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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
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 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 126
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 6 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

I know another woman who met a Military man, obviously he would pass any background check and got herpes from him? people do not use common sense in most cases.


Including you, by using this example. Background checks don't tell you that someone has herpes nor any other disease.

:facepalm:


I will tell you a story about a associate of mine, Lets call her " Jackie", Jackie is a average looking woman, a little chubby, excellent career, financially stable etc etc etc, she met a guy named Paul, who was extremely attractive, 6 packs etc.
He wooed Jackie, paid for dinner, trips etc, meanwhile a few of us told her something isnt adding up here, and within 6 months his true colours came out, he had other woman on the side paying for this and that, and talked a executive ( Jackie) out of 75K , and this is a woman who has a masters degree, a executive in a Investment company earning more than 6 figures a year, how can a woman be so stupid and not see the red flags?


This example is a good reason to DO some checking first. Maybe if she'd checked for info on the guy up front, she might have never gotten so involved with him, and would have bailed before the red flags started to fly.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 127
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:18:53 PM
Oh she did after and guess what she found ? NOTHING. So doing a background check in the beginning would have revealed NOTHING.


Including you, by using this example. Background checks don't tell you that someone has herpes nor any other disease.

:facepalm:
yes im aware of that Vixen, I was trying to be sarcastic .
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 128
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:47:30 PM

Give me a break. Background checks are conducted for employment reasons, too. Why? Because some people have been criminals, and some jobs aren't suitable for them.


Exactly... EMPLOYMENT REASONS, not DATING/RELATIONSHIPS reasons. Why conduct one on someone you'd like to date?

I agree with a post that was posted earlier... if you feel the need to conduct a background check on someone BEFORE a 1ST DATE... you SHOULDN'T be dating AT ALL!

We're all here to date... we're not here looking for a job. if that was the case, then we'd all be prostitutes lol :-P
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 129
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:55:29 PM
******
Just returned from a POF first coffee meeting a few moments ago.
Not only did we not know each other's last names...I didn't even see her picture prior to meeting.
Upon getting together, she is funny, well-spoken, sweet, and remarkably attractive.
Amazingly, neither one of us tried to abduct each other or engage in any other criminality.

EDIT: She just sent a POF note to say she wishes to meet again soon!

******
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 130
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 1:11:57 PM
To clarify my personal stance, there is a big difference between doing a criminal background check, and checking to see if someone is who they say they are when you start to date them, which can be done via Google, LinkedIn and so on.

I don't share my last name, workplace, real phone number (I use Google Voice) or personal information prior to a first meeting from online and I don't expect the guy to do that either. I have met a lot of guys without seeing their photo first and I've not had any problems with crazy stalkers or dangerous fellas (knock on wood).

If I were getting involved with someone and there were big red flags going up the flagpoles, I'd proceed with caution and discuss it with them first before I ever felt the need to do a background check. BUT, I believe there are circumstances and situations where a background check might be helpful to some people who have specific safety concerns.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 131
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 1:47:57 PM
There are lots of married people killing off their spouses.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 132
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 1:55:47 PM
Think back 20 years ago with Lorenna & John Wayen Bobbit... she cut off his penis. And she did a background check on him, and it came up clean!

Had it been the other way around... John Wayne Bobbit would've never lost his "manhood"!!!!

Now that it's the 21st century.... people are more paranoid than ever. You can thank the media and overly insecure women for that!

And if women aren't killing off the men they hate... they're killing off the kids they reproduced with that man they have issues with. And that's something that's been going on since the beginning of time!


Anyone in disagreement with me on this?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 133
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:00:41 PM
I would never do it, but how would you even go about doing a background check on someone? Would you phone the local cop shop and ask them to do a background check on so-and-so? The first they are going to do is ask why. Are you going to tell them you started talking to someone on a (free) dating site and you want to see if that person has a criminal record? Can any Joe or Joanne Blow off the street ask for that? I would think you would need evidence or suspicion of criminal activity for the police to bother with doing a background check on someone. Could a person be charged with obstruction of justice if a woman (or man) wants to have a background check on 20 people they are talking to on POF or every co-worker or everyone who lives on their street? And what happens if the person being checked out has a common name and someone with the same name has a record? Would you also contact the FBI or RCMP to see if they had committed crimes in other parts of the country? Where does the search end?

