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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 451
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 19 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
funnygirl_13, please allow me to assist with the brief recent overview:

* intelligent point made
* intelligent counterpoint made
* crazed opinion shared
* opposing crazed opinion shared
* POF posters in United States timezones fall asleep
* POF posters in Australia, Asia, Middle East, and Europe continue dialog
* everyone winds up back here with no meaningful changes. LOL. :-)
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 452
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:48:29 AM

(AT) If information is available on the internet, it may not exactly be accurate, either. On a tangential, but related, topic: I find it amazing that there seems to be an implicit faith expressed by so many people that if it's on the internet, it must be true. It's a shame that so many people have apparently forgotten how to think for themselves...


(paderic) I think I can figure out if information I glean from the internet is accurate or not, or whether I want to lend any credence to it.


Sure. Everyone thinks that they're a sharp-minded perceptual genius, able to discern the truth with a single glance. Meanwhile, the Weekly World News and the National Enquirer continue to sell so well, and shows like Jersey Shore and Survivor continue to garner smash ratings. You'll forgive me if I don't throw cartwheels over the average IQ, which, like it or not, you and I have to live amongst.

And remember, half the people are below average in intelligence...


Who said they had implicit faith in anything on the internet? I must have missed that.


I trust my own experience before the witty répartee of people on the Internet.


That people don't share your OPINION does not mean they have forgotten how to think for themselves.


Never said anything of the sort. I made the statement that people have apparently forgotten how to think for themselves, because their actions suggest that this is exactly the case, not because they dared, DARED, to have a different opinion than I did (which obviously makes them wrong and unintelligent, but hey... )
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 453
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:51:16 AM

(funnygirl_13) Whoa. I haven't checked in for a few days and don't think I can catch up. Anyone want to give me a quick synopsis of the last 10 or so pages?


Happy to oblige...

I'm right, everyone else is wrong. That's really all you need to know...
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 454
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:36:55 AM
I find this thread rather fascinating.... I guess I'm still not understanding the objections. Background checks reveal what is in public records. It's already there.. for everyone to see.

Whenever I ask a woman for photos.. there are always two responses 1) They literally fill up your inbox or phone with more photos or 2) they can't ever come up with any. In almost every case, those in group two had something they wanted to hide.

If a woman asked for information from a guy to run a background check and he refused.. I would also assume he has something to hide because otherwise, the information found is going to be rather benign
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 455
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:45:33 AM

Sure. Everyone thinks that they're a sharp-minded perceptual genius, able to discern the truth with a single glance. Meanwhile, the Weekly World News and the National Enquirer continue to sell so well, and shows like Jersey Shore and Survivor continue to garner smash ratings. You'll forgive me if I don't throw cartwheels over the average IQ, which, like it or not, you and I have to live amongst.


OK, the crux of your argument seems to be that when people meet someone through an online dating site, they should only rely on their ability to perceive if the other person is being straight with them. It would appear that you have faith in the average person's ability to do this. On the other hand, you discourage them from using online searches as a tool for learning about someone's background. In this case, it would appear that you have NO faith in the average person's ability to do this.

That seems inconsistent to me. Either you have faith in the average person or you don't. And if you don't, why would you care who they choose to meet anyway?


because their actions suggest that this is exactly the case,


Doesn't interpreting what their actions suggest qualify as an opinion?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 456
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:02:25 PM
Getting back on track, I find a certain situation funny. When a woman posts that on a first meet, she gives the guy her address to have him pick her up and drop her off at home, people freak out and tell her it's too dangerous to let a guy know where she lives and wait until they've dated for an eternity before revealing her location. But if she asks a guy for personal information to do a background check and the guy asks for the same to do a check on her simultaneously, he'll find out where she lives beforehand anyway, as well as all kinds of other personal info.



stubidooo: If a woman asked for information from a guy to run a background check and he refused.. I would also assume he has something to hide because otherwise, the information found is going to be rather benign


