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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
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 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 276
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 12 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Well my ex started to wear more than 20 rings on her face..I ask her to tone it down a bit...She refuse to..I told her if she could get some more tats..She refuse to..She has fifteen tats on her body....My ex like stock Brokers,Bankers and preachers..Pretty much anyone that has a suit and tie on..She told me she dated a stock broker that work for the New York Stock Exchange back in the 1960s
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 277
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 4:36:14 PM
For you insulted by background checks on yourself, just look at all the crazy dating stories out there.
H3LL just recently there was a new name penned to online dating stories "Cat fishing"
You just might be one of those really honest people with nothing to hide. If you are then you should not be insulted, for there is nothing to be found.
However, out there in the woodwork about 25% to 50% of the online daters are not what they protray. Just do some googling on what is said about on-line dating and the profiles. Its not the little white lies that bother most of us, like saying you aren't as heavy as you really are, using pictures that are just a tad bit older than you say, and the list goes on.
If one can afford to do the online checks, then I say go for it..
If nothing else when you have some information like full name and maybe phone number google it.

Think about it...If you had a son or daughter would you want them to get played on an online dating site or chat room.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 278
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:28:53 PM
Im not insulted if someone does a background check on me if we were moving the next phase of our relationship I have no issues with that, including a credit check, where I draw the line is someone wanting to do one before you meet? that to me is paranoia .

If I had a son or daughter I would raise them how my parents raised me to be independent, not paranoid and not keep our heads in the sand either, yes there are bad people out there but this is where one would use common sense the good Lord gave us.

I find people that rushes to check out everyone are the same folks that has poor judgment when it comes to picking out quality people for the most part, I get it if a woman or a man was sexually assaulted in the past and is cautious, but not at the point of paranoia either.

If you think the boogie man is going to jump out at every corner and you doing all sorts of things short of hiring a hit man to walk by your side then dating isn't for you,do you a background check on your mail man/woman? or the person at the coffee joint you take your dates to, or the bartender serving you drinks on a weekly basis?
 DigitalHippie
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 279
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 7:53:31 PM
That's perfectly normal, if you are a cop or paranoid.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 280
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:08:11 PM
I think if someone insists on doing a background check before agreeing to a date, it would change the dynamics of dating. Looking for red flags becomes very addictive, so dates would consist of focusing more on looking for any red flags and skeletons in people's closets instead of focusing on people's good qualities. Conversation with a red flag hunter would be more like a job interview with questions that must be answered properly and every word spoken would be scrutinized for hidden meanings which may lead to possible red flags.

Dating someone like that would be too draining. One wrong word might immediately end the date. If someone is this paranoid and suspicious, it means they are the ones that have unresolved personal issues and excess baggage that should taken care of before considering dating. Someone who is a mental mess because of possible abuse in a previous relationship is not my problem to fix.
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 281
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:11:41 PM
I get background checks for my job all the time. If you got nothing to hide you got nothing to worry about.

Wanting a background check is not insecurity. It is being proactive and protecting yourself.

I have to tell men that if they want to date me on long term they will have to get one. Gives them the chance to run.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 282
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:31:43 PM
For you insulted by background checks on yourself, just look at all the crazy dating stories out there.



H3LL just recently there was a new name penned to online dating stories "Cat fishing"


And for those who feel the need to resort to background checks and other extreme forms of "safety measures" for online dating (or even real life dating), I still wonder why they even bother with online dating. If online dating is viewed by someone as dangerous or an ordeal, why put yourself and the other person through it? I don't think anyone is forced to join these sites.
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 283
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:52:00 PM
Hey Online dating is no different than dating someone from the bar, church, your job, the local gracery store...

What is dangerous is when you dont use what is out there to protect yourself...

