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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
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 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 176
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 8 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Trust issues, insecure, paranoia? You decide.
40,000 people per year are killed in car crashes.
About 14,000 people per year are murdered.
683,000!!!!!! Women are raped each year. 683,000!!
78% of rapests are repeat offenders ( i assume most of the other 22% just dont get caught again )
Funny how we don't hear more about rape on the news. I guess it happens so often it isn't news worthy?
So take every procaution possible, including a circuit court access check.
How many men have been traumatized by a back round check? 0
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 177
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:49:18 AM
I don't do background checks. However if when we move to email, the guy's name is his email address, I might google it, and anything else he's told me, and try to find out something about him.

One seemingly very ordinary guy I was exchanging emails with, and planning to meet, told me he worked for the university, but would not tell me what his job was. I guessed he might be some kind of scientist or maybe even a janitor. Once I got his surname I googled him and found he was a professor of medical judisprudence, head of a research faculty, had a string of qualifications including MSc, MD and PhD, and had just won a major prize for medical research. I wish I had not found this out, because it made me feel incredibly intimidated by his intellect and fame, terribly inferior and unworthy of him, and in the end I was too nervous to meet him.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 178
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Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:11:05 AM
Wow curviest. Really???
You wouldnt date a guy who you could spend maybe years picking his brain on interesting things and learn so much from? What's his number? Lol!!
Ok i should state that doing a google search to find out anything and every thing u can about some one, true or false is paranoid. I don't even know if criminal records come up as i have never googled anyone ever.
A circuit court access search is different. I mean u can find out if he is a bad driver too lol!! But that is about it. Be safe.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 179
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:11:09 AM

40,000 people per year are killed in car crashes.
yet you still drive a car right? and that has what to do with background check?


About 14,000 people per year are murdered.
do you know how many people die each year from choking on hotdogs?


683,000!!!!!! Women are raped each year. 683,000!!
78% of rapests are repeat offenders ( i assume most of the other 22% just dont get caught again )
and the statistics show a high percentage of women knew their attacker, look im not playing down this, Rape happens and if more women would report it maybe things can be done , this is off topic but I have no love for rapist I wish Laws were tougher and punish these people with draconian punishment ,but I dont see how a background check before meeting a person is going to help ?now I get it if the person is a sexual predator you do have the right to know so I get, I suspect if that is the reason why you do a background check to see if he isn't a predator okay you might have a case .

I get it especially if you have kids, but then if you are worried about some guy being predator and you have children perhaps you shouldn't date until the kids are older and can defend themselves.

As in for a circuit court check? talking about paranoid so what are you hoping to find? the woman I'm seeing now didn't do a check on me and I didn't do a check on her but she never gave me the willies nor did I , now if she decides to do one I dont mind one bit because when we go to the next level I want no surprises and im sure she doesn't either, she is a Executive VP of a company and Im a managing partner of a company and there is information about us on the net because of our firms so nothing to hide.

If you spend your time looking for the boogie man , dont be surprised when he keeps showing up time after time, being cautious is a good thing, paranoid isn't.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 180
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:11:23 AM

(ksayer1) Trust issues, insecure, paranoia? You decide.
40,000 people per year are killed in car crashes.


So, do a background check to see if they have a car...


683,000!!!!!! Women are raped each year. 683,000!!
78% of rapests are repeat offenders ( i assume most of the other 22% just dont get caught again )
Funny how we don't hear more about rape on the news. I guess it happens so often it isn't news worthy?


Rape is a terrible crime. I wonder, though, how many of those 683,000 are, the woman decided the morning after that sleeping with the guy was a mistake, so it must have been "rape"? Or, he didn't call back, so it must have been "rape"? More of the "Guys are guilty until we prove them innocent!" dreck... face it, ksayer1, it's a hard sell: you're implying that EITHER a guy consent to having his privacy invaded, OR he's a rapist, actual or potential, and deserves to be alone for the rest of his life if he won't bend over...

I initially disagreed with the tit-for-tat mentality (ie, she does one on you, so you do one on her), but I'm rethinking: it'd be interesting to see how many rape/sexual assault charges, a woman has laid...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 181
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:31:00 AM

(curviest) One seemingly very ordinary guy I was exchanging emails with, and planning to meet, told me he worked for the university, but would not tell me what his job was. I guessed he might be some kind of scientist or maybe even a janitor. Once I got his surname I googled him and found he was a professor of medical judisprudence, head of a research faculty, had a string of qualifications including MSc, MD and PhD, and had just won a major prize for medical research. I wish I had not found this out, because it made me feel incredibly intimidated by his intellect and fame, terribly inferior and unworthy of him, and in the end I was too nervous to meet him.


