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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 426
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 18 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

The bigger stronger animal will always win. Always.


Mister Beretta thinks otherwise...
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 427
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/8/2013 2:50:30 PM
a background check is always a good idea and if you have nothing to hide, why worry. Women are right to be wary and all power to them. Women do not rape abuse and murder the way men do so dont come the good faith thing you guys!!.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 428
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/8/2013 6:29:16 PM
Deepseadeedee, so as a perfectly law-abiding person I have to provide YOU (the proverbial "you") with all of my credentials, current address, former addresses, work information, social security number, driver's license, so that I can make YOU feel better? No thanks. Seems like a bit much to meet in a public venue for an introductory cup of coffee.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 429
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/8/2013 7:29:11 PM
Deepseadeedee: Would you be willing to give a guy who you don't really know the same information to do a background check on you-full name, current and previous addresses, birth date, SIN number, driver's license number and all other personal documents requested? After all, you said :"a background check is always a good idea and if you have nothing to hide, why worry." So don't worry about giving a stranger all of your personal info if you have nothing to hide. It's very hypocritical if you don't want to give a guy you don't know all of your personal information right off the bat, but expect him to give you his personal info.

A better idea is don't waste your time dating. Go hide in a corner in a fetal position and be afraid-be very afraid of the boogyman.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 430
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/9/2013 10:52:25 AM

Would you be willing to give all of your personal information to a guy you don't know-a virtual stranger?


No. Nor would I ask for it. Name is enough to see criminal dockets, restraining orders, bankruptcy filings, divorces.

That doesn’t mean I turn off my creep-detector if someone doesn’t have a record. There are plenty of non-criminal creeps.

But once in a while you encounter someone who doesn’t seem creepy, you go out a couple of times, and you look him up and- ICK! There’s stuff about him that you just don’t want to deal with.

For something to constitute an invasion of privacy, there must be an intrusion where you had a reasonable expectation of privacy. It is not reasonable to expect that your court records are private. They’re public.

Maleman, Is your logic is that someone ought to go out with someone else until the lies are detected later? If so, why? It's an utter waste of time- for both.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 431
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/9/2013 2:00:22 PM

Maleman, Is your logic is that someone ought to go out with someone else until the lies are detected later?


No. My logic is to not go out with paranoid psychos who are assuming every guy is a rapist murderer who is bankrupt until proven innocent. I use things like common sense and intuition/gut feeling, and I give strangers I don't know the benefit of the doubt-which paranoid people would never do. If somewhere along the line I start seeing red flags or something doesn't seem right, I bail out. I don't wait for the flags to change color like a lot of people would. That's where to biggest problem is-people hoping red will turn to blue or green.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 432
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/10/2013 11:11:44 AM
DAMN! What did I start with this thread? lol

Let me just say this: Whoever said that I should've felt honored about this... as I look back on everything... yeah, I should've.

But here's the thing: It made me upset. Why did it make me upset? Because I felt that my trust had been betrayed.

Think about it: I dated this woman for 3 months. During those 3 months, everything was fine. But then, she tells me that her mom did a background check on me BEFORE my FIRST DATE with her. And she brought this to my attention.... 3 months AFTER that date.

Believe me... I completely understand why it was done. But sacrifice trust you've earned for a better sense of security, due to a huge lack thereof?

C'mon... if you feel this is necessary for dating, then you shouldn't be dating anyone!
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 433
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/10/2013 12:42:00 PM

No. My logic is to not go out with paranoid psychos who are assuming every guy is a rapist murderer who is bankrupt until proven innocent. I use things like common sense and intuition/gut feeling, and I give strangers I don't know the benefit of the doubt-which paranoid people would never do. If somewhere along the line I start seeing red flags or something doesn't seem right, I bail out. I don't wait for the flags to change color like a lot of people would. That's where to biggest problem is-people hoping red will turn to blue or green.


So you don’t date anyone who checks you out. You have every right to make that choice.

But there’s nothing paranoid or psycho in screening people by looking at public information to see if they’re outside your dating standards.

People have never been required to rely ONLY on their personal intuition to find out about people. I would find it odd and controlling for some guy I don’t know to dictate how I get information about him. It’s public information so people know, but only I am not supposed to know because we’ might date? Makes no sense. Why only potential dates aren’t allowed to know- when his friends, family, colleagues and/or neighbors already know?

