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 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 51
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How do you get a womans attention in the real worldPage 3 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

Daysleeper5 you couldn't be more wrong. Your other advice is fine but it is obvious you have no qualifications to advise anyone in this field.


So, you and Bofast are more qualified, huh? Two divorced men in their 50s that presume to know all there is to know about meeting women. Are you sure your real names aren't Felix Ungar and Oscar Madison? Just kidding. :P

I didn't realize I needed any credentials to offer my own opinion on pick-up artist techniques. Most of what Bofast wrote in his message related to how men should act around women in relationships (with valid points) and less so on how to meet them. In his profile he says he'd rather meet them through a friend or in the gym or supermarket. A friend is always a great resource if that's the case, but often times a friend can't do anything for you (or may not want to). Especially when they're having trouble themselves. Gyms and supermarkets can work, but you have to build up familiarity .

It's not just about getting a phone number, it's about having a real shot at finding someone to date. I got lots of phone numbers when I younger, in school and going out to bars/parties all the time. Often times after getting the girl's tongue in my mouth. lol You know what? Most of those didn't lead to anything except some awkward phone conversations. The girls that I really dated and went out with were the ones I got to know over time from repeated encounters.

Now if you really want to talk about a great pick-up, I once turned a phone call for a roommate of mine into a girlfriend for a year-and-a-half. Kept her on the phone for two hours. Just because I liked her voice. Turned out there was quite a body and face to go along with it. :)

NorthernCherryPie in Message 35 was spot on from a female's POV and all of her insights match up with my own life experiences. If the OP should commit any of the advice on here to memory, he should do so with her instructions.

Two things she pointed out are even more relevant for online dating messages. It will clear up a lot of confusion for guys. When a woman doesn' t ask you any questions and doesn't attempt to continue the conversation in a meaningful way: She's either not interested...or...she's just not that into you. Always know when to cut your losses and look for better prospects.
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 52
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:23:27 AM
How do you get a womans attention in the real world? Well, the short and quick answer is: You don't. If you do, then you risk being arrested for it.

But don't lose heart: The real world is disappearing fast, there is hardly any of it left. There is school, your job, and the rest of real life is quickly diminishing sphere of existence.

If you haven't got a sweetheart by the end of high school, you are doomed. Nobody else will look at you.

Blame Baywatch, blame 007, blame all the good movies with good plots, good acting, good-looking actors, and a happy ending, and people will look at each other (incl. you, incl. me, or anyone else) outside the cinema until the next time they go in there, and say to themselves: "Hey. This guy ain't no George Clooney. How could I possibly be happy with him?" And the same in reverse, with that tall blonde sporty chick with the happy smile whose name I forgot.

The only people who have a chance at happiness via marital bliss are those who can pick chicks from a crowd by knowing which of them have never been to a cinema. Reverse true also.
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 53
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:25:37 AM
"Be confident in who you are."

With all due respect, this takes more than just ordering the guy by a passing stranger.

Some people go into and through twenty years of intensive psychotherapy and come out still underconfident at the other end.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 54
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 10:02:53 AM
I suggest that a quote from frolic2's profile is good advice...

“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”–Albert Einstein

I have found that I have attracted more friends, both male and female, by things I have done than anything else. The old adage: action speaks louder than words applies. By simply helping others, you will be noticed. That, and a lot of luck, and you will live your dream.
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 55
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:18:57 PM

Gyms and supermarkets can work, but you have to build up familiarity .


Daysleeper5 wrong again, you don't. This might be an ok strategy with the check out girl but it won't work with the hot chick in the laundry detergent aisle, she wont be there the next time you front up, and you quickly contradict yourself with...


Now if you really want to talk about a great pick-up, I once turned a phone call for a roommate of mine into a girlfriend for a year-and-a-half. Kept her on the phone for two hours. Just because I liked her voice.


