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 1ion
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 26
One Sided Sex?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
me being so sexually charged when I'm in a relationship it's usually me initiating the sex anyway so I've never turned my partner down. UNLESS we're going thru a rough time in the relationship where the chemistry wasn't there anymore. I have had girlfriends tell me that they have had sex with me when they didn't feel up to it they just did it to please me (shot out to those women like that) so basically what I'm saying is there's nothing wrong with doing things to please your partner even if you don't want to. I'm sure plenty of men have missed the game because wifey wanted to go to the store or something during game time. .fair exchange isn't a robbery.
 1ion
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 27
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:04:28 AM
accommodate perfect word to use that and compromise!! !
 light-fantastic
Joined: 5/28/2012
Msg: 28
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:41:14 AM
I suspect one's attitude changes with age, about always putting the partner first, if you're female. As one who practices tantric love-making, I know I will always be in the mood for orgasm, or neither of us will find that pleasure. My partner only has to look at me a certain way or touch me to focus my sexual energy.

Positive sexual response is a learned behavior and I am glad I am older. It took me many years of practice and with several long-term relationships to reach the level of understanding.
 eattoplease55
Joined: 10/22/2012
Msg: 29
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 6:17:35 AM
Its called take and give....been in a one sided physical thing where she wasnt at all really foreward sexually and putting it bluntly it stunk....that was the first time and THAT wont happen again....but during my marriage I understood if she wanted and I didnt I abliged her with the full compliment from long foreplay I like to the end....and at some point I might want her attention but not all the time.....sooo...everyones got their thing....and very rare there are two with the same ideas.....thats why they call it a relationship!...lol
 Be_enchanted
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 30
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 7:34:25 AM
Nothing wrong with 'one sided sex'; to get pleasured or to be pleasured by someone I care about is such a turn on for me. Not a big deal if you're not initially in the mood b/c chances are the effort put in will have you feel great and want to reciprocate right then and there or at another time. Receiving sweet attention is such a release and one that I thoroughly appreciate. Enjoy the fact that one finds your beyond sexually attractive and go with the flow.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 31
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 8:47:17 AM
Most guys when it comes to sex are: obliging, opportunistic, and willing to have 'snack-size' servings of 'whatever' they're being offered. But I completely get your feelings about it seeming like him, 'getting the job done' and preferring it to be about a mutually satisfying experience. But does that have to happen every time Op? Remember, 'snacks' can hold you over; or it can also whet the appetite for more.

I think when men think about 'boring relationship sex', that concept is in part due to it being being absolutely predictable in how sex has to occur----It must happen only when you're both in sync, and only when you're completely 'alone', when you're completely rested.... well, you get the picture.

Men, again in my experience live a lot of what's happening sexually in their imaginations as well as in the visual moment. If there are aspects that are taking sex with you out of the predictable, especially mentally for them, this is not a bad thing. If this 'servicing' of their needs occasionally seems like 'getting the job done' outside of what you prefer, that's because it is. Having a smorgasbord of sexual interludes with your guy is not a bad thing or a detractor for the 'full meal deal' either. Being open and receptive to urgency, passion and being able to meet his or your needs outside of your 'generally accepted terms of engagement'....will give back far more than detract.
 MeggieMugster
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 32
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:04:11 AM
Funny you say that.

I have an ex, who wanted to have sex, or fool around alllll the time, which was great, but sometimes a girl needs her sleep, so if i told him i was too tired, he would resort to porn.

then i have another ex, who claims he had no sex drive, which he just had a whole different issues, but anyways, even if I was horny and wanted it, and he didnt, he wouldnt wanna do anything at all, and i would even offer to do things for him, and he wouldnt let me. so he got me a vibrator, and so when he wasnt in the mood i would use it in front of him, and tell him to use it on me. But there was this time we had sex, and he wouldnt finish and i asked him why, and he said cuz he wasnt in the mood, he only had sex cuz i wanted it.

so its messed.
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 33
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 2:27:51 PM
Having been taught ( and spoiled) by an ~Expert~ by my 2nd wife ,
I not only want to please my partner _Supremely_, but also want her to crave it more often...every time!
The 'One-sided' part is represented by my last GF....who was a 1-shot-and-done-type....
Thinking that _I_'d be done, too.
She was unprepared for an Hour of activity...and after a while , just laid there like a lump.
...which , obviously , didn't exactly keep me ~Stimulated~ to please her!
Oh , well....The search Continues!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 2:38:22 PM
He says that if his girl is horny at any time, he has no problem pleasuring her to orgasm whether he is in the mood or not. Just kind of like a get the job done deal, and then go back to doing whatever he was doing.
Where as me, If I am not in the mood for sex, that means I'm not in the mood for anything, regardless of how my partner feels (unless they turn me on/change my mind/etc.)


You have here expressed the number one reason why there are so many couples with relationship problems. We have to be in the mood, the planets have to align, all the clothes need to be washed, the dog must have been walked. So now that you are in the mood and come over in some beautiful Victorias Secrets stuff, your guy says, "Play Offs" Can't do it now.

