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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 526
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 22 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Trust me... had she just done a Google search on me, I wouldn't have upset. But she actually paid for the full fledged search on me.

I had a woman do a check on me using O.T.I.S. 3 years ago. That didn't bother me because I knew she wasn't gonna find me on there.

But the woman in question on this thread, did the full check on me.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 527
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/22/2013 3:14:09 PM

Which included: my ssn#, a list of all my relatives, and their addresses.


You should find out who ran the background check and released your SSN. Also find out who released it to the investigator. There are laws that prohibit that, and you can sue for damages and to have them destroy their records.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 528
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/22/2013 5:37:26 PM
How about let's just talk about privacy and trust with people's information. The OP has still not addressed the fact that he released information given to him in confidence on a public forum. Anyone else notice that he he keeps dodging that and coming up with all these other things instead?

I'm sorry but for anyone to come up with the kind of information he is claiming was released, he must have boat f^ckin' of information available on FB. Come on, from just his name, there is not a chance that all the information he is laying claim to was found! Not unless he is the only person with that name in the country!

So he gives her access to the information, she uses it and he cries invasion of privacy. She tells him confidential things about herself trusting him to keep this to himself and he blabs it and her information all over the internet.

NOW TELL ME, WHOSE PRIVACY WAS REALLY INVADED HERE?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 529
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/22/2013 5:44:18 PM
"Any man more right than his neighbours constitutes a majority of one." -- Henry David Thoreau
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 530
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:22:44 PM
Hamilton.... I stated several times on this post, that she DIDN'T DO A GOOGLE SEARCH ON ME!!! She actually PAID for a FULL BACKGROUND CHECK ON ME!!! She receive my PERSONAL INFO with it!!

As for me doing what you're accusing me of doing... where's your proof? You seem to think I'm a bad person. But you don't even know me!! And to me... makes you kinda judgmental!
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 531
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:52:55 PM
Hamilton.... I stated several times on this post, that she DIDN'T DO A GOOGLE SEARCH ON ME!!! She actually PAID for a FULL BACKGROUND CHECK ON ME!!! She receive my PERSONAL INFO with it!!


You cannot do a background check on someone without more information than their name! Unless you are the only person in your state with that name, the search is impossible! You provided her with more information than you name or she could not have done the check and gotten all the information you are claiming she got. Just cannot happen!



As for me doing what you're accusing me of doing... where's your proof? You seem to think I'm a bad person. But you don't even know me!! And to me... makes you kinda judgmental!


You posted her user name!




I 'm not disagreeing with you on this at all. You're right... my pride was hurt. I admit that. And again... I completely understand looking out for your own safety. And I also understand that trust is earned not given (explain that to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX... she wanted me to give my trust... but I had to earn her's? That's not right nor is it fair... especially with the background check. IMO... you do a background on me before a first date, and tell me about it later... you lose ALL trust with me.

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the other
Any site related question not answered via the HELP link, then email CSR@POF here || Site Rules Here || Posting Clarifications Here || [\quote]

As per the warning attached to the post, the xxxxxxxxx's crossing out her name were put in by the moderator and you were warned! you were lucky you weren't banned for it! So while her name is gone now, we all know that you posted it and got slapped for it. So quit whining about invasion of privacy when what you did was far worse. She hurt your precious little feelings so you outed her and her secrets on a public forum.

So because her name was removed by the moderator at a later date, you are now going to deny ever doing it. That add to the not so nice guy image.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 532
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/22/2013 8:19:29 PM
I know I messed up with that ok. Shoot me! No one's perfect. As far as my name, she got it from my FB page. From what I can guess with everything else.... is that the bg check she did on me, she paid for it. From what she told me, she paid somewhere between $60-$100 for it. And she told me every bit of of my information she got with it. And that included what I mentioned earlier.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 533
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 6:41:29 AM

I know I messed up with that ok. Shoot me! No one's perfect.


So what you did can be brushed off with a "no one's perfect" as if what you did had little significance. I guess to you it didn't because this is all about you isn't it? You still are not taking responsibility or acknowledging that what you did was far worse than anything she did. Time to take a hard look at yourself and your attitude.


