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 onemoreleft
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 26
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Why can't single dads get dates???Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Jenn8131, I am so sorry you fell into a trap like that. I can completely understand your point. I wont give you any flax, only because you must have had at least one bad experience . I read your post hoping to find another answer. What I found was that all twelve examples you gave were completely wrong in my case. May be I was lucky with my ex, she left me and never looked back, not even to spend much time with her kids. She went back to school and met someone while she was there and is with that person still 4yrs later. The problem I think I keep running into is that women my age have already raised there kids and don't want to feel tied down. Completely understandable, but the single moms with kids my kids age look at me as to old. The difference is that I am self employed and completely debt free. Everything I have is paid for all the way from my home to my garden hose. No credit cards nadda. My only hold back is I can't just jump on a plane and take a weekend get away. What I don't understand is why men are okay with dating a single mom but not the other way around. Times have really changed, women have kinda taken over the old single man role....PARTY!!! lol It's okay though, what you've never had you can't miss, and that is the love of a good, trusting, responsible man. Anyway have fun fishing here at Lake POF, I'm sure you'll reel one in soon if you haven't already.

bye bye, Michael
 Sexycoolchic
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 27
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:37:40 AM
Saying to a woman you come second is rude, as a single mother, my obligation to my children do not need voicing, I live it, but God comes first, then me, because if I'm not healthy we all suffer. A lot of people use there children as a clutch, the most important gift you can give a child is the modeling of a healthy, loving, relationship, both of my kids said they want me to get married, real love is happiness for all, not just your kids, I am a woman first, which makes me a better mom, b/c I do not rely on my kids for my grown up stuff. Dating takes time, there is no easy way, it will find you, in Gods time, I just hope it's soon, lol
 taylorapples
Joined: 1/16/2013
Msg: 28
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/30/2013 4:53:05 PM
I read your first two sentences of your question and found your answer.

You spend every waking moment with your kids.

Hello...They are small people not cancer. Anyone who spends every waking moment with their children are not only denying themselves a fulfilling life, but are taking away their kids ability to be their own person, find their own way, make their own path, and for gods sake, have a life that is relevant to someone who isn't 36. Stop smothering your kids and get a life. Which will happen when you stop spending every waking moment with children.
 CavDoc113
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 29
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:08:27 AM
I have wondered that myself. My only answer...Children are "competition" in the eyes of some women. I have learned through trying to find dates that women feel it is okay to proclaim that their children are "their life", but if a man proclaims the same, the women are usually not interested.

I think that part of it is that you as a loving and caring father are not going to tolerate them badmouthing their "baby daddy", and telling you about how irresponsible men are, and how women are better parents.

I have shared custody of my sons, their mother and I get along well, and we all actually hang out together, take the kids to movies, go to Family events together, and she even brings her boyfriend along to many of the things we all do together. And guess what? Our Children are happy and do well in all aspects of their lives.

How selfish is it when someone feels threatened by someone putting the emotional well being of their children before their own selfish ideals?

Any way, it is a struggle....But honestly, if a woman cant seem to figure out how important it is to be a GOOD Father; then I really have no place for them in my life, and would rather not have to deal with them and their foolishness.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 30
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/1/2013 9:16:14 AM
I'm 49 with a 9 year old and I don't have any problems. 95% of the attention is from single moms. A lot of them have an ex who ignores his child(ren), and a man who loves his kids compares very well. A lady who has no children or who has grown children is not as likely to be interested, but there are of course exceptions.
 jdchic
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 31
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:37:35 PM

However if I am out with them and a woman walks by I will give a smile and/ or hello then she will look at my kids and turn away.


So.. how do women respond to you when you give them a smile and/or hello when you don't have your kids with you?

I'd be turned off if I felt like a guy was actively hitting on me in front of his kids. Not because he has kids, but because it doesn't reflect well on his parenting abilities or boundaries.

Don't take it personally when people say they aren't looking for someone with kids. They just aren't. It's part of the deal. On to the next one.
 jdchic
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 32
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:43:34 PM

I read your first two sentences of your question and found your answer.

