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 AUTHOR
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 51
The CatfishPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Freudian, you know I would recommend caution regardless of whether you're a woman or a man. Women are certainly not the only ones who open themselves up to potential uncomfortable meetings or worse by meeting too quickly. Jumping the gun is never wise in about 99% of any situation in life and dating in this new medium is no different than anything else one might be involved in.

Truthfully, think back on your life and ask yourself how many times have you gone headlong into a situation, regretted for reasons big or small and then looked back on it and realized that if you just would've taken 5 minutes to take a breath, slow down and be just a little cautious you could've save yourself a whole lot of chaos? Now, I'm saying this as it relates to everyday, common situations. Now, think of the same scenarios when it comes to the fragility of your emotions, your heart, your personal safety and well being, and ask yourself aren't all those things worth being a little extra cautious with? I would think that whether you're a man or a woman, your answer would be yes, right? :)

Truly, you can't be too careful and, moreover, your time -- precious little that most of us have these days -- and efforts are worth something so why waste them on someone who turns out to be something you're not looking for when you could've gotten a better grasp on the situation if you would've chatted maybe a few times and gotten to know something, anything, about them... :) Just my .02, I don't expect everyone to agree with me, it's just the way I'm conducting my own fishing expedition these days and, again, I can speak only for myself, but it's saved me a couple of times from what would have surely been very bad experiences.

S
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 52
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 5:57:43 PM

Truthfully, think back on your life and ask yourself how many times have you gone headlong into a situation, regretted for reasons big or small and then looked back on it and realized that if you just would've taken 5 minutes to take a breath, slow down and be just a little cautious you could've save yourself a whole lot of chaos?

Let's see, maybe six or seven times since lunch. More seriously though, A LOT.

I'm careful with money and really take my time on decisions. Less so on most everything else. Maybe I've been lucky, but I'd still press for a meeting as soon as possible to actually see (with my eyes such as they are) what I may be getting into.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 53
The Catfish
Posted: 3/3/2013 6:21:43 PM
I don't think a few conversations over a period of time is the definition of catfishing. I don't just run put and meet every man who emails me a few times. In fact its several emails and then a few phone conversations, then a casual meeting. I have been able to avoid a few possible nasty situations doing it this way. examples: 1. I met a man on here, seemed nice chatted on line back a forth for a couple of hours. He phone me the next day. During this conversation the subject of his ex wife came up.. Oh Lord, he went off into a rampage about how rotten she is and how his kids all hate him, blah blah. It took a bit to get a word in and I hung up. I sent him an email later that evening.. No thanks. He got angry that I called him angry and sent another tirade of an email. Block and done. 2. talked to another man , seemed very sweet. after a few emails ( over the course of a few days) it lead to phone conversation. This guy called and called and sent text after text. I had to block his number after asking him twice to stop it.
The ones I met sooner, well, one simply tried everything to get me to go to his place. Thanks but no thanks. The second, flaked after first meeting. ( he was the one who could not wait to see me again and even planned the next date.
So for the gals, my opinion, much safer to use your female intuition and talk a bit first. Sometimes its save time in long run. JMHO
 Chima90802
Joined: 9/6/2012
Msg: 54
Sorry Shakti, my simple four ways not to get Catfished
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:31:26 PM
Catfish now found to be prevalent in online dating. It's when you perceive someone to be something they are not because of a role they played to make you believe. These are four can't miss way to not let this happen to you.

1. If it's too good to be true then it probably is. Some people pose as other people that they want to be like. Really look at the profile. Go through and read the interest on the profile. Many times the profile would have little to nothing or the opposite which is overly too much information that the person posts about them. Many catfish want to see the reaction they can get from their profile.

2. You think the profile online is cool and the person is hot. The next step to do is message them. Some of the time if it's a fake profile they won't message you back. If they do message you back try telling about yourself, maybe they'll open up and do the same.

3. If you are interested in a person then get their phone number ASAP. There is no rule that say you have to wait until a certain time to ask for the digits. If you are texting back and forth on the web still ask for the number. If the person is into you as much as you are into them they'll agree. If they are apprehensive then you should give them a week. Let them know you would like to hear their voice. (you should raise questions if it goes sometime and they aren't willing to talk on the phone.)

