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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be consider      Home login  
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 Chapter01
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 201
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?Page 9 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Please don't confuse "world" with "people". The world isn't a bad place to live in, it's that some of the PEOPLE are bad in the world we live in. If you choose to live as a victim and not a survivor, I understand "your" personal being/world would be bad.
 Chapter01
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 202
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:46:48 AM
Dreams, THIS is WHY women need to REPORT these things. If someone is brought up on charges, even if dismissed, they are PUBLIC knowledge on your states Court systems webpage. It will show that someone was accused and charges dismissed etc. I met and am glad I did check the courts - the guy failed to mention to me that the girl he lived with for over a year - he assaulted her. I don't care if she provoked it - you don't beat women (unless it's in cards or horse shoes), you kick her out or have the local PD remove her from your house...but you don't beat her up.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 203
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:36:21 AM
I never really considered doing a background check on anyone myself, previously, though I certainly don't mind, as noted earlier but it's a few pages back now, if someone wants to run one on me. I've just Googled people out of curiosity and, a little bit, to make sure they were who they appeared to be - which everyone was.

But the incredibly vociferous protests against it here have me seriously considering hiring a reputable professional investigator in future (I know, I could do it myself, but they'll do a better job faster, and it isn't an outrageous cost). And not saying a word about it, ever.

Because what the hell have these mostly perfectly ordinary-seeming guys got to hide?

I've tried and tried and I can't come up with any other reason to be so firmly against it. The converse is also why I take no issue if someone wants to run one on me. I know it's only going to put his mind at ease.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 204
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:53:13 AM
I for one dont have a problem with background checks once a relationship is going to the next level, or if you're dating someone with kids that I get, I have a problem with someone doing a background check behind someone back or before you're meeting the person for the first time, that I have a problem with.

Some people are putting too much faith in a system which gives them a false sense of security , that tells me common sense is lacking and if you're that paranoid you shouldn't date.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 205
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 9:07:16 AM
Maybe it's a matter of semantics - there's a big difference between Googling someone, looking them up on Spokeo or Facebook or LinkedIn, vs. running a criminal background check on them.

I always do the former (and encourage them to do the same on me) just to see if they are who they say they are - but have never needed to do the latter, and have not had a problem listening to my picker and my instincts.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 206
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 9:25:07 AM
In this day and age it is a sign of wisdom.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 207
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 9:42:37 AM
The thing is, people here aren't talking about hiring a PI, or going through Equifax. They're talking about Googling some dude's name, and running with that. And we all *KNOW* that *EVERYTHING* on the Internet is the pure, unadulterated truth, right...?

Besides, it's a sneaky, weasely, backhanded thing to do. No one who's in favour of it has dared to address the violation of privacy aspect.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 208
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 9:48:09 AM

Besides, it's a sneaky, weasely, backhanded thing to do. No one who's in favour of it has dared to address the violation of privacy aspect.


Not sure how accessing legally accessible public information on someone is a violation of privacy.
 chromacode
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 209
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:03:51 AM
When I hear background check I find it weird aswell. But my most recent experience has made me decide that I NEED to see someone's facebook profile/know who they are more than the POF account before getting too involved. Because it turns out that the last guy I was dating was in a 6 month long relationship. I found this out by searching his name into the ground. I have to admit I had my doubts though.

I wonder if this girl had a similar experience that shook her trust for people online.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 210
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:04:21 AM
I'll address it for you, Arlo. Public information, especially if put out there by the person whom one is Googling, is not an invasion of privacy.

For example, if someone doesn't believe that I am who I say I am, they can find me on LinkedIn - they can see items from press releases and interviews I've done in the past - they can see posts I've made on various websites - etc. I have no problem with them looking me up because I have nothing to hide.

If I meet a guy and we hit it off, and we express a mutual desire to see each other again, at the end of the first actual date I will often request that we exchange business cards and encourage him to look me up, so that he can see that I'm being honest about whatever he's found out so far from me. Of course I let him know that I will look him up as well. Although this doesn't guarantee that either of us are not psychos, I've found that people who are truthful and trustworthy in some things tend to be more truthful and trustworthy in everything.

If a person is THAT paranoid, they're not for me anyway. Problem solved.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 211
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History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:06:51 AM
I don't think any one has said if he has no record you are 100% safe. There is no such thing but it may prevent you from wasting time.
It is great if you have a perfect radar! So far mine has worked well. I have never found something that would make a guy undatable on his record. But i am not so full of myself to think my radar is perfect. It is just an extra precaution.
If you have ever seen the after math of rape or abuse or watched a friend struggle with it for 20yrs you get extra carefull.
Men, if you pick wrong what is the worst that is going to happen? She is going to be annoying? If we pick wrong it can be devistating! So do what you can to be smart and be safe.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 212
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:25:38 AM
You dont think men get abused physically from certain women? if you think that you are truly living in a dream world and I say come on back to this planet.

