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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is being Bi really that bad?      Home login  
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 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 24
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Is being Bi really that bad?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I dont understand why you have to couch it in those terms. I would not knowingly have relationship with a BI man, for a myriad of reasons. Not one of them is because a Bi sexual man is "bad". It is because it doesnt fit with what I want in a partner. I personally dont care about anyone's sexuality until it becomes part of my life, and then I get to choose what I will and what I wont accept. I may not understand your ability to be attracted to both men and women, but that doesnt mean I see you as "bad", no more than I would see someone who would not date a person they didnt find sexually attractive as bad.

It sounds like you made some choices that you arent happy with and perhaps regret what you did. You are going to have to accept that there are going to be an awful lot of people who arent going to accept your Bi-ness, just like there are going to be an awful lot of people who wouldnt be attracted to you even if you werent Bi, for a myriad of other reasons as well.
 Johnson4555
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 25
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:02:36 AM
A lot of people don't understand that the number of genders you are attracted to has nothing to do with how monogamous you are. It's potentially important that you state that in your profile. Fix up a few spelling errors in your profile while you are at it. It might help.

It's going to be hard to find a woman who is interested in a man who is attracted to men. It's a major turn-off for most women. I recommend looking for a monogamous bi woman who understands your plight. Good luck!
 Lonely_Bi_N_Shy
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 26
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 10:41:26 AM
[Quote] I dont understand why you have to couch it on those terms.
I didnt couch it on any terms. All i said was is wasnt about sex and a Bi person should be trusted just as much as someone who isnt. People are saying it is a trust issue. Nothing to do with attraction. I understand attraction. But there is really no need to point out how unattractive i am to an awful lot of people excluding the Bi-ness. I will never regret falling in love with someone and should never have too.
 Lonely_Bi_N_Shy
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 27
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 10:56:09 AM

fix up a few spelling errors


Lol well honestly i wouldnt think id like a person who is that petty. "Omg! There are a few typos in his profile, this guy needs to f*** off!"

Yeah i may need to make it more clearer that im not an open relationship kinda guy. I would be more than happy to find a Bi women. But there are alot of women that only say no because they believe a Bi guy can not be trusted to keep thier junk in thier pants. Also there are hetero women who would date a bi guy. Im not going to close a few bridges because 99 out of 100 women wont date a Bi. That 1 out of 100 could be the one for me.
 mermaid140
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 28
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 11:10:12 AM

It's going to be hard to find a woman who is interested in a man who is attracted to men. It's a major turn-off for most women. I recommend looking for a monogamous bi woman who understands your plight. Good luck!


It is a big turn off for me...

I would never date a bi-sexual. The thought of my man making love to another man before he met me would be on my mind. I just couldn't deal with that.. Relationship are hard enough without adding that to it..
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 29
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 12:06:27 PM
Bisexuality will never be socially acceptable across the board. The very nature of gay sex is disturbing to heterosexuals. And conversly monogamous heterosexual relationships are considered ignorant by many homosexuals. That's the bottom line and I've had this conversation with more than one highly intelligent gay male friend. This is their perspective and what they say keeps us all from being one perfectly happy big family. Deal with it. Different rules cause separation. Mature people can love and respect you but without being on the same page you can't expect a romantic relationship with a straight woman.

Do what you do, trust you will find your perfect partner, there is so much more involved than just the odds. Life is magical.

Don't flaunt it or try to teach heterosexual women that you are just as desireable as heterosexual men. You aren't and never will be. Let it be.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 30
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:34:44 PM

I think the general concensus is that men can't really be bisexual -- you're either gay or straight. And hetero men would never even be curious enough to have sex with another guy because that would make them gay.

I probably didn't word that very well, but I think you get my point. Not many women, including myself, would voluntarily get involved with someone who proclaims to be bisexual. It's hard enough dealing with him looking at other women ... now we gotta wonder if he's eyeballing the neighbor guy. Even though you say that's not what's happening, how else can you explain it? I mean, you say you're bisexual -- meaning you like men and women. So it's obvious that women would be competing with men on some level.


Not everyone's sexuality is that solidly fixed at the end of a scale. For some of us, it's fluid.

