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 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 24
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Opening the Door for Sexual talkPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

So guys, is there a way to crack open the "sex door" without you coming and barging right through it?

Yes, of course there is a way but apperantlly not with him.
I would be happy to know that there is a chemistry, that the "sex door" is open but wouldn't try barging throug it, and ruin the whole thing. I would peek through it tho, just to see..
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 25
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:24:47 AM

(Msg #1.) So guys, is there a way to crack open the "sex door" without you coming and barging right through it?


Simple. Have the sex talk if that's what you want as far as positions, likes and dislikes, etc. then drop it. Tell him you will let him know when you're ready. End of sex talk. If he keeps trying ask him if he heard you say you were ready. He'll probably reply "No". Then say, "So why are you trying when you know I haven't said I was ready?"

Obviously he has difficulty understanding so you'll have to talk to him like one would talk to a child. Direct questions and answers. He'll either accept it or move on. Problem solved.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 26
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:35:32 AM
The problem is, it's hard to find a gentleman who understands women in this day and age. I sympathize, and congratulate you for trying to hang in there... it can be off-putting at the least.

Men, when a good woman is ready, believe me, you will know.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 27
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:45:40 AM
I'm not big on prick teasers. You want to talk about something else? Fine. But if you bring up the subject and discuss personal sexual things, don't be surprised if it is perceived as a willingness to go further.

If you like animals, he might suggest going to the zoo.
If you like arts, he might suggest going to a museum.
If you like nature, he might suggest a walk in the park or forest.
If you like sex, he might just be a pig who wants to bang you and leave shortly after?

No, put your money where your mouth is or don't talk to adults about topics you are not comfortable with.
 baldguy500
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 28
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/7/2013 4:00:26 AM
sexual talk is the same thing as talking to a politician.........."waste of time"
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 29
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/7/2013 4:39:14 AM
OP: I agree with others that when you and he talked about sexual interests, you opened the door he keeps trying to go through. Many men I've known think "no" means keep trying. Yes, I've experienced this and it includes a man who tried to pick me up at a hotel when I was out of town on business. He kept wanting me to go home with him. I finally told him to buzz off. Some men just don't comprehend the word "no", so sometimes you have to be mean about it.
 oceanman1310
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 30
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/7/2013 6:55:04 AM
Here is what it is,at his age and testosterone load about the only way you might be able to really get his attention is to take a brick in each hand and simultaneously smack him upside the head with them. No means no! Even if you really like this guy , if he won't take no for an answer , walk away .Life is too short for this kind of grief!
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 31
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/7/2013 7:14:46 AM

Basically a woman (or man) can flirt, touch, even be in the very act of foreplay or sex but the moment they say no the person must stop or else they are
committing sexual assault (unwanted sexual kissing or touching) or rape-- depending on what it is they are doing.

Do you see the danger of what you are saying here? If a woman flirts and talks and kisses and gets naked and has foreplay and right as (assumed to be consensual by all evidence) penetration occurs she says 'no', the man becomes a rapist, because the 'no' is uttered faster than he can withdraw his penis.

The whole purpose of all the build-up is to establish mutual consent. Maybe she shouldn't get engaged in foreplay if she doesn't want sex, or else the 'fore' part doesn't make sense. I've never had an issue with women, sex and the word 'no', because luckily all my women were either willing to go further or they were clear earlier on before it came to foreplay. If I ever was in that situation, the woman would find herself pantiless out on the street in front of my house, because I'd throw such a prick tease out in no time. If she wants time to get dressed inside before she hits the road, I'm sure she understands that my 'no' would turn her staying in my house into trespassing... I'm sure you don't have a problem with that line of thinking, right?

If everybody used more common sense and acted consistently with his preceding behavior we wouldn't even have to discuss such a non-topic.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 32
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/7/2013 12:04:30 PM
It depends on how you're coming across. That plays a much bigger role than previously saying you don't like to jump into bed.

Plus, touching doesn't mean the act of sex. If you're talking about sex a lot and revving his engine up, you can't expect the guy to have near-zero physical affection when alone. He could easily not expect to actually have sex, but still assume some bases would be rounded if you're coming across as a sex-hungry gal.