OP: I think this woman was pulling your leg about having a background check on you for the reasons I stated, unless she has connections in the police department and knows people there. Why didn't she do a background check on the previous boyfriend who was abusive?
 moonchildMN
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 134
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:03:17 PM
OP You just posted your dating history in the bi-polar post. Yep, too bad your post wont be included in a background check

Hopefully, most women will hear your tale of woe when you go on, and on, and on about what a victim you are...and run. No background check should be needed.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 135
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:16:05 PM

how would you even go about doing a background check on someone?

There are sites to do this online..

In it's simplest form, just doing a google search is a way to check (a google search on my real name would give you volumes of information because it is also my business name). There are other sites where you can pay a fee, and they will scan all public records and provide you with information found. I did one of these on myself once and was astounded at how much information is out there.
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 136
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:18:01 PM

OP You just posted your dating history in the bi-polar post. Yep, too bad your post wont be included in a background check

Hopefully, most women will hear your tale of woe when you go on, and on, and on about what a victim you are...and run. No background check should be needed.


I give every woman I date the benefit of the doubt. It's not MY fault that the reat of the world has an absence of trust in their lives. Why should I be looked as "odd" for my beliefs on trust and love?

Are you telling me that you trusted someone, they backstabbed you, and now you don't trust anyone?!

In my eyes, just because one specific person lost trust with you... doesn't mean ALL guys should earn their trust with you.

IMO... if you can't trust someone for reasons based on past dating experiences... there's a HUGE lack of insecurity on your part.

DISAGREE... I don't care! PROVE ME WRONG then!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 137
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:38:44 PM

There are other sites where you can pay a fee, and they will scan all public records and provide you with information found. I did one of these on myself once and was astounded at how much information is out there.


I shouldn't be surprised that some public records are on-line now. I would've thought that privacy advocates would be fighting that. I wouldn't let a stranger do this intense of a check on me because like I said previously, nobody is getting my last name until I can see potential for a relationship to form. If someone feels they need to see if I have a criminal record (which I don't), there's no trust, which means there will be no further contact.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 138
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:53:26 PM
Many of us have our first POF meetings at coffee stores. Perhaps we should insist on a criminal background check for the staff at Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, Peets, W.B. Law, and all the other familiar coffee retailers. Goodness, those scoundrels might try to spike our drinks!
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 139
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 3:54:05 PM

Many of us have our first POF meetings at coffee stores. Perhaps we should insist on a criminal background check for the staff at Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, Peets, W.B. Law, and all the other familiar coffee retailers. Goodness, those scoundrels might try to spike our drinks!


LMAO!!!!!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 140
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 4:05:31 PM
The gray lines between reasonable security and utter paranoia were passed pages ago.
How is engaging a fellow single for coffee any different than chatting to the stranger at the Home Depot store, the cashier at the gas station, or the clerk at the bookstore...in terms of overall safety?

The alleged risk is identical. In fact, the risk might be greater with those retail employees because they might know my last name and perhaps even ZIP code if I paid with a credit card.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 141
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/8/2013 6:58:02 PM
Interesting to say the least..I have witness women wanting a background check on stable guys,But when the first POS LOSER gets out of jail there is NOOOOOO!!! problem with that...Even roll out the red carpet for this winner..I just get so tired of the games most women play...I mean you know when a guy is stable or not..And you know damm well when a guy has been in out jail...I have witness women in bars back in the mid 80s pass up good guys,But when the first creep,arrogant.big mouth comes along..NOOOOOO!!!Problem!!!!!..Love them to death..I have seen it so many times...Women say one thing and do another..Pretty much game players
 GC_Hayez
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 142
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:50:39 AM