Also, what is WITH peoples' assumptions that a bisexual person is unfaithful/looking at other people?
Like the OP, I am also bisexual.
Let me try and explain, for those who don't get it, using examples. Do you have a "type" of man/woman you go for? Maybe it's the tattooed, rough tough biker. Maybe it's the straight-laced Christian who is extremely prim and proper. The city lawyer/doctor who works so many hours a week. The artist. The maths geek. Whatever. Well, do you ALWAYS go for that same type of person in all of your relationships? Or have you been attracted to different types of men (/women, depending on preference)?
Well, not everyone has a specific "type" of person they are attracted to. In my case, those parameters extend to sex. (Sex and gender are different, by the way. Your sex is the physical manifestation - the chromosomes, genitalia, sexual organs, etc. A person's gender doesn't necessarily match their body.) For me, I'm attracted to the person, whether they're male/female, whatever. And when I'm in a relationship, my partner never has to worry about me "eyeballing" ANYONE, male or female. It's just not something I do.

SOME straight, or gay, people might "eyeball" other men/women while they have a partner. That's not to say everyone of that sexuality does. By the same token, SOME bisexual people may do that, but not all of us do.
I actually find it offensive when people automatically assume that bisexual people are unfaithful by default. It is possible to like more than one type of person - to have varied tastes.

Maybe some people need to learn to trust their partners more, or be more secure in themselves/their relationships.
I don't automatically assume that the person I'm with is "eyeballing" other people - male or female. Nor do I do it myself.


OP, some girls may have a problem with your bisexuality.
Sometimes, like some posters in this thread, they make (incorrect) assumptions about what it means to be bisexual. (Promiscuous, unfaithful, etc.)
For others, they just can't get their head around the idea of being with a guy who has been with another guy. (Although, this could also be for other reasons, such as they give blood.)
However, not all girls/guys will care. I certainly don't. :)
 NVcollegeguy
Joined: 9/3/2012
Msg: 31
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 10:16:21 PM

I think the general concensus is that men can't really be bisexual -- you're either gay or straight.


Wrong, being a real man is being yourself.
 dirtpusher03
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 32
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 11:02:39 AM
No I'm bi male is not about sex its about malebonding a man cannot truly love a woman til he canv love a man I'm not talking sexually but emotionally Ive not ever meet a woman who excerpts my sexuality a strait man has his defenses up where a bi man can relate an not be embarrassed abt talking about things bothering a man
 dirtpusher03
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 33
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 11:03:01 AM
No I'm bi male is not about sex its about malebonding a man cannot truly love a woman til he canv love a man I'm not talking sexually but emotionally Ive not ever meet a woman who excerpts my sexuality a strait man has his defenses up where a bi man can relate an not be embarrassed abt talking about things bothering a man
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 34
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 11:30:36 AM

its a pain the arse aint it tbh.

i wouldnt date a bi woman as i couldnt be doing with the hassle. if i go to my lad mates house for a drink / fifa no partners will ever care, if i go to a female friends it would raise questions/a grilling and i personally dont believe you can be "friends" with a person of the sex your attracted to. i probably be flamed for my view.

if a girlfriend of mine wants to go to the cinema or for a meal with just another guy she can consider herself single (groups mixed etc i dont mind but not 1 on 1)

so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now.

same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle.


Agreed. Relationships are complicated enough as they are. To add the bisexual element takes it way over the top. Way too much drama and confusion for emotionally healthy heterosexuals.
 P-Willikers
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 35
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 11:54:33 AM

i have zero interest in having multple partners


Then you have no reason to mention that you are Bi-sexual at all... problem solved...

The thing is... bi-sexuality is a touchy subject. There are plenty of gay men & women who marry the opposite sex, only to divorce years later to embrace their true sexuality. On the other hand, there are plenty of straight women who divorce and take female lovers because their ex-husband was absolutely horrible in the sack or horrible otherwise...

There's so much confusion with "bi-sexuality" ...Sexuality is an unconscious response... and it should have nothing to do with social pressures, or being driven by a lack of sexual gratification... but the reality is, it happens all the time.