I'm not saying you're at some extreme, but who knows -- none of us are there. And sometimes we come across certain ways without knowing it... or sometimes think we can "tantalize" or "tease" the other person and get away with it, without them having their frisky thoughts get the best of them.

It's analogous to another situation on the forums... where some women will have their pics on their profile in a nightie laying on their bed in provocative positions, then get pissed off that guys write them looking for sex. You can't have your cake & eat it too.

If you don't want the guy to be making physical moves on you to get to "second base", don't talk about what position you like vs another when getting ball-banged, ya know? :)
 donrichardson
Joined: 9/14/2012
Msg: 33
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 8:23:08 AM
The guy is self-centered moron. I can't imagine how he could reasonably interpret your telling him that you are not willing to engage in sex as an invitation to do just the opposite. I have discussed various aspects of sex with women who I had only a platonic relationship with and never considered it as an invitation to take the relationship further. I have talked to new dates about various sexual topics (likes, dislikes) so that I will be able to satisfy her more when sex begins, but I don't consider her discussing as an invitation to start.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 34
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 8:44:29 AM

The guy is self-centered moron.

Oh please... let's not get carried away here. First off, this "moron" has been on several dates with a very pretty girl so he must have something going on...

The very simple fact is that it is for guys to try and advance and girls to put on the brakes. As long as he stops when told he is doing nothing wrong at all. I wonder more about you "guys" that have problems with other "guys" actually behaving like "guys".
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 35
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 8:54:13 AM
This guy is SO yesterday's news.

The OP is now dealing with a "Good Morning" texter.

You gotta keep up, people.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 36
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 8:57:16 AM
^^^We do try Lil! lol...maybe the good morning texter guy is the same one she speaks of in this thread?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 37
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 9:00:38 AM
Oh no, this one is one of the ones who disappeared after his pushy behavior bore fruit.

The texter must be the hot but nervous one she met last week.
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 38
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 10:29:41 AM
Being Open and Frank about intimacy is one thing....
But most women realize that 'discussing it' ~generally~ indicates a 'willingness to engage'...
One of THE most important issues...for a Lady...is
R e s p e c t !!
...unfortunately, it's one of the 1st things to Go Out The Window...with a guy...once the seal has been breached!!
Personally...I like to intentionally avoid the subject...talking about Everything under the sun...
mostly to get a better understanding of the Lady I'm with....but also as a sort of ~Tease~....
waiting for her to say...: "We've been talking all this time , and you haven't Once brought-up Sex.....Why!??"

~Chortle!~
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 39
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 12:54:52 PM

I'm not big on prick teasers. You want to talk about something else? Fine. But if you bring up the subject and discuss personal sexual things, don't be surprised if it is perceived as a willingness to go further.


I agree 100 percent with this statement.

Women that are a tease don't last long with me. There are some men that fall in love with a woman before they have sex or become intimate. These men are usually called needy nice guys. Who are then dumped by the girl as well, because they simply didn't do it for the girl.

If I have chemistry with a woman, I pursue. If she turns me down. I move on. I do not wait to become her girlfriend before intimacy enters the picture.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 40
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 1:16:22 PM
A woman has a right to say 'no' at any time. A man should always respect this.

If a fellow feels he is being led on, teased, etc. then it's up to him to walk away...not keep groping her.

Me? I'd say Bye after a reasonable amount of time seeing a woman. I like woman who are into sex and enjoy it. After being with a woman 'several times' and she isn't eager to have sex, then what exactly is the next date going to prove. This is her right and I'll respect it but just not my thing. I'm a healthy well adjusted male and there is nothing in this world more delicious than a female body. I have other 'friends'.

^^^natgoat. Agreed. I never bring up sex first or make any reference to it. I let the woman say something funny, make a reference, etc. she is the one who gives the green light on the topic. After that I may try and touch her but the ice has been broken. As males, however, we still need to respect how she receives our advances. My experience is that most women coyly resist you the first time in a playful manner but then are more the instigator the next date. They are letting you know that they are not 'loose' and we need to, again, respect their boundaries.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 41
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:47:13 PM

Agreed. I never bring up sex first or make any reference to it. I let the woman say something funny, make a reference, etc. she is the one who gives the green light on the topic. After that I may try and touch her but the ice has been broken. As males, however, we still need to respect how she receives our advances. My experience is that most women coyly resist you the first time in a playful manner but then are more the instigator the next date. They are letting you know that they are not 'loose' and we need to, again, respect their boundaries.