Oh so hang on, wait a minute, you cut your roomies grass, stole his chick, turned her into a 1.5 yr relationship and without building up familiarity? Lets not go into the morals here (but I'm sure not putting my hand up share a house with you! :~) but you just flat told us you can't do that!

Mate you keep using your techniques and I'll keep using mine but mine can work in casual encounter situations, yours won't and problem is, using familiarity (your emphasis) to worm your way into a woman's life has a very real danger of you being placed into her dreaded 'friend zone' where you will orbit around her like a space satellite, so near but yet so far away.


So, you and Bofast are more qualified, huh? Two divorced men in their 50s that presume to know all there is to know about meeting women. Are you sure your real names aren't Felix Ungar and Oscar Madison? Just kidding. :P


Umm, well I don't know about Bofast but I do know about me and I'd say I relate to neither Felix nor Oscar but...if you extrapolate that out to the latest version of the odd couple, namely the original Two and a Half Men I'm definitely a big fan of Charlie.


When a woman doesn' t ask you any questions and doesn't attempt to continue the conversation in a meaningful way: She's either not interested...or...she's just not that into you. Always know when to cut your losses and look for better prospects.


No again I'm afraid maaaate. When a woman doesn' t ask you any questions and doesn't attempt to continue the conversation in a meaningful way, she is not feeling attraction for you and you have not stimulated enough interest in her or have not passed a 'test' that she has given you. (you know about their tests don't you?) A man can
initiate attraction and can escalate that attraction if he possesses that skill, also you don't have to be rich, or great looking, or be at school. "Always know when to cut your losses?" You may have just walked away from your soulmate because you didn't posses enough skills to flip her hot button.

And speaking of which, check out this quote......


If you haven't got a sweetheart by the end of high school, you are doomed. Nobody else will look at you.


That gem is from "forums loner here" man even you user-name screams loser and I felt like slashing my wrists after reading your profile! Christ I see you have just joined, loose that name buddy and get lots of other advice or your prophesy will be self fulfilling!

Anyhoo OP re your original post: How do you get a womans attention in the real world?

How does anyone get anyone else's attention in any world? Marketing!

Can you sell yourself? Of course you can. Can you learn to sell yourself better? Of course you can.

Everyone can sell, we started to learn as soon as we uttered that first cry being born and were rewarded with food.

Unfortunately some people don't progress much from there and some go through their whole lives believing that by playing the victim, winging and crying will bring rewards.

For some people though selling is an art and understand that new skills can be learned from others who are good at marketing.

I found this inscribed on an award I was presented with once....

"Selling is the art of persuading people to do what you want them to do and like it. and continue to like it"

In this politically correct world, could have been phrased differently but, truer words I've yet seen spoke.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 56
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:47:00 PM
It's best to create a new more aloof, mysterious and powerful image. Your profile makes you look too approachable which seems like the right thing to do but it's not at all. Chicks want to be overwhelmed by mystery or a super man image. A guy who is truly hard to approach for whatever reason. I try to present a complex front of intellect which shines through in the extensive list of diverse interests and accomplishments and humor. You have to show you have a life and are a worthy catch. Being a musician is good but you need a much more intense image of you playing the guitar, like in a smoked filled room staged with awesome lighting, etc. What you have shown is boring which is hard to accomplish for a guitar player!

Chicks want a bad boy, someone they're almost afraid to be around because of what they might do if they lost control. They want to lose control. That's the secret to both on-line and real world dating. But it's hard to fake, you have to live the image. I do it by trying to over commit myself to my hobbies, getting involved in all kinds of groups, exposing myself to lots of women. By having a diverse set of interests, you appear more robust and complex. Chicks dig complexity and hard to figure out dudes. Good luck and happy fishin'...!
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 57
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:47:56 PM
Oooo boy! Im going to get some popcorn for this!! lol
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 58
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:00:57 PM
What you are acually asking me to do is to change myself, personality everything.
I cannot do that.
That is just putting on a mask which will eventually slip off.