Just because you don't mention that you're bi, doesn't mean you are being dishonest. It is of absolutely no consequence if you are only interested in one partner.
 tututo
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 36
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 12:28:21 PM
to me, you're here to find a partner. so actually after you find this person it doesn't matter if you're bi or not. i say this because you say it is not about the sex, you're just open to finding a man or a women.

this is just my opinion: i would be turned off and believe you just don't know what you want. it's either one or the other. i would want to know you want to be with a women and i would pursue you. like someone said about the odds and who we have to compete with. because you are looking at both men and women, that's just too much to be up against. if you were with me, what your preference was wouldn't matter anymore because you would be with me and it wouldn't matter.

now if you're looking for more than one partner to be with at the same time, then that's a whole different thing.

good luck ! :D
 tututo
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 37
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 12:31:57 PM
i think if you're getting confusion in here, then you're confusing the people you're trying to pursue. make it simple. this might be something that will hurt your chances.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 38
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 1:55:18 PM

its a pain the arse aint it tbh.

i wouldnt date a bi woman as i couldnt be doing with the hassle. if i go to my lad mates house for a drink / fifa no partners will ever care, if i go to a female friends it would raise questions/a grilling and i personally dont believe you can be "friends" with a person of the sex your attracted to. i probably be flamed for my view.

if a girlfriend of mine wants to go to the cinema or for a meal with just another guy she can consider herself single (groups mixed etc i dont mind but not 1 on 1)

so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now.

same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle

just my 2 pence on the situation


"so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now. "
Please don't project YOUR PERSONAL insecurities on people you don't know. Not everyone shares your opinion that two people can't be friends if they attracted to those of that gender. If "she" has the "same worries", then "she" obviously doesn't trust someone enough.

"same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle"
I am bisexual. I have lesbian friends. I am NOT attracted to them. Are you attracted to EVERY girl you know, or EVERY girl you see walking down the street? Well, neither am I. My sexuality doesn't change that.
"I don't have..." is kind of irrelevant. I've dated guys who were 6'4", I've dated guys who were 5'6". That doesn't mean the shorter guys were in competition with the taller ones... it was always the PERSON I was attracted to. Every guy I've been out with has been different to the last. I've been out with all sorts of different guys, including different races and nationalities, just to give an example. Just because I've been out with, say, a black guy before, doesn't mean I spend dates with a white guy thinking, "bummer, he doesn't have an afro."
You said "it would make me feel massively insecure". Note the word "ME". YOU are the one feeling insecure. This is YOUR problem. Personally, if I'm in a relationship, I TRUST the person I'm with, so I have no need to be insecure about stuff like that. I'm confident enough that if someone (male or female) is going out with ME, then it's me they want. But hey, thanks for saving us bisexuals the HASSLE of going out with someone so insecure, who wouldn't trust us simply based on not having a strict "type" of person we're attracted to (ie, men only).

If we went out and you went to a female friend's house to play Fifa, I personally would be fine with that. I have no interest in playing Fifa, and would not be good enough to play without making it a REALLY boring session for you, so of course I'd expect you to play it with someone else - male or female.

It's all about how much YOU trust your partner. If I'm in a relationship, that person should know me well enough, and trust me enough, to know that even if my lesbian friends/male friends DID by chance ever want to jump my bones (LOL, trust me that will never happen), I wouldn't be down with it. I don't do infidelity. Not TO anyone, and not WITH anyone. And I trust whoever I'm with the same way.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 39
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 2:04:21 PM
Theres nothing "wrong" with being BI. Its good that you know yourself. It might however be confusing to other peeps especially if they are not.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 40
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:28:05 AM

I don't see how someone could earn trust when they may have slept with any of there friends.

Just because you and some people you know can't be friends with someone of the gender you're attracted to, without getting feelings for them, doesn't mean others of us can't. I'm bi, I have lesbian friends, guy friends, whatever... doesn't mean I would sleep with them even when single. "may have slept with any of their friends..." exactly. MAY HAVE. Not actually HAVE. I "may have" done any number of things in my life. Doesn't mean I have, or would. But meh, if you don't want to go out with someone based on *hypothetical possibilities*, whatever.

I know gamers who will play one-0n-one with someone on the opposite sex, or the sex they are attracted to, purely because both of them like playing a specific game and their partner doesn't. It doesn't mean they're sleeping with them, or attracted to them. Like the gay male friends I have, who will spend evenings playing XBox with guy mates. No ulterior motive, just gaming.

As a bisexual person, I can understand people not being comfortable with someone who has been with the same/opposite sex (fill the blank dependent on gender and preference). Some guys can't see themselves with a girl who has been with girls, some girls can't see themselves with a guy who has been with guys, etc etc. I get that.
For some people, it's as simple a reason as they donate blood, and need to tick boxes in order to do so. I've had that happen, and completely get that, too.