And who owes whom the benefit of the doubt? Since when?

It doesn’t make sense to me that if I don’t detect someone’s deception or true character at the outset, that I should be “required” to spend more time with him until his character is clearer to me. Just don’t get it.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 434
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:26:00 AM
Now... I have read ever single post in this thread. And here's something everyone's failed to realize. And this goes out to everyone here that's all for performing background checks on dates.

Does anyone realize that, performing a background check on someone, is literally on the border of identity theft?

So ask all of you one thing:

Would feel comfortable in having someone steal your identity for their own safety?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 435
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 6:45:36 AM

Does anyone realize that, performing a background check on someone, is literally on the border of identity theft?


That's absurd.
 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 436
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 6:49:29 AM

Does anyone realize that, performing a background check on someone, is literally on the border of identity theft?


Not even close to the same thing. Accessing information on the internet to determine if a person is hiding something vs using someones identity illegally? You view this as similiar?
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 437
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 10:11:22 AM
So a person doesn't have the right to have things kept private?
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 438
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 10:35:07 AM
Like what MV you mean somebody who wants to pass off old photos as new ^^^ or fake photos as theirs or keeping their age a secret ^^^ even though time tells on a persons body an face,,or wanting to keep a secret of if they are really married or currently on parole..

are those the lil secrets you mean..
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 439
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 10:41:48 AM
That girl, i can understand wanting to know if someone is a sex predator, but anything, yes, should be kept private.

Ummm, little lady, those pics are not fake. And if the person meeting me isn't happy, then she has the right to not see me again. Right?

Age is something I don't believe in. I have made myself perfectly clear on that matter. I do not believe age should be used as a judgement on whether or not a woman will date you. So yes, my age is my business and nodody elses.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 440
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 10:59:48 AM

Does anyone realize that, performing a background check on someone, is literally on the border of identity theft?


It's only identity theft if you give enough information where they can use your name and information for fraudulent purposes. That's why I would never give personal information to a stranger. A million e-mails or text messages back and forth without meeting in real life still makes them a stranger. A person doing a check would need personal information to do a background check because if your name is John Smith or some other common name, there could be 100 John Smith's in the same city or state/province.

I guess these people who think doing a background check is no big deal never heard of Nigerian scammers or even home grown scammers posing as someone else to get personal information. They think every person on the internet is a sweet innocent angel who would do no wrong except for the people who contact them on an a dating site.
 Lizeden97
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 441
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 11:36:54 AM
Sorry! But I had to reply to this one. You are absolutely right! You never know. Just today, browsing the profiles I saw one that got my attention. The same profile picture was in Match.com around December of 2012. The one in Match, had contacted me and we exchanged e-mails back and forward for a month, until I started noticing something strange about him. He was too sweet too soon, meaning he would tell me that I was the one, that he wanted me to quit Match, and he fed me up with all kind of stories about him, working in a contract for an oil company, and going to Malasya in a shor time. He would never answer a straight question about simple things, and he would telle me how lucky he was to have found me. He didn't want to talk on the phone and the only two times he called, was from Washington. When I tried to call him, the phone was a public recording. We never met in person, because, he was out of state. The e-mails were kind of obsersive too.
Finally, I went the extra mile and found out that the only Oil Company with that name, was local in PA, and the manager told me they had never heard of such a person.
When I asked him again where he worked, he repeated the same lie, so I told him not to contact me no more, sure that he was a faked profile.
So when I saw him again in POF I e-mailed him, thinking he was the same person. However, this time there were more pictures of him, and the profile, age , everything was different! When I warned him that someone could be using his picture and profile in another site, he didn't respond at first, and I guess he took me for a crazy person. He finally told me not to contact him no more, that he had no idea who I was, that he had never contacted me, and when I gave him detailed information of the profile on the other site, he blocked me.
I understand his reaction, because there are some crazy people here, but I was a cop for 15 years, and the idea of someone being a victim of identity theft, without knowing it, makes me sick in my stomach.
So, yes! You never know who you will meet on these "on line dating sites". Just be safe please!
 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 442
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 12:13:32 PM

I understand his reaction, because there are some crazy people here, but I was a cop for 15 years, and the idea of someone being a victim of identity theft, without knowing it, makes me sick in my stomach.


