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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Putting out too soon????      Home login  
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 Yourguyfriend
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 126
Putting out too soon????Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
hook em as quick as you can
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 127
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/23/2013 11:07:01 AM
There has to be a attaction.
Waiting till you fall in love, Ya I use to think that way, but since I have not fell in love with anyone, in 17 yrs,
Should I go without sex? I am in my 50's, and still want and enjoy sex, dont know how much longer that will
last. But, what to enjoy while I can. Doesnt mean I jump in bed with every man I meet.
I dated a guy for a couple months, there was a attraction, had sex after a couple months, He couldnt please
me, So why stay with him? His line of thinking was, you play with it till it gets wet and jump in, after 4 mins he was done.
No thanks.
I went yrs without sex. Figure now, Why should I? If I find a man I am attracted to, and he is attacted to me, why not?
Its my body, I'll do what I want. Could care less what others think.
 toddhammer
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 128
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/23/2013 11:48:13 AM
If she put out right away, but I thought it was because she really liked me, she'd definitely still be "girlfriend material".
 timmy keith
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 129
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/23/2013 1:14:13 PM
that so true no one need to judge any one if she put out on the frist date and if he talk about her he no better then she is my frist wife put out on the frist date we was married for 15 years no need to judge people i have hear man call woman names were they put out on the frist date so i think they she be call the same name
 Solomonlike
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 130
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/23/2013 4:17:22 PM
Ok, I guess I am looking for feedback from the fellas on this one. I would like to know if you can ever really respect a woman that puts out right away? Will you think she is easy and lose interest or can she still be"girlfriend material"?
"putting out too soon" ....sounds like a silly teen slogan. The practice of having sex early in a relationship is 1 that most frequently ends poorly for well over 90% of those who do. Generally speaking it stems from a lack of self respect and respect and understanding about sex. Sex is emotional, spiritual, psychological and physical/physiological. Those who engage in sex early in a dating situation tend to most often subscribe to an idea and reality of sex being primarily physical/physiological. This is in effect true even of those who claim they want more but nonetheless use sex as a bait to get those who are in that physical/physiological camp. This is much like attempting to travel to a place to which you have a fraction of a roadmap, an illegible address and a faulty completely outdated GPS....they also tend not to ask for better directions or upon occasions in which they do, fail to follow.....they are most frequently lost but in a state of denial.

The lost may not respect the lost but they tend to seek and/or cling to them in such a way that makes the old saying "birds of a feather flock together hold true".

My late husband and I slept together on the first meeting and we were together 9 years until he passed away.
Totally different ERA, not to mention different circumstances.

And, I have had more recent realtionships where I also did, and they didn't work out

Perhaps time to reconsider that failed model? ? ? ? What is the lay definition for insanity? It is not the mere fact of having sex it is the foolishness of having sex without developing the substance 1st. Also, why date as you did when a teenager and expect the results to be as good or better as a grown up? Shouldn't grown ups show more and better development in all areas of substance?

Another camp is that of viewing sex as a highly emotional, spiritual, psychological, physical/physiological interconnected union and journey and a portal to greater bonding and mutual understanding and consciousness as result. Those who follow that path simply do not have the issue of lack of respect. Those who follow that path tend to utilize a complete roadmap, with a legible address and a fully functioning GPS to success.

If seeking a real relationship of substance, one must have the substance/development that makes a relationship really work. Those who demonstrate substance tend to find relationships of substance.

It is simply foolish not wait until one REALLY knows and has REAL substantive connections with another on ALL levels(and of course a commitment to exclusivity) before having sex. Those who fail to do so, tend to repeat the same mistakes time and time again. What is the lay definition of insanity?
From reading this thread it is perfectly clear that age has nothing to do with insight nor maturity.
Actually those who demonstrate substance by waiting for commitment and real intimacy before sex show themselves to be the exception these days....and exceptional people tend to find exceptional relationships with exceptional results.
 scripto417
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 131
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:50:32 PM
Smart reply! Ya ought to be a psychoanalyst! Perhaps you are?

My response would be less educational and much less cerebral;

Normally a man who was granted paydirt so soon would be inclined to think, "Hmmm, if she put out so soon for me, she must be putting out for everyone who preceeded me, therefore I shall regard my new conquest as really nothing much more than a little piglet! A few more rolls in the hay and I'm outta here, thanks but no thanks!"
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 132
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/23/2013 9:27:32 PM

solomonlike
The practice of having sex early in a relationship is 1 that most frequently ends poorly for well over 90% of those who do.