This sounds like it was lifted from "How I Met Your Mother"...
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 182
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:58:52 AM
I think this thread has gone way off track from it's beginning. Let's look at the story from a slightly different perspective.

Girl meets guy, guy seems nice at the start, girl gets friendlier with guy, guy beat the crap of girl and her mother.

Girl starts to get over this event, decides to start dating again, meets a guy online, knows nothing about him other than what he has told her. Girls mother, feeling a little uncomfortable about this after what had happened previously decide to do a background check. Well obviously the guy had supplied enough information for the background check to be done, not sure why someone would give this information to someone he barely knew, but he did.

Background check is okay, girl says nothing at first about it because she is not sure how the guy would feel about it. After some time, girl tells guy about the background check. Guy flips out, if she trusted him, she would not have done it or at least told him before she did the check. (maybe she just found out that her mother did it, we don't know that)

Questions and statements

1. She was suppose to "trust" a stranger that she had never met? She was suppose to trust someone after oneof two dates? Think that is what got her to this place originally.
2. Guy thinks he was terribly violated by this? For Gawd sakes, it was just a background check!

Now let's get to end of this.


Bottom line though, this is something I definately don't wanna go though ever again. if a woman wants to know everything about me, she can just ask. If she has to resort to a background check, then she's showing her insecurity big time. And... she proves that she doesn't trust anyone.


Wow, he was so violated that he nevers wants to go through something like that ever again. If a woman wants to now all about him, all she as to do is ask. The abuser, rapists, con artist, scum of the earth all say the same thing. And they will tell you all the lies you want to hear. Not saying he was a liar, but of course the girl is going to have some trust issues.

I have never done a background check, probably never will. At my age, I am pretty good at picking out the liars and scumbags, but that does not mean that i condemn other for doing the it. Was what she did right, Damn I have no idea! Was his reaction extremely over the top? Damn right it was. As I have said a number of times, it was just a background, get over yourself.
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 183
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 8:34:32 AM
Pretty tough to do a back ground check if you don't give them your real name. I am totally against doing back ground checks. Decide for yourself if you like the person, not what a computer tells you. I never give my real name to anyone, until we have been together for awhile.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 184
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:19:14 AM
I never give my real name to anyone, until we have been together for awhile.

This is one of the reasons people DO background checks.

he is really scary looking but sometimes looks can be deceiving,

Nothing to do with appearance - because he lies.

Shockingly, he's not the only one.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 185
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:38:17 AM
^^^^^^ he is really scary looking but sometimes looks can be deceiving, Ive seen the meanest looking hombre turns out to be one of the coolest guys around, A few years ago I was in New York City meeting up with old friends and classmates, and we were dining at a restaurant in Manhattan and we saw Peter Greene, he is a actor mostly plays criminals, creeps and scummy characters but talking to him he is one of the nice individuals out there, a real interesting character.

Back to the topic, this is where one uses common sense in this case if the guy sounds too good to be true or is a little shady, mysterious , vague either walk away and/or dont get involved, too many people overlook a person looks especially if they appeal to the person and think " gee I should protect my self and do a background check on this person" yeah okay.
What if you meet one of the 25% that passes a background check and later on they abuse you, what then?
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 186
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 10:15:55 AM
I have met people on here before. I don't lie. I have never lied about my physical appearance.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 187
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 10:58:13 AM

Nothing to do with appearance - because he lies.

Shockingly, he's not the only one.
oh really? what is he lying about?
Personally I think most folks lies to some degree on here especially on free dating sites.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 188
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 11:04:47 AM

what is he lying about?

His name. He said so.

Unless you're assuming dates just call him "MuscularVampire" until they get serious?
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 189
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 11:06:57 AM
its only a lie if you consider it a lie. I don't want anyone checking out my background. I have never been arrested,, but i have my reasons. some things are just personal and they will not affect any dates safety. So she has no need to know. It's just my personal info, id rather not have people know.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 190
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 11:11:34 AM

What if you meet one of the 25% that passes a background check

I've never had one fail or failed one of theirs.
what I meant is what if you meet a degenerate that passes the background check and later on down the road they assault you? who are you going to blame?
 KeepinItEasyBreezy
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 191
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 11:39:08 AM
I do background checks for a living and have for 31 years. It is naive to think that every person is going to be forthcoming about their criminal past. A person who assaults women is not going to tell his POF dates he has a history of violence. I would rather find out ahead of time then the hard way. It would be more wreckless to not check out a potential partner (male or female) particularly when children are involved, than it would be an invasion of that person's privacy. Criminal records are public record. If you have nothing to hide why do you care? I see it as a responsible thing to do. It doesn't mean you have to reject everyone who has a criminal record, but if I find a sex offender, a thief or violent behavior, I have the knowledge to make the decision for my personal safety/security. If you have a daughter, sister or mom on this site, wouldn't you want them to know the person they think is Prince Charming has 4 separate convictions for assault on a female ? It's perfectly okay to do a background check and anyone who thinks I'm invading their privacy is not for me. I'm only checking for a criminal record, nothing else. Anyone I date should feel free to check my background as well. All of the guys I have dated have told me to they are comfortable with me checking. I suppose guys that would not be, would not contact me anyway since I state it in my profile as my profession. Don't be offended by it. It tells me that the woman liked you and wanted to move forward. I only check when I'm really interested in someone.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 192
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 12:45:16 PM