As far as my name, she got it from my FB page.


Again you gave a total stranger access to that information. Before you had even met her, you friended her on FB where she had access to apparently a whole lot of personal information, including the names of your friends and family. So you need to step and acccept responsibility for her having the information. You kept saying you didn't give her the information, she got it from FB. YOU GAVE HER ACCESS TO FACEBOOK, THEREFORE, YOU GAVE HER THE INFORMATION.


From what I can guess with everything else.... is that the bg check she did on me, she paid for it. From what she told me, she paid somewhere between $60-$100 for it. And she told me every bit of of my information she got with it. And that included what I mentioned earlier.


Well then, as an earlier post pointed out, you need to go after whoever it was that gave her the information. You are blaming her for having information that someone illegally gave her. She didn't do anything wrong, she paid for a background checking using the information provided by you and someone released far too much information.

In the end, you did this to yourself so time to step up and take responsibility for it.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 534
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:12:42 AM

(hamilton12345) NOW TELL ME, WHOSE PRIVACY WAS REALLY INVADED HERE?


BOTH.

A surreptitious background check doesn't suddenly cease to be an invasion of privacy, simply because the target responded inappropriately. You're being deliberately obtuse.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 535
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 8:23:31 AM

A surreptitious background check doesn't suddenly cease to be an invasion of privacy, simply because the target responded inappropriately. You're being deliberately obtuse.


Actually I am not, he gave a complete stranger access to all the information needed to do the background check and then whined about the results of his actions while at the same time releasing information given to him in confidence on a public forum. He is not the victim he portrays himself to be.

I would never do a background check on some guy and I would also never give a stranger access to my personal information. Like many others on this site, he is not willing to take responsibility for his own actions and wants to blame it all on someone else. Time for people to step up and take responsibility for their actions!
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 536
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 8:28:55 AM
You should find out who ran the background check and released your SSN. Also find out who released it to the investigator. There are laws that prohibit that, and you can sue for damages and to have them destroy their records.

+1

It is very surprising to me. I've known people who did $60-$100 background checks (what OP said she said it cost her) and none of those services provided that information. Report the company to your state consumer protection services agency.


Eric_Summmit:

It was cleared-up by the OP moments ago, yet my impression all along was we were discussing far more than Googling a name. I agree many people will Google out of curiosity, yet results should be digested with a grain of salt. Further escalating to launch a full-scale investigation on another person is a whole new ball of wax.


^^^ I agree with this.

But what you are describing, OP, is extremely unusual.

In my experience, a “full background check” has meant hiring a private investigator and surveillance- more costly than the amount you mentioned. Much more costly. Also, private investigators are licensed by the state. So if a PI in Michigan did what you said was done, he or she should be reported.
 Acehonestlady
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 537
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 9:48:30 AM
I think it depends on the situation.

I don’t usually bother with background checks unless I am feel there is a proper need. I have recently been asked to meet a man when he comes to England to work in the London office of the company for which he works. He asked that if we get on when we meet could he stay with me for a week after his business in London before leaving. He works in a country that would lead a lot of people to suggest I do a check on him. Until I meet him all I have to go on without background checks is what he says. He checks out ok. I didn’t do the check behind his back – I asked for security measures and I followed up on his information and he is kosher.

Another man wanted me to go and stay in his villa in Spain but because we could not meet before (he was going out two days after he asked me) I asked for the same security measures and he was insulted I didn’t trust him. He was rather posh and assumed that I should take that as he is therefore safe! I of course did not meet him.
Although some people have told me I have been taking things overboard I don’t think in thse two situations that I have.

Do you think employers that ask for references or do background checks are insecure? No, of course you don't as they have been able to some extent for a long time and it is seen as the norm.

We are in a world now where we can do checks easily - So we have adapted to that. Though sometimes we might be ruled by the technology that enables us. I feel we now live in a culture where we are at risk of being labelled negatively if we text someone everyday or phone them instead of waiting for them to contact us. Caller ID has enabled us as individuals but also disabled us as a society. So has the internet in some ways.

Background checks are not over the top initially and if in the situations I mention above and some others – they are very sensible.

