Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How do you get a womans attention in the real world      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 126
How do you get a womans attention in the real worldPage 6 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Excuse me, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?? :O
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 127
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/24/2013 3:38:27 PM

This guy may have been joking, but it's actually a good answer.

1. If you worry less about women liking you and focus on more important things, women will by default be intrigued as you aren't in hunt mode and your vibe will be different.

2. You won't care anyway as mentioned above you will be focused on more important things than meeting women, something that should happen naturally as a side effect of being a social person...but won't matter to you since it's not the big deal you once made it.



This actually does work, 9 times out of 10, I'm not even doing that on purpose. I'm never really in "hunt mode" when I go out and I just let things happen naturally. I've gotten a ton of numbers and have a lot of girls show interest in me because I don't pay them any mind.


Like the 5th dentist who doesn't recommend Trident for his patients who chew gum, I must be the 10th guy that this doesn't work for (like anything else for that matter). Absolutely nobody is beating down my door to garner a bit of my attention, and I doubt that you will find anyone worrying less about women than me.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 128
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/24/2013 9:49:23 PM
^^^
If you not extra social and not trying to get closer to a classmate, co worker, or someone you see often Its hard to make a move. Most if not all women want to have 1 or more full conversations with a guy before giving out there number. Getting Attention isn't hard. Holding that attention and closing the deal can be hard
 patchman1313
Joined: 8/18/2013
Msg: 129
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 1:02:13 AM
Finally some good honest answers and statements from both the guys and gals. Some people have posted that men should act like they don't care either way. This is true to a point. If you are a hot guy with Hollywood looks, then this will definitely work to your advantage. For average guys it has to be a combination of interest and ambivalence. You have to engage women to let them know that you notice them and show you are confident, but you have to limit your enthusiasm. It is best that you show some interest then back off, show a little more then back off again. Think of it as dangling bait in front of a fish then pulling the bait back. This creates an instinct that makes the fish want to chase the bait. The "just be nice and be yourself" does not work as well. You have to be yourself but still play the game. Women also like dichotomies. Look at the popularity of the book -50 shades of grey-. A clean cut business guy with a dark side. Or the typical bad boy with a soft side. You have to appear interested yet also hide your intentions until the right moment. This is yet another reason why this venue is tough for guys because it is difficult to do this with the limitations of just sending messages. True flirting is a complicated dance that requires both verbal and non-verbal communication.
ATB Patchman
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 130
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 10:12:16 AM
Get a keychain with a BMW logo on it. Set keychain on bar counter top.

Better yet, there's web sites that will let you create fake ATM receipts. Print one out. Hand it to her with your phone number. She'll see the huge balance on receipt and show interest.

Just kidding.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 131
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 10:20:41 AM
Well said, Patchman! In real life you can combine "bad boy" and "good guy". The first thing you say to a girl could be a nice guy remark or just "Hi", but with the voice and facial expression to show you're manly and find her attractive. Or you could make a bold remark with a gentle smile to show the remark is in fun. Also easier to show humor in real life.

Also in real life, you can gauge her reaction instantly and adjust your approach as it seems appropriate.

Online is like fishing in muddy water with fewer clues what is going on.

Eye contact seems to be the main way I get women's attention in real life. I don't think about what I'm doing. It's animal instinct. Whatever look I give her is natural and spontaneous.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 132
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 12:34:30 PM
A lot of people are talking about money. It's definitely a bonus to be wealthy, but you can't count on it. A guy that has a social circle and good social skills will still outdo a rich guy that's full of himself or doesn't know how to flirt. You can't expect to go out and be warmed up right away. You should talk to everyone and make friends wherever you can. It's hard from going from work-mode right into getting a woman's phone number. The eye contact remarks are good too. Too many guys look away too fast which communicates a more submissive character.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 133
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 12:37:39 PM

Like the 5th dentist who doesn't recommend Trident for his patients who chew gum, I must be the 10th guy that this doesn't work for (like anything else for that matter). Absolutely nobody is beating down my door to garner a bit of my attention, and I doubt that you will find anyone worrying less about women than me.

So this would put you in the number 2 category - you don't care anyway so it doesn't matter. So yes, it's working.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 134
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 1:37:45 PM
I'm not the best looking guy in the world, I just think I'm a magnet when it comes to attracting girls or at least having girls notice me. It could be because I'm black and I stick out like a sore thumb in this town but that still wouldn't explain the other times when I was living in Greensboro. It could be that just in a social setting women expect men to hit on them and me not doing that is intriguing to them.

I see what Patchman is saying but I'm not a bad boy, I couldn't even pretend to be one and I suck at reading signs so I wouldn't even know if a girl was expressing interest in me or just being polite. It's only until after my friends tell me that "Hey idiot, she's flirting with you" that it hits me. Or until way after the fact when I go home that night and realize "There's nothing special about my drink....Oh, wait, damn. She was flirting with me. Oh well,, I guess I'll play Battlefield 4 now."
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 135
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/25/2013 9:39:19 PM
Say your a millionaire WORKS everytime. ha ha ha
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 136
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:53:51 AM
I havent slogged thru this entire thread but from what I have read, no wonder everyone goes home alone.

