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 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

people looking for an e-relationship - as opposed to a real life relationship.


I have a rule. You chat for no more than 2 weeks and meet in person. Anything after that becomes b u ll sh it and talk.

Online is a tool to meet in person. In person is the only real relationship. There are people that have talked to some idiot (men as well as women) for months and months and then they fall in love with the idea of that person. Finally they decide to meet, and poof! One or the other vanishes. Why? Because the person did not meet the expectations that they had created on their own minds.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 14
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 2:34:01 PM
I've been saying the same thing in here for years.
As had many others.

See? If you read the forums you'll be ahead of the game,
instead of behind things like Mr Radio Whats~His~Name.
(who has just now figured that out.)

Best thing about a free site like this....
is the wisdom is free too.
:-P
 RussArtLover
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 15
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 3:33:40 PM
I must be an incurable romantic. Or the unluckiest guy on earth. Every time I find a keeper she is a thousand miles away. Seriously. 5 years ago I finally decided go for it and found a job up here and relocated to meet this girl after a month of online chats. Turned out we weren't that good a match though and I stayed up here thinking "fresh hunting ground" and it has been fun being her friend n'stuff. I can't say yea or nae to doing it again but I agree meeting soon is best. Long term pen pals probably just leads to long term pen pals.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 3:40:43 PM
You'll get opinons saying both. Go fast, go slow. How fast or how slow I guess is up to the individual????? I don't mind typing away for a bit, or at least trying to type away. Some of the women I chat with are free with their info, and then with others, it's like pulling teeth. I save a lot of coffee going into my tummy by my awareness of what is given and what isn't in those emails.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 17
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 3:43:18 PM
I feel im better off meeting someone offline. being on here has hurt my confidence more than help it
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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History
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 4:50:20 PM
That's all I need, to meet & greet people before I've even decided if I like talking to them, for fear I'll not meet John Tesh's standards. LOL I don't want to meet people quickly, I don't need people knowing who I am in person and thus maybe disrupting my life, until I get a good feel for who they are online.

And if I thought being on a dating site was harming me in some way, I sure wouldn't be here whining about it, I'd get offline and get my head together.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 20
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 5:34:49 PM
LOL Fleuron.. John Tesh makes me kind of sick too. As for the question, I would like to think I could meet someone on line and actually date and lead to LTR, however the longer I am on POF the more unlikely it seems. I have met several men from my area but no one I found to be a good match thus far. I avoid long distance and pen pals. I am too busy for that and I am not moving anywhere, so to me pointless. Are there a lot of people on here who are just hiding behind a screen.. absolutely.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 22
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 5:52:49 PM
This same "John Tesh" type theory gets plastered into the forums in one form or another very regularly.

I say it's more or less a bunch of hooey. Bologna. Self-establishing, abject nonsense. It is primarily, one of many things that people occasionally say, and believe, as a way to vent; to excuse themselves to be self-righteous; to be impatient; to be demanding.

Quite simply, it's self-fulfilling. If you INSIST on rapid meet, or discard someone, then of COURSE, you will artificially bring about the result, that you either meet someone quickly, or you dump them and move on. That gives you the illusion that you have avoided people who were just messing around (an ASSUMPTION you make about everyone you dumped), and/or that you have caused yourself to have "productive" meet ups with more people.

You have a higher ratio of actual meets to online conversations.

So what? Anyone who has had meets, can tell you that just because someone meets with you at least once, doesn't have anything to do with how compatible they actually are, or with how self-knowledgeable they are, or anything else.

If you know anything about how to compare statistics with reality in a valid manner, you will begin to realize that statistics like this can be interpreted however you like, and reality wont be affected.

You want to pretend that everyone who is ready to follow through on a meet up after five emails, is "genuinely" searching for a mate, while someone who moves more slowly is not, go ahead. You'll be ignoring 98% of what everyone has to deal with in their lives in an average day or week. You'll be ignoring the fact that some people are more verbal than others. You'll be ignoring that players in particular are far more likely to want to meet, use, and dump you quickly, than are people who are actually looking for something more serious.

But if it makes you feel more powerful, in a situation where there really is no power to be had by anyone, then delude yourself however you like.
 mark777771
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 25
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 6:37:12 PM
Ive had both. Made some friends. Dated a few. I think this site is just like everything else in life, its what you make it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 1/31/2013 7:56:48 PM
Quite simply, it's self-fulfilling. If you INSIST on rapid meet, or discard someone, then of COURSE, you will artificially bring about the result, that you either meet someone quickly, or you dump them and move on. That gives you the illusion that you have avoided people who were just messing around (an ASSUMPTION you make about everyone you dumped), and/or that you have caused yourself to have "productive" meet ups with more people.