4. Talking and texting back and forth is nice initially, but after a month or so it's time to meet. You should schedule a meeting (public place) out so you can match the person to the picture that you have been looking at for the previous month. This is the difficult part because of school, work, kids, distance, and ect...

If you are talking on the phone and the person lives across country or across the world then it is important for the use of Skype, yahoo messenger, quik, or any video chatting device that comes with most smart phones, laptops, and PC these days. If you have a few hundred dollars, a can't miss way to not get catfished is too schedule a flight for the person to come visit you or vice versa, if this is a long distant relationship the objective of this is to interact with the person frequently and face to face contact is the best way to avoid getting catfished.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 55
Sorry Shakti, my simple four ways not to get Catfished
Posted: 3/7/2013 8:20:48 PM

I agree that meeting quickly is the *only* way to flush out a catfish. And until personal information is exchanged, it is no more dangerous than emailing, as long as you practice safe habits. Public place, little or no alcohol, drive yourself, etc. If someone isn't interested in meeting within a week to 10 days, I move on. I'm just not interested in penpals.


+ 1
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 56
Sorry Shakti, my simple four ways not to get Catfished
Posted: 3/8/2013 5:51:44 AM
I been doing the online meet and greet thing since the AOL era. In 2013 it seems that this process is more complicated then what it should be. I'm all for the emailing, exchanging of texts and phone convos, but seriously, how long can one person do that before they get bored? I like to think most of us are on here to CONNECT with someone in real life, right? I see the need and concern for personal safety, but that's why you meet in a public setting and tell someone you trust where you're are going and who you're going to meet.

It just seems to me by being on POF there are two things that are evident.

1) Some guys on here lack adequate social skills or the ability to communicate their thoughts properly through writing.

2). Women tend to have unpleasant experiences online and as a result are only here for FORUMS or just lumps all men in one package and gave up on the online dating thing altogether.

I see way too many posts as of late that are conveying my points on this (ie I'm not getting replies, how do you write a message) and it doesn't seem that the problem will sort itself out anytime soon.
 sawitontv
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 57
The Catfish
Posted: 3/17/2013 9:04:12 PM
So what do you do if you suspect someone catfishing? I've caught someone in the act before by using tineye.com to find the original profile images then doing additional research to back it up. I suspect that person is at it again with another profile only this time I can't track the images but the pattern of dialog matches.

A word about catfishing - it's nothing new. It just has a new name. I remember people used to do it for fun on BBS systems in the late 80's and early 90's. Doing it to the level that that football player fell victim to is pretty ruthless, however, and I'm not sure what the gain was from it. BBS was a predecesor to chat rooms, IRC, Instant Messaging, text messaging, etc. It was something you could dial up to with a modem and a terminal emulator.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 58
The Catfish
Posted: 3/17/2013 11:38:14 PM

So what do you do if you suspect someone catfishing?
Contact Nev :)
 afitdancer
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 59
The Catfish
Posted: 3/20/2013 8:36:13 PM
Three emails max before a face to face.

I got fooled once. Invited her to lunch "I have to admit I am not really in America" .... reported profile in seconds.

My warning bells on a hair trigger now :)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 60
The Catfish
Posted: 11/1/2013 5:21:55 AM
If we all really think about it we all are "catfishing" in one form or the other while playing on this site. I mean, honestly, reread the "definition" of such. We are impersonating the people we believe we are, and I honestly don't believe the majority really know who we are in the real world. As an example, yesterday I was told I was an important and valued person in another's life as a mentor, and I had no real clue. All I was doing was being me. Sometimes I even have to go hmmmmmmmmm.

Catfish are good eating by the way.
 summerdreams14
Joined: 10/22/2013
Msg: 61
view profile
History
The Catfish
Posted: 11/1/2013 5:45:35 PM
What I believe is Not to give our your personal info to anyone, until you have known them for a while. I see nothing wrong in blocking your phone number, until you feel you can trust the person. All manner of personal information can be obtained just from a phone number. Sad, to say there are online stalkers, etc.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 62
The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2015 5:43:27 AM

why can't the catfish be better looking in person? Why is it always the other way around?


Of course they could be better looking than their fake profile.