If it is actually a woman asking for the information, and not some scammer-if it's requested before meeting in person. Do you have some way of guaranteeing who is actually getting the information? Even if it's a real woman, that doesn't guarantee it's not a scam. Do you ask her for the same type of information so you can check her out as well? If "she" refuses or gives you false information, it could mean it's a scam.
 OhioJeepindude
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 457
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 12:58:07 AM
To the OP
I'm sorry to tell you but considering what happend to her I don't blame her one bit for running the background check.
Now if she was just a bit smarter, she would have made sure you never found out about it.
 Christuuuh
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 458
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 6:38:18 AM
I don't conduct background checks on men, but I will Google them and conduct a search through a few websites to see if they have a criminal record. I've found everything from habitually never pays their child support, to multiple ex wives, and a Google search for someone who was signed up on a multiple bi-sexual encounter websites. All of these things are a mater of public record. If you don't have anything to hide, why would one care? I willingly encourage someone to check out my background. I'm no dishing out my social, but I'm okay with someone checking out my criminal past, because there's absolutely nothing there. I have a child so if there's a chance of someone entering my life, I'm checking them out.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 459
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 8:40:05 AM

Getting back on track, I find a certain situation funny. When a woman posts that on a first meet, she gives the guy her address to have him pick her up and drop her off at home, people freak out and tell her it's too dangerous to let a guy know where she lives and wait until they've dated for an eternity before revealing her location. But if she asks a guy for personal information to do a background check and the guy asks for the same to do a check on her simultaneously, he'll find out where she lives beforehand anyway, as well as all kinds of other personal info.


Couldn't agree more, still don't understand how the background check was done, if it was done before they met the first time, he would have had to give her the information. WTH did he think she was going to do with it.

While I don't have a problem with what the woman did, I certainly would never ask for or give enough info for a real background check to be done. Hell, I rarely give out my home phone number, even after dating for a while! That is what the first meet and a non-broken picker are for!
 RiverDiva1963
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 460
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 1:45:06 PM
"Without your consent?" "Just ask you?" Wow. Are you really that naive'? I applaud all the women on here that do background checks. Because of doing them, I've saved myself from DUI felons, stalkers, and abusers. Yeah. Everyone has a story. "I can explain." has been told to me too many times. I, for one, am not going to put myself in a position to be the next victim or be the subject of a Friday night episode of 48 Hours. This is NOT a woman's insecurity. It is smart. If anything, it's a man's insecurity. What's the problem if you have nothing to hide? And think about this...Would you want your daughter meeting a stranger alone that has a violent past? Really?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 461
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 3:11:46 PM
RiverDiva1963...why is a man "insecure" if he doesn't wish to provide you (a complete stranger) his first name, middle name, last name, DOB, social security number, current address, previous address, sibling/parent information, educational background, and employment history?

How is meeting him for coffee or drinks any different than striking-up a conversation with someone whom you encounter while awaiting a friend at the bar? This notion that a comprehensive background is essential to share a few drinks seems quite a stretch.
 QT3.18
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 462
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 3:51:09 PM
If he does not have a criminal record, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a violent past, it simply means that he has not been convicted of a violent crime. Most people that I know that have been the victims of domestic assault were assaulted by someone who did not have a prior criminal record for such an offence.

If you want all the personal details about someone for the purposes of a background check, fill your boots. But don't be surprised if they in turn wonder what you want that information for, and then question your motivations for wanting their personal information.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 463
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 4:34:06 PM
1)check out page 17...he's gotten over it. moved on.
2)yes, a woman has a right to protect herself.
3)yes, it shouldn't be taken as a reflection of someone's identity. that person should have a strong sense of their own identity that can't be shaken just b/c someone questions it.
4)the woman in question doing the background check should have kept her mouth shut about doing it. she was showing off her own insecurity to announce her position of strength over the OP (ya think he doesn't know he's OK?)
5)if you think your partner's weird to be doing background checks, ask yourself why you find such a weird person who doesn't trust you so attractive. what are you hoping to get from this weird person? *wink wink*
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 464
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 6:20:35 PM
gtomustang.... you're right!

I have moved on from this. Which makes me wonder why this thread is even still going?

So now... I have a question that might spark some intrigue.

Does ANYONE MAN/WOMAN, see performing a background check as on the border of identity theft?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 465
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 7:22:52 PM
G-ROCK1980...see my Message# 507 above.
No reasonable person would toss around details willy-nilly all over the place.