^^This post to me, represents a mature man who understands it in a nutshell. Mr. Science? I bow to you Sir....and also thank you on behalf of my sisterhood...we are just as sexual, if not more so, than you fellows are except there is a protocol. A man confident in his abilities to "understand" this, probably has no problem at all having sex. Wereas his bold, just throwing the sex card out there brothers, spend a lot more time fishin! And I also agree with Mr. Goat (sheesh that sounds funny)...if we gals are going to be out there talking sex, for sure we are indicating that the guy has a green light. That is understood. I will give the OP a bit of a break due to her youth...oh to be 20 sumpin an know what I know now! lol
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 42
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 3:17:50 PM
...if we gals are going to be out there talking sex, for sure we are indicating that the guy has a green light. That is understood.

I think you’ve cut to the core of the issue and that’s the matter of ‘intent’. If women mention sex in early dating (or in texts or phone calls) is it really their intent to be giving the guy the green light?

I have a bit of a problem with that. Firstly, women are not all the same. Secondly, if your guideline should apply to all, then quite a few women will have to button their lip or be misunderstood.

I don’t want to see women censoring themselves out of fear that they’ll inadvertantly cross some line that’s understood by some but not by others, or reach some point of no return, or send some signal they didn’t intend.

Intention is what it’s about. And intentions are individual things. Speaking as a middle-aged man, I’ve already posted more than once that POF women my age want to know a guy is ready and willing when the time comes. They’ve had too many disappointments. They want to know up front, not 3-6 dates down the road.

Others like to explore alternative and kink issues and other special needs, and they don’t intend to signal the green light just yet. They just want to know if this is a relationship they might find satisfying.

Perhaps I’m making more of your statement than you intended. But I’d like to see it left to the individual to decide what messages they’re sending. I think we invite misunderstanding if we take too much for granted.

I fear we’re in danger of veering just a little to close to ‘she was asking for it’ territory, where wearing a skirt too short or going up to a man’s apartment after a date is taken as a signal that means more than was intended.

And I don’t think we need to give OP a special allowance due to youth or inexperience. As I said, middle-aged women are also talking sex before they’re ready to do it – though not necessarily the ‘sexual flirting’ op mentioned in post #1. That can and will indeed be interpreted as a green light (or stir hopes of such) more often than a dry and sober ‘just-the-facts, ma’am’ kind of exchange of basic information.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 43
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 3:29:31 PM
Hi Muted. imho I think you read a whole lot more into what I said than what I wanted you to! lol...basically what I meant was if one goes there, male or female, depending on exactly "what" they say, then it does give a green light to either being open to having sex at some point or right away if that is one's choice. If a lady doesn't infer anything at all sexual at any point, I would think a guy would think she is strictly not open to a sexual relationship and make his choice to continue from there or not. However, even without "talking" about it, there are ways that men and women converse to let the other one know they are interested or not. Body language being a huge indicator. Maybe I am not explaning myself propertly here...been a long day! lol
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 44
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 4/10/2013 4:07:48 PM
Hmmmmm........Maybe that is why my light is usually set to "yellow"........;)

Choices to make, choices to make.......to speed up, continue on, slow down, or stop......Life is but a road of lights.....lol

cd
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 45
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 5/7/2015 11:55:44 AM
Interestingly the guys I've been talking to here haven't even started with it yet, but I expect they might if I meet them.
Not sure, hard to know. It's like an unopened box, could be crap inside, but there also could be something really good inside. Bit of a gamble. It's probably not a good idea to talk about it very early but at the same time, there might be otherwise unknown bad stuff waiting down the line if you don't lol.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 46
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 5/7/2015 1:41:20 PM
^^^^^

Meet in person first. Then do that type of talk.
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 47
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 5/8/2015 1:08:13 AM

^^^^^

Meet in person first. Then do that type of talk.

But I don't want to waste my time meeting heaps of randoms
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 48
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Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 3/13/2018 3:55:03 AM
During the dating thing I'm a gentleman and in saying that let the woman engage in the talk about sex....it's worked for me and once she opens the door I find out what she likes and stays away from....
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