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 jd7634
Joined: 12/10/2013
Msg: 96
What to say on the first message?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

my physical comments to her were, that she had stubby fingers and a flat a ss


@OutMind
Hilarious! That's the way a man should go about it. A fun jibe goes over way better than fulsome flattery.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 97
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/29/2014 7:30:17 PM

I actually got a really nasty response from a woman... it stated that she was Hispanic (As am I.) and several items in her profile hinted at her possibly knowing Spanish... like the fact that she listed it as her second language.
So I say "Hola, como estas?" and she goes off of on a tangent (In Caps Lock, mind you) about how I shouldn't assume people know Spanish just because she is Hispanic.


Yes, because "Hola, como estas?" is such advanced level Spanish, and how dare anyone offer such a greeting.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 98
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/8/2014 12:48:02 AM

I was just sitting here pondering on what to say to a female on the first message. Should I make it short and sweet? Or just say hello to her and compliment her eyes? Not You should not do Any help on this would be greatly appreciated.

You should not do any of those things. Those are things that people who already know each other say. No one wants to hear that from a complete stranger.

What you should do instead is ask yourself, why you want to contact her. You're not THAT lonely and desperate to speak to any woman, or are you? Be honest and sincere. You should never have a "line" you use for every woman. If you don't know why you're contacting her, don't contact her.
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 99
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 11:47:02 AM
My question is about asking a question. Sometimes to keep a conversation going or start a new 1 I ask " Do you believe in aliens?" But the results of asking that have been pretty lame. Some women just stop chatting after that, others act like I just asked them something crazy or offensive. Is it a weird question to ask? Does it bring up red flags ?
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 100
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 2:04:25 PM

Is it a weird question to ask? Does it bring up red flags ?

Well, based on the fact that you ask the same question to different women as if all women were the same, I am guessing it is out of context. Anything out of context is a red flag and weird. It comes across as if you're making conversation for the sake of making conversation. This not engaging. And quite frankly, because it is not personalized, it comes across exactly as it is intended - insincere.
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 101
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 2:38:24 PM
^^^^^ as if everything you ask someone has to be personalized. If want to hear an honest opinion on a subject then why not ask!? But I guess random questions like have to wait until the 4th date or something. Some women beg you to be different and make interesting conversation but then when you give them that they can not handle it! Asking about aliens is no more harmless than asking what someone's favorite breakfast cereal is. But some women will just think its insincere and move on to the guy that ask what the do for fun when its already on their profile.
 ktxginger
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 102
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 3:36:31 PM
Sometimes to keep a conversation going or start a new 1 I ask " Do you believe in aliens?" But the results of asking that have been pretty lame. Some women just stop chatting after that, others act like I just asked them something crazy or offensive. Is it a weird question to ask? Does it bring up red flags ?


If that is all you can think of to keep a conversation going, then one of you (or both) are not that into the conversation. You ask if it is weird - well, it depends on where you are in the process of talking with the person. If you are in the beginning stages a woman is going to be like WTF is he asking me about aliens for, does he think he was abducted and probed? If you are past the beginning stages and into joking around, then it is a bit different and might be worked into a conversation. However, if you were to that stage of talking, you wouldn't have to be searching for things to keep a conversation going.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 103
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 4:13:45 PM
as if everything you ask someone has to be personalized.

I don’t know, maybe there are women who like generic, random conversations. I actually don’t think that “everything” needs to be personalized, especially if what you;re doing works for you. That’s fantastic.


Asking about aliens is no more harmless than asking what someone's favorite breakfast cereal is. But some women will just think its insincere and move on to the guy that ask what the do for fun when its already on their profile.

It’s really not about it being harmful or harmless. If it's out of context it may seem insincere to them. just a fact, an educated guess as to why they may not feel engaged. That's all. Nothing personal.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 104
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:09:54 PM
Forget all that! Seriously, what's important is NOT what you say in the first message IF you aren't picking out the people who are likely to have some potential interest. You'd do better to spend your time figuring out the type of people who tend to interested/attracted to you. Once you figure that out, the rest is fairly easy.

I've had fantastic, intricate, witty messages from men I have absolutely NO interest in whatsoever. Women don't date messages, they date MEN! You can craft the most fantastic messages but if you're not sending them to the right people, it won't matter how good your message is.

That really is the bottom line, so spend your time learning what type of people are attracted to you if you can't figure that out Cyrano couldn't draft a message good enough to get a reply.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 105
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:13:08 PM

What to say on the first message?


