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 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 24
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If a woman contacts me after a date and I wasn't interested, I would send her a text or email stating that there was no connection. It's simple and upfront with tact.


It's the guy's job to follow up on a first date. I like men who go after what they want. And the ones why REALLY do, WILL contact me, and won't assume anything. Pursuing a guy never works, and I'm not attracted to guys who like to be pursued anyways, so leaning back and waiting for him to contact me is win/win for me. If he doesn't - NEXT.


There is nothing with a woman at least sending a text after the date saying she had a great time. There is no dating rule that states a man always has to contact a woman first. It doesn't have to be exactly 50/50. But if a woman rarely or never initated contact, I would think that she's not that interested in me.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/27/2013 11:05:53 AM
I had almost the exact thing happen after a first meeting with a guy from POF, then he disappeared.. LOL. You are a shining example of someone who is truthful and honest.. the man who played games with me, was not. Takes all kinds to make the world go round. This is why I say yes or no within a few hours of the meeting. I don't play with others hearts, its not a game to me.
 Who234needsu
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 28
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/27/2013 1:37:31 PM
I wanted to comment on sciencetaker's post. I think it is awesome that you had the insight to know what to do. I would melt right there if the (right) guy did that. Having said that, I think the worst thing a guy does at the end of a date is to say he will call, but has no intention to call. Also, why kiss or hug a girl you have no intention of calling? If you are not interested, if the date was a flop, it is a pretty good guess she wants to end it as much as you do. And there are also the scenarios where the date is good or great but there is no electricity. Not sure about guys, but many women will be open to a second date (a real date). First meetings are awkward and often both are nervous.

I love what you did. But I would say to any guy out there that if you are not interested, don't go beyond a possible handshake good bye. That will be enough to say there was no interest and won't leave the poor woman wondering what she did wrong when you don't call again.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 30
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/27/2013 1:49:02 PM
The date I was referring to in my post was a first meeting, we laughed and he asked me to stay and have dinner.. he smiled flirted and even reached for my hand. he gave me a very sweet kiss and said, " I guess we will be spending a lit more time talking. You are beautiful, funny and intelligent, I can't wait to see you again" I sent a text thanking him for dinner and said I look forward to hearing from you again. Nothing.. he disappeared.. no call, no text and dropped off POF for a few weeks. He came back and never said a word. I sent a text suggesting he find his big boy pants and at least say something like I am sorry it just wont work for me.. he never did. FLAKE.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 33
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/27/2013 3:45:11 PM
I generally choose meets with men who are good communicators. Twas their ability to communicate which got us each out for a meet.
"It's been interesting meeting you. Do you agree that we're not well suited?" Is my line, for those times when i'm not interested. Two people are then taking ownership for the situation ending sucessfully......
But that's just me...straight up.....
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 36
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:12:47 AM


This just amazed me. My GAWD but you are dedicated to the cause! By dating 100 men in a years time....this means on average you dated approximately 2 men a week give or take a 2-week vacation from them, lol. How in the world did you find the time? Not only that...where in the world did you find 100 them...lol? Don't be stingy...tell us your secret!

I get busy with work, my family, my friends, my hobbies and interests...and because of time constraints, I'd be happy if I could fit in one date a month much less 7 - 8 of them. Laskaboo gf...you are my hero!!!


you apparently do not know the difference between a "date" and "meet and greet"... or any concept how to online date.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 37
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/28/2013 5:46:42 AM

OP, I NEVER (and I mean NEVER) contact a guy after a first date. I leave it totally up to him to be back in touch. This way, only the ones that are REALLY into me contact me again, and I weed out the passive ones who want to be the girl in the relationship and have me pursue them from the get go. Makes life much easier that way and you don't waste your time with follow up text messages and then wonder if/when they will respond. If a guy REALLY likes you, he will contact you again.


The trouble with your approach Linda is that you are not differentiating between the ones you WANT to see again and the ones you DON'T, and I think that is REALLY important.

"If a guy REALLY likes you, he will contact you again."

NOT TRUE. There have been times where I have LIKED a guy, then left him to get in touch, and he hasn't. Then a few months down the line run into him again and he says he thought I was not interested and as I gave him no encouragement he didn't contact me!

