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 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 151
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Putting out too soon????Page 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Putting out too soon really bothers me....I hate it when they are finished before I show up.
 oceanowen
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 152
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:37:01 PM
It is not the when its the how. How good, how intimate ,how romantic. they are all different, annd they could all happen within 24 hours or two weeks of dating.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 153
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/4/2013 8:30:50 AM


(AT) If I had a daughter, or daughters, what I would tell her was,


(m_church) Ummm.... no, you probably think you would tell her that... and you might...


What? I wouldn't tell my daughter not to be manipulative and use her sex appeal to get what she wanted, and I wouldn't tell her that sleeping with a guy is a sure-fire way to get a relationship with him? Gee, and here I thought equipping our kids with the *TRUTH* about how to deal with others was one of the responsibilities of being a parent? Thanks for setting me straight, that I should waffle and neglect my duties as a parent!
 milehiguy12
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 154
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Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/4/2013 3:04:56 PM
If a woman chooses to be my partner why on earth would I have anything but positive feelings toward her. She's paying me a wonderful compliment and how long or short our relationship lasts will have nothing to do with when we became intimate.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 155
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/4/2013 4:05:42 PM

m_churchI look at it this way.... Most people, have habits... They are not likely to change them much... so there's a good chance that the girl or guy is doing what they are used to doing... with others before you... It's not too likely that (especially as you get older) that the person you are with, has suddenly thrown out all their old rules, habits or whatever upon meeting you...


And yet how many times have you posted that you've changed and no longer are a Player and User of Women?

Then you post this.

So most thinking people would say, with this attitude, You're still a Player and User of Women. That a Leopard can't change it's Spots.

Face it, you'll go through the rest of your life always looking at things through the eyes of a Player and User of Women.

I could say I feel sorry for you, but I don't. You made that bed and now you get to spend the rest of your life sleeping in it.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 157
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/5/2013 2:57:08 AM

Did you offer her a committed relationship? As you said, 8 dates and 2-3 months is plenty of time to decide to have sex, it should be plenty of time to decide to commit. Maybe she was just waiting to see if you would offer her monogamy. Unless it was just her "great body" you were interested in.


Funny how that works.'I won't have sex with you until we are in a commited relationship vs. I won't commit to you until we have sex.'It's the proverbial relational manipulation where in no one "wins".

Just because a man wants sex,doesn't mean all he's interested in is a woman's body.

And just because a woman wants a commitment,doesn't mean all she wants is love.

I found that having sex because I WANTED to,before a full fledge commitment was made,helped create less bartering dynamics or a catch-22 and it lead to both of us getting what we wanted.Love,sex and monogamy.

You can't,no you shouldn't use sex as a bartering tool anymore than you should promise commitment before you are sure you are compatible it ALL ways.

But....women and men will continue to play that game.

In my world,there is no "putting out too soon" as that choice is MINE and unless I am raped,it's not too soon.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 158
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/5/2013 7:24:26 AM

(Behind-Blue-Eyes_53) So most thinking people would say, with this attitude, You're still a Player and User of Women. That a Leopard can't change it's Spots.


Unfortunately, most people (I would guess well over 99%) are not "thinking people". M_church has apparently learned that the vast majority of people are convinced by what you say, and not by what you actually do.

 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 159
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:20:19 PM

BBE
Face it, you'll go through the rest of your life always looking at things through the eyes of a Player and User of Women.


m_church
Quite possibly I will...
And I prefer that outlook to one of naivete and gullibility, peering through rose coloured glasses at the world...


You're a Pessimist and go through life with a Pessimistic outlook. Your welcome to your Sourpuss outlook on life. Some of us are Optimist and would rather look to the good things in our life instead always looking at the worst. If you truly are no longer a Player then I'd bet you've just transferred that part of yourself into a general User of People, instead of just using women. though I doubt there ever was a time of your Adult life that you weren't a User of People in General. Pessimistic People tend to be that way, in general.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 160
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/5/2013 5:56:32 PM
As an older man currently in his second marriage and having had a few girlfriends between marriages my experience has been those gals who wait are not all that interested in sex. I'm not suggesting jumping in bed at the first "Hello" but I've found the wait is proportional to the desire for sex. I suppose one could argue the gal(s) was making up her mind (was I sponge-worthy?) but that argument tends to fall apart when one asks why would they remain with a man when they can't decide. It's highly unlikely the guy is going to go from being "blah" to OMG, he's a stud!
 Football11234
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 161
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/7/2013 7:38:21 PM
If you put out, make sure it's with a decent guy, not a player. If you put out with a player he's off. I heard 6 dates in is a good time to put out.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 162
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Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/7/2013 8:25:17 PM
Put out?
What is all this "Put out" stuff?
Sounds like high school!!

If I choose to share intimacy with someone......what is it I am putting out?

You should have sex when you want.....without any expectations other than a night of sex.
Doesn't matter if that's the 2nd date......or the 20th date.
 AmyJo112
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 163
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/7/2013 8:30:11 PM
Ummm, isn't high school over? Put out....seriously?
Two mature adults can decide if having sex is what they want to do or not. Let's say you do have sex - who is to say you would want a second date yourself? What if after sex, you're the one not satisfied and don't want another date? Hmmmm - does this in turn make YOU the shallow, disrespected, 'player' in the game? Grow up and think like a big girl...everything is just chance - there's a chance it will go well, there's a chance it won't.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 164
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/8/2013 1:15:13 AM

cherangel50
Thank you! You are 100% right. People who do wait for love/ or even marriage statistically are happier with their eventual sex life and are more likely to stay together. Secondly, the sexual act causes the a release of a hormone in the female that creates an artificial bond. The result is it is more difficult to distingish lust from love.


