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 AUTHOR
 kendrajo51
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 26
The CatfishPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
LiterateHiker, I know what your saying, I've come across a few of those, reported them to the websites.

I would think with people having busy work schedules and lives, I think meeting within a month is good. If he hasn't wanted to by then, I usually move on.
 waitingforyoutoo
Joined: 7/19/2012
Msg: 27
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:29:58 PM
It is hard to get someone to meet without a few e-mails. I prefer to meet quickly. Why are we all wasting time that we may not have?
You do not have to know their number,where they live, just a place and time. Are people on this site playing each other?
I may seem to come off strong,but it is my belief that if you cannot meet then you are hiding something. That is not being desperate at all, just getting the bs out of the way not wasting time in a relationship that will never be.

Would be nice to just e-mail a person with "Would you like to meet(fill in the blank) yes or no?" Weeds out the superficial ones, cougars, gold diggers, and liars quickly.
Then I would like a feature on this site that says "you e-mailed them and they said "no" so I don't have to look at my messages to find out and their profiles are hidden for good unless there is a good reason and I can uncheck it.

More wasted time trying to remember who you e-mailed. I prefer to leave those alone anyway. There needs to be a friendship under the relationship you are searching for also. That would get rid of alot because I still think most of the women here are not looking for love and are just looking for other things.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 28
The Catfish
Posted: 2/22/2013 11:12:41 AM
The rule is you exchange 3-5 emails and ask them out, you can do it right in the email. If somebody wants to talk on the phone (but I don't recommend giving out personal information as a first choice), two calls and ask to meet. should average only about one-and-a-half weeks between the first email and meeting in a public place. You are strangers until you meet... 93% of communication are things other than words, such as body language.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 29
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/23/2013 11:46:04 PM
Catfish well thats an interesting term for it, I remember watching a documentary about online dating and virtual lives, it followed this woman who spent so much time online with this man in a virtual world that she fell in love with him. She left her husband and two children to go visit this guy who lived in another country, within a few days they fell out of love and she went back home. I've met up with a few scammers over the years, the most recent seem to be in the military, but the same sob story as LiterateHiker pointed out, he wanted me to cash a check for him, did I mention he was inline for an inheritance too, very sad.
For me it isn't real until we meet in real life, chatting and e-mailing online is fine at first, but within a couple weeks if the person still won't meet then I move on, no sense wasting anymore time.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 30
The Catfish
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:21:18 PM
Someone i know IRL was catfishing me IRL on another site, so I had fun with it...

If life hands u a lemon, make lemon meringue pie, forget the lemonade, that's too easy!
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 31
The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:31:36 PM
I think I may have been catfished once back when I was a newb.. but, I learned a whole lot. In that sense, I'm actually thankful for the experience.

For those who want to watch the documentary:

http://www.movie2k.to/Catfish-watch-movie-267587.html

I've also recently been accused of catfishing someone, lol.. maybe the term is getting almost too colloquial?

If you aren't interested in dating someone (and have been open and honest about that), but still enjoy chatting with them online on occasion.. never making any promises as to future phone calls or get togethers, no declarations of love... how the heck is that catfishing?

Especially when said accusation came on the heels of the supposed catfishee learning that the alleged catfisher is dating someone..

Honestly, I could care less if the guy I'm not interested in dating (for reasons I was quite clear about) thinks I'm pretending to be something I'm not. The guy I'm actually dating knows otherwise, lol.. but I suppose terms like this get twisted over time (and in certain people's minds).
 softshoe100
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 32
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:52:30 PM
I agree with you dreamcatcher. If I feel I need to take a gun to a meet I'm not going. Good God that is ridiculous.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 33
The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:57:50 PM
I love the tv show. I have had the scammers write me, however I don,t fall for the game, in fact have a disclaimer in my profile that pretty much keeps them away now. As for writing someone for weeks or months, no. I don't have time for that. Since I have kiddos and a life here, I am not able to move anywhere so I make it a point to only talk to men in my area. I want talk for months to anyone without meeting in person. This pretty much eliminates the catfish thing. I dont fall in love on line either. That takes time and a real relationship which to me means dating, doing things together IRL. This pretty much works for me.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 34
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:40:17 PM
^^^That is so freaking sad. Hope she somehow comes to her senses. I've seen similar, but not close to that level.

