Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 476
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 20 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
^^^^^^^^^ He is/was not an innocent man. When called out he admitted to it. He no longer has a profile here. Every so often I notice that he has a new profile but it never lasts for long. And... POF does not care. I sent a message and that is not their issue... apparently.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 477
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/18/2013 9:10:28 PM
Excellent job, at least you have tried your best to help.
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 478
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 6:48:27 AM
There are to many creepy people here and men that hired their marital status to not do background checks.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 479
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 7:57:51 AM
There are to many creepy people here and men that hired their marital status to not do background checks.


Would you be willing to give a virtual stranger personal info in order to do a background check? I think the people that want to do a background check are just likely to be criminals or have bad intentions.

No. Nor would I ask for it. Name is enough to see criminal dockets, restraining orders, bankruptcy filings, divorces.


Suppose that person has a common name. You could easily confuse him or her with someone else. Also many criminals use aliases which might not show up in any type of background check.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 480
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 8:04:51 AM

There are to many creepy people here and men that hired their marital status to not do background checks.


So why exactly are you on this site? Being creepy is not limited to the male population.
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 481
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 8:53:47 AM
Well, i don't date women so creepy women are not my concern. I think those who are so opposed to background checks are the first ones that need checking. Why so worried unless you have something to hide? Some of you don't even have a photo on your profile. Clearly some of you hide for a reason.


And all you need is a name and date of birth to do some checking. By the time we meet they can have that info do do a background check. Doesn't bother me. I had to pass a bg check to get my job anyway.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 482
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 9:34:47 AM
Posted by FatBottomGirl:
"...I had to pass a bg check to get my job anyway..."

There is a big difference sharing your personal information in the final stages of an employment interview process as compared to just handing it all over to a stranger on the internet. At a company, there is an AUDIT TRAIL which is what maintains the confidentiality of your data. If that content is misused, mishandled, or shared, the person responsible for maintaining the security will likely LOSE his or her job. Companies take the topic of data integrity very seriously.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 483
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 11:14:14 AM
Well, i don't date women so creepy women are not my concern. I think those who are so opposed to background checks are the first ones that need checking. Why so worried unless you have something to hide? Some of you don't even have a photo on your profile. Clearly some of you hide for a reason.


False assumption. I don't have a photo because I'm not actively looking for a date on POF. I'm here for the forums.


And all you need is a name and date of birth to do some checking. By the time we meet they can have that info do do a background check. Doesn't bother me. I had to pass a bg check to get my job anyway.


As mentioned by the poster above me, there is a major difference between giving personal info to an employer than a virtual stranger.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 484
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 3:20:42 PM
Fatbottomgirl... there's a huge difference between having a background check done for a job, and having one done before a FIRST date.

When it comes to the date, we're not applying for a job. We're looking for that permanent extra-special friend. So are you telling me you give your dates paychecks? lol

How about a pension plan for dates? lol

Even better... what about tax refunds? lol
 Amber_07
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 485
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/19/2013 3:31:31 PM
Sorry if it's been posted, I can look through 23 pages..

OP - would you have been as upset if it were just a Google search? Google is my best friend...I watch the show Catfish and saw the movie...If we are getting to the point we are going to meet, I start with Google and see what that turns up. No one can be too careful these days...However, I've never done a background check.
 Fall4U
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 486
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 9:24:38 AM
I ask for full name, phone #, place of employment. Then meet at a public place, and have a girlfriend who has his info and expects my call or text later that night. Women have different safety concerns than men when it comes to online dating. I've had to get myself out of a few sticky situations in my youth, and once I did have to say that someone knew where I was and when to expect me. When we meet thru friends or work or family, there is a reference for the person and things can move along at a much faster clip. But in this venue, we must be more careful. I think a background check is a little much unless there are red flags.
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 487
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 9:27:44 AM
Well, we would never date then. If only for the fact, i never give out my full name nor my place of employment, nor my phone number. Maybe my cell. That can't be traced.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 488
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 10:32:56 AM

But in this venue, we must be more careful. I think a background check is a little much unless there are red flags.