Without hard scientific data to back up your claim, it's just another opinion.



However, I personally find this hook up society as detrimental to marriages and to families and to creating a lasting loving relationship. An enjoyable night usually doesn't lead to long term happiness and usually isn't worth it.


Another opinion without hard data to back it up. Where I've found the opposite. The longer we waited the shorter the overall Relationship was.

Then maybe it was because when we finally did it, it wasn't that special and I was asking myself why I waited for this.


Football11234
If you put out, make sure it's with a decent guy, not a player. If you put out with a player he's off. I heard 6 dates in is a good time to put out.


What makes you think someone who likes the game, the chase, isn't going to play with you till he wins and then take off after his next conquest? 6 dates, 12 dates, what ever, you're not the only one he's got on the hook and playing at that time. To the guys and girls that like playing games. the game it self is more fun than landing the fish. Look at people who go 'catch and release' fishing, they don't keep the fish they catch. They're there for the chase and fighting the fish till they land it. Then they do it all over again.
 drewsbu
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 165
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/8/2013 3:40:56 AM
No worries, your from Boston so you are expected to put out sooner rather then later. Lets go Yanks! Haha
 forrb23
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 166
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/8/2013 4:16:55 AM
WOW 9 pages of responses, Shit now I forgot the question. Was it" putting out" too soon, or "pulling out" too soon lol

There are times when people have a good connection. I would have no problem. Assuming there had been contact prior through phone and e-mail conversations. Now, meet in the bar, couple hours later she is scratching her nails down your back and you are trying to remember her name. Not so much the love of my life.
 *Dr_Hugnkiss*
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 167
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Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/8/2013 5:42:55 AM
Talk to them early I have 2 male friends that both lost their virginity at 10 and 11...interestingly enough with a 16yr old babysitter.

I know it's not right/ideal/moral/whatever but it does happen so best to talk before it does I reckon.
 Latin0dawg2012
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 168
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/8/2013 7:17:52 AM
I'm not quick to judge but I would "think" a person who puts out too soon has emotional and self esteem issues, plus they're horny has hell and addicted to sex where ever they go. So experience conversations in-person has taught me that.

"don't sit next to me on the bus or plane" XD
 Solomonlike
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 169
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/17/2013 2:20:47 PM
I personally find this hook up society as detrimental to marriages and to families and to creating a lasting loving relationship. An enjoyable night usually doesn't lead to long term happiness and usually isn't worth it.

Exactly, in fact the levels of enjoyment during that night/day are generally not as high as what would occur if true intimacy is built prior to the physical sexual expression. Those who have extensively studied Tantra for example can attest to this.


Expecting to be the only one your partner is sticking his little man in is not equal to holding your sex over his head to get what you want out of a relationship. With many people (myself included) sex is more than just doing the nasty. This is especially true is real feelings involved.
I concur. I'd argue that when real feeling(high levels of interconnected intimacy) isn't involved it is a somewhat unnatural exercise or exercise against our very biological/psychological/emotional/hormonal makeup.

Really doesn't some of this come down to being honest with ourselves? The question is always what do we really want from an interaction with another. Those of us who truly want a healthy, functioning, long lasting monogamous relationship must understand the essential merit of building real intimacy prior to the physical expression of sex. Those who truly enjoy and appreciate higher levels of sexual expression understand this. Those who desire shorter term less intimate relationships tend to share different perspectives on this. We tend to get the fruit from our investment regardless of perspective more often than not. Results reflect knowledge.
 Needingaladyfriend
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 170
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/19/2013 7:51:18 AM
Yes I can! my first wife did and we was married a long time,we are still great friends even after we went our separate ways. I really see no problem with it if two people really like each other and know that the other is safe to be with. Just because some might put out the first time doesn't mean they are trash. But I do think that it is wrong for a guy to use a women just once and forget about her after she gave herself to him like that on the first date. I guess a lot would depend on the situation between the two though.
 NASH58
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 171
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/24/2013 11:00:40 AM
first maybe not but would be ok 2ed date put out or i would never she here again like it best on the first date Tom
 independant_thinker72
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 172
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:17:59 PM
if i believe a woman is worth it to try and pursue for a true relationship then the chase is on, if i get lucky right off the bat with her when she still doesn't know what i'm all about and i the same with her then i lose lots of respect for her and even a little of myself.

as much as i've ever said i don't chase woman i know it's a bloody lie if i think she's worth it.
 Here4ForumsOnly
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 173
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:25:29 PM
Aside from sex, what is her value?

Sure, the homemaker, trusted advisor & counselor, best friend & her income potential are ALL truly invaluable components in an LTR, but "your mileage may vary" upon the realization of those benefits.

T&A

Those represent the summation of her unique value in an LTR.

Wish it were different, but welcome to reality, as opposed to romantic fantasy.
 leathergoeslace
Joined: 3/22/2013
Msg: 174
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/25/2013 10:40:18 AM
Whoever you are I love you!! Awesome, how can anyone question the right thing to do. That's why women find themselves in trouble!!
 leathergoeslace
Joined: 3/22/2013
Msg: 175
Putting out too soon????
Posted: 3/25/2013 10:47:48 AM
Well put my friend.....Such a freaking double standard .. Makes me sick.. They want you they want you and can't wait, but then your not good enough for them to continue seeing.. Grow Up guys. That is sooo selfish
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