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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?      Home login  
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 _BeachGoddess_
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 76
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
^^^Last 2 posts are spot on!! Nobody should EVER settle for the wrong person! As we get older we have a better sense of what we want in a partner and what's right for us. Nobody should lower their standards when looking for happiness and the right match :)
 Ryuoki
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 77
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/25/2013 11:02:05 AM
I see quite a few responses stating they will not drop their standards no matter what, basically. Problem is, if you are waiting for a person to come along who is never married, never had kids, and fits all the other criteria of your standards, you will be waiting a long time (unless your really lucky, broaden your search to world wide). And if your dream of having kids one day requires that you be married, you cannot stop time. Sometimes a compromise of standards needs to be made regardless. We compromise every day, whether we know or admit it.

And as for the guy who stated

Secondly, kids, if they are not mine, I will not care for them. Period, point blank. I dont care what modern society says, raising some other mans offspring doesnt make you a 'real' man. Especially without your own. It makes you less. [ /quote]

That's just cruel. Not only to the children of the person you have chosen to be with, but to that person as well. They are a packaged deal. Cannot go male lion and sneak up killing offspring that aren't yours or could potentially challenge your authority. It may not make you a 'real' man, but it definitely makes you a more 'loving' man that can show more 'compassion' to his spouses children from another relationship. But also on that note, being 'evil step father' does not make you any more of a man but more spoiled child in appearance.
 2wheellife
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 78
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/25/2013 6:59:20 PM
I haven't loosened up my standards at all, I guess the divorce thing is such a common place now a day's (I'm divorced due to a unfaithful spouse) it depends on why thier divorced. But kids are still a deal breaker to me
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 79
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:14:04 AM
I have no dated men with children, in the past I would of been totally against it, hoping to find the man of my dreams that doesn't have children either and we can experience that together. But apaprently I was living in fairy tale land, so I will now date men with children. And older or younger men too.
 Engine_Builder
Joined: 1/24/2013
Msg: 80
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:48:34 AM

Is 30+ the age where you should start compromising your standards?


I've been thinking about this one a bit. I believe its better [for me] to phrase it as "time to loosen up one's expectations"

Because I am not 20. We don't look the same, life's lessons have made us wiser and more cautious, we have more responsibilities......life can't be fun and fancy free like it was at that age.

That is all.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 81
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:59:10 AM
maybe we need to define what standards we are talking about?


Standards of looks should definitely be loosened. Just because you were a teenage beauty queen doesnt mean you are one NOW.

Standards of personality? maybe maybe not.

Finances? Well traditionally men were expected to be the main provider, so women were free to be less solvent.
Considering how affirmative action and an almost complete reversal in hiring practices, you see a lot of men making less than they used to, but many women operate under the expectation that the man will still make a lot more money.
So if a woman is 40 and making 45k a year, I think it is unreasonable to demand a man make that much if everything else about him is satisfactory.
 peakbagger7
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 82
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History
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:01:48 AM
Some people surely do need to face reality

It’s almost comical to see late 30 / 40 something women (even those with kids) here demanding that a guy for her must make 6 figures, be 6+ feet tall, be in perfect shape and have all of his hair.

If such a guy did exists here, he surely isn’t going to go for a 40 year old or a single mom

And on the flip side, I still know late 30 / 40 something guy friends who still hit the bars and won’t look at a women over 25 year olds.

Both are going to be lonely for a long time

Divorce. I know many never married women have dreamt since childhood of having a big extravagant wedding. A divorced guy is surely not going to want to go through all that again. In this regards however a divorced women might be a plus to a man.

Single Moms: Yes, they are best avoided. It’s not even the kids; it’s the single moms themselves. They have so many personality flaws (to say the bare minimum) and so much drama associated with them that they just make horrible partners. Going for one of them you are just trading loneliness for misery. Widows are the exception of course.

But we are all guilty of some shallowness. When I was in my thirties I once dated this nice girl, but unfortunately she was extremely flat chested. I think she was a negative A cup. Whenever I put my hand on her chest, it felt the same way my chest feels (and I certainly don’t have Moobs) which was freaky. Despite having a good personality I just couldn’t stay attracted to her. I don’t require a woman to have a Kate Upton type chest in order to date her, but you gotta have something there to feel like a woman.

Was I just too shallow and my standards too high or was I doing us both a favor by ending it because I could probably never be truly attracted to her? I still don’t know.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 83
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:08:04 AM
For me there are 3 major issues when I am considering to date someone:-

weight, kids, smoking.

these are three things I will not budge on.

smoking and weight are probably self explanatory , as for kids?

frankly i just don't want to vie with her for attention. i also dont like to date women that are too involved with friends or their family. obviously having friends is not an issue, nor is being on good terms with family, but if you insist on spending 3 our of 4 days with friends or family then i have an issue with that.
I am not here to be an accessory in someones life.

My ex and i used to make plans to buy a house and in her head she was going to have dinner with her mother 3 or 4 times a week in addition to taking 2 weeks of vacation with HER every year! In addition to that she wanted to spend time with her and help her with her petsitting business. Sorry, but I have no interest in scraps.

My resources and time are limited as it is, I also dont want to have to be even tighter because a woman has a kid. It's not mine and i frankly have no investment in it.
 _BeachGoddess_
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 84
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:13:53 AM
^^^peakbagger, There comes a time when men 40+ need a reality check...the muscles are sagging, the hairline is receding, the gut is getting larger...but yet they think they can afford to be picky and think that younger women will give them the time of day.
If you're rich, maybe then, lol. Yuck.