What bugs me, is the automatic *assumption* that just because someone is bisexual, that they must be promiscuous and/or unfaithful. Or fancy them.
Along with my lesbian and other bisexual friends, I get this all the time. A straight girl will find out I/one of my friends like(s) girls, and their first question will be, "Do you fancy me?" As if liking girls automatically means liking THEM.
I don't fancy every girl I see. I don't fancy every guy I see.
I have friends I don't fancy. I have friends I would never go out with, or sleep with, or do anything sexual with. Just because some/a lot of people can't be friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to without having feelings for them, doesn't mean NO ONE can.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 41
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 9:12:12 AM

What bugs me, is the automatic *assumption* that just because someone is bisexual, that they must be promiscuous and/or unfaithful. Or fancy them.

It's wrong and unfair but unfortunately inescapable. The OP here, before he left the building, was clear that he was seeking a monogamous involvement, and, regrettably, he's going to have a harder time finding it than someone who's more at one end or the other of the spectrum, because of this stigma.

I've always found it interesting that, if anything, said stigma is often stronger within the gay community. You'd think it'd be the other way 'round, but no. There's a huge stereotype. "It's just an excuse for cheating." "They're just confused." "Pick a team." I've heard that and worse from many gays and lesbians.

It's just ignorance, o'course, and an inability to see things from another's point of view... which can be corrected if one merely takes an interest and asks questions... so I'm not sure those who view bisexuality as equaling promiscuity would make such good partners anyway. Still, there are an awful lot of 'em, and it makes things difficult for the monogamously inclined bisexual.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 42
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:05:45 PM
Personally, as soon as I learn a man has the capability to be attracted to other men, I lose my sexual attraction to him. Ive been called all kinds of things for this...closed minded, a prude, a bigot...but at the end of the day I only have this life to live and if I am not sexually attracted I cannot fake it to be someone Im not just appease the PC crowd.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 43
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:18:35 PM

Personally, as soon as I learn a man has the capability to be attracted to other men, I lose my sexual attraction to him.

That's just a matter of how you feel, though, I don't think anyone should judge you for that. You're not saying bisexuals are all horrible people or anything. You just aren't attracted to them. We're all allowed to have preferences, for heaven's sake!
 ineedapool
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 44
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 2:39:00 PM
Maybe they think it means you are bi-polar......I made that mistake one time....its like the plague or something. I said but that was years ago now I am fine....no help, never heard from him again. Oh well. If guys are taking it the sexual way....I think they all harbor insecure feelings about that. What person knows a woman better? Another woman. Just saying...
 beachluvr78
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 45
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 3:32:17 PM
I don't really think of Bi being "good" or "bad."

But I think it COULD be a sign that the person is conflicted, confused, fickle. It COULD be a sign the person wouldn't easily commit. Those signs COULD scare potential partners away. I'm just sayin'
 blackandmild513
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 46
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/16/2013 3:50:51 PM
Its not for me to say good or bad but I can tell you how I feel and it like dis I can hav a friend (just ****in around wit) but I'm lookin to get marry she cant be bi or gay. Dat just me
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 47
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/16/2013 6:16:17 PM
There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. What IS wrong is when a man doesn't tell the woman. Respect a woman and give her the choice of whether she wants to enter a relationship with a man who is. I've seen some guys hide it and wait until they are serious with a woman to tell her...because he is scared the woman will walk away. But since there are some people who do not want to date a bi guy (such as myself), I think it's unfair to with hold such important info...that particular woman will most likely walk away anyway.

There are 2 options for bisexual men:

A: Date women who are bi
B: Date women who are open to dating bi men (again, be upfront..IMO, letting a woman know you are bi before you even go out is important). If a man approached me, told me he was bisexual and asked for my number, I wouldn't be interested...even if I found him physically attractive. In fact, once he told me he was bi, I would still find him an attractive person...just not for me. I don't want to waste my time or his. It's not a matter of thinking the guy will cheat with another man. I honestly am not attracted to men who have been sexually involved with other men in any way...just being honest about my choice.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 48
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/16/2013 8:33:45 PM
I don't care if you're bi or who you had voluntary sex with in the past.

My question is - can you be monogamous with the person you're with?

Most women are going to think you're going to have a hankering for the opposite sex, so they wouldn't trust you to be monogamous... and to many women cheating with a man is worse than cheating with a woman. I see it the same.

If you can't be monogamous with one person, then monogamy isn't for you. Maybe you need an exclusive polyamoury relationship that gives you access to both men and women.

I haven't read all the responses so sorry if I'm repeating what someone already said.
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