I live in LA, one of the most fickle, indifferent and click-ish places on the planet. You say hi to a guy you think is cute and he'll immediately put his celphone up or mumble a nervous "hi" like he's afraid you're going to knife him. It is a WEIRD place to try to meet people. When I am traveling in Europe, it is so so much easier to just start up chit chats with people..about *anything*...the key is...people are actually INTERESTED in you..not just interested in getting to Starbucks to peck away at their screen play that will never see the light of day..not interested in seeing if YOU might be the one who can get them an audition, and of course if you are a woman and are not smokin' hot, you may as well be thrown on the heap for firewood.

The key is to *show you are interested!* Just relax, laugh, point out something maybe she's got in her shopping cart, or at a home and garden center, just make a mention of this or that. Show interest in HER.

Flashing car keys or hinting about money is just....sad. Well, at least here in So Cal, it's all about image, money, what you have, what you do...BUT NOT WHAT YOU ARE. You must make a woman feel comfortable and at ease.

Just a simple sentence or two from someone about some general thing you may be both looking at in a store...a shared laugh as you rush into the elevator before the doors close..these brief moments...they can begin your story together.

And all it takes is one or two sentences, generally being a question. If she blows you off and walks off, well, goodbye.

I wish Los Angeles wasnt so judgmental and closed off, but that's how it is here. If you're not in a specific "club of attire" you're a fail.

I start chats with guys, too..I dont always wait around. I've complimented a guy on his natty 40's attire once..he mumbled and walked off...hahahaha of course, because I wasnt in the 40's club....but at least I tried!!!

Try! Try, then if it fizzles graciously beat it out of there. Sadly, many of us have lost the art of patience, charm and....guts!!!!

And yes, "quality" women are everywhere. But like most of you, we see the celphones up, or no eye contact is made when we look at you ready to say hello, so....on we go.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 137
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/27/2013 12:11:46 PM

Flashing car keys or hinting about money is just....sad. Well, at least here in So Cal, it's all about image, money, what you have, what you do...BUT NOT WHAT YOU ARE. You must make a woman feel comfortable and at ease.

Just a simple sentence or two from someone about some general thing you may be both looking at in a store...a shared laugh as you rush into the elevator before the doors close..these brief moments...they can begin your story together.

And all it takes is one or two sentences, generally being a question. If she blows you off and walks off, well, goodbye.

I wish Los Angeles wasnt so judgmental and closed off, but that's how it is here. If you're not in a specific "club of attire" you're a fail.

I start chats with guys, too..I dont always wait around. I've complimented a guy on his natty 40's attire once..he mumbled and walked off...hahahaha of course, because I wasnt in the 40's club....but at least I tried!!!

Try! Try, then if it fizzles graciously beat it out of there. Sadly, many of us have lost the art of patience, charm and....guts!!!!

And yes, "quality" women are everywhere. But like most of you, we see the celphones up, or no eye contact is made when we look at you ready to say hello, so....on we go.


I agree with almost everything you say. Flashing your wallet or nice car is try-hard behaviour and it's not going to communicate that you're comfortable with yourself. It's going to communicate that you're trying to buy her interest. I agree that it's better to make eye contact and be approachable, however I don't believe that scores of quality women are going to start chatting up men just because they're not holding a cell phone while they're walking or shopping.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 138
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/27/2013 12:42:52 PM

Ah I have gone through the posts and something that has struck me is the idea of status and celebrity idolatry. Now, if I want to become a musician I will hate being perceived as an object by the fair sex; subsequently I would shrug them off instantly. And then the cult of status or the vile money, again If I were in that unenviable position I would pretend not to be one just to witness the reaction of the superficial ones. Ah the joys of being anonymous, impersonal and utterly ghostlike.


Yeah, I'm sure all of us believe that you would shrug off beautiful women if you were a successful musician. What are you going to say? "Sorry hot blonde woman, I won't kiss you, I'm going home to play dungeons and dragons with my single friends." You perception of success is also way way way off. Most musicians don't make much money because it all goes into promotion and tour production. You might take home enough to make a living, but you're not going to be Bill Gates.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 139
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/27/2013 1:37:56 PM

Believe me, I would totally flee and return to my above if the opportunity arose. After a concert, after the total catharsis I would need to find solace in isolation. To each his own, ca va sans dire. When I hear the noun "groupies" mentioned I shudder. And on a lighter note, I have known men who decided to be in a band for the sole reason to become a pick-up artist par excellence; they were not extremely pleasant aesthetically but still. Moreover, the hot blonde woman (what an oxymoron in here) leave me cold. Amicably.