Interesting to say the least..I have witness women wanting a background check on stable guys,But when the first POS LOSER gets out of jail there is NOOOOOO!!! problem with that...Even roll out the red carpet for this winner..I just get so tired of the games most women play...I mean you know when a guy is stable or not..And you know damm well when a guy has been in out jail...I have witness women in bars back in the mid 80s pass up good guys,But when the first creep,arrogant.big mouth comes along..NOOOOOO!!!Problem!!!!!..Love them to death..I have seen it so many times...Women say one thing and do another..Pretty much game players


I know what you mean by this... in fact, I've had something similar happen to me twice!

The first time happened nearly 14 years ago. At the time, I had my own Collectable Toy business, and worked many Toy Conventions through my home state of Michigan, and across the country. And I was just 19 back then. Anyways, I met this woman while I was working at one of these collectable toy conventions. She took and instant liking to me, and asked to exchange numbers. We managed to talk to each other throughout the entire 3-day convention. When the convention was over, we went out on our first date following that weekend. And right away I knew Iwanted todate this woman. We had a lot in common. At the time, I was 19 and still n high school; she was just a couple months shy of 23, was working as a secuirty guard, and had 2 kids. Here's the thing though... in the process of getting to know her, I learned that she had got out of an abusive marriage a couple years prior.

I was ok with that. She made me happy, I made her happy... everything was going good. Then, after just 1 month of dating... she ended things with me. And she wouldn't give me any reason why she did. I would find out just a week after that split... that she had left me, to go back to same guy she divorced! Here's the kicker... as stated earlier, this guy abused her. And at the time of out split... he was getting released from prison.

The second time started just a month after the relationship that was previously mentioned. This one was just shy of 25 and had 3 kids... ALL under the age of 5. Initially, she told me that she was looking for a change of pace from the types of guys she was used to dating. What type of guy do you ask? Well... both of her "baby daddys" (3 kids, 2 different fathers)... we're constantly in and out of jail. here was the difference between me and this one. Even though I was an independent self-employed man. She was unemployed and on welfare. But... I still gave it a chance. Anyways... after a month of dating each other, she left me to go back to one of her "baby's daddy", since he was getting released from prison.

A year would pass, and this woman wanted a second chance. I gave it to her. On this time... after 7 more years of dating each other, she left me for a completely different guy, who was younger than both of us (at the time of this break-up I was 27, she was just shy of 33. The guy she left me for was only 20.) who was ALSO constantly in and out of jail.

So yeah... you're right, women are like this. Sonow I have a question for the ladies out there... why do you ladies do stuff like this? If you say you want a nice, honest man who's not constantly in and out of jail, or never been to jail... MEAN IT?! Why say you wanna make the change from dating "thugs"; start dating a "nice guy"... only to leave him for either the same thug you were with before him or a completely different guy who's the same "thug" type?

(PLEASE NOTE: I only want women to answer this question.)
 safaa30
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 143
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 6:35:34 AM
Because some people (including you) are somehow blinded, or incapable of taking people's CIRCUMSTANCES into consideration when deciding to be with them. Most guys would run the opposite direction when faced by any of the two women you described above. These women will forever be in contact with their abusive jailbird exes because of the children. Why would you willingly add yourself to that equation? And when she gets pregnant with you that's another innocent life added to the toxicity. Cant believe you dont see that ^^^^^G-ROCK
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 144
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 7:47:01 AM

Sonow I have a question for the ladies out there... why do you ladies do stuff like this? If you say you want a nice, honest man who's not constantly in and out of jail, or never been to jail... MEAN IT?! Why say you wanna make the change from dating "thugs"; start dating a "nice guy"... only to leave him for either the same thug you were with before him or a completely different guy who's the same "thug" type?