Like if they were a serial killer, or if it was a financial scam, they could be better looking in person.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 63
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2015 11:25:05 PM
When it's on the TV show I think they purposely pick those that will get the most WHOA! when the person is revealed. But a lot of it is that people fall for the idea that they have to be better looker, slimmer, sexier to get anyone to want them, even here you read all day long, oh you have to be hot or rich or whatever, when in fact people of all types find love, all the time, the world over. But if you believe that crap, that one has to be something better, they will have low self-esteem which leads to all kinds of bad behavior.
 PrettyBr0wneyed1
Joined: 8/29/2013
Msg: 64
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 2:03:39 AM
I am starting to wonder what the percentage of fake profiles is on this site. Being that I have been cat fished from this site, I feel like I have a better sense of sticking to "when something seems off, or you feel they're not who they say", you're usually right.

I still don't know who the real person was that I corresponded with, but I know that everything he told me was fictitious. It was not even a romantic connection for me. Initially he seemed interesting, so when he asked for my email address, I thought no big deal.

He had a very brief profile, only 2 photos and as soon as he got my email address he deleted his profile and that's when the catfishing started. I never asked, he volunteered information with every email.

He emailed me from 2 accounts both listed under what he said were his first and last name. He would over share in each email as to what he moved to NC for, what he did for a living. He said he worked for the NC Railroad as some of training conductor and that he'd go to different sites to train staff.

In some of his emails he became demanding as to why I was not following up with him fast enough, which prompted my curiosity then. I have a friend that works as a manager as CSX Railroads in Aberdeen.

The person that continued to email said that he had trained staff in Aberdeen at CSX. I asked my friend and he said he had no knowledge of that person or anyone ever coming to his site to train.

He said he had never heard of the person and told me to be careful. I ended up contacting the NC Railroad and they did not have that type of position, nor did know of that person.

The catfish continued to email me persistently and even concocted a story about seeing some of my photos on zoosk and some other site he was on. He went onto say he thought I was catfishing him. Lol! I ended up speaking to the person once. Gave them my Google voice number.

They called right away and instead of discussing where he allegedly saw my photos; he proceeded to ask why we couldn't go out and when was I going to meet him. I cut him short and basically said I needed to go. He continued to barrage me with emails. I finally told him that I checked the information he volunteered and that everything was a lie.

His emails grew violent to the point of him making threats. I ended up blocking both of his email accounts, blocking him from my Google voice. Hence why not I am a stickler for the use of Skype or some form of such. Some may think it's comical, but catfishing is highly common on many sites, but especially POF because it's free.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 65
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 4:07:06 AM
People complain about the possibility of other people not being who and what they say they are yet ignore people who's sales pitch (profile) isn't as polished as they would like it to be.....its a roll of the dice....has that reality not sunk in ?

The struggle that people face is finding somebody they actually think is good enough for them.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 66
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 5:20:51 AM

In some of his emails he became demanding...


Right there, that's when someone not gullible would have stopped and blocked and never looked back. No one can catfish you if you refuse to play the game.

How ever many fake profiles are on any site, most people can smell a catfish from the very beginning.
 PrettyBr0wneyed1
Joined: 8/29/2013
Msg: 67
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 7:23:01 AM

Right there, that's when someone not gullible would have stopped and blocked and never looked back. No one can catfish you if you refuse to play the game.


Mighty assumptive...still. No matter how much time passes you are still quite assumptive.

It's hilarious at how some assume things. No one is gullible but you, great grand ma. I was being honest about how common catfishing is, just because you're too old to realize that.

And if you read the reply entirely you would see I was not playing along, much rather the person was continuing to email. Again, no matter how much time I spend away I can come back and still find you and others like you that are assumptive and/or trolling these forums.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 68
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 10:18:12 AM
For myself I prefer to talk on the phone a couple of times before meeting....

Emails and texts just don't cut it for me....

If a guy is pushing to meet right away without a phone convo....that just doesn't say ANYTHING good about him....imo

I can also get a better read on a guy by talking on the phone. Voice intonation, timbre, pauses and hesitations speak VOLUMES, especially if he doesn't have time to think about it before replying!!! lol

As far as 'catfishing'...well, other than the usual outdated pics that barely resemble who they are now, mostly it's just about playing it safe....