Lumping all single moms together is not only ignorant but so not the case for many of them. I'm not a single mom but know plenty who are in shape, look young, have younger boyfriends (just a few yrs), 6 foot plus ( just saying), and do quite well. They don't have any interest in 40+ men so don't worry about them wanting to date you, lol. They need a man with energy that can keep up!

Being 40+, childless, acting like you're 25 and looking 50 (just saying) does NOT make someone a great catch. Not trying to be unkind but you need a reality check.

Have a nice day :)
 _BeachGoddess_
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 85
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:52:10 AM
One more thing...people could judge 40+ single, childless men and say the same...that THEY have personality& character flaws, just saying. The single moms that I know have amazing personality traits, are down to earth and drama free. They have to be pickier for the sake of their kids. I understand that there are some out there that can have drama, but everyone's situation is not the same.

Another reason why I have a bf that's slightly younger than I am, men in their 20's tend to not be so jaded.

That's all :)
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 86
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 1:56:47 PM
I love how the main concern for most men when it comes to dating is the woman's weight. Like the fact she might be thin and attractive, but bat sh.it crazy is not a big worry. Just as long as she is thin...lol
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 87
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:09:25 PM
codered- without sounding vulgar..weight has a very real impact on quality of life and SEX!
I have dated women of all sizes and I can say that if a woman was overweight by a certain margin the sex quality decreased proportionately.

Now i know some wits will jump in and say theyve had different experiences, and thats fine, but for me, sex is inferior with heavier women.

I also flat-out don't find heaviness attractive. if a woman is 5-15 l bs oveweight its one thing, but when you get passed that I have to question their self control and self respect.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 88
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:55:48 PM
Well, as a woman who is bisexual. I have been with one woman, she was chubby, did not have the best body. But I thought she was beautiful, but then again I don't hav a penis so I can't figure out the difference between a woman with a soft body, or a bony woman that I can accidentaly jab my****into her pelvic bone.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 89
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:58:47 PM
well, again without being too graphic if a man has a 6-7 inch member, if a woman has a big gut and thick thighs it becomes a lot harder to achieve thrust and entrance. missionary is ok, but doggy style is a lot harder and the more exotic positions are usually out of the picture.

also they are harder to lift and move for vigorous sex. all in all being overweight takes a lot more energy to achieve completion and the whole thing become an ordeal night after night

again thats been my experience with it, and im sure others will disagree, but i reiterate that's one issue with weight that is not based on looks.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 90
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 4:40:13 PM
Coder I love women with curves :) lol must be in my Latino genes lol
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 91
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 4:59:29 PM
i have never seen ONE guy say he doesnt like curves. the problem is when curves can be anything from marylin monroe to J-Lo to rosanne arnold.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 92
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 5:15:53 PM
O.o whose Jane Russell..I like em Nicki Minaj style lol.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 93
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/26/2013 5:15:54 PM
yeah but these days russel is slender compared to whats calling itself curvy
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 94
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:58:03 PM
i reiterate the difference is height is not generally an indicator of lifestyle, obesity is.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 95
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:11:51 PM
mainelythere, thats not necessarily true. I can't even eat pasta without showing it on me on the next day. Some people can eat whatever they want. Just go on about your business and date thin women. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone that made me feel bad about being chubby. I don't care about height, since I'm short. But I do think tall men are sexy.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 96
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:13:35 PM
Ok Julia, but can you agree that people who gain weight for not caloric reasons represent a very small minority of obesity?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 97
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30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:29:59 PM
Ok Julia, but can you agree that people who gain weight for not caloric reasons represent a very small minority of obesity?


Even with glandular disorders, the body STILL needs enough calories to save it as fat. Note that ANY glandular disorder is only estimated to account for around 2% of obesity, and most can be mitigated with reasonable diet + exercise.

There's no denying that some people burn/store better than others, and that some people are more predisposed to eat beyond the point of satiation (normally more due to parents instilling horrible portions in their children). And, of course, metabolism slows down, which changes the amount you can eat.

Even still, people that actively do REAL physical workouts and REAL physical activities (not what comes easy to them) are generally more physically fit people. And someone that is more physically fit will generally have a problem with someone who is not, constantly slowing them down. And, outside of legitimate physical problems, there's no real reason why almost everyone can't be physically fit, outside of laziness.

That's what weight is an indicator of personality and lifestyle. Weight is still a calories out/calories in equation, no matter how much relatively "harder" it is for you. The overweight person has decided that they are comfortable not partaking in a reasonable amount of physical activity, combined with eating a reasonable amount of food - they don't care about maximizing "self" as much as possible and prefer and easier way out. There are skinny-fat people as well - it's just that being fat is an immediate sign telling you that, whereas someone out of shape and smaller takes more time to get to know/figure out.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 98
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 5:02:13 PM
I don't eat crappy food, and I don't blame it on genetics. I'm also not OBESE. I'm just chubby. But anyways, it doesn't matter. Cause at the end of the day, its more about appearance rather than someone actually showing concern for one's weight. My weight has always been up and down, I'm not a tall woman either. I eat prolly twice a day. And no, I don't mean fast food. Just for editing reasons, I am working on losing weight. I work out for one hour every day. But I'm certainly not doing it for any man. I'm doing it for myself. I quit drinking, and I don't drink soda. Just water water water.
 6foot7inches
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 99
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 5:42:17 PM

But I do think tall men are sexy.


Woot!!
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 100
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 2/27/2013 5:45:42 PM
All i am trying to say is height cant be helped EVER, weight generally can be.
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