Going back to your case - A person that has been in an abusive relationship like the woman your thread is about would naturally feel anxious and would want to be more careful in the future. If a man cannot understand that then he is not right for her. Perhaps she wouldn’t have bothered if she hadn’t been abused. Give it some thought from her perspective.
Hypothetical question - Consider if you would refuse a daughter/son of yours who had been in an abusive relationship in the past and asked you to help them run a background check on someone for them
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 538
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:15:12 PM

^^^ I agree with this.

But what you are describing, OP, is extremely unusual.

In my experience, a “full background check” has meant hiring a private investigator and surveillance- more costly than the amount you mentioned. Much more costly. Also, private investigators are licensed by the state. So if a PI in Michigan did what you said was done, he or she should be reported.


I know this sounds unsusal. But I'm telling you the truth, based on what my "ex" told me. She told me all of the info she got from the bg check. And when she metioned that she received my SSN#, I was shocked. So I'll have to look into the PI that did it.

As for people wondering why I'm upset about this. I'll tell you. She broke trust with me. I take pride in myself being an honest man. I hade nothing from anyone. And if there's anything people want to know about me, I'll tell them. My mom (God rest her soul) raised me on the notion that honesty is the best policy. And throughout my 33 years, I've always been honest.

If there was anything this woman wanted to know about me, all she had to do was ask. She wasted her time and money on something as useless as a bg check. I didn't approach this woman for employment. Nor did I approach her for a bank loan. I was aproaching her for a friendship and possible relationship. And that's something a bg check isn't necessary for.

Think back to your High School days. And there would be this guy/girl you wanted to get closer to. So what was done about that. Statistic show that:

90% when around to other people to gain info on the guy/girl
10% went directly to the guy/girl they were interested in.

That 90% stat, is basically the HS Version of a background check. And those who were subject to that, didn't take it kindly. And guess what? The person they were interested in, doesn't have any interest in them, because they went the wrong way about finding out about the guy/girl they wanted.

So, if a woman does a bacground check on me as opposed to coming to me directly, I'm supposed to be ok with that? NO!!!

I don't hide anything from anyone. If a woman wants to get to know me... it's gonna be the old fashioned way. Coming to me directly. Asking me general questions about me. If they feel the need to do a bg check on me, that proves one thing to me. That they have no trust in their heart. If there's no trust whatsoever to begin with... then there's gonna be no chance of a relationship. Plain and simple.

If you feel one is necessary, then you really shouldn't be dating.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 539
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:23:27 PM

If there was anything this woman wanted to know about me, all she had to do was ask.


So are you going to tell your next "girlfriend" that you can't be trusted with personal information and if she pisses you off, you are likely to betray her confidences in a public manner?

Just asking.
 Zipper1964
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 540
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:30:43 PM
Let me give you a different set of eyes to see this through. Take it how you want.

I'm an L.E.O. and I can fully understand people running background checks and fully endorse it.

I think you are missing the positive aspect of this. You should be honored that she and her mother thought enough of you to take the time to spend $100 on checking you out to make sure you did not have a violent record. The mother was also making sure her daughter was safe. Perfectly acceptable. Do not take this wrong and I am not calling you a liar, but people lie about themselves all the time. This site is full of these folks.

As of now it is not illegal for companies to disclose your SSN. It is a government published number and protected under free speech law currently. There have been bills passed to curtail the activity.

http://epic.org/privacy/ssn/

I work in the field and there are lots of unscrupulous people that join this site. There are lots of stalkers and folks that are bipolar on this site. There are also a lot of crooks and scammers on this site. Most of these folks are harmless, but can be completely disruptive to folks lives or will rip you off.

Some folks here posing as real people, but in actuality are overseas playing on people's emotions. I know both men and women that have sent tens of thousands of dollars overseas to people they thought they were bringing to the US so they could visit and/or marry. Guess what, they were scammed. People laugh and say that would never happen to them. It happens all the time. We are emotional creatures.

Even as a L.E.O., I've had one person stalk me and attempt to extort money from me. I am not the right person to pull that on :) The poor girl is bipolar, so I did not charge her. She still calls me, but I had to put some strong boundaries in place.