Hey you want to do an background on me go ahead...To me that means you are most like an honest upfront person who is trying to protect yourself..
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 284
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 1:47:31 PM
So how is a background check going to protect yourself? sure it may weed out the career criminal but what about those who havent been caught yet? did you read the story about Ignacio “Ian” Carrillo a former ad executive accused of raping two women he met online, and it was noted that if these women did a background check they would have found Nothing on him, not even a parking ticket yet somehow this piece of shit raped two women .

If there was any justice those two women should be allowed to castrate this piece of shit
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 285
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 1:55:43 PM
Did not read the ian caillo thing. But if he is charged that will show up on his criminal record for the rest of his life. So 5 yrs from now when no one remembers his name and he asks a woman out, if she does a circuit access check she will find out she is about to go out with a rapest :)
 rip van winkle 44
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 286
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:51:16 PM
Perhaps there should be a law that says that you can't do a background check before you've been on (say) five dates?
When you do so you find that you've been dating a serial offender who's badly beaten a couple of previous girlfriends and raped someone else, so you dump him.
But if he beat or raped or even murdered you on the fourth date...............
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 287
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:26:08 PM
Just what we need - another useless, unenforceable law. No thanks.
 rip van winkle 44
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 288
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:29:52 PM
Do you not realise what I am saying?
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 289
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:33:34 PM
If the man/woman is lying about being unmarried, where he lives, and ??? a simple background check just might bring out some discrepancies in his profile or story.

Oh they might be small discrepancies, but why should there be any...

Hey an emotional or financial loss is not as bad as losing your life but it is not fun losing out financially or emotionally to someone who is not really who they profess themselves to be..
..
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 290
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:43:23 PM

If the man/woman is lying about being unmarried, where he lives, and ??? a simple background check just might bring out some discrepancies in his profile or story.

Oh they might be small discrepancies, but why should there be any...

Hey an emotional or financial loss is not as bad as losing your life but it is not fun losing out financially or emotionally to someone who is not really who they profess themselves to be..
do you run across a lot of liars ? do you do background check on everyone you meet?
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 291
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:51:58 PM
Luckily I have been able to track the lying idiots with a simple google or reverse phone number search...

Like I said if I decide to date someone and they back ground check me, I say go for it...I have nothing to hide.


H3LL just recently a couple of the dating sites had an article about "what's your Credit Score" being the new questions asked. You know sort of like one used to ask "Whats Your Sign"

Guess men and women are getting tired of being ripped off financially because they let their emotions go.
Its better to find out in the beginning what you are getting into, then later on when your emotions are too tied up in the person.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 292
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:58:12 PM

However, out there in the woodwork about 25% to 50% of the online daters are not what they protray. Just do some googling on what is said about on-line dating and the profiles. Its not the little white lies that bother most of us, like saying you aren't as heavy as you really are, using pictures that are just a tad bit older than you say, and the list goes on.
If one can afford to do the online checks, then I say go for it..
If nothing else when you have some information like full name and maybe phone number google it.


And googling tells you what? Honestly people who require background checks and googling for online dating, probably shouldn’t be online dating.

Personally, that doesn’t sound fun to me at all….wondering if the total stranger I’ll be meeting up with is gonna slit my throat or rape and mutilate me. FFS….If I don’t trust someone guess what……I’m NOT meeting them!

IMO background checks could potentially give a person a false sense of security if nothing shows up…..just because someone hasn’t been caught and convicted doesn’t mean s/he isn’t a homicidal maniac/sexual sadist.

THINK. Common sense will go a hell of a lot further than some stupid background check.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 293
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:13:07 PM
Concur 100% with Fleuron with her message above.
Online dating is clearly not for everyone. If one is so paralyzed with fear, just meet singles using other means.
How one can go on a date and enjoy themselves while maintaining a constant "red-flag vigil" is beyond me.