OK so what I do now is.... IF I want to see him again (which is hardly ever, by the way) I send him an email soon after the date saying "It was really good to meet you" with some other positive comment or compliment, finishing off with an exclaimation point or smiley to show I am cheery and upbeat about meeting. But I don't ask to meet again, because that is putting him too much "on the spot". If he is not interested he can either not reply, or reply saying "thanks for meeting me" and leave it at that. If he DOES want to meet me again, he can say "Hope we can meet again." Then they feel like they are doing the "chasing", which they seem to enjoy.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 39
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/28/2013 6:50:06 AM
I'm not surprised they didn't call. I wouldn't call somebody who laughed at me when I said I would call them.

I was going to say the same thing. But than I kept on reading

You're missing the point here. If a guy really likes a woman he will most likely ask for a second date before the first date ends. Or he will at least let you know by his actions that he really wants to see you again. The ol' vague "I'll call..." REALLY does mean "I WON'T call."

When I laughed I let him know that I was in on the joke. If he had really liked me in the first place he wouldn't have been so luke warm as to say a thing like that. I deserve better than luke warm.

And now I agree.



"It's been interesting meeting you. Do you agree that we're not well suited?" Is my line, for those times when i'm not interested.

I like that. I say something similar.
I also agree with Cowboy, and did/said something similar to that. I don't see why is that so hard.

Lucky that was pretty funny example..
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 40
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/30/2013 6:20:06 AM

NOT TRUE. There have been times where I have LIKED a guy, then left him to get in touch, and he hasn't. Then a few months down the line run into him again and he says he thought I was not interested and as I gave him no encouragement he didn't contact me!


Very good point. Sometimes I was interested in another date. But didn't contact a woman because I felt she had lukewarm interest in me at best.
 deanne_4u
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 42
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/30/2013 1:17:01 PM
You know it would be terribly hard to let a person know if you are not interested in them. I'm lucky now I have found someone who made it official with me. I had to let guys down to and ashame to say to ignore the messages or phone calls. Finally just told them that I had found someone else. Hate letting them hang without a response back.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 43
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/30/2013 3:17:10 PM

Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting


Nothing ! poof ..!
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 46
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:19:05 PM
I like to say something subtle like "I enjoyed meeting you but I'm just not feeling the vibe I was hoping for"
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 47
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:31:43 PM
sorry, the squirrel living behind the house got chased by a cat and doesn't want to come down the tree any more.
sorry. Hope you meet someone better than the cat
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 55
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/2/2013 3:37:02 PM
Okay, guys, I have a simple request:

If you're not interested, do right by the lady and tell her! Ignoring her calls and texts is a crappy, immature, and gutless thing to do. Ladies, the same goes for you.

It's better to be upfront and possibly friends after than to just be a prick :)


Same thing applies to women. When the women that I have talked to or had a few dates with lost interest for whatever reason, the majority of them have done the disappearing act. Or they will answer my calls or texts. But they will keep making excuses about why they are unavailable to go out on a date.
 LadyEH
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 56
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:51:52 PM
In communication before the meet I bring up the topics of the exit strategy. It may be love at first sight, we may have a fun time but no connection, we may be turned off after we meet ... whatever! Lets agree that anyone can call it a night no hard feelings.
 MiaIris
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 58
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:20:22 AM
I met a guy recently. We hit it off online through messages and even on the phone. Eventually we met up in person and got physical. He was a gracious and generous host. Our communication dwindled after the first week on either end but we met up again. Was physical again. He got terribly sick this week. I was texting him to see if he was feeling better for about a week but by the fourth date I was feeling insecure. The third weekend, I texted him a message parting ways and wishing him all the best saying I wasn't the right match for him. He texted back hurt and I tried to console and apologize.

My mistake was assuming that our communication was dwindling was a sign of loss of interest on his part. Plus I was feeling emotions for him and getting insecure and not getting positive reinforcement eventhough he texted me back on rare occasions leaving dear messages.