I have been called to task for taking measures to protect myself and ensure my own safety before...but frankly I couldn't give a rat's ass if anybody approves or not of what I feel is necessary to ensure my own safety, or whether or not they believe that is the 'right' way to go about it or not....

It's MY safety and well-being, and I will do whatever, whenever and however I choose in order to ensure that I'm ok.
If somebody ISN'T in agreement with that, well, they are free to do as THEY see fit.
I have managed to keep myself alive and well, to date...and don't need anyone's 'approval'.

If a guy doesn't 'get' that, then we are NOT a match...Simple, really.
 PrettyBr0wneyed1
Joined: 8/29/2013
Msg: 69
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 11:54:34 AM

It's MY safety and well-being, and I will do whatever, whenever and however I choose in order to ensure that I'm ok.
If somebody ISN'T in agreement with that, well, they are free to do as THEY see fit.
I have managed to keep myself alive and well, to date...and don't need anyone's 'approval'.

If a guy doesn't 'get' that, then we are NOT a match...Simple, really.


Agreed and well stated.

I definitely operate under the same premise of talking, skyping, etc. to get a feel for the person. The situation that I shared was my catfish situation and there was no type of romantic connection for me and that was why I was open to email correspondence, but under normal circumstance I would have wanted to talk and skype.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 70
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 12:52:28 PM
What you’ve described doesn’t sound like “catfishing” to me.


Catfishing:' The phenomenon of Internet scammers who fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into romantic relationships



Catfishing is a type of deceptive activity involving a person creating a sock puppet social networking network for nefarious purposes.


So what was his purpose? Was it nefarious trying to get to know you? You said it wasn’t romantic so I’m not seeing the “catfishing.”

But thanks for the warning, probably nobody ever thought of it before or made a TV show of it. :/
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 71
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 3/7/2015 1:23:39 PM

It's hilarious at how some assume things. No one is gullible but you, great grand ma. I was being honest about how common catfishing is, just because you're too old to realize that.


See, right there, shows a person all they need to know and not bother with any further contact of any kind. so breaking my rule of stopping all contact when someone shows their true colors, because I wanted to point out that further contact will only encourage the other to keep making use of someone's gullibility.
 PrettyBr0wneyed1
Joined: 8/29/2013
Msg: 72
The Catfish
Posted: 3/8/2015 8:50:11 AM

See, right there, shows a person all they need to know and not bother with any further contact of any kind. so breaking my rule of stopping all contact when someone shows their true colors, because I wanted to point out that further contact will only encourage the other to keep making use of someone's gullibility.


Okay, understood based on the clarification and I do much the same if and when I have sensed it was potentially a catfish. I have learned to listen to our gut instinct or if something feels off, it usually is.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 73
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History
The Catfish
Posted: 3/23/2015 7:34:18 AM

why can't the catfish be better looking in person? Why is it always the other way around?


I watched a few episodes of Catfish and it was really sad. The person being duped stuck around because the catfish was a lot hotter than they could normally get in real life. They didn't want to pass up on a great thing. The catfish felt validated and desired, so you saw right away why they stuck around. They're not better looking in person because that would defeat the purpose of the catfishing. They would just present themselves AS IS if they were already attractive. You catfish so you can see what its like to be desired by someone you desire. Some do it to hurt themselves. They don't get a lot of action online, so they want to "prove" that people are superficial and create a profile with an attractive person as bait. They can then feel validated in "proving" people only care about looks. Catfishes are sad people. I would meet guys after talking daily on the phone for 2 weeks. No point in drawing it out.
 whatsmyname
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 74
The Catfish
Posted: 5/4/2015 7:15:24 AM
Google has image search. It is great to find out if the person is real or not. For the most part. If You find the picture of that person on several links you may be catfished.

Even try your own picture out to see if someone else is using it.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 75
The Catfish
Posted: 5/9/2015 9:09:09 PM

Google has image search. It is great to find out if the person is real or not. For the most part. If You find the picture of that person on several links you may be catfished.


Not entirely true. My profile picture can be found on my personal blog, and also on a photography meetup group that I belong to. That does not mean I am catfishing anybody.
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