Like 99% of the stuff posted as fact without anything concrete to back it up, you pulled that number right out of your A/H. At least your excuse is you're still a wet behind the ears pup, unlike the older one below.



scripto417
Normally a man who was granted paydirt so soon would be inclined to think, "Hmmm, if she put out so soon for me, she must be putting out for everyone who preceeded me, therefore I shall regard my new conquest as really nothing much more than a little piglet! A few more rolls in the hay and I'm outta here, thanks but no thanks!"


Such a well thought out response, from the little Porker rolling around in the Mud, too. If she's dirty for doing it to soon, then you're just as dirty for rolling around in the mud, too.
 59thShadeofGrey
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 133
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 5:43:47 AM

Hmmm, if she put out so soon for me, she must be putting out for everyone who preceeded me,


That would be a pretty insecure perspective to have...
 Solomonlike
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 134
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:07:59 AM
Like 99% of the stuff posted as fact without anything concrete to back it up, you pulled that number right out of your A/H.
Hummm....you pulled that number from even further up yours. Typical!

There actually is evidence that supports my premise....not the "number".
12/28/2010 in the Journal of Family Psychology-"Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes."

Dec. 19, 2012 Cornell and Ohio State University study,published in the August issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family.-"Women who entered into sexual relationships with their current partners the most rapidly reported significantly lower levels of relationship satisfaction than those who waited somewhat longer before becoming sexually involved."."Men who delayed sex also reported higher levels of commitment and less conflict, but the effect was greater for women. According to the researchers, this is consistent with previous studies that have shown that men are not as sensitive as women to the quality of a relationship."

Power to Change-"casual sex has inhibited our ability to build emotional intimacy into our relationships"

BYU -"study finds that waiting for sex is linked to better communication and stability in a relationship" "New couples who jump into bed together on the first date do not last as long in relationships as those who wait"(sample of almost 11,000 unmarried people)

September 2012 in Psychological Science,Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study-"people who delay to have sex may have a more secure attachment style, the healthiest form of attachment. "

Again;
Sex is emotional, spiritual, psychological and physical/physiological. Those who engage in sex early in a dating situation tend to most often subscribe to an idea and reality of sex being primarily physical/physiological. This is in effect true even of those who claim they want more but nonetheless use sex as a bait to get those who are in that physical/physiological camp. This is much like attempting to travel to a place to which you have a fraction of a roadmap, an illegible address and a faulty completely outdated GPS....they also tend not to ask for better directions or upon occasions in which they do, fail to follow.....they are most frequently lost but in a state of denial.

Another camp is that of viewing sex as a highly emotional, spiritual, psychological, physical/physiological interconnected union and journey and a portal to greater bonding and mutual understanding and consciousness as result. Those who follow that path simply do not have the issue of lack of respect. Those who follow that path tend to utilize a complete roadmap, with a legible address and a fully functioning GPS to success.

If seeking a real relationship of substance, one must have the substance/development that makes a relationship really work. Those who demonstrate substance tend to find relationships of substance.

I suppose the wet behind the ears pup has a lot to teach the old dog ....ready to learn new and more successful tricks?
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 135
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:47:17 AM
^^^ The study was conducted by Dean Busby, of Brigham Young University's School of Family Life and supported by research grants from Brigham Young University which is owned by the Mormon Church.



Dean Busby is quoted as saying “Almost 40 percent of couples are essentially sexual within the first or second time they go out, but we suspect that if you asked these same couples at this early stage of their relationship – 'Do you trust this person to watch your pet for a weekend many could not answer this in the affirmative' – meaning they are more comfortable letting people into their bodies than they are with them watching their cat," Busby said.


Notice the fictional scenario, the untested hypothetical, the suspected outcome, the interpretation of said outcome – all supporting the untested beliefs he already holds to be true.
 Solomonlike
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 136
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:23:56 AM
Ahhh so ......Even those darn Cornell and OSU studies not to mention the Center for Disease Control and prevention must be tainted. The BYU study could be held as suspect IF there wasn't a plethora of other studies that indicate the same thing. Of course, there is also the thing called....common sense.

Dr.Margaret Paul , Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? says, “[People try] to get the intimate connection through sex, but great sex is an outgrowth of intimacy, not a cause of it. ... Physical attraction is never enough to see people through the inevitable conflicts that come up in primary relationships.”

Fact is, of course most people particularly men who subscribe to a more sex as physical/physiological..."just do it", "jump right in", "if it feels good do it" camp will disagree completely with anyone suggesting that it is wiser to wait. Much like thieves objecting to surveillance cameras and security measures, people who want things easily generally object to anyone suggesting work and substance.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:54:04 AM
Soloman, thank you for the wise counsel.
As one of those who not just prefers to wait but does indeed wait, your citations from empirical research warm the****es of my heart. As I have oft times stated, I want (need) to know a woman before I get to know her. This attitude of promiscuous permissive sex (oral, intercourse, etc.) has cheapened the very nature of the act that is able to reinforce the bonds between a committed man and woman. The fact that we can use a phrase like " putting out too soon," to describe physical intimacy ought to be sufficient to realize the paucity of feelings we ascribe to sex.