GRock, if you're going to lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas. Pick a better class of woman and this won't happen. Despite all of the whining that people do on here, there ARE more decent fishies in the pond than there are rotten ones.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 145
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:02:20 AM
OP, you just keep outing yourself for being more concerned about your ego and feelings than for her safety. And THAT disqualifies you as good boyfriend or husband material- and would have in 1950 or 1850, too.

I wonder, OP, if some guy you started getting to know through work or on a sports team or something told you that he and his mother had been assaulted by some friend of his, would you get pissed at him for taking more precautions and being more protective about who he brought into the inner circle? What if your guy friend and his family had been robbed, or scammed by one of his new friends? Or do you reserve your anger and ridicule only for young women and their families for becoming more protective and cautious after being harmed?

OP, you are more concerned about yourself than others. That’s all there is to it. You want to fight this rather than learn and extend compassion. Fine. Keep railing on. And if you ever have a daughter and she is harmed by a boyfriend, you be sure to get pissed at her if she becomes more cautious afterwards.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 146
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:25:11 AM
MrNova, only maladjusted women consistently date guys that are in and out of jail , do you know any normal sane women that wants to date losers? I dont.

I do see some of the women on here that dated these types of guys and then whine about how they cant meet nice guys and then when one of the nice safe guys comes along she reels them in and then of course he the nice safe guys bores them and as soon as the jailbird gets out of jail she goes back to him but we called those women " head cases"

A well adjusted woman wants nothing to do with losers like that , they have a high self esteem and purpose and they are not the type that goes around doing back ground checks on everyone because they have a history of meeting deadbeats, losers, bend over bobbies doing time for what ever crime.

For those that say its because the women has been with abusers before, ask yourself how many times has she met abusers? and what is she doing to attract abusers, losers, deadbeats etc.

I know plenty of women and the majority of them avoids these types of men, and the few that were in abusive relationship, attended counseling and dealt with the issues before attempting to date again.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 147
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 11:18:27 AM

if you're going to lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas.



only maladjusted women consistently date guys that are in and out of jail , do you know any normal sane women that wants to date losers? I dont.



Zing, zing! Two for the win!
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 148
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 11:48:03 AM
Im' sorrry, i didn't read anything u had to say and skipped straight to answer ur question.

I think where modern technology is ever booming, u would think that someone has invented a carry on device where we can scan someone's fingerprints and find out their entire life history. (maybe I watch too much sci-fi, hence my ideas are bit far fetched)

In this day and age, it's very dangerous for anyone going out on a date. U don't know the person well enough but we trust them just a bit to date them. I think resorting to background check on someone b4 we date them, we imply we don't trust them. And that we have trust issues.

Of course that's true to a limit, but that is life. If we don't experience, heart ache, disloyalty, unfaithfulness etc, how can we say that we've been there and done that?

I have dated alot of guys in my time and to be honest, I have shitty taste in men, and perhaps still do. But hey, atleast I can say, I've been there and experienced it and know the signs of deceit when I see it now. But then again, no one can really know. We have to trust someone somewhere down the road. We have to get hurt in order to heal. That's wat relationships are about. If life was perfect, we would all be with that special someone and living happily ever after, just like in the movies or in fairy tales.

But that is not the case.

So trust a little to get hurt just a bit more. It'll only make u stronger, not weaker.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 149
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:21:50 PM
I am simply not compatible with a woman if she has to resort to a background check before we even meet. A quick google search isn't what I consider a background check, so if they want to do that to see I am not some fake whatever..fine. But when they fork over money for a background check for every potential dating prospect so they can have information. It seems to me the relationship has headed south before it has commenced haha?

All I know is that for some men and woman it isn't a red flag for things to come. But I would definitely say it is a red flag. I am simply not compatible with a person with such a mindset and grim outlook on life.
 Bratty_to_the_core
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 150
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/9/2013 4:15:31 PM

Bratty... I think you directed your post to the wrong person. ^campfires^


oops .... soooooooooooooo sorry "campfires" .... it was meant for G-rock ...
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