Question though, about how old is she? Is she that inexperienced in life?
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 35
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:54:23 PM

I agree with you dreamcatcher. If I feel I need to take a gun to a meet I'm not going. Good God that is ridiculous.

In Arizona, where you don't have to even have a permit to carry a concealed weapon, the expectation is that the lady has a gun. In her purse, on her person, hidden under the car seat, or strapped to her side. Makes for polite and considerate conversation.

However, I do understand folks from other places having reservations about a gun. It just doesn't exist in my neck of the desert. Heck, I was walking the dog the other day and a couple I met on the (dirt) road both had weapons strapped on. That's actually a normal thing and not commented on. I was in line at Home Depot a couple of weeks ago and the guy in front and behind me both had a gun in plain sight.

Yes, it IS the wild west out here.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 36
The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 5:51:42 PM
Ive personally had this experience when i was 19 and in the Marines, i talked online toa girl and she sent me pics of Josie Maran, I didnt know they were of Josie Maran mind you.

After a few months of online communication and phone calls, she disapeared, I called the number she gave me a few times and finally her landlord responded and told me she had been committed for pathological lying, and that she looked like mama cass. Years later I found her email and looked her up on facebook and it was true she looked like rosanne barr x 2.

It sucked and I really never understood why people lie, I have to believe it is because they think they can win you over with their personalities to the point where u wont care about their looks.

The flaw in that logic is if looks really didnt matter they would not lie about their own.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 37
The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 5:53:00 PM
freudian in that region I am not surprised, what with all the illegals border hopping, Id carry too!
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 38
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:07:42 PM
Sigh....you're somewhat correct. Our crime rates are around the 10th highest, but it's not quite as bad as it sounds. Our stolen car rate is extremely high; cars get stolen and taken across the border to be sold. A few recovered cars come back from Mexico with a ton of parts stripped off them. When they calculate crime rates, the car thefts are included so it skews the numbers to our disadvantage. Then there's the cartels mucking around with each other over their various trade routes. Lots of shallow graves out there in the desert.

But, I can't catfish where I live unless I want to drive to the border of Colorado or something.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 39
The Catfish
Posted: 2/28/2013 4:30:40 AM
Yes meet within a week or two and after you have heard a voice on the phone and preferably video. If they dont do any of that, move on. Simple. As for falling in love online, it is pure projection and fantasy. If and when they do actually meet in the flesh it is often a letdown. I have no time for those girls that let a stranger pick them up in their vehicle, drive them somewhere and are dumped and I imagine some are pumped as well. They dont take cabfare or any other money to buy their own drinks or coffee and then wonder why they are in a pickle and want to out the guy on here.
 the privateer
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 40
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The Catfish
Posted: 3/1/2013 11:02:53 PM
No pic, no play...its a rule I stick with, period!
 the privateer
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 41
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The Catfish
Posted: 3/1/2013 11:06:43 PM
Its not just Nigeria, but, also, Ghana and Ukraine. I've gotten so many of these (just as you described) that I instantly toss them in the dustbin at the first hint of any of your points.
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 42
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 1:45:02 PM
@Sweet, I have to wholeheartedly agree with this. You can't be too careful and in this day and age a woman has to try and not put herself in a situation that can go very wrong very fast. Getting to know someone a little over the phone or in e-mail is a good way to find out for sure if you really want to meet this person and whether there really is any compatibility there to build on. Bottom line is we are all really busy people and I don't want to spend an entire evening feeling uncomfortable because of jumping the gun, I've got other things I could be doing.

I think a previous post gave the definition of Catfish and I don't think it really applies to wanting to get to know someone in a few phone calls and e-mails first before going out of your way to meet with them. Just my .02 on the subject. I won't rush out to meet anyone and I can speak only for myself but every single time I've stood by that paradigm (and there have not been a whole lot) it's probably ended up saving me a from a potentially bad situation, most recently with someone who seemed great at first look but clearly had some anger management issues, no boundaries and for all intents and purposes tended towards potentially being a bully and abusive. Who needs that?

S
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 43
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 1:58:06 PM
^^ What I find comical about the guys who want to rush to meet you, is the fact that they end up getting their fast food elsewhere because they can't wait.. and then come back later when they got indigestion from it, lol..

I'm the same way, I don't meet after two conversations either, the very idea is laughable to me. I understand why people would want to play it that way, but doing it my way has never led to anything bad. So I think I'll continue how I have been.