Not for me. Not before, not now, and not in my future.
If a woman rejects me because I don't abide by some artificial "3 date" rule, then I figure I have avoided at least one bona fide heartache.

TK
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 138
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:07:38 PM

Solomonlike
Blah, blah, blah.


Solomon Like........Don't think to highly of yourself, do you?
Christian........................Check
interest, Bible Study......Check

Is this your Pilgrimage, to save the Heathens? Why don't come out and say your views on the subject come from a Christian Religious Viewpoint. Why don't you tell us, we're all Sinners and going to HE!!, too. You can try and wrap it in some Soft Science BS and find studies that support your Viewpoint, but you came to that Viewpoint from your Religious upbringing .

VVVVVVV
It may be egotistical on my part, but if I have sex with someone early, then I take it as She couldn't resist my charm, not that She does that with anyone.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 139
view profile
History
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:20:35 PM
Bostonbrat78 wrote:


Ok, I guess I am looking for feedback from the fellas on this one. I would like to know if you can ever really respect a woman that puts out right away? Will you think she is easy and lose interest or can she still be"girlfriend material"?


It all depends upon the situation. If the girl comes across as either desperate, or indiscriminate (as to who she chooses to have sex with) then I would probably not consider her as GF material. However, if she puts out, because she is really just into me, and simply wants that connection because she loves my body (or whatever), then I would definitely consider her GF material.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 140
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:29:11 PM
Oh wise Solomonlike, did you actually read the results from the Cornell Study? The study on which all the others were based? Bet you didn't because what it actually found was having sex early often lead to early cohabitation which was what lead to failed realtionships. So it is moving in together too quickly that causes relationships to fail not sex. Those who had sex early in their relationship but did not move in together faired as well as those who had sex much later into their relationship.

Before you spout out your beliefs as facts, you should actually read the study and not the synopsis in a right-wing christian journal.

Just saying, there is always more than one way to look at things,.
 02gixxerjake
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 141
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/24/2013 2:39:54 PM
Look at some of the profiles or messages on here 8-10 guys are just looking to get there rocks off. It is much better imo when there is some feelings behind it but to each there own.
 Solomonlike
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 142
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/25/2013 12:19:24 PM
Christian........................Check
interest, Bible Study......Check


Yep......in my profile, you have issue with it? Also listed as 1 of many interests is Tantra...what you'd learn from Tantra is that this same philosophy,I dare say truths have been around and shared for thousands of years. Also, funny that you at 60 would attack my age 1st then the same religion you claim on your profile......along with your interests;driving around topless...obvious belly out...comedic relief no doubt. Perhaps you listed a religious claim to induce the females you contact into thinking, you're just a "regular old guy"?


The study on which all the others were based?

WRONG! If you actually read, the other studies were NOT based upon the Cornell and OSU studies.


Bet you didn't because what it actually found was having sex early often lead to early cohabitation which was what lead to failed realtionships
Try a bit harder, the study was of current couples not singles. Now your attempt to spin is not what the findings in that particular study show according to the researchers themselves. The study could have simply found that early cohabitation leads to failure however, that in of itself is not the case. Your attempt to spin is far too oversimplified based upon your own bias. I cited several studies in response to an earlier post which suggested that my post was not based upon anything tangible. It's actually comical how those who cling to the physical sex camp wish to attack findings that show that they are operating with a failed compass, faulty GPS, and illegible address. Now, to those who have an opposing view...what evidence to you have to show your point outside of the desire to keep trying what you do?

Now use common sense and personal experiences shared here as example. 1 woman claims to have slept with 6 men early in relationship all failed. I know of women who are otherwise intelligent, vivacious, attractive women who simply lowered their sensibilities and have had sex on average with 3 men per year...none work. I suggest a different approach. Common sense is that the better you get to know the person on a REAL intimate basis, the greater likelihood of success in relationship. My suggestion; Use a better compass.

Thank you Kathie, you are far from an "old fart" as you well know. Beauty,intelligence and class are timeless. Women like you are rare finds.
TK don't thank me, I should thank you. It is men who have held a standard of higher consciousness over time that preceded me that has passed the wisdom on from generation to generation.
I have like you experienced not just a "3 date rule" but have frequently been offered sex on the 1st date. I personally love sex, in that love is honor and respect. I understand that to show it proper respect I must celebrate it in such a way in which it gives it a fuller expression. I understand that most having not ever experienced a level of sexual expression I have, act and think out of the box they confine themselves to. My post simply are to express the knowledge that there is a GPS for relationship success and more satisfying sex.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 143
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/25/2013 1:31:07 PM

Try a bit harder, the study was of current couples not singles. Now your attempt to spin is not what the findings in that particular study show according to the researchers themselves.