May this be a counter point for woman who aren't sure. Open communication is very important otherwise it leads to such misunderstandings.
 carlylyn
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 60
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/4/2013 10:22:12 AM
If I go out with a guy and we just don't hit it off, we'll usually have a friendly lunch/drink, whatever. Then I will say something like, "I enjoyed meeting you and spending this time together." Then I will extend my hand and lean over to kiss him on the cheek and he will do the same. He will tell me "good luck" and I will answer in kind.

The ones that bother me are the ones who tell you they want to see you again, but never calll---the ones that suggest sex right away, that kind of thing. I can pretty much read the motives and dissappear.

Right now I am chatting with a man who says he "doesn't have umlimited long distance" and wants me to call him....how difficult is it to GET unlimited LD? So I don't call him but he continues to send me emails and chat on POF......what do you aall make of this?
 carlylyn
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 62
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/4/2013 2:40:07 PM
I think a lot of us here, guys and gals, are always chatting with more than one person at a time. I do sometimes. But if there is someone I really want to get to know, I do concentrate on him. When I find a guy is chatting with more than me, I realize he is holding an opening for the second choice in case the first one doesn't work out.

That being said, I have dated a few guys from here who have been real sweeties and we have stayed friends. Most of them tho, have been jerks and manipulators. I catch on quick and end any communication. I did get really lucky with one guy from Virginia---who was a stalker----got inot my computer and messed with everything after I told him we wouldn't work out----2 dates. Finally I turned him over to the State Police who have a unit for cyber stalking and they paid a visit to his house and that ended it.

All guys aren't jerks. Just read between the lines and if you like someone take a chance. Just watch for that ut-oh feeling you got when you were a kid and if you get that or any red flags, back out....
 mirrorsky
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 64
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/4/2013 10:42:13 PM
Some guys try to not hurt the girls feeling by replying to some messages after the first date if you have to text them after the first date to get a reply then they are not interested. Now, if after the first date they blowing up your phone and making plans for the next one then they are very interested.
 mirrorsky
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 65
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 2/4/2013 10:51:43 PM
if he really like you and want to talk to you, he'll make plans for your next date and he will also get long distance on his phone after a couple weeks other then that if he have a job. If he don't have a job then that's a little tricky. For me if i'm not interested in a women and don't want to hurt her feelings and we stay far way i would tell her i don't have long distance on my phone and would not waste money on getting long distance because i don't plan on seeing you again.
 lookfordecentman
Joined: 6/14/2014
Msg: 69
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 7/21/2014 3:23:47 PM
This so so so so funny LOLing ing
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 70
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 7/21/2014 3:50:26 PM
I've never been not interested after a first meet.

Maybe a third?
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 71
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 7/21/2014 6:04:41 PM
Both genders are equally chicken sh*t on this issue. The 'disappearing act' has happened 100 million times to guys AND
100 million times to women.

After a meet or date, if I were not interested. I would shake her hand, and say, "Thank you for coming out."

I would say nothing more. Why? Because, NEVER in my life, has a woman given me the common courtesy of politely saying, "Hey, thank you for taking my st@nkin@$$ out, planning everything, and paying for it. I'm not interested in you, but I do thank you for a pleasant time." They've all done the 'vanishing act'.

So, "turnabout is fair play." (especially considering that I had to risk rejection, plan, AND pay for the rude privilege of being ignored. For all intents and purposes, all she did was show up).

Now, with the advent of texting, if a woman does not thank me (verbally or text) for the date, that's a red flag of someone with no basic common courtesy, and no matter how interested I might have been, I would no longer be interested.

Any time that I have been interested, I have called her the next day.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 73
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 7/21/2014 8:24:46 PM

I would shake her hand, and say, "Thank you for coming out."


She told you she was a lesbian?


They've all done the 'vanishing act'.


Many of these women would make great magician's assistants. (and a lot of the men, too, but they wouldn't look as good in fishnets and heels)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 74
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 7/21/2014 8:32:20 PM
If neither person is interested in another date, then I think it's okay not to say anything. However if a man contacts a woman and she isn't interested ( or vice versa ). Then I think it's good manners to tell him that "we're a not a match" or something close to that. She can block him if he gives her any type of backlash.

However what often happens is the disappearing act or one person keeps making excuses about why (s)he is not available for another date. This applies to both genders.
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