It seems there are also people here who dangerously think:
"...Well, he seems to me to be a homicidal ax-murderer, yet his background check was TOTALLY squeaky-clean! Let me make dinner reservations at Chez Olivia Gardine since I don't have to use my own brain to assess!"
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 294
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:19:27 PM
Just so you know sweetie, reverse phone # searches do not work on cell phones. and without the persons real name, google won't work either.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 295
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:22:31 PM

Luckily I have been able to track the lying idiots with a simple google or reverse phone number search...
oh I see so you tell hes a psychopath or a sociopath because he give the wrong digits? got it now... *rolls eyes*


Like I said if I decide to date someone and they back ground check me, I say go for it...I have nothing to hide.
I have nothing to hide either, but someone doing a check on me before they meet well im not meeting them because that tells me they are paranoid and probably has poor skills when it comes to picking men, if we meet and started to date and things progress I have no issues with background checks or even a credit check.


H3LL just recently a couple of the dating sites had an article about "what's your Credit Score" being the new questions asked. You know sort of like one used to ask "Whats Your Sign"
so asking what your credit score is before you meet isnt a red flag? that is almost as bad as " what position do you like, and how big are your tits?" hello.


Guess men and women are getting tired of being ripped off financially because they let their emotions go.
Its better to find out in the beginning what you are getting into, then later on when your emotions are too tied up in the person.
only suckers get ripped off , no rational person would fall victim to scammers and if you think a background check is going to save you from scammers I suggest to you stop dating and move to Mayberry or some small town where every one can know your name.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 296
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:42:15 PM
I would howl with laughter if a potential date requested a copy of my excellent credit report!
Do people seriously have that big a difficulty recognizing appropriate personal and societal boundaries?
 rip van winkle 44
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 297
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:59:12 PM
I find it "interesting" that three recent posters ( Fleuron, Eric_Summit and StrangeDreams) who are so sure that they will not be fooled, and suggest that everybody should be more trusting, do not appear to have viewable profiles.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 298
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 5:09:34 PM

I find it "interesting" that three recent posters ( Fleuron, Eric_Summit and StrangeDreams) who are so sure that they will not be fooled, and suggest that everybody should be more trusting, do not appear to have viewable profiles.
I see you're a little slow on the uptake Rip Van Winkle, dude I never said everybody should be more trusting I said for the 1000th time, most of these people dont use their common sense the Good Lord gave them, Ive never said not to do a background check, I said if you have to do one before you meet a person you shouldn't date, why?

Because background check can give a false sense of security, I also said If one gets into a exclusive relationship and its going to the next level and I can see people getting check or if you have young children, if one has to pull a check before one meets to me the person is paranoid.

Get it now?

Oh speaking of not having a viewable profile, pot meet kettle, make sure you say hi to Kettle for us.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 299
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 5:24:18 PM

I find it "interesting" that three recent posters ( Fleuron, Eric_Summit and StrangeDreams) who are so sure that they will not be fooled, and suggest that everybody should be more trusting, do not appear to have viewable profiles.


You actually went to the trouble to search all of our profiles, and now you know it all about us, eh, Columbo? Too bad you seem incapable of simple reading comprehension. My profile clearly says I’m not looking.

And…..where did I say I won’t be fooled, or suggest “everybody be more trusting?” Try reading it again. I suggested skittish paranoid people should probably give up online dating, and that *I* don’t meet or date men I don’t trust. Did you get dizzy from trying to twist that to mean “everybody should be more trusting”?

Funny, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in viewing yours.

PS. I find it “interesting” that you think we are saying everybody should be more trusting and won’t be fooled, yet you apparently “trust” and “won’t be fooled” by background checks that could be incomplete or inaccurate.

Before Ted Bundy let one get away, he was squeaky clean.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 300
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/18/2013 5:26:24 PM

Posted by Rip_Van_Winkle_44:
"...I find it 'interesting' that three recent posters ( Fleuron, Eric_Summit and StrangeDreams) who are so sure that they will not be fooled, and suggest that everybody should be more trusting, do not appear to have viewable profiles..."
Perhaps all three would like to be able to read and interact on POF Forums without more inbound messages from additional singles at this time? Please use your noggin, Rip_Van_Winkle_44.
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