Igor, usually I agree with you. But I do not understand the above statement. I don't think rapid meets are an illusion. Waiting and talking for a month or two IS. You get to know, not the real person, not the real chemistry but the illusion you have in your head of that person. Then look at this. Lets say you start talking out of all your messages to 3 persons. Spend 3 weeks talking and weed it out to 1 and talk for 3 to 4 months. Then you meet and one or the other does not fill that the equation worked. You know this happens all the time, because it's one of the most common constant complaints here in in the forums. So you are back to square one. Repeat this technique twice and you have 9 months, met in person only 3 people and are still complaining that "I may be an ultimate romantic...but.. I am still alone."

Now, the way I look at it. Let's say I start talking to 3 persons, weed it out to 1 in two weeks, meet it doesn't work. Next, and next. By the time the 9 months are over, Lets say I have averaged 2 dates a month. That is not that bad, even though when I was going at it with a vengeance I could average 6 a month. The point is to be conservative. That would be a total of 18 different people in 9 months. That is a hell of a better pool than 3 people. So by the time I find one person that digs me and I dig her, I am there not because it was the only thing breathing that wanted to date me, but because we have a lot in common and everything clicked better.

Also. I do not insist on a rapid meet. I just move the conversation very quickly and naturally to ask for a date. And there are easy ways to do that, that even the ladies like, and don't feel like it came out of nowhere or pressured.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 31
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:30:45 AM
New men/women to online are flattered by the new attention. They won't settle for Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie. The veterans of online dating are so jaded that you'll have to bring a background report and paystub to prove you're worthy. Women want sex too but will be catty about it. They don't want to appear 'easy'. Men want a relationship, but god forbid a man says that within 3 dates....he's a clinger! Run!
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 33
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/1/2013 8:07:30 AM
I think the endless chatters and emailers just arent sure what they want. So they keep "busy" online. Some are scared and unsure, some lied on their profile. Anymore it is hard for some people to handle real life, and the online world is enough for them. Its kind of sad.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 34
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/1/2013 9:10:37 AM
By the way, I wasn't in my rant, trying to claim that there aren't plenty of time-wasters in any arena you look in; nor did I mean to imply that choosing the strategy of dumping anyone who wont meet after some set number of emails, is inherently going to lead you astray.

My point is more basic. The claim that because someone wouldn't meet after your chosen number of emails, that they are thus proven to be the sort who will never change course, are losers, are defective...isn't logically supported.

Really, there is neither a need, nor is there anything to be gained, from going to the trouble of labeling someone you've given up on, as being some sort of bad or defective person. Not only can you NOT prove Tesh's claim, but it wont help you to get on with your life in any way.

When you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. If it's because you've talked online for a while, and you are ready to move on and they aren't, fine. By all means leave them behind. But please don't add to the negativity of your life, by stocking your mental shelf with all the people you've labeled as "bad," simply because your way of dating doesn't match theirs. I promise you, that sort of indulgence is what leads to being like some of the folks we see here, who have developed such a very sour outlook, that they look at each new possible person with depressing suspicion.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 37
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:14:13 AM
DANIMAL WROTE
"If you can't meet in real life in two weeks, it's not gonna happen."

Dan you cannot speak for everyone! This year I have met one man with whom I have been emailing for two years - he drove 700 mile round trip (it was the distance that prevented us from meeting) and another with whom I have been emailing for about six months. So you are wrong -- there is no hard and fast rule on this.

A few years ago I made contact with a guy on another dating site but he was involved with someone (cohabiting) and so I refused to meet him, telling him to come back once he'd split up. Of course I never expected him to contact me again.

Almost three years later he emailed me to say she'd just moved out, and we met up and were together for a few years.
=======================================================

Going back to the OP.. what kind of relationship I am looking for on here, for me, it's all "see-how-it-goes". I don't look for "a relationship" I look for PEOPLE, and that is completely different.

I am just "putting myself out there" and see who I meet. I'll work out whether that person has a place in my life after I have met him/her/them.




 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 38
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:21:34 AM
i am unafraid to meet and have met many since being on this site. i have had what i thought were good meetings and first dates and i want the real thing in the real world no doubt its just finding a guy who actually wants to connect on a deep level besides Just sexually is problematic.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 40
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/2/2013 6:29:59 AM

"If you can't meet in real life in two weeks, it's not gonna happen."

Dan you cannot speak for everyone! This year I have met one man with whom I have been emailing for two years - he drove 700 mile round trip (it was the distance that prevented us from meeting)


Obviously arranging a date with somebody that's several HOURS away driving is going to take some time, but that's not what MOST dates in here are about. People are looking locally - messaging people that are (ballpark distance) 30 miles away. Once you've established some online communication, the next step in online dating SHOULD be to MEET, to get OFF-line - not continue an E-relationship. Anyone serious about dating wants to AVOID an E-Relationship, not ESTABLISH one.

Once you agree to meet, in a couple weeks just about ANYONE should be able to make a couple hours worth of time to meet someone local. Maybe something comes up and you need to cancel/reschedule, fine - but if you are not even willing to take that step to SET a time, date and place to meet - you're not trying hard enough.