All of the guys I have dated have told me to they are comfortable with me checking. I suppose guys that would not be, would not contact me anyway since I state it in my profile as my profession. Don't be offended by it. It tells me that the woman liked you and wanted to move forward. I only check when I'm really interested in someone.
dating as in Long term exclusive relationship or someone you're about to meet for the first time?
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 193
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:12:15 PM
Let me tell you a story and you can look this up if you like, look up "Ignacio Carrillo" this guy was a former Executive for a Chicago Public Relations firm, he is accused of raping two women in 2011 , Carrillo a former U.S.Army vet and current Vice president of the firm is accused of raping two women he met online took them to a bar, must of drugged them brought them back to the motel and raped them.

Get this, The man had NO CRIMINAL RECORD, if these two women conducted a background check they would have found NOTHING... and assumed he is safe, a ex Army Vet, a Executive for a public relation Firm and he drove a convertible Porsche , yet this piece of shit raped two innocent women.

My point of the Background check is , just because a person pass one dont assume you are safe, that is a false sense of security ,People have to exercise common sense and prudence and not be paranoid enough to believe everything you read from a check, I bet those two women if they come back to online dating sites would beg to differ.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 194
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:33:35 PM
While you're at it, why not demand every guy you might meet in the future to be tested for STD's and bring the medical report for you to check out at the first meet? And of course, every woman should do the same. Both people should exchange results of criminal background checks, medical test results, blood sample and fingerprints to be checked out at the national and international fingerprint data base. Even then, no one should be trusted. Women need to put instant chemistry on hold until all of the paperwork is checked over. Until then, you never know if a guy is going to attack you, rape and kill you during a first meet at a local coffee shop.

Women who have this much fear of dating should not be on any dating sites and should not consider dating at all. Remain single and celibate and put 7 locks on your door and steel bars in your windows to feel safer. Be afraid of the boogy man who just wants sex and never go out at night.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 195
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:48:41 PM
How illogical.

Its a helpful thing to do.

After a first meeting, I wasn’t sure if I’d want to see one guy again. I looked him up on our county court site. He had several DUIs and a three year long divorce loaded with two-way nasty allegations. I decided not to go out again- don’t think we’re a good match and all.

I looked up another, again after a first meeting. He said he’d been divorced for four years. But really, he was still married, his divorce pending. I declined to go out again, same excuses.

I’ve also seen: 4 marriages for a guy who said he’d had 2, one with a driving record so bad I’d never get in a car he was driving, one with restraining orders, one with a B&E, a handful of ugly divorces.

I’ve dated on and off since 1998, so while the percentage isn’t high, maybe 5-10%, there was no harm done and I avoided wasting anyone's time.

Don’t let anyone shame you out of checking them out. Its well worth it and does them no harm.

And no one is saying that if there’s nothing bad in their record, you should take risks. You don’t need to when you date and are just having fun.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 196
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:15:22 PM
^^^^Midwest_Southwest: The one common denominator in those situations is YOU. You picked and chose to go out and meet them. Your picker is broken. Stop looking for the baddest of the bad boys and start looking for normal guys.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 197
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:26:47 PM
These were just first meets or one or two dates. That's not "picking" someone. Getting involved is "picking" someone.

My picker’s fine, very good apparently. I de-picked them so the picker worked! :D
 kendrajo51
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 198
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:55:17 PM
Honestly, she was smart...perhaps instead of being insulted by it, maybe appreciate the fact she was smart enough to do it.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 199
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:09:26 PM
How the heck is it I consistently date intelligent, witty, funny, and stunningly beautiful women who don't try to dismember me with an ax at the earliest opportunity? I feel as if I've been deprived of cool excitement. Darn it!
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 200
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:23:14 AM
A background check before the 1st or 2nd date is going overboard. Many people wouldn't reveal personal info ( such as their last name ) at that point. A background check might somewhat more reasonable when things are about to get more serious. But a clean background check doesn't mean someone is not a violent criminal due to reasons that have been mentioned.
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