You spend every waking moment with your kids.


You must not have finished reading those first two sentences before commenting, huh? Because he said he spends every waking moment with his children WHEN HE SEES THEM.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 33
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:35:30 PM
HUH? I'm sure women assume your married if with your kids & a slimeball as well for flirting, unless your wearing a divorced sign around your neck.

I never had such problems meeting & or dating when my kids were kids. Quantity was never an issue but quality was. Most were in my shoes recently divorced or separated & looking for no more than companionship. Shouldn't expect anything more serious since your life & most of your time revolves around your kids.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 34
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 7:49:17 PM
I know TONS of single fathers in real life; and none of htem have problems getting dates.

Where you are looking is your biggest issue.

Make sure you are looking where other single parents are. And know what you want and what you have to offer both; so you can find someone who is a good fit for what you want and will also get a good fit with what they want in return.

BEcause kids can complicate, but since both people are parents, they should both be patient since they both should get it.
 xluv3
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 35
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:42:18 PM
i feel like it helps you out that people are like that because im a single mom with two kids if someone doesnt like my kids no need in wasting my time talking to them you need to find someone who will love not only u but your kids dont be sad about it be glad ur not wasting ur time talking to people like that
 Paramagic00
Joined: 9/3/2012
Msg: 36
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:48:14 PM
It does goes both ways, but I have single mothers friends and they typically start by looking for guys w/o kids. It's ironic but they mention the fact that they won't have to deal with the intermingling of kids or being a female role-model to kids that aren't theirs. I understand a man without kids 99.9% will be more attracted to a woman without them as well but guys are guys and if he is attracted to her enough he'll overlook the kids. Women on the other hand, I think, are more patient generally speaking so they wait until the bbd (bigger, better, deal) comes along. I am nearly identical to you single dad who has residential custody of two kids 8 & 10, I don't have issues with getting attention from women but when they see the commitment I have to my kids many don't and know they can't compete. It's a Kobayashi Maru.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 37
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:00:28 PM
It does goes both ways, but I have single mothers friends and they typically start by looking for guys w/o kids. It's ironic but they mention the fact that they won't have to deal with the intermingling of kids or being a female role-model to kids that aren't theirs. I understand a man without kids 99.9% will be more attracted to a woman without them as well but guys are guys and if he is attracted to her enough he'll overlook the kids. Women on the other hand, I think, are more patient generally speaking so they wait until the bbd (bigger, better, deal) comes along.


I'm not a parent, but your point about single mothers not going for single fathers got me thinking. Could it be that typically women are the ones that do most of the household tasks and child rearing and maybe single mothers don't want to add more children that they have to do that for? In my experience with single friends that have children, many, if not all of the time, the woman in the relationship does most of the work regarding the children (his and hers), such as cooking, cleaning, making lunches, etc than the man does. The man tends to do a lot of the fun stuff, like playing with the kids. This may be a reason why some women, mothers or not, are not interested in a relationship with a single father and why it is easier for men to overlook the fact that a woman has kids. Just a thought.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 38
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:26:46 PM

In my experience with single friends that have children, many, if not all of the time, the woman in the relationship does most of the work regarding the children (his and hers), such as cooking, cleaning, making lunches, etc than the man does. The man tends to do a lot of the fun stuff, like playing with the kids. This may be a reason why some women, mothers or not, are not interested in a relationship with a single father and why it is easier for men to overlook the fact that a woman has kids. Just a thought.



maybe it's who you know. I have a lot of friends who are guys who are self sufficient, they cook, shop, clean, do the teacher conferences, paint, do homework with the kids; do the driving for the kids; all of it. They are extremely self sufficient and absolutely capable of taking care of their own household (and these are guys with sole or majority custody; not the ones getting a weekend every other week). If women assume every guy is a helpless wanna be kid; they are missing out on some incredible guys who might even give them a run for their money on all that stuff. Both genders are evolving and roles are evolving; maybe people will give each other chances that would look beyond before.

VVVVVV


maybe it's who you know.


