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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 551
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 23 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

(Zipper1964) I think you are missing the positive aspect of this. You should be honored that she and her mother thought enough of you to take the time to spend $100 on checking you out to make sure you did not have a violent record.


In the same way that Ed Gein's victims should be "honored" that he spent all that money on a walk-in freezer, just for them...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 552
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 11:23:04 AM
I'm surprised that women who are demanding a full background check on a stranger aren't also demanding that the guy get a complete medical exam as well to rule out STD's, any diseases or genetic mutations not mentioned previously and full body MRI scans to to rule out any defects before meeting for 20 minutes or half an hour at a coffee meet. How romantic. What I would demand in addition to the same testing is that a woman who is that paranoid be required to get a psychiatric evaluation and be declared sane by a team of psychiatrists in order to meet. No woman should be against that or refuse that if they have nothing to hide.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 553
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:19:43 PM
maleman... your statement's really making me think.

I wonder... if women who are compelled to run a full background check on a guy, are really the ones with something to hide?

And Hamilton... leave me alone. I could see if I had done something to you.... then there would be reason to hate me. But I've done nothing to you. What's your deal?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 554
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:33:08 PM

You should stop embarrassing yourself by using big words you don't understand.


And we go from the strawman right to the ad hominem. LOL, anything else in your bag of tricks?
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 555
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:54:25 PM

I wonder... if women who are compelled to run a full background check on a guy, are really the ones with something to hide?


Wow now that is a stretch isn't because they want a background check, they must have something to hide? Get real!


And Hamilton... leave me alone. I could see if I had done something to you.... then there would be reason to hate me. But I've done nothing to you. What's your deal?


What my deal is that you betrayed the trust of a woman who had already been betrayed by another man. She confided in you because she trusted you and you revealed her personal information to the world. You show no remorse for it and continue on with your "woe is me" I am so hard done by. You gave her access to your personal information before you had even met her and she used it. Was this right? Probably not, but what you did was far, far worse. She was obviously already insecure about her ability to chose and you sir, confirm that for her.

You show no remorse or care for what you did. You refuse to take any responsibility for your part of the whole. If you don't want strangers checking on you, why would you give them access to the information needed to do it?

So in the end, my deal is that you abused, yes your actions were abusive, an already abused woman and don't really care. Apparently she deserved it because you were angry. All I wanted to know was if you are as honest as you claim to be, if you would tell your next girlfriend how you will behave if she crosses you?
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 556
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 5:14:26 PM
If she had actually trusted me... the background check she conducted would've never been done.

So what you're saying is, I'm suposed to be ok ith a woman digging into my personal information, just to get to know me?

I'm sorry but no! You did into my personal info before a first date, you build no trust me. Do it, and then tell me about 3 months later... AFTER I've built trust in you, then you lose trust with me plain and simple.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 557
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:00:23 PM

G-ROCK1980
More woe is poor me crap


You're still whining more than a little puppy. What you've done in this thread is worse than anything she did. Suck it up Buttercup and Get Over it. Or you can keep acting like a Punk Azz B!tch. I'm sure there's some loser, somewhere, who will think it's cute. Your welcome to each other.

No matter how anyone feels, pro or con, about background checks. You're constant whining isn't helping your case.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 558
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:17:52 AM
Short form, OPie, is that she knows *about herself* that she can't tell when someone is lying. NOT being able to tell almost cost her her life. So she and/or her mother decided to not to take the chance again. You can be as offended as you like, but it has NOT ONE THING to do with you. You might want to get back to real life, eh?
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 559
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 9:38:56 AM
woobytoodsday... you're right. I do need to get back to real. And you're right... it had nothing to do me. They couldn't make the right judgment, so they didn't want to chance. IMO... They did go a bit too far.

I'm not understanding why several people on here are telling me that I shouldn't be upset about this? Before this brief relationship, I had never been through this. I had never dating who felt it necessary to run a full background check on me. So I hope everyone can understand, why I had such a strong reaction to this.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 560
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:44:05 PM
First of all, I do believe that you completely misunderstood what Woobytoodsday was trying to say and continued to make it about you. That was what she was trying to get across, regardless of how you feel about it, this was not about you, it was about a young woman who had been abused and whose mother (and maybe the woman herself) had doubts about her ability to choose wisely. And as I said before, apparently they were right!