I don't have a lot in my life,I am not a rockstar just love my music.
I pay my way in life not a freeloader.
If i come across a dull, boring and average thats just how i am.
You say women want a bad boy i would not disagree with that comment and they also want a man with plenty of money, not all but most.
Well i am not made of money either.

I am very basic not complex.
Andf if thats a put off, So be it.

 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 59
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:02:21 PM
DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse...Mate love your work and agree with all you say but
exposing myself to lots of women.
Ummm, I'd be careful of that one, could get you in strife lad! (joking)

And...Venusenvy777

Great username except, maybe should be a blokes? (c'mon it's funny! No?)

Doesn't matter, better get some choc tops in as well, this thread could be a long haul!
 TyrantofTyranny
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 60
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:29:44 PM
Women don't want a bad boy they want a risk taker....thats why guys in uniform are getting more tail than all you lazy ass bad boys....
what the phuck is a bad boy/ you walk into a bar and start thumping guys....ya that will really work.
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 61
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:35:38 PM

What you are acually asking me to do is to change myself, personality everything.
I cannot do that.
That is just putting on a mask which will eventually slip off.


No one is asking you to do anything, you put up your topic asking "How do you get a womans attention in the real world"
people are advising you of how to do that, if you don't agree, don't do it. But really why ask the question and then tell us you are dull, boring and average with no money.?

lightningman1, there is no hope for you while you continue to sell yourself in such a negative manner (and believe me you are selling yourself!)

Can I ask you a question?

When you first picked up your instrument, did you look at it and say, "I could never play this thing, I have no skills, no talent, I am too dumb to learn to play? Nup, you learned to play it! Someone taught you or you read books or you picked up stuff from your friends. You didn't have to change your personality and now playing is easy for you because you learned a skill.


I don't have a lot in my life,I am not a rockstar just love my music.
I pay my way in life not a freeloader.
If i come across a dull, boring and average thats just how i am.


Well yup, you do come across as dull, boring and average, and insulting! Because you don't come across as thankful at all to any the people who are giving you their time to try to help you.

In fact you come across as a whinging victim who cannot do anything to change his life. That's BS. Anyone can change and you are not so special. Apparently you have posted this, and almost identical threads many times before, man do you know the definition of insanity?

Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

Do you do this just to piss us all off? Were you really affected by the film Groundhog day? Are you so bad at this site that this is the only way to get attention from....anyone?

For goodness sake man, grow a spine and understand that you, self admitted, dull, boring, average Mr "I don't have a lot in life" man are your own worst enemy. If I were a woman I would be heading thataway yelling "run girls run!"

Oh wait a minute, they already are!
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 62
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:50:50 PM
I am simply asking for people to accept me for who i am faults, warts and all.
Not for what they think i should be.
I am thankful for the advice.

YDontAskMe2CarryUrPurse- You have to show you have a life and are a worthy catch.
Your profile makes you look too approachable which seems like the right thing to do but it's not at all. Chicks want to be overwhelmed by mystery or a super man image. A guy who is truly hard to approach for whatever reason.
Chicks want a bad boy, someone they're almost afraid to be around because of what they might do if they lost control. They want to lose control.

I understand were you are coming from but this is not me.
 Hapworth
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 63
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 6:03:41 PM
I am too lazy to read through all the posts in this thread, so if someone said something similar to what I am about to write, I apologize.

The best thing you can do to get a woman's attention in the "real world" is simply form friendships, acquaintances, etc. with "real" women. Women are not an alien species. Thus, the more you interact with women (ideally, women you are not necessarily interested in dating), the better equipped you will be to deal with women romantically.

I do not have the time or space here to outline my theory as to why men (more than women) find it difficult to attract attention from the opposite sex. Suffice it to say that men are more "out of the loop" when it comes to the female sphere than women when it comes to the male sphere (whatever the f*** those terms mean!). Women, because they constantly straddle two worlds (the world of women AND the world of men) find it easier and more natural to shift between the two. Men, however, find themselves largely isolated to one world (the male sphere) and thus find it difficult (or, worse, inscrutable) to access the female sphere.

