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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 351
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 15 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

Posted by funnygirl_13:
"...An online dating site is simply a venue. One can't assume anything, good or bad, based on being introduced to someone this way. Appropriate precautions should always be taken..."

Concur with you 100%. I further agree in the case of the OP, his potential girlfriend and her mother had special circumstances. Her mistake (and that of her mother) was not practicing greater transparency in their actions. Had that woman played her cards in a more palatable fashion...the OP would have likely supplied whatever she wished.

Subsequent posts have proved disconcerting...
For example, PRIMARILY talking of "how they're going to rely on their .357 Magnum" in the event of need...rather than thinking, just perhaps, two nice people might enjoy an upbeat, fun, lighthearted, romantic, and cheerful night out? Taking precautions is an excellent plan. Being mindful of surroundings and instinct is a smart way to behave. When it reaches the point a boogeyman is lurking around every corner is when it grows tiresome.

Your post is excellent, well-considered, and intelligent.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 352
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/21/2013 2:20:57 PM
O_t_E_o_G, who should pay for the MILLIONS of background checks that would be needed for this dating site?
How would one implement the procedure? Would the person report *live* to a satellite POF office for processing?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 353
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/21/2013 3:34:41 PM
^^^Plus the mental evaluations on everyone he sees as necessary too. Everyone here would die of old age once all of those checks are done.
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 354
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/21/2013 3:51:42 PM
As for background cks for people to do home repairs, cleaning and/or etc...
I have a feeling especially in big cities most people get recommendations from other people that is a sort of background ck...Usually word of mouth of whom one uses for inside work has gone through several good friends of yours, their friends, their friends and etc...
Very few people just hire anyone out of a phonebook anymore, except for maybe a nationally known company with a national logo...
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 355
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:38:53 PM

Posted by newstart1949:
"...maybe a nationally known company with a national logo..."

This is precisely where common sense should rise to the top when dating. That goes for men AND women.
My employer is one of the most-recognized technology companies in the WORLD, yet there are coworkers of mine that I would prefer not date my sister. The best device to use when dating in the powerful gray mass between our ears!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 356
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 7:13:14 AM

(On_the_Edge_of_Glory) @Arlo and others, no offense, but you kind of sound like an @$$ clown.


If not being a fan of stupid, silly justifications for intrusions into privacy makes me an ass-clown, then just call me Bozo-Butt...


You're blaming the victim for inviting a stranger in her house.


Did you *SEE* me use the words "blame", or "deserve"? No, that's because I didn't. What I *DID* say was, that her decision to invite a complete stranger into her home was a monumentally stupid one. Please tell me you aren't arguing that it wasn't.

For the record, I think that people *DO* bear some responsibility when their actions have a direct bearing on the negative consequences that befall them. In a situation where two parties are involved, and only one of them commits an illegal act, though, that person is completely to blame for their actions. See the difference, or are you too slow?

When you were vetted for your TS, they obviously didn't consider your ability to read critically, think analytically, or speak/write coherently, or you would never have gotten past "Can read Dilbert cartoon books unsupervised" level of clearance...

(sleep easy, folks: our nation's security rests with guys like this...)
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 357
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 4:24:56 PM
My thoughts are that performing background check on a potential bf/gf should be considered as much as a sign of insecurity as a guy wanting a prenuptial agreement with his potential wife.

In my opinion a background check on a random stranger doesn't prove she doesn't trust anyone. It may prove for her trust is earned not given which to me is reasonable.

I disagree with your notion not to run a background check before the first date and to hold off until things get really serious. That's quite illogical to me as in my opinion it's best for me to know before the date and before things get really serious that way I'm not dating a guy with a public record of raping gals, beating gals, or molesting children.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 358
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 4:40:54 PM

So yeah... you're right, women are like this. Sonow I have a question for the ladies out there... why do you ladies do stuff like this? If you say you want a nice, honest man who's not constantly in and out of jail, or never been to jail... MEAN IT?! Why say you wanna make the change from dating "thugs"; start dating a "nice guy"... only to leave him for either the same thug you were with before him or a completely different guy who's the same "thug" type?

I find it ironic that you seem to throw a cry baby tantrum that guys aren't automatically given trust but you can go generalizing gals.

Your "In my eyes, just because one specific person lost trust with you... doesn't mean ALL guys should earn their trust with you. " can easily be "In my eyes, just because two specific women did this...doesn't mean ALL gals do this"
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 359
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 4:56:00 PM

dahlingdarling

My thoughts are that performing background check on a potential bf/gf should be considered as much as a sign of insecurity as a guy wanting a prenuptial agreement with his potential wife.