If there are red flags, why would you proceed any further? That probably explains the sticky situations you've had in the past, which smells of desperation. If you're demanding personal information before meeting, are you prepared to give the same information to the guy? After all, there are women out there with criminal records and shady backgrounds. If you are that paranoid, why bother dating? Stay locked up in your home so the boogey man doesn't get you. No normal guy is going to date a woman who appears to be a paranoid psycho.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 489
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 3:19:55 PM
And the sad part is... the woman I mention in this thread, IS a paranoid psycho!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 490
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 5:01:45 PM

(FatBottomGirl) I had to pass a bg check to get my job anyway.


Yet another, "Dating is *EXACTLY THE SAME THING AS WORK*!!!" person...

Who's been slipping Goofy-Pills into the water?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 491
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 5:48:09 PM

But in this venue, we must be more careful. I think a background check is a little much unless there are red flags.


(Maleman999) If there are red flags, why would you proceed any further?


Because they haven't got the sense/integrity to turn their back on a dodgy situation, and they just "want" the guy, and snooping around on Google allows them to lie to themselves that they've done their "due diligence", so if things go south, they can then get all wide-eyed and proclaim their innocence, and that they "didn't know, and I checked him out, and EVERYTHING!!!"
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 492
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:01:34 PM

And the sad part is... the woman I mention in this thread, IS a paranoid psycho.


No, that sad part is that you outed a young women who obviously was having problem on a public forum all to make you feel better cause you thought that she had done you wrong.

You know what, regardless of all the arguments round and round about background checks, sure it was a sign of insecurity. If some guy had beat the crap out of me, I would be second guessing my judgment as well.

You know what else is a big sign of insecurity, some guy freaking out about the background ground as if some major crime had been comitted against him, for gawd's sake, you gave her the information, WTH did you think she was going to do with it?
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 493
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:26:37 PM
i never said I gave her the information... she took it! She seen my name on a website, and actually paid to have a background check on me.

If anyone feels the need to do a background check like that on a possible boyfriend/girlfriend BEFORE A FIRST DATE SHOULD NOT BE DATING AT ALL!!!!

Those of you pro-bg check people disagree with me on this... that's fine. But could someone tell me with ALL HONESTY how knowing someone's personal info justifies "SAFETY?"

If I was a hardened criminal... then I could see the justification behind. But I'm NOT a criminal! I never have been. And I never will be!!
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 494
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:38:44 PM

i never said I gave her the information... she took it! She seen my name on a website, and actually paid to have a background check on me


How on earth did she find your name on a website unless you gave her the information. I never gave nor ask for the last name of anyone from this site before I met them. You can run around this all you want, the only way she had any information about you was because you gave it her.


If anyone feels the need to do a background check like that on a possible boyfriend/girlfriend BEFORE A FIRST DATE SHOULD NOT BE DATING AT ALL!!!!


You picked her!


Those of you pro-bg check people disagree with me on this... that's fine. But could someone tell me with ALL HONESTY how knowing someone's personal info justifies "SAFETY?"


You might want to re-word this, it really doesn't make any sense. But I think I do know what you are saying. If all she had was your name, which is what you are claiming, any information she could get on you was 100% public information, not really personal or private.



If I was a hardened criminal... then I could see the justification behind. But I'm NOT a criminal! I never have been. And I never will be!!


And how was she suppose to know this ahead of time?

Again you have dodge the bigger issues,

1.You who claim to have no problems are freaking out over someone doing a check based on your name only.

2. You thought and apparently still think it is okay to out this poor girl on a public forum, looks like she was right to question her judgment if she picked you. Turns out you're not really much of a prince charming!
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 495
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 7:57:49 PM
I'm not rewording anything. And if you're wonder how she got my name... Facebook. She added me not too long after we met on here. And on there... my first and last name show.

And to answer your other question... why would she expect a criminal?

Are you telling me that you suspect every guy/girl you meet as criminals every time? If that's the case then tht makes you judgmental. Just like she was.