Maybe it is. I'm trying to remember how they were when they were just dating, but for my friends that are in serious relationships (living together or married), this is usually how it ends up for them.


I was also wondering if it was an age thing; most of the guys I know who are like this are in their 40s to early 50s... but you're younger than me so I am assuming your friends are as well, so there goes that theory :) Maybe it's just a scandinavian trait up here in the midwest... I think every individual is different though. I know a lot of guys who literally ended up being house husbands in their marriage, the primary caretaker both during marriage and in many of their cases after their divorces. Maybe that's the exception, but have come across a LOT of them over the past ten years or so in life.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 39
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:35:22 PM

maybe it's who you know.


Maybe it is. I'm trying to remember how they were when they were just dating, but for my friends that are in serious relationships (living together or married), this is usually how it ends up for them.
 scifigirl97
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 40
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:26:51 AM
Ok, I'm sending this quite late, but I want to reply. I'm 38 yrs old and single...never married. Never had kids.
Here's why I think you are experiencing what you are experiencing.

When I see a single dad, out...in person...I assume he's married.
When I see a single dad online, a couple of things go through my head:
1. He's divorced for a reason. Could be an issue of "his" personality, but it may not be. Either way, why roll the dice and waste even more time?
2. I want kids one day, and I want to have that "first experience" of having kids with someone else who hasn't had the experience before.
3. I don't want to meet a guy who is looking for a mommy for his kids, and who expects me to raise them all on my own.
4. I don't want to deal with his babies' momma (s), especially if she's/they are crazy.
5. I don't want to have to deal with any issues he may have with my parenting skills because he can always pull the "they're MY kids" card.
6. What if his kids are total brats....rosemary's babies?
7. I want kids. He's indicated in his profile that he may want or is undecided about having kids. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I trust this. Many guys will state whatever they need to to pacify the masses. When it comes down to it, does he REALLY want more kids, or is it just to make himself a more attractive catch.

Now, having stated all of that, as I get older, I'm realizing that I may be passing up some wonderful men who are single fathers. The argument can be made that some single fathers (by the sheer fact that they were once married and have kids) are more inclined to pursue committed relationships and have proven their sense of responsibility. I realize that this is most likely true in many cases. But again, why would I risk taking that chance when my own childish girlhood dreams of the ideal guy have been repeatedly disappointed even with just never married men? So, I take that chance and assuming that it goes south, I find myself in a crappy situation with a man who has kids, and an annoying ex wife who lurks around every so often. To me it's just not worth it. BUT....what I think I know about the world, and my efforts to control my love life have been completely wrong and unsuccessful. So I will say that everything I've just told you is an honest reply to your question of what I"m guessing goes through many womens' head even though I realize that these are ignorant and unfounded assumptions.
I hope that helps, and I hope that you don't judge me for my blatant honesty. I wanted to answer your question because it's something I've thought about considerably...especially since one man (who could've easily been the love of my life) was a guy who was divorced with 3 kids. At the time, I was so smitten, I didn't care about the kids.
So now I've probably sufficiently confused you!
I guess the bottom line is that love/romance/relationships are complex, and nothing is black and white (for example, I was on match.com for 2 days and then closed my account because guys would indicate their preference for every race of women BUT African-American. Some of those same guys would email me. The gall!!!)
I guess you'll just have to roll with the punches like the rest of us. It's a combination of luck and good timing I think.
 scifigirl97
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 41
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:34:30 AM
Also.....I agree with the previous comment: "Saying to a woman you come second is rude..."

That would certainly turn me off from a single father because I am sooooo over single men who say, "my job comes first, or everything under the sun in my life (I'm exaggerating here) is a priority." So, if I'm not going to tolerate that anymore from single men, then it would certainly put me off from a single father.

I just don't have time anymore for men who will treat me as an afterthought.