This is why you need to become more familiar with women in general. Not just "hot" women that you find attractive, but women in general. Before you can attract a woman in the "real world," you need to know how to communicate with women in general.

Oh, everything I said above needs to be multiplied by 10,000 for online dating.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 64
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:14:06 PM
Humor, how you dress and how you carry yourself initially wins a woman's heart.
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 65
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:17:47 PM
“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”–Albert Einstein

Hey!! I can commit suicide now. I know I am a man of value. Of bad value, or even of negative value (i.e. I am more of a credit than a debit -- more of a liability than an asset -- more I take from the table than what I bring to it) but of value nevertheless. So my life's goal is accomplished, according to good ole' Einstein.

He is my hero, aside Heidelberg, Socrates (whom I detest but he is still my hero), Arnold Schwartzenegger, and Jimi Hendrix, but this was not a smart thing to say, sorry. Unless he had said it in German, his mother tongue, or in Hebrew, and something got lost in the translation.

It's like saying "a man should have some principles" or "a woman is someone who was born with XX chromosomes, or else with XY chromosomes, but had a sex change operation along the way."

Or maybe I am crazy. That's possible too. I mean, perhaps Einstein did not miss the mark, but I just don't understand what he was trying to say.

I calls 'em as I sees 'em. I am not an empath, so I miss 'em a lot of the times. Might this be one of those?

But really. Value is a kind of an art, when one's value is another's garbage. Arnold and Albert. One was big, the other, great. Or say Salvador Dali, or Erdokozi Bandi. Or even Tante Kathrin Bold... a lot of others. Samuel Bergsson, Yosip Vakaryanovich Konstantinov.

What I mean to say is that perhaps I was splitting hair when I said "value" can be bad value, too, but I think my criticism is on target, when I say that a "good value woman" may be a "scraping from the bottom of the barrel" value woman easily, at the same time but from a different respect.

Value is bad or good, I shan't contest that, but value is also subjective, furthermore changeable, so this statement was crap, by A.E., if I ask myself. (I know nobody else is curious to know what my opinion is.)
 justmeinsd
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 66
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:17:25 AM
Thanks import for the suggestions. Propinquity, thats exactly what I need, because this site in 7 years has not produced the woman of my dreams. Time to move on and get involved in activities I enjoy rather than trying to force a relationship in my life. Live! Dont dream.....
G.
 WAYNESWORLDNOW
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 67
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:13:36 AM
Great advice and very well said. I believe we all know this, but it's refreshing to be reminded of the simple truth and to put it all in perspective.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 68
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:19:42 AM
One could always go around with a sign that states "I'm Available". Perhaps in smaller letters "Please let me know if you are interested". This would work in any setting, church, grocery store isle, bar, etc.

That way one would not be accussed of any inappropriate action that you might be accused of if you do the actual approaching.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 69
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/4/2013 12:34:33 AM

Oh so hang on, wait a minute, you cut your roomies grass, stole his chick, turned her into a 1.5 yr relationship and without building up familiarity? Lets not go into the morals here (but I'm sure not putting my hand up share a house with you! :~) but you just flat told us you can't do that!


What? Cut grass? Huh? Maybe you've been smoking some. lol I didn't steal anyone's woman. All I said was that I turned a random phone call into a relationship. Not too shabby. She wasn't familiar with me when I picked up the phone, but she sure was by the end of the conversation. =)

Obviously it helped that I had some connection to my roommate so that she was more comfortable talking with me, but the ball was in my court to keep her on the phone and flirt with her. As I said, always be ready for an opportunity that might present itself.

One important thing to remember in this discussion (or debate) is that every guy is different in what he has to offer to a woman and to attract her. Each of us has our own set of strengths and weaknesses. Some are related to our physical appearance/attributes/personal style and others are built-in to our personalities. (Age and status in life are also factors) Successfully meeting women is not a one-size-fits-all approach.