So with that, I think it is perfectly normal for someone to check you out. Do not take it personal and don't let it hurt your male pride :) Unfortunately, life has come to this. It's a safety issue. You should be praising her for being efficient and safe. Those are the kind of girls you should be dating or get married to :)

Joe
 Zipper1964
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 541
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:44:58 PM

I don't hide anything from anyone. If a woman wants to get to know me... it's gonna be the old fashioned way.


That one made me chuckle. You may then want to date the old fashioned way and quit looking for dates on the internet :) I'll by you a beer over that one. Cheers.

Joe
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 542
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 1:48:12 AM
I didn't meet her at a hotel for the first time. Where did that come from?

And to Hamilton... well, let me ask you this: If someone truly pissed you off... and you took it deeply, what would you do? Just sit idly by, while they showed no remorse for their actions?
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 543
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:06:32 AM

G-ROCK1980
Blah, blah, blah


I've been reading this thread since you started it and every time you post, you sound like a whiny little B!tch. You gave her enough info a records search was able to find out all that stuff from public records. Since you're into music, I have a song for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H-Y7MAASkg

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers at everbody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 544
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:52:39 AM

And to Hamilton... well, let me ask you this: If someone truly pissed you off... and you took it deeply, what would you do? Just sit idly by, while they showed no remorse for their actions?


Really? Well buddy seriously time to stop calling yourself the "nice guy"! What would I do? Behave like a mature responsible adult. I sure as h3ll wouldn't blab information given to me in confidence all over the internet. Again grow up! you gave her the information. The check was done before she even met you, she didn't know you from a hole in the ground. She could have kept it a secret forever, but when she felt the time was right, she told you and you acted like a whiny puppy.

What would I do? WALK AWAY.


My mom (God rest her soul) raised me on the notion that honesty is the best policy. And throughout my 33 years, I've always been honest.


I am guessing she didn't also teach you the following
"two wrong don't make a right" or how about
"turn the other cheek"

You are talking about remorse and responsibility, well you seem to have not and not want to take any. So again I ask you Mr. Honesty. Are going to to the next girl how you behave when someone pisses you off? I sure hope so that she can run fast and far.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 545
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:17:34 AM

So with that, I think it is perfectly normal for someone to check you out. Do not take it personal and don't let it hurt your male pride :) Unfortunately, life has come to this. It's a safety issue. You should be praising her for being efficient and safe. Those are the kind of girls you should be dating or get married to :)


There is nothing normal for someone to do a full background check on someone they have never met or if they meet may never see again. That is paranoia to the max.

Doing a quick google search of public records it seems almost everyone agrees on isn't intrusive before meeting up. But paying for a background check crosses many people's lines and mine included.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 546
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:15:31 AM

(paderic) You're making a strawman argument...


You should stop embarrassing yourself by using big words you don't understand.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 547
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:17:25 AM

(Zipper1964) I think you are missing the positive aspect of this. You should be honored that she and her mother thought enough of you to take the time to spend $100 on checking you out to make sure you did not have a violent record.


In the same way that Ed Gein's victims should be "honored" that he spent all that money on a walk-in freezer, just for them...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 548
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 11:23:04 AM
I'm surprised that women who are demanding a full background check on a stranger aren't also demanding that the guy get a complete medical exam as well to rule out STD's, any diseases or genetic mutations not mentioned previously and full body MRI scans to to rule out any defects before meeting for 20 minutes or half an hour at a coffee meet. How romantic. What I would demand in addition to the same testing is that a woman who is that paranoid be required to get a psychiatric evaluation and be declared sane by a team of psychiatrists in order to meet. No woman should be against that or refuse that if they have nothing to hide.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 549
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:19:43 PM
maleman... your statement's really making me think.

I wonder... if women who are compelled to run a full background check on a guy, are really the ones with something to hide?

And Hamilton... leave me alone. I could see if I had done something to you.... then there would be reason to hate me. But I've done nothing to you. What's your deal?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 550
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:33:08 PM

You should stop embarrassing yourself by using big words you don't understand.


And we go from the strawman right to the ad hominem. LOL, anything else in your bag of tricks?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?