This is the whole point of this thread: Its guys like her ex, that make nice guys like me seem scarry. And after dealing with this over the last 14 years.... I've had enough of this to the point of being beyond a little "ticked-off!!"

Now does anyone understand why I'm upset about this? That's why!
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 496
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/20/2013 10:22:06 PM

I ask for full name, phone #, place of employment. Then meet at a public place, and have a girlfriend who has his info and expects my call or text later that night. Women have different safety concerns than men when it comes to online dating. I've had to get myself out of a few sticky situations in my youth, and once I did have to say that someone knew where I was and when to expect me. When we meet thru friends or work or family, there is a reference for the person and things can move along at a much faster clip. But in this venue, we must be more careful. I think a background check is a little much unless there are red flags.


Suppose the situation was reversed and I asked a woman for her full name and employment. Many women would probably think that I am going to stalk them at their work. Can't have it both ways.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 497
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/21/2013 4:26:13 AM

And if you're wonder how she got my name... Facebook. She added me not too long after we met on here. And on there... my first and last name show.


So you gave her access to your facebook? Access to your friends and family and a whole lot of information about you? In other words YOU GAVE HER THE INFORMATION SHE NEEDED TO DO THE CHECK.



Are you telling me that you suspect every guy/girl you meet as criminals every time? If that's the case then tht makes you judgmental. Just like she was.


Absolutely not, but I can understand why someone else might. THE LAST GUY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HER. No matter how over it she was, for a long, long time after she will need a little extra affirmation that her choices are the right ones.


This is the whole point of this thread: Its guys like her ex, that make nice guys like me seem scarry. And after dealing with this over the last 14 years.... I've had enough of this to the point of being beyond a little "ticked-off!!"


You are not a nice guy! She pissed you off so you dumped her and then revealed personal information about her, and named her, on a public forum. Buddy, nice guys sure in h3ll don't do things like that!

So I stand by what I said, yes she is insecure, but for good reason. Your reaction shows that you are even more insecure. What's your excuse?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 498
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/21/2013 7:50:50 AM
(hamilton12345) Absolutely not, but I can understand why someone else might. THE LAST GUY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HER. No matter how over it she was, for a long, long time after she will need a little extra affirmation that her choices are the right ones.


Then, she shouldn't be dating. I can totally understand and sympathize with someone having low self-confidence after something like that; what I cannot, and never will, sympathize with, is visiting the negative consequences on a third-party who had NOTHING to do with what caused the low self-confidence to begin with. Let me spell it out, since you seem not to follow:

G-ROCK had NOTHING to do with the girl's beating. Therefore, why should HE be treated as "Guilty until proven innocent!"?


So I stand by what I said, yes she is insecure, but for good reason.


Then, she shouldn't be dating, "good reason" notwithstanding, until she can trust her own judgement, and not rely on victimizing others by invading their privacy behind their backs to make up for her psychological deficiency. Why don't you get this?


Your reaction shows that you are even more insecure. What's your excuse?


His excuse? He was angry and upset. I don't condone what he did, but I understand why he might have done it.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 499
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:56:21 AM
For the record... I didn't dump her, she dumped me!

Everything was going between us during those first few months. Then when she revealed to me the bg check, my tone changed about her. And that's even in spite of the fact that it came back positive.

She proved her dishonesty to me with this. Not to mention, she lied to me about one of her hobbies. Who does that?

For those of you that are pro bg check, I guarantee you'll be singing a different tune, once its been done to you.

I treated this woman like queen. Was a total gentleman all the way. Then my views on her changed, when she told me about the background check. The info she got from that check... she would've found out about in time.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 500
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/21/2013 10:06:57 AM
Then, she shouldn't be dating.


An alternative viewpoint would be that any guy who can't accept a woman at least checking him out through Google shouldn't be online dating. Because it is going to happen and there isn't a darned thing he can do to stop her (except refusing to give any personal information at all, in which case he's not likely to be meeting anyone).
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?