couple good looking photos and scribbles online.

Secondly, you have to remember most loser women.. dont want a dude that is interested in them; they want a guy that doesnt want them, and thats what they chase.
"Play fool, to catch wise"

Third, say what you want, how you want it, however you feel it, and forget what they might think or want.. these women dont have filters... or niceness.. of they dont want to talk to you, they just dont respond.

I suggest you do the same. Eliminate the filter and say what you want/feel, and be yourself.

Do you think they sit around asking about what to say in a first message?

They say "hi"
"How are you"
"Hows your day going"

Meanwhile telling you to not say the exact things they would say if they were interested.

Dont waste time writing a story like the goofy girls on this site ask you to do. Skip 'em.

And remember ever woman on here has to "feel" what you are saying.

Youll do just fine.
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