Finding two hours in two weeks is NOT hard to do, and if you think you can't do it - I strongly suggest you start making a time log of your daily activities and study it after a month or so. People waste HUGE blocks of time doing nothing without even realizing it. Folding a few baskets of laundry takes maybe a half hour, tops - but if you're doing it in front of the TV, it's gonna take you all night.
 itsjanjan
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 42
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/2/2013 11:08:08 AM
Just a nice relationship that can grow. But I note that every elderly man, you know, my age group wants a stunning model, I just want a good man.
 mscloverct
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 44
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/2/2013 3:53:11 PM
Long term

I feel the same way. I'm not much for all that texting and message sending. Let's talk a few times and if we connect, somewhat let's meet face -to-face . I'm always willing to meet after talking a few times.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 45
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:55:13 PM
I agree with op's subject. Msny people use this site to engage in ego boosts, never with the intention of actually meeting but rather e relationships with casual conversations.
Im trying to be more direct these days by stating off the bat that im not into casual conversations just as many women on here are not into casual sex.

I equate my conversational ability. And time with the same value some of these women on here have with their pus.sy.
 MiaIris
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 47
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:44:03 AM
I think it depends on the person. Personally, I am looking for a long-term relationship.

When I was in my early 20s, I began a LD relationship with another student online. I find you build a better rapport with the person and feelings develop better in fantasy mode but in reality you don't know the person that well and understand their life situation. Ten years down the road, I've had major upsets in my life and he wanted to resume our relationship but I realize the flaws in our relationship and that I am no longer the same person as before.

When you meet someone instantaneously online, you might be able to meet someone outside of your social group or geographis area. But you lose the rapport and fun you would have built and gained by taking it slow.
 newtnhoney
Joined: 9/25/2010
Msg: 49
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:29:58 AM
I'm looking for a long term relationship and believe you should meet within 2-3 weeks after meeting online. That gives you a chance to get to know the basics about each other as well as likes and dislikes. I recently had a situation that, because of a health issue, we met once but then emailed for 3 months before we could meet again. Our first meeting was slightly awkward but after 3 months, I felt we were definitely compatible. Unfortunately, there were just no sparks in person like we had online. We still keep in touch but I doubt there will be any more meetings. You have to see each other face to face before you can decide to continue in a relationship or not.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 55
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:36:18 PM
I think the thing is when you chatting with someone online you shouldn't be afraid to put your cards on the table. There's just some folks who are content with endless messaging and email chats. I'm not one of those people. I had to cut a woman off because she had no intentions of meeting me and only wanted me as a text and online chat buddy. So you have to go through countless timewasters until you find that ONE person that values your worth and wants to take the relationship offline.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 59
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/6/2013 11:35:43 PM
I'm upfront about why I'm here...for the forums. However I do welcome friends to chat via the messaging. My grassroots movement to abolish fake wood paneling on vehicles and slow computers is gaining momentum....muhahaha!
 RichHom
Joined: 6/18/2012
Msg: 60
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What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:30:54 AM
I am looking for a "real relationship"
Well as I am looking for a serious relationship, I believe we should search to quickly stop what could be considered as a lie. For example the picture ( age, profession etc...) I posted, shows me younger, the best thing will be to present myself in light of my real charming body and show my "friend" who I fundamentally look like, and maybe instead of being charmed by the picture, anything else will help to solidify the relationship. This will avoid false compromise. In education, there is a problem to transfer the face to face class into hybrid classes and teachers found that the lack of teachers' emotion in the teaching accounted for 15-20% of the learning so in our case I don't think that those who are serious about dating or rather serious relationship should wait to have a coffee or a dinner.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 62
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/13/2013 4:35:06 PM
There is no set answer to how fast you should meet. In the real world, I like to scope out a person before even saying hello to them. Unfortunately, most people's profiles don't allow that to happen because they don't have any clue on how to properly present themselves to the world. So I need to exchange emails with them for a considerable amount of time but some people are horrible at that. I think that probably goes for those wanting to meet in under 2 weeks. They want to rely on their animal magnetism instead of intellectual exchanges or a show case of their writing skills and wit. I, on the other hand, need to see that element. For some people, it takes time to come out of their shell. I give them that time. What's the hurry, what's the rush? I have yet to meet people here that didn't want to meet me in person. And, that increases after we've spent considerable time exchanging emails. I use the exchange of emails to weed people out not as a medium to ask them to meet for coffee. Meeting in person for dates is a waste of time to me if I don't know with 99% certainty that we'll end up dating. Of course, I'm not the typical rush to sex mindless drone that's commonly seen on POF. I find the mind and the soul much sexier than anything else. Seems like I'm in the minority here. For me, I don't have to exchange any emails to spot a fake profile or people not serious about meeting in person. That's easy and a trivial exercise in pattern recognition.
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