What most sexual therapist will tell you is that sex takes work. At the center of it, it should be to please your partner. So if you, and in that case Muah, is not in the mood, GET in the mood and try to please your partner.

Once sexual apathy takes hold this is what ALWAYS happens, according to the research that most sexual therapist have, and that is, One of the partners cheats on the other, One of the partners ask for a separation or divorce, one of the partners commits emotional divorce. The last one is the worst because they live lives of quiet desperation in which they don't touch each other.
 ManhHeartLove
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 35
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 2:47:34 PM
HI Takes the two partners to become the one yes two must enter it so blissful so beautiful so real so good together as 1
 Patrick45015
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 36
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:37:22 PM
If she is in the mood then I am in the mood unless I am sick or injured
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 37
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:54:21 PM
If he wants it and I am not in the mood, I simply tell he has to get me in the mood. It is amazing how far a little patience can go. Kissing, cuddling etc, will get me in the mood, even if I am not there to start with. It also works the other way.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 38
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/4/2013 2:32:46 AM
I selfishly had one-sided sex.....I gave him oral sex and went without.

My apologies for being so selfish. lol
 ManhHeartLove
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 39
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:36:43 AM
many sides to Love and Life yes one must respect each side
 KeepingItLightForNow
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 40
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:54:55 AM
If I was horny and my partner is willing to help that is awesome. But know also that I would do the same for him even if I wasn't in the mood. It's called a relationship.
 59thShadeofGrey
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 41
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:59:35 AM
I gotta admit - I prefer the left side....
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 42
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 9:59:52 AM
No you are not obligated to get someone off because they are horny.

In most of my relationships I have been the less sexual person. Because of this I do find myself getting her off just to get the j0b done. But there is usually great pleasure in doing so. It is a great turn on to see her go thru the throw of pleasure... and that in turn may turn me on. This is one of the ways I show my appreciation for her. But if I really aint in the mood nothing is happening.
 darkhairedgirl81
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 43
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:49:48 AM
That's why we masturbate. Men don't see sex as a chore like lots of women and are easily up for it. You rarely have to convince a straight man to have sex, even if he wasn't initially "in the mood".
 4redclay
Joined: 9/1/2010
Msg: 44
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 12:32:41 PM
It's not a question of if it's "wrong" or not, it's a question of it's REAL........... sex that's one-sided means somebody is not being fair ... to themselves. Nothing better than sex infused with love & caring, its got soul . Worth the wait til both people are actually paying attention to what they are able to feel TOGETHER.
 4redclay
Joined: 9/1/2010
Msg: 45
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 12:33:42 PM
It's not a question of if it's "wrong" or not, it's a question of it's REAL........... sex that's one-sided means somebody is not being fair ... to themselves. Nothing better than sex infused with love & caring, its got soul . Worth the wait til both people are actually paying attention to what they are able to feel TOGETHER.
 angellight2091
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 46
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:50:59 PM
quote] Sometimes, pleasuring your lover, is pleasure in itself .

Perfect answer... Couldnt agree more...I get great pleasure making my partner feel good
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 47
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:58:23 PM
If you want to keep a relationship, here is the rule: give your partner sex or affection whenever they want it. If you can't understand this, quite frankly, you have no business being in a relationship. Take up knitting or golf instead.

Relationships take work - if you are not willing to do the work that is required, leave good men or women alone.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 48
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/17/2013 4:01:15 PM
Yes.....pleasuring your partner is at least half of the excitement. And also very exciting to "replay" the encounter in your mind.........
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 49
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/24/2019 5:54:34 AM
NOPE not off the wall...in any relationship I have been with IF she's in the mood and I wasn't I would give with no problem and usually I would change my demeaner during.....it's part of the deal with two people who are in mutual relations in my opinion....and the same went for me wanting but more so than not I wouldn't bother If I knew she wasn't in the 'mood'....just the way I am...I have always given more then received.....lol
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 50
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 3/1/2019 1:13:16 PM
I'll have to admit that this topic brings anger and perhaps angst to the surface.

Pretty much describes the relationship tween son' mom and I : I was almost always interested and son's mom needed to be coaxed into interest, initially, or eventually refused period. There was always something more important, more compelling, bad/wrong timing, etc. So, eventually, since we were already living separate lives I made it official - now she doesn't have to say no; and I no longer have the stress of wondering.

That said - in a loving respectful relationship (and in my mind think married) to habitually refuse your partner is tantamount to abuse. Unless you entered into your relationship/marriage and mutually agreed that sex/physical intimacy was not a priority or even expected, to withhold is anathema to a strong union.

When I enter into this type of relationship I am saying to my partner and to the rest of the world that this aspect of my being is reserved for only this person. Pretty much any other aspect of who I am I can share with third parties, some more than others, male more than female. And I would expect my partner to be making the same declaration. If either of us then says (or makes clear) that they are no longer interested in that activity then the original relationship is dead/void at that point. Some may decide what's left is acceptable.

Thing is, how many of the withholding partners would bless the desirous partner's search for intimacy outside the original relationship? That's why I call withholding sex/intimacy abuse.

I got tired of abuse.

TK
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