"I would like to take you shoe shopping. My treat."
 patchman1313
Joined: 8/18/2013
Msg: 106
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 10:19:40 PM
Incorporate something related to her profile or interests and ask a question about it. Like, "So, what's your favorite book by that author?" or "I also love horror movies , what's your favorite horror movie of all time?" And it still probably won't work. Never mind.

ATB Patchman
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 107
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/9/2014 10:40:06 PM

And it still probably won't work. Never mind. ATB Patchman


I was thinking, that's really good advice Patchman, then I got to the end of your post....UGH! :)
==

Mention what you liked about their profile -humorous bit in it, similar interests, etc.


Humor definitely works for me. But, of course, if the person is not the least bit attracted to your photos, I am not sure any message would work.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 108
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/12/2014 6:25:59 AM

"turtle soup...", then the first line would be wow youre pretty wierd to have read the title and still opened this, lucky for you i like wierd people


Depending on the mood, I may respond. Definitely an interesting title. :P
==

Or if shes a nurse you can say that you had a nurse give you a shot once and you bet she could do it better than her


^^^Depending on her sense of humor, this might work.....?" ;)
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 109
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/13/2014 1:06:55 PM
^^^^^ at 51 I'm sure you get to deal with way more mature women.
at 25 I'm not as lucky
 patchman1313
Joined: 8/18/2013
Msg: 110
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/13/2014 10:34:12 PM
A anarchist, why are you worried about my junk?
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 111
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/13/2014 10:54:49 PM

^^^^^ at 51 I'm sure you get to deal with way more mature women.
at 25 I'm not as lucky

At 25 you're damn lucky, I'll gladly take unlucky 25s over lucky 50s
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 112
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 8:21:03 PM
perfect 1st message.
"there are two kinds of people on this site. Real and Fake! Which one are you?"
guaranteed to get a reply haha
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 113
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 8:33:29 PM
I can guarantee that a passive aggressive message will get a response. Fast. You know, something along the lines of 'Your enthusiasm is killing me' or 'I can a hear a pin dropping'.

Watch how fast they respond:)
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 114
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 8:34:35 PM
Or, 'I can't believe you visited my profile and didn't say hello. I'm devastated.'
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 115
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 9:23:21 PM

I meet my late fiancé at a POF event and dated two woman who emailed me first and they had NO photo on their profile

None of those were due to sending initial messages, though. And, chances of success are Much higher for the guy when the girl writes him first.

The old OKC statistics page shows that a non-short emails do have a better response rate. By a small margin. But the time it takes to do so means you're spending more time altogether for the same amount of responses.

Also, I think it depends on age range. If you're hitting up young non-bookworm 18-24 gals -- you don't need to worry about longer emails (which could possibly turn them off). If you're hitting up middle aged women who are sick of mere "His", sure. But you still don't need to write a novel.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 116
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 9:30:38 PM

If you're hitting up middle aged women who are sick of mere "His", sure. But you still don't need to write a novel.


Gosh CR, when I read this, "middle-aged" it just sounded so old.....man, I'll get use to it. I actually think I am starting to like the shorter messages, BUT, it has to be humorous and witty. At middle-age, I gotta work a little faster now...
:)
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 117
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 9:42:29 PM

Forget all that! Seriously, what's important is NOT what you say in the first message IF you aren't picking out the people who are likely to have some potential interest. You'd do better to spend your time figuring out the type of people who tend to interested/attracted to you. Once you figure that out, the rest is fairly easy.

I've had fantastic, intricate, witty messages from men I have absolutely NO interest in whatsoever. Women don't date messages, they date MEN! You can craft the most fantastic messages but if you're not sending them to the right people, it won't matter how good your message is.


Good point. This along with photos and maybe the profile as well is going to determine if you get a positive reply. For the most part, it's not the content of email. For example, if I have very few common interests with a woman or I clearly don't match the type of man she is looking for ( race, age, religion etc ), then I won't email her.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 118
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What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 9:45:07 PM
Long emails may do slightly better that short ones (interesting thought lol) but if you can send 100 short ones verses 30 long ones you will do better numbers and get more dates with shorter ones with the 3-1 send ratio.
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 119
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/17/2014 10:11:34 PM
i like what was said in Msg 135
oh wait that was me 8)
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 120
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 2/18/2014 3:50:06 PM
Is it just me, or does any one think its funny that no women ask guys what to say on the first message?

look, if you have found yourself a girls page, and it gives a bunch of rules about how to message her. Move forward, she aint happy with life lol. Look at all the messages before this one. Every woman saying to do this and so that just to say hello on the first message? Not happy.


So guess what? Say what you want to say.
An emotionally available and chill happy girl with hello, so long as you dont look like smeagle or a bridge troll.
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