In my opinion a background check on a random stranger doesn't prove she doesn't trust anyone. It may prove for her trust is earned not given which to me is reasonable.

I disagree with your notion not to run a background check before the first date and to hold off until things get really serious. That's quite illogical to me as in my opinion it's best for me to know before the date and before things get really serious that way I'm not dating a guy with a public record of raping gals, beating gals, or molesting children.


EXACTLY

these are things most women would like to know before hand before even stepping out the door..

AND NO most people with a list long bad rap no matter how honest you want them to be is going to say OH by the way i did this an this an i got locked up for that an im currently wanted in 3 different states.


why wait 3 to 6months or a year down the line an get your time effort an emotions all involved to find out that kind s hit..then your stuck because you now have feelings for somebody who is a danger to you an probably a danger to themselves who now knows way more about you an your life then you actually knew about theirs..
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 360
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:33:29 PM
I disagree with your notion not to run a background check before the first date and to hold off until things get really serious. That's quite illogical to me as in my opinion it's best for me to know before the date and before things get really serious that way I'm not dating a guy with a public record of raping gals, beating gals, or molesting children.


I will mention what others have stated. Passing a background check doesn't necessarily mean a person isn't a rapist, child molester, or some other type of violent criminal. It simply means that he or she was never caught or perhaps they used an alias.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 361
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:40:08 PM

I will mention what others have stated. Passing a background check doesn't necessarily mean a person isn't a rapist, child molester, or some other type of violent criminal. It simply means that he or she was never caught or perhaps they used an alias.


Your mention is a bit irrational in response to my post as I stated "a guy with a public record of raping gals, beating gals, or molesting children." Nowhere in my post did I state it meant the guy isn't a rapist, child molester, or some other type of violent criminal because they passed the background check.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 362
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:44:00 PM

I disagree with your notion not to run a background check before the first date and to hold off until things get really serious. That's quite illogical to me as in my opinion it's best for me to know before the date and before things get really serious that way I'm not dating a guy with a public record of raping gals, beating gals, or molesting children.


He can have a public record and you still may not find that out with a background check because he used an alias.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 363
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 6:04:29 PM
He can have a public record and you still may not find that out with a background check because he used an alias.

Aliases show up in background checks. Though it seems your intention is this 'passing a background check doesn't mean he's not a rapist/abuser/etc' which again is an irrational response to my post as nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply such.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 364
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/23/2013 11:48:46 PM
Aliases show up in background checks. Though it seems your intention is this 'passing a background check doesn't mean he's not a rapist/abuser/etc' which again is an irrational response to my post as nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply such


A clean background check doesn't always mean a person doesn't have a public criminal record. Aliases don't always show up in background checks. I know a woman that dated a man who used an alias. He passed the background check. She wasn't aware that he had a public criminal record until she ran into someone that knew his real name and history.
 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 365
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:20:06 AM
Sorry the OP got his panties in a knot over this. I would like to think that everyone is sunshine and light and try and trust my gut but common experience says in a small percentage it just ain't so.I have had things stolen, vandalized and endured a few scary situations and people. Lesson learned the hard way.The woman's mother ran the check. I think under the circumstances they endured it was an acceptable thing to do to give them peace of mind. She told him (after the fact I admit) but would he have been any more happy about it if she had asked first?
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 366
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:20:37 AM

A clean background check doesn't always mean a person doesn't have a public criminal record. Aliases don't always show up in background checks. I know a woman that dated a man who used an alias. He passed the background check. She wasn't aware that he had a public criminal record until she ran into someone that knew his real name and history.

Again nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply that a clean background check always mean a person doesn't have a public criminal record. Do show why do you keep repeating that when nowhere did I state otherwise? Your posts are irrational response to mine and your repetition shows your lack of reading comprehension. Aliases generally show up in background checks when the alias is the legal name change or used on paperwork not a nickname or such which is likely what the man she dated use.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 367
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:57:38 AM
Again nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply that a clean background check always mean a person doesn't have a public criminal record. Do show why do you keep repeating that when nowhere did I state otherwise? Your posts are irrational response to mine and your repetition shows your lack of reading comprehension. Aliases generally show up in background checks when the alias is the legal name change or used on paperwork not a nickname or such which is likely what the man she dated use.


My reading comprehension is fine. On msg 393, you basically stated that you wanted a background check prior to first date to see if a person has a public criminal record. That's why I responded with "A clean background check doesn't always mean a person doesn't have a public criminal record". I think that is a valid response even if you didn't direct state that " a clean background check always means no public criminal record".