That is why dating (and much of life...) is about reasonably managing risk.
Surrendering all your personal data to 100 strangers carries greater risk than meeting for coffee in public 100 times.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 466
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/17/2013 8:23:46 PM
Does ANYONE MAN/WOMAN, see performing a background check as on the border of identity theft?


It is not theft but if you naively give all your personal information to make a "woman" you have never met safe and may eventually meet you, then, that individual definitely qualifies for a Darwin award haha.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 467
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 7:19:55 AM

It is not theft but if you naively give all your personal information to make a "woman" you have never met safe and may eventually meet you, then, that individual definitely qualifies for a Darwin award haha.


No kidding !! Yet, the indignation continues about these scurrilous people who “get” your social security number and address and blah blah blah and what an outrage it is.

This is just a way to avoid conceding anything at all, such as the reasonableness of the much more common scenario that so many people have posted: that people Google someone by name and check out local court records, most often after meeting someone and when deciding whether to date him or her.


A straw man argument is a rhetorical device that is meant to easily prove that one’s position or argument is superior to an opposing argument. However, the straw man argument is regarded as a logical fallacy, because at its core, the person using the device misrepresents the other person's argument. The person does this because it then becomes easier to knock down the weaker version of the opposing argument with one's more substantial counter argument. The term straw man derives from the use of scarecrows for military practice, such as charges. In reality, a scarecrow is far easier to defeat than an actual person.

http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-a-straw-man-argument.htm
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 468
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 2:17:50 PM

(Midwest_Southwest) This is just a way to avoid conceding anything at all, such as the reasonableness of the much more common scenario that so many people have posted: that people Google someone by name and check out local court records, most often after meeting someone and when deciding whether to date him or her.


The pro-background check people here can't even agree on how intrusive their search should be; there's nothing to concede towards a slippery position that changes every page.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 469
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 3:07:46 PM
This really makes me wonder now.

How does knowing someone's personal information provide safety?

It still sounds like a bunch of insecurity to me. In my opinion, if you feel knowing a man's/woman's personal information BEFORE going on a date, then you shouldn't be dating. And its because you're insecure.

Therefore, performing a background check IS a sign of severe insecurity. Believe me.... I fully understand WHY it was done. But let's face it... she did it to feel secure. Why? Because she was insecure!

Funny how I had to answer my own question through feedback. lol
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 470
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 4:15:54 PM

But let's face it... she did it to feel secure.


If she did “feel secure,” it was a false sense of security, since for all we know you’re a raving serial ax murderer who simply hasn’t been caught and convicted yet.

 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 471
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 4:23:31 PM
The pro-background check people here can't even agree on how intrusive their search should be; there's nothing to concede towards a slippery position that changes every page.


I wasn't aware we were required to form a consensus and post as a unified voice. All this time I thought it was acceptable for people to post their own unique opinions.

The most information anyone would get from me prior to a first meet is my name and cell phone number. They are welcome to use that to run any kind of background check. If they ask for anything more, they aren't going to get it.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 472
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 5:12:51 PM
(paderic) I wasn't aware...


We're well aware...


... we were required to form a consensus and post as a unified voice.


You're not. However, Midwest_Southwest was bemoaning the fact that no one was conceding anything to the pro-intrusion camp; I merely observed that, in order to garner an effective and coherent counter-argument, the original argument should itself be coherent.
 REDDDRAGON
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 473
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 5:50:02 PM
I don't usually enjoy talking about my checkered past but what ever.

it was self defense and the jury bought it.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 474
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 8:25:22 PM

This really makes me wonder now.

How does knowing someone's personal information provide safety?

It still sounds like a bunch of insecurity to me. In my opinion, if you feel knowing a man's/woman's personal information BEFORE going on a date, then you shouldn't be dating. And its because you're insecure.

Therefore, performing a background check IS a sign of severe insecurity. Believe me.... I fully understand WHY it was done. But let's face it... she did it to feel secure. Why? Because she was insecure!

Funny how I had to answer my own question through feedback. lol


I had a man contact me on here. Everything seemed great. Just for sh!ts and giggles I did a google image check. He is on the offenders list for rape and sodomy.

I'm glad you can lol at my insecurity. It says far more about your character than it does mine.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 475
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 8:38:15 PM
spot4username, did you report the alleged rapist's profile to POF?
It is possible an innocent man's images were lifted off the internet.
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