The OP can't model himself after you or me or anyone else. It wouldn't work because he has to embrace his own best qualities for a woman to appreciate him. I've got my thing, you've got your thing and he's got his thing. They're not the same thing because we don't look the same or act the same or have the same interests. We wouldn't all be attractive to the same woman. You argue that attraction can be artificially created through a sales-type pitch, but I know attraction to be organic and individual to the woman. Instead of the OP trying to become a salesman, he needs to see himself as the 'product' that has to get out in front of potential customers.

What he wants is a girlfriend to share his life. Does she exist somewhere out there in the world? Yes, but he has to put himself into a position for the opportunity to meet her. It definitely won't happen if he spends all his time bemoaning about it on the forums.
 darkmascara
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 70
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/4/2013 1:06:01 AM
First off, you should give eye contact, if the person you're attracted to doesn't look back, then they're not interested.
Women like confident men, and it's cute some men get nervous. I had a couple of guys who use their sisters to talk to me because they're really shy or intimidated. Some of those guys i pity them.
One time, i had this really cute guy walked up to me in a bar and said "you're the most prettiest girl i seen" and then he walked away. I really wanted to get his phone number but couldn't catch him.
You should always compliment a girl, tell her she's beautiful. Heck, you can be a random stranger to her, and none of that will matter until you compliment her.

Me and my friends laugh if some random ugly guy try to "holler" at us. I don't appreciate any guy that tries to holler at me. It just means he's desperate and wants my attention.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 71
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:09:51 AM
Club em on the head and drag her back to bed.. ooga booga.
No im playing.

Really though, if all men stopped chasing women and jumping through hoops for one day.. this is what would happen,

The hoes would still be getting****because they are fun to guys and have thrown away this value system that **** is more important than****cuz its really not...
Self respected classy woman with dignity will see these hoes getting men they want.. and will eventually turn into the i am legend monsters, running after the dudes they want chasing****

That would happen if guys stopped approaching you at bars, clubs grocery stores libraries book stores, streets, buildings.. everywhere.

Why? (The reason) because it would force women to dump class, dignity, self respect, and they'd have to open themselves up to what men have experienced since day 1.. rejection and woman now cant handle that, but they would begin to.. and i assure you, woman would be finding the men of their dreams with 80% more ease because they would have the skill, the means to get the man they want, instead of waiting for him to arrive.
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 72
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How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:14:21 AM
Hey daysleeper5 you don't know what "cutting someone's grass" means?

Oh man, there is no hope for you.

Keep it up with the 'I'm gonna keep talking to you till I wear you down!'

She will win every time. Welcome to the friend zone buddy, in about 10 years you may finally wake up to what is going on.
Then again for you.....

Maybe not!
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 73
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:57:08 AM
Hell if I know. I go into a dance club and sit there for hours and no one ever says a word to me. Except that one time I was mistaken for a bouncer (6'4 280).
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 74
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:37:25 AM

Propinquity, thats exactly what I need, because this site in 7 years has not produced the woman of my dreams. Time to move on and get involved in activities I enjoy rather than trying to force a relationship in my life. Live! Dont dream.....

This is really how it should be done...relationships are supposed to develop naturally from connections you make doing other things socially. To make it a goal and then try to hunt it down will both cause people to avoid you and cause you to frustrate yourself. If you're busy living life and enjoying it you'll be happier and so will the people you come into contact with.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 75
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/5/2013 4:26:45 PM
lightningman1- You have to start with your self esteem. Confidence is key when approaching people.
No one is perfect, if you don't believe me, take a good look around you the next time you go to the beach.
Find what is good in you and embrace it.
Take baby steps, just force yourself to talk to people.
As far as women, personally speaking, when a man smiles, is confident and honest, that does it for me.
For God sakes, no cheesey lines, just be yourself. :)
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