You are being a bit naive if you think aliases always show up in background checks. Watch non-fiction TV shows and documentaries about criminals. Many criminals basically created an new identity with an alias and passed background checks. Until someone recognized them by their real name.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 368
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:11:49 AM
My reading comprehension is fine. On msg 393, you basically stated that you wanted a background check prior to first date to try to find out if a person has a public criminal record. That's why I responded with "A clean background check doesn't always mean a person doesn't have a public criminal record". I think that is a valid response even if you didn't direct state that " a clean background check always mean no public criminal record".

You are being a bit naive if you think aliases always show up in background checks. Watch non-fiction shows about criminals. Many criminals basically created an new identity with an alias and passed background checks. Until someone recognized them by their real name.

Your reading comprehension is not fine. Using a background check to try to find out if a person has a public criminal shows your response is not a valid response since me seeing a background check as trying acknowledges that a clean background check doesn't always mean a person has a public criminal record.

Nowhere did I say aliases always show up in background checks. You are again showing your lacking reading comprehension or perhaps lacking vocabulary as what you quoted shows I said aliases generally do. "Aliases generally show up in background checks " =/ aliases always show up in background checks.

All of your responses are irrational and showed your lacking reading comprehension. Not only did my statement acknowledged a background check as an attempt not a guarantee I never stated, suggested, or implied that a clean background check always mean no public criminal record.

* Edit: I see you changed it from 'try to find out' to 'see ' I guess your reading comprehension finally caught up and you're backpedaling.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 369
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:26:40 AM
Nowhere did I say aliases always show up in background checks. You are again showing your lacking reading comprehension or perhaps lacking vocabulary as what you quoted shows I said aliases generally do. "Aliases generally show up in background checks " =/ aliases always show up in background checks


On msg 399, you said aliases show up on background checks. Which is why stated the "not always" commnent. Then you added "generally" in a later post. Which I don't think is necessarily true either.


Edit: I see you changed it from 'try to find out' to 'see ' I guess your reading comprehension finally caught up and you're backpedaling.


I simply changed a few words to make my point clearer.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 370
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:40:35 AM

On msg 399, you said aliases show up on background checks. Which is why stated the "not always" commnent. Then you added "generally" in a later post. I don't think generally is necessarily true either.


I said aliases show up in background checks to show I may find out he has a public record in response to your statement I may not find out he has a public record because he used an alias. Your 'not always' comment was irrational hence why I added "generally" later because you seemed to lack the intelligence to understand I wasn't saying aliases always show up rather I was saying I may or may not find out he has a record because he used an alias. Aliases generally showing up has been necessarily true for me in various states and I work in the background checking industry.

So care to explain why when quoting my post that says aliases generally show up you continued to show your lack of reading comprehension and irrationality by responding with "You are being a bit naive if you think aliases always show up in background checks."?
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 371
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:56:44 AM
I said aliases show up in background checks to show I may find out he has a public record in response to your statement I may not find out he has a public record because he used an alias. Your 'not always' comment was irrational hence why I added "generally" later because you seemed to lack the intelligence to understand I wasn't saying aliases always show up rather I was saying I may or may not find out he has a record because he used an alias. Aliases generally showing up has been necessarily true for me in various states and I work in the background checking industry.


After expanding on your comment, I understand your point better. But sometimes comments can be interpreted in more than 1 way.


So care to explain why when quoting my post that says aliases generally show up you continued to show your lack of reading comprehension and irrationality by responding with "You are being a bit naive if you think aliases always show up in background checks."?


I will grant you that I should have used generally instead of always. But I have heard many stories about criminals getting away with using aliases to think that "generally" may not necessarily be true either.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 372
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:03:44 AM

After expanding on your comment, I understand your point better. But sometimes comments can be interpreted in more than 1 way.

Cool I understand the different interpretations hence the further clarification.


I will grant you that I should have used generally instead of always. But I have heard many stories about criminals getting away with using aliases to think that "generally" may not necessarily be true either.

I have heard many stories about criminals not getting away with using aliases so to me it's a balance which is necessarily true depends on experience in my opinion.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 373
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/25/2013 10:33:58 PM
DAMN! Looks like I missed a lot here lol. Hey everyone... I'm all done with this issue. I realize now... that the longer I keep talking about it, the longer I hang out to the anger from it. And in all reality... I have nothing to be angry about. Just bruised pride... but like all bruises, this one's healed.

I've moved on from this... and feeling much better. Besides, I just celebrated my 33rd birthday last week... I'm alive and feeling great!!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 374
 WolfSpirit29
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 375
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:11:01 AM
I have no problem with a background check and neither should anyone. I mean come on, I don't want to date someone that just got out of prison, or was just arrested for drugs, etc. Often times however, a man will often let something slip that gives me a big heads up and waves the red flag which in turns makes me RUN! :)
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