So how about we try for the words of the lead researcher Professor Sharon Sassler


A: The association between relationship tempo and relationship quality is largely driven by entry into cohabitation. That is, early sexual activity was linked to subsequent cohabitation and less satisfying marriages.
Q: So early sexual engagement has a less detrimental effect on marriage than cohabitation?
A; The research review found that it's not necessarily the tempo to sexual involvement, per se, but yes, the rapid movement into shared living, which mediates the effect of rapid sex on most measures.

Read more: http://digitaljournal.com/article/332910#ixzz2Lws2roZG


I was not trying to put any spin on anything, I was pointing out that what you and others were claiming and what the study actually found were two different things. No need to try any harder than directly quoting the person who analyzed the research.

It is more about the spin put on the research by people trying to prove their point, no spin just the facts.
 Solomonlike
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 144
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/25/2013 3:39:07 PM

I was not trying to put any spin on anything, I was pointing out that what you and others were claiming and what the study actually found were two different things.
Ahhhh yet you have indeed put a spin on it.

did you actually read the results from the Cornell Study? The study on which all the others were based?

You do recognize that the link and the quote is from an INTERVIEW right? An interview after the study found a bevy of people who wished to accuse the researches of advocating a politically volatile issue. Not the actual study. Also, in the interview she herself says-

This is a review of previous research about how long studies have said Americans wait to have sex.

Ok....so again, your statement about this study being that from which all the others were based is FALSE.


lead researcher Professor Sharon Sassler

She is lead author of the article NOT the lead researcher. She also said this
"Regardless of its causes, however, sex early on in a relationship may have lasting effects on the quality of that relationship."
Again, the point of using the Cornell/OSU study is in conjunction with the other findings. The Cornell study was clearly designed towards COUPLES...current couples about their feelings towards their relationship. I used the study simply in conjunction with the others. It is the SYMPHONY of studies and voices not just the 1 instrument that makes my point.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 145
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:47:39 PM
I believe in a woman's sexuality, it;s your body do as you will with it. The only time I would lose respect is
1} if she thought she was doing me a favor, then she can go F- her self or some one else,
2} if she thought or tried to manipulate sex as a ways to her goal, what ever that goal might be,, I could list many, but I will leave that one alone..
3} with some thought I am sure I could list some more....
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 146
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/26/2013 4:13:08 PM
no such thing as too soon, if he doesnt like you masking him wait wont change that.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 147
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:23:55 PM
I find it interesting that guys apparently are having sex with
women and then are thinking "if she had sex with me this quick,
she'll probaby have sex with everybody else too".

That's kind of saying you have a low opinion or yourself or that
you're only able to attract women that you aren't really interested in.

Why would having sex with you make a woman want to go out and
have sex with everybody (or anybody) else?


Somehow, I'd bet that not one single guy on here, advocating women having sex sooner rather than later, has ever given his own daughter the same advice


I gave my daughters the facts of life chat and instructed them on the value of
birth control and safe sex. I figured what they learned from me while they were
growing up would serve them well and would enable them to make their own
wise, educated decisions regarding what to do with their body. I figured if they
faltered, I'd be there as a supporter, not as counselor of all they'd done wrong.
I must have done something right, they turned out beautifully.
Do parents really give their (adult) children advice on how to conduct their sexual
lives?
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 148
view profile
History
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 2/28/2013 2:45:23 PM
Post #178
All that proves is there is a corilation between respect and how long a marrage lasts.
What isn't addressed is the fact that society puts un-natural thoughts in our heads as to idea that being respected or respectfull has anything to do with how soon you ''should be'' having consentual sex.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 149
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/3/2013 11:03:55 AM

(m_church) I am still waiting to see if any guy will admit to telling his daughter that she shouldn't worry about putting out too soon....
Somehow, I'd bet that not one single guy on here, advocating women having sex sooner rather than later, has ever given his own daughter the same advice....


If I had a daughter, or daughters, what I would tell her was, not to use "sex" to try and manipulate a "relationship" out of a guy. If she wanted to *HAVE* sex, then go ahead; it's not, however, leverage for anything else...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 150
view profile
History
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/3/2013 1:37:35 PM
^^I think what a mother tells a daughter is vastly different from what a father tells a daughter!!

It was for my parents.....
and it was for my ex and I with our adopted daughter.
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