Not really identity theft. That is picture theft and is quite common. The scammer will look around other sites, grab a picture he likes and use to either catfish someone or try and get money from them. A common one is a US citizen working abroad and "Stuck" in a foreign country needing money to get out.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 443
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 12:53:47 PM

So a person doesn't have the right to have things kept private?


If information is available on the internet, it isn't exactly private.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 444
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 1:12:29 PM
I'm curious..How does one do a background check on someone?? Inquiring minds want to know....????

I admit...to googleing images....which usually shows if the picture has been stolen from an on line....ad...someones else profile etc...
Cripes....a few use famous athletes or writer pics...even movie star photos....
Other than that...in my area...I know quite a few women and may exchange info on a guy....

If they have used that image on other sites....ie: muscularvampire guy it shows up...simple.
Lesson...Is it's on the world wide web...be careful what you post...if you have got something to hide...duh.

I have to admit....too good looking or suspicious looking.... in my eyes man/women I will google the image...now, that I have learned.
Have caught quite a few on here and reported them...kind of a pet peeve of mine...lol.
Scammers....from other countries...are easy..too much charm..pics are always stolen.
They delete and make a new profile fast...
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 445
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 1:59:21 PM

Does anyone realize that, performing a background check on someone, is literally on the border of identity theft?

So ask all of you one thing:

Would feel comfortable in having someone steal your identity for their own safety?


Seriously? Where the h3ll did you come up with that idea from? Not anything alike!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 446
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 3:45:32 PM

So a person doesn't have the right to have things kept private?


(paderic) If information is available on the internet, it isn't exactly private.


If information is available on the internet, it may not exactly be accurate, either. On a tangential, but related, topic: I find it amazing that there seems to be an implicit faith expressed by so many people that if it's on the internet, it must be true. It's a shame that so many people have apparently forgotten how to think for themselves...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 447
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:03:12 PM

If information is available on the internet, it may not exactly be accurate, either. On a tangential, but related, topic: I find it amazing that there seems to be an implicit faith expressed by so many people that if it's on the internet, it must be true. It's a shame that so many people have apparently forgotten how to think for themselves...


I think I can figure out if information I glean from the internet is accurate or not, or whether I want to lend any credence to it. Who said they had implicit faith in anything on the internet? I must have missed that.

That people don't share your OPINION does not mean they have forgotten how to think for themselves.
 telikcomG
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 448
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:11:32 PM
I once agreed to go on a date with a man I met on here named Rodney who incidently told me he lived close by. He asked me to go on his boat named Desire. I was excited and thought omg this is the one! My best friend started asking a lot of questions she said you dont know this guy....check him out before going on a boat with him alone. So I did do a background check...what came back shocked me. The house he said he lives in he is on the deed with a woman named Desiree, the boat named Desire is docked at the marina with his name and her name on it also. I actually confronted him and he confessed...Desiree and he are MARRIED and he wanted to have an affair with me and planned to execute that on the boat named DESIRE!

So NO I dont feel bad for doing a background check....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 449
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:32:30 PM
prn4love: Was this boat ride planned for a first meet? If so, that is crazy to agree to that. Even if it's after a first meet, it is ridiculous to be that isolated with a guy you barely know with no way to escape. There's no need for a background check to know that. That's where common sense is more important.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 450
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/13/2013 6:05:47 PM

He asked me to go on his boat named Desire. I was excited and thought omg this is the one!


Hm. He has a boat so he’s “the one?” That was easy! Wouldn’t it be funny if the “boat” turned out to be a canoe with “Desire” written on the stern in green crayon and he showed up in an admiral’s uniform and a monocle, with a sleeping bag and a couple cans of Old Milwaukee on the deck for your romantic tryst?
Sorry, but that’s funny to me.


I actually confronted him and he confessed...Desiree and he are MARRIED and he wanted to have an affair with me and planned to execute that on the boat named DESIRE!


Wow…he folded like a bad poker hand. Didn’t even try to lie or claim his wife doesn’t understand him and withholds sex from him? Sounds like an amateur.

I think I would have realized the guy was a bad joke when he told me his “boat” was named, “Desire.” Pfft.
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