Okay. Sorry for the rant people!
 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 42
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:54:28 PM
in all honesty if a lady has already raised her own kids- i myself mine are all grown
it is a little scarey maybe getting involved to help possibly raise someone's elses children and the challenges that go with that- having completed my job as mom and i do have a deep profound love for all kids even ones that are not mine i would not mind it i think but hard to say for sure.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 43
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/6/2013 7:32:44 AM

in all honesty if a lady has already raised her own kids- i myself mine are all grown
it is a little scarey maybe getting involved to help possibly raise someone's elses children and the challenges that go with that

That's what it's all about in most cases.
I got a few rejection letter saying something similar. I understood their reason.
I understood more so, when I wrote to someone, and found out she has a 5 years old.
I had to say no, I will not get involved.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 44
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:57:20 PM
Because they approach woman with the mindset of "i'ma single dad, she's not gonna be interested" and it's written all over your faces.

Because you've likely been hurt by an ex and are not over confident in yourself or are wary of it happening again..

Because even us single moms don't want to hear about your kids all the time. We know you think they are great. Mine is great too!

Because if you have your kids all the time and spend every waking moment with them, then where is the time for us?

Likely it's not your kids that are making them turn away, maybe it's how you present yourself.

They assume you are married (as I do) when you have your kids with you.

plenty of guys with kids get dates./ find girlfriends/ get remarried.. it's probably you that's the problem. ;~)
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 45
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/6/2013 9:08:19 PM

Jesus. No one is looking for you to "apologize." They just don't want to deal with kids and are not interested in you.


Yes

Op lots of men on have problems getting dates. Women will have all kinds of reasons to not be interested in a man you could twist yourself in knots trying to change how they feel or change your life to attempt to suit thier needs why not just be you live your life the way you want to live it and eventually you will find a woman who likes you the way you are. In the meantime enjoy your kids and try not to blame them for your lack of success in finding a woman.
 1WishList
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 46
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/6/2013 10:57:57 PM
I have been a single parent for many, many years. My youngest is now 17.
The thought of dating someone who has children younger than 17 doesn't appeal to me.
I'm looking forward to the lightening of responsibilities, when my son goes to college, and enjoying time with the man in my life, rather than helping him raise his young children.
 devinedessert
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 47
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:52:58 AM
Nice to see this is not isolated to Australia and just me.........However depressing it is I think being on these dating sites can be deflating when on paper, I'm close to perfect in an overall sense of what makes up a compatible mate, but simple fact women must just not find me attractive. I pride myself on writing lengthy greetings to be original and to show I have a brain and I'm not just after sex and I don't even get a polite no thanks. How can it be fat, ugly, grubby, perverts, psychos, sexists etc get the attention but I can't? It would seem as one writer said the majority of women on here are shallow and full of crap. I think the decent women probably get scared off quickly by the vultures.

Anyway my children are my world and I wouldn't put someone ahead of them so perhaps that's a reason women steer clear of single dads, I don't know.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 48
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:50:13 PM

Why can't we get dates? Because women are just as shallow as men. Of course who ever we date will come second to our kids. This doesn't mean though that you could never be apart of my life or my kids life's.

Good grief.

Not wanting to deal with someone else's kids and everything that comes with it (like last minute cancellations, crazy ex wives or husbands who are always in the picture, not having much free time alone because they always have their kids, rarely being able to do something impulsive because the parent can't get away for the weekend without an act of congress, and the list goes ON) doesn't make someone 'shallow.' It just means it's NOT a lifestyle relationship they care to take part of. "Shallow" is when someone judges another superficially purely on their looks or their worth. It has nothing to do with not wanting to deal with someone's kids. Jesus.

I just love how you claim people are so 'shallow' because they don't want to date you because 'your kids are your world,' then your very next sentence tells exactly why they don't want to date you - because they'll ALWAYS be "second place." Gee, I can't imagine why tons of people aren't literally knocking each other down to be first in line to sign up for that.
 Cobenicus
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 49
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/8/2013 7:13:17 PM
That does make you shallow. Deal with it.
 CutieSue
Joined: 10/20/2010
Msg: 50
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:21:56 AM
I would date single dads. I just fear many things when dating. I don't want to repeat past relationships.
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