I'm not understanding why several people on here are telling me that I shouldn't be upset about this? Before this brief relationship, I had never been through this.


Again, been through what? Get over it! You haven't "been through" anything and no did anything to you either. You gave someone access to personal information and for reasons of their own, they ran a check before meeting you the first time. Walk a mile in the shoes of someone who has had trauma in their life and then come back and whine to us about your precious hurt feelings.
 SpanishhhSugarrrr
Joined: 9/25/2011
Msg: 561
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:58:43 PM
I think its a rude thing to do, BUT I would tell the guy I was doing it first... and would only do it if we were on the brink of a serious relationship... it's an invasion of privacy, like someone looking in my underwear drawer, nothing to hide, but u need my permission to look!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 562
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 8:18:52 PM

Walk a mile in the shoes of someone who has had trauma in their life and then come back and whine to us about your precious hurt feelings.


Which brings us back to the point that was raised a number of times: If a woman has mental problems because she can't get over past trauma, she should not be in the dating pool. She needs psychiatric help more than she needs a new boyfriend to have a chance of leading a normal life. Otherwise, she will never fully trust anyone, no matter how many checks are done and passed. The OP passed her first round of tests, but there would be other tests during the duration of the relationships because there will never be trust and at some point, she will find imaginary red flags and freak out. She won't know the difference between real red flags and imaginary red flags.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 563
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 10:11:04 PM
Justababe.2013, with identity theft at an all-time high, you want men to "trust" you just because you say so? Someone you have met across the internet? Someone that wants you to do the most intimate human interaction of all? Doesn't sound so good that way, does it?
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 564
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/25/2013 11:02:42 PM
I like Spanish_Sugarr's response best so far. She's got the same poit of view I've had about this all along.

And as for the other remark about the imaginry red flags... you're not kidding about that! There were countless things that she took as a red flag.

For example, at the time, the apartment needed its ceiling fixed. Which got fixed a week later. Well... her abusive ex lived in a place with crack ceilings. Because of my ceiling being cracked... she assumed I was gonna end up just like him.

And forgot to mention one thing: Majority of my dates with her... we were hardly ever alone. In fact, our first date.... was at her house with: the 2 of us, her parents, her best friend, her best friend's boyfriend, her best friend's 2 kids, and the boyfriend's niece. Only one of our dates were actually alone.

So... whoever said this woman needs psychiatric help, these statements are proof of that.
 Zipper1964
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 565
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:03:11 AM
G-man
I wonder... if women who are compelled to run a full background check on a guy, are really the ones with something to hide?


I'm telling you dude, you should take it as a compliment. This woman thought enough of you and dropped some money to check you out. Why would anyone waste their time if they did not think you were a potential mate? Welcome to the brave new world of dating. Toughen up if you are going to put yourself out there for dating. This is not the comfort of a church group :)

Btw, congrats on the drastic weight loss. I got 40 more to go.

Joe
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 566
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:49:31 AM
(zipper1964) Sorry Arlo, I'm not seeing the correlation. It was a different time and era. I guess it was dark humor? :) Good point to bring up though.

I train women on self defense techniques and the use of personal handguns to protect themselves against the Ed Gein's of the world ;) Ed Gein would not have had a chance with a double tap.


Yes, and I'm sure Ed Gein approached all his victims from the front, then courteously waited while they rummaged through their purses for their .38...


I told you I am an L.E.O. (law enforcement officer)...I work with many victims and offenders all day long.


And I'm King of the Popes. What's your point? Mine is that anyone can claim anything on-line.


I've had one person stalk me and attempt to extort money from me. Not smart to do it to an L.E.O...lol..


If you're going to play "My Dyck is Bigger Than Yours!", it only works if you really do have the biggest dyck around...

It goes both ways. Again, it is perfectly acceptable and would you not want your potential mate to feel safe?