Even if I do get accused of catfishing someone, lol..
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 44
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:02:54 PM
@Shakti, it's nice to know there are some of us who do take the whole concept of self-preservation and being careful a little seriously and I don't think it's appropriate that you get accused of catfishing for that when that whole concept is clearly not even remotely what the point is. Then again, if they're accusing you of that it begs the question what were their intentions in the first place and why the hostility at not getting their own way. Oh well...

Funny about the fast food thing, though, thankfully I can't say I've ever had that happen... :)

S
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 45
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The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:10:31 PM
This is so odd. I want to meet them as soon as possible. Sure, I understand the concern about safety, but a meet and greet at a Starbucks, mid-point lounge, public area where you could meet anyone accidentally, what's the problem with that? Granted, a phone call is not a problem, but that gives away your phone number, and by inference and public records, quite possibly your address. Email isn't quite as dangerous, but it can present risks as well, especially if you only have one email address you use regularly.

Heck, with the ability to search for pictures, twitter, facebook, you're at risk just being here at all. A techno-savvy stalker could make short work of finding you and driving you nuts.

I totally understand a woman's concern for her safety and privacy; that's why I want to meet them as soon as possible to get a real face to backup the picture, and a real conversation to back up the written claims. Nothing further will happen as long as she suspects I'm not on the level.

Am I weird?
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 46
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:21:51 PM
Freudian, although you make really valid and logical points, I think it's more about the feeling one gets when communicating with people even though in the back of our minds we might realize it's illusory at best and truth is they can just as easily turn up on our doorstep if the motivation is there no matter what.

In any event, there's a lot to be said about intuition and being able to chat with someone on the phone or in e-mail or in text usually gives me some kind of feeling of either, yes, maybe or absolutely not, in terms of whether I think I might want to see where something can go. As I said, I can only speak for myself but the few times I've followed my instincts and stood by my rule it's turned out my intuition was spot on and the guy was a loose canon.

I guess the bottom line is no one is an expert at this whole internet dating thing and we are all trying to do the best we can with what we've got to work with and based on our own personal point of reference, whatever that may be. I really have to get a good feeling about someone in order to meet them face to face because I'm cautious about most things I do and tend towards the conservative when it comes to my own personal space and safety but that's just me.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 47
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:24:25 PM

@Shakti, it's nice to know there are some of us who do take the whole concept of self-preservation and being careful a little
It's not even really about safety for me. I just can't imagine wanting to meet someone when I know next to nothing about them. I like to get a feel for someone first, and it has never led me wrong.

seriously and I don't think it's appropriate that you get accused of catfishing for that when that whole concept is clearly not even remotely what the point is. Then again, if they're accusing you of that it begs the question what were their intentions in the first place and why the hostility at not getting their own way. Oh well...
What was really weird is that I openly admitted to not being interested in dating this person. And when he found out I was dating someone else, he went off on me and accused me of having catfished him. Like, wtf!? Talk about stretching the term and inappropriately playing the victim.

Funny about the fast food thing, though, thankfully I can't say I've ever had that happen... :)
You've never had someone who wanted to meet up with you really fast, and then go away only to come back later? That has happened to me many times. It's like, what was the point of walking away, if you ended up coming back anyway??
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 48
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:26:14 PM

Am I weird?


Possibly. But back to the real question . . . :)

I agree that meeting quickly is the *only* way to flush out a catfish. And until personal information is exchanged, it is no more dangerous than emailing, as long as you practice safe habits. Public place, little or no alcohol, drive yourself, etc. If someone isn't interested in meeting within a week to 10 days, I move on. I'm just not interested in penpals.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 49
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:28:44 PM
If I can eliminate someone at an emailing stage and ferret out incompatibility there, why wouldn't I? I'd much rather do that than have to waste my time meeting them.

But seriously, catfishing is about something entirely different. It's about stringing someone along for months or even years..

And I confess, I might be a little addicted to the show now, lol..
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 50
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The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 3:46:11 PM
OK, I think I understand. But for me, a few messages and talking on the phone would be it without a meeting. I'd even give her my phone number and a reasonable time to call to assure contact. That way, she isn't at risk at all until the caller ID came up on the phone (provided she didn't block it which would be significant in itself). One should remember that men are also subject to fraud, intimidation, and even attack from a stalking female, male pretender, or both working in concert.

I want to know what I'm dealing with in the most physical way possible as soon as possible.
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