So, what you're saying is that you would turn down beautiful women who like you for who you are? If you're a musician, then people would respond to you based on how you present yourself. That doesn't make any sense. That's like saying you'll wear clean clothes to a party, but you'll turn away beautiful women that think you look nice. I'm not buying it and neither is anyone else. Are you trying to tell us you don't like women? I don't really understand what you're trying to say.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 140
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/27/2013 7:55:39 PM
I'll admit, money isn't enough, b/c now I have it. But then, I don't act any differently. as far as women chasing success, the problem they share with men--but, around here, on a grander scale--is knowing exactly what success looks like. perhaps men in general get taught more about entrepreneurship, so I can discuss business opportunities and financing, and a man can sit rapt and keep the conversation going, while a woman (on average) can't listen to what you say and realize your potential success, you have to drive up in an expensive car and all of a sudden, they realize you're a success.

(for some people, money is a sign of success. so, they'll be attracted to money, but it will take more than that to make 'em stay. other people realize success is more than money,which is merely a tool in life).

that's not a blast on women, that's just an observation of the ones around me. It would be wonderful to meet a single woman of average to above average looks who can walk around one of our abandoned mill cities and see the real estate potential locked up in factories from the 1780's overlooking a river that can take you to NYC. but the ones who can see what others cannot, have already been snapped up :)

unfortunately, for those thinking 50Shades is a great model to follow, consider the type of female the male character actually ensnares--she's a dimwit. but if you are looking for that type, then bully for you.

DON'T approach as if you're in the mind to get a date. That's like someone coming up to you being friendly ,but wanting to ask you to donate money. They think they're hiding their true goal, yet you feel it like a cold wind. converse for the sake of conversing, and if you feel an attraction, then its there. otherwise you can't make people think what they aren't inclined to think.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 141
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/27/2013 10:02:40 PM
actually, game tactics really work on...people who play games. a woman says no when she means yes, and the nice guy walks away, believing her. but the player says, "hey, I recognize this! I know what to do." and so he does.

a woman who loves to be chased in order to feel valued, will of course keep the game going. she's not interested in a healthy relationship, she wants confirmation a guy is really, truly attracted enough to put up with this. or maybe she's so used to catching guys' attention, its more fun to have a game instead.

but others just go, "well, this person said they aren't interested in me....and there's plenty of other people to choose from. its not a big deal, we aren't a good fit, and what I want is a good fit, so I'll move on."

and that's how people end up posting, "Why are men/women such game players? why can't people be honest in what they really want?" or some other rendition of the same.
 patchman1313
Joined: 8/18/2013
Msg: 142
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/29/2013 12:38:48 AM
The main female character in 50 Shades of Grey may have been a ditz but you cannot overlook the fact that the book series has sold over 90 million copies and broke almost all paperback book sales records. If these books did not strike a nerve with women, they would not be so popular. If dark, mysterious, dangerous, and adventurous are not exhilarating to women then why has this book opened up a new erotic awakening that has been addressed in almost every women's magazine multiple times? If the shoe fits, it must be worn. Just like you can't say that only a small amount of perverted, infantile men like pornography when the industry brings in billions of dollars from men each year. More men are watching it than people think or it would not make that much money. I don't look at what people say but rather what they do. We all like to think that we are above certain things but the truth about human behavior will always come out in the end. And of course most people will stand back and say "Hey, don't look at me, I'm not one of those people!"
ATB Patchman
 Dobermonster
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 143
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/29/2013 1:24:08 AM

Those books suck and shouldn't be mentioned ever.

Being yourself is both over- and under-rated, depending on how you look at it. Your fundamental desires and persona cannot be changed, but how you present yourself and how well you converse with others - platonic or romantic - can be changed and refined. Cultivating 'you' is an ongoing process. Edit accordingly.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 144
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/29/2013 12:00:06 PM
^^^^^^ Hey Family Guy! stay on topic
Anyway Hey Hi and Hello will always Get some kind of attention
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 145
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 12/29/2013 3:21:54 PM
If dark, mysterious, dangerous, and adventurous are not exhilarating to women then why has this book opened up a new erotic awakening that has been addressed in almost every women's magazine multiple times?


It's mostly vicarious living through the romance novels, just like with the reality shows on tv.
"Dark, mysterious, dangerous"? Online dating should be the perfect storm for all that, yet what are the "rules"? Meet in public....in the daytime....lots of people around... tell a friend where you are going....can't be too careful....got to have a picture.....all of the "dark, mysterious, dangerous" opportunities are cast aside in favor of "safe". So the books provide a vicarious outlet for what women wish they could do, but won't do. Those that do, do. Those that don't, read about other people who do, whether real or fictional.
 madisonman90
Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 146
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 1/5/2014 4:21:09 AM
Just wack it.it's easier
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 147
view profile
History
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 1/5/2014 10:35:37 AM
^^^^ Something that has proven true - for me anyway. ^^^^
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 148
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 1/9/2014 8:31:52 AM
Be the man you claim to be online
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 149
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 1/10/2014 7:34:44 AM
Getting a woman's attention in the real world? The one thing they all complain about on this site. Just one magical word: "hi"
 tremtgolden456
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 150
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:11:20 AM
LOL. That's about right^^^^.

If you have a nice bank account, are hung like Seabiscuit, look like Brad Pitt, or are some douchebag "badboy" all these women fawn all over, you'll get all the attention from a woman you can ever have.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How do you get a womans attention in the real world