I'd want my potential mate to be smart enough to trust her own judgement, and to have the integrity to walk away if she thought there were "red flags".
 Zipper1964
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 567
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:18:02 AM

And I'm King of the Popes. What's your point? Mine is that anyone can claim anything on-line.


Thanks, you are a perfect example of why someone should do a background check. Okay, I'm done feeding the trolls.
 KSCFish33
Joined: 8/26/2010
Msg: 568
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:04:57 PM
I see no issue with them if the other person is up front about it, either before or after. I also think, if you do have something on your record, they should talk to you about it before dismissing you. What shows up is not always what it seems to be. Single parents, however, should probably all do background checks after a while.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 569
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:42:54 PM
I agree with you on the completely KSCFish33. Unfortunately, that didn't come my way with this situation.

My logic on it is this: If you actually inform someone upfront about a background check, it would prove who actually has something to hide. If they tell them "no"... odds are they got something to hide. If they "agree" to one.... it proves they have nothing to hide.

However... you would have that 3rd group who will be on the fence about it... because its just crazy to do one before a first date.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 570
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:02:35 PM

However... you would have that 3rd group who will be on the fence about it... because its just crazy to do one before a first date.


I guess I look at it differently. If you feel the need to do a background check, it would make sense to do it before the first date because at that point you are merely data on the internet or a voice on the phone. A person that you know absolutely nothing about.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 571
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/27/2013 12:23:13 AM
True Hamilton.... however, if you tell them upfront, and they declne... odds are they got something to hide. Also, doing one before a first date... is just crazy.

Like someone said earlier, It would make more sense to do if a relationship got really seroius (i.e. Engagement).

Which brings me to my next question:

If it would make more sense to do one before a first date, does that mean the man/woman is expecting a "full commitment" right off the bat?

IMO... That's going WAAAAAAY too fast. Sorry, but commitments take time and have to be earned.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 572
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/27/2013 10:06:49 AM

If it would make more sense to do one before a first date, does that mean the man/woman is expecting a "full commitment" right off the bat?
IMO... That's going WAAAAAAY too fast. Sorry, but commitments take time and have to be earned.


Good point. Women claim they know in a few seconds of meeting if there's "instant chemistry" and if it isn't there right away, that's the end of any dating potential. The same thing for guys-but for guys, it's called physical attraction. If it's not there, forget about dating. So all of that investigating was for nothing if it ends within seconds at the first meet.

Which leads to the point that even though a background check shows nothing out of place, that doesn't prove that their profile pictures are current and accurate. Their pictures can be 10 or 20 years old and shows them when the person was athletic and in shape and have a full head of hair, whereas the person might now be 300 pounds of lard and totally out of shape. If your solution is to demand current pictures or skyping as well as a background check, at what point does it go from doing a check for safety purposes to a KGB interrogation? Not many people are going to jump through all of those hoops for a quick meet where one or both might lose interest within 2 seconds of meeting.
 18wheeln
Joined: 3/22/2013
Msg: 573
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/27/2013 10:24:55 AM
4 safety issues and the players put here I do background checks and google their name. You be surprised how many guys and women use this site and others to cheat. Look at cheaterville.com or just google the person that Your looking to meet for your own safety.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 574
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/27/2013 11:48:00 AM

And forgot to mention one thing: Majority of my dates with her... we were hardly ever alone. In fact, our first date.... was at her house with: the 2 of us, her parents, her best friend, her best friend's boyfriend, her best friend's 2 kids, and the boyfriend's niece. Only one of our dates were actually alone


Brah that was your big red flag signal to run the other way---------------> You should have seen this coming but hopefully you know better now. But no need to go in anymore details in my opinion because what is done is done and we are only hearing your point of view of how all this went down too.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 575
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:18:29 PM
You know, I've started to come around on this issue: I believe that there *ARE* safety concerns, *VALID* concerns, that can't be dismissed. However, I still am, and always will be, in complete opposition to clandenstine background checks. If you're going to snoop into my private affairs, don't do it behind my back.
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