Some men do get abused its just the society frowns upon Men that reports it, but its one of the fastest growing problem and they say the women that abuses men and gets charged has doubled in the last ten years.

Men getting abused is rising and even the Mayo Clinic acknowledges it. They ( the mayo clinic) have a section on it.

But I guess a background check on a woman would prevent it eh?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 213
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:29:46 AM
Posted by ksayer1:
"...Men, if you pick wrong what is the worst that is going to happen? She is going to be annoying?
If we pick wrong it can be devistating! So do what you can to be smart and be safe..."

Wow, that is utterly sexist.
Played to a worst-case scenario a stunning so-called "mild-mannered" woman could scam
a guy while her three goon cohorts wait in hiding to rob, carjack, and beat an innocent man.

Here is the thing...with reasonable spidey-sense precaution, the incidence of male-on-female (as well
as female-on-male) criminality is exceedingly rare. Jezzus Christmas...we're talking about a brief coffee
meeting in a Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts here. The rest of the patrons could ALL be ex-convicts. ;-)
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 214
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:44:29 AM
Any man that allows himself to get abused by a mere woman, should turn in is man badge, seriously. NO man on this planet would get abused by any women, if he put his foot down. Only if the man is afraid to fight back, will he get abused.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 215
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:50:10 AM
MuscularVampire...this is not a thread about fighting...it is about seeking quality relationships.
Calling a woman a "mere woman" is an unfortunate choice of words that you made. :-(
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 216
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:55:28 AM
vampire you have no idea what you're talking about , stick to what you know and leave the stuff in the real world to people who doesn't think the world revolves around the gym.

I have a uncle who is a cop and Ive heard the stories , I have a ex who is a black belt and on the force and I bet she can kick the shit out of you with no problems, she grew up with 5 brothers and comes from a military family.

There is a world outside the gym dude, try and explore it, l love to see what you will do against a female gang of thugs?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 217
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:00:49 AM
Think of all the people who handle your money-banks, stores, your employer, restaurants, etc. Do you run a background check on every person you deal with where money exchange is involved?
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 218
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History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 4:26:22 PM
Strangedreams brings up a good point!!!! There are women out there with criminal records too!
Good thing they are PUBLIC records and availible online so people have a way to give themselves just a little more protection :) he may want to see if his next date has been charged with fraud or a violent crime.
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 219
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 4:54:12 PM
Wow, talk about ignorance. My man, I have a fiction novel in the works. It's only a couple of months away from being finished. My life doesn't revolve around the gym. I said mere woman, in regards to her being able to abuse a man. Only a willing man can be abused. And no, your ex couldn't kick the shit out of me. She wouldn't last 25 seconds with me. I won't even bother going into my long list of martial arts and mma experience.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 220
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:15:10 PM
Testosterone poisoning has now overcome this thread. Wow, totally un-flipping-believable.
It is so cool when a man brags of beating-up a woman in a thread specifically about relationship security.
 Bellablue33
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 221
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:23:35 PM
I did a back ground check on a guy I met on here and thank god I did ! He was charged with physically assaulting his girlfriend and It was bad enough to lose a State job over it .So I'm guessing it was pretty serious . Thank god ! I did it because he had warning signs of a very short temper , and I don't know If I would have taken that at serious had I never known about the ex girlfriend . You can never be too careful these days and I think men on here should understand how dangerous it can be . I've had men ask me did my background check clear ? lol . or have you done one . If they have nothing to hide then it shouldn't be an issue . I wouldn't care if someone ran one on me . Do what makes you feel safe and if they are offended by it . Then they probably aren't someone you should date anyway .
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 222
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:25:15 PM

Testosterone poisoning has now overcome this thread. Wow, totally un-flipping-believable.
It is so cool when a man brags of beating-up a woman in a thread specifically about relationship security.


And now you know why some might think that background checks are a good thing.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 223
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:01:26 PM
she wouldn't last 25 seconds with you? ha more like the other way around bud, she is also 6 ft tall, former varsity athlete but of course you're a tough guy with all those muscles right? yeah okay.

Shows you know nothing about abuse you really think victims of abuse are willing? you know that women are allowed to vote and Micheal Jackson is dead right?

You have a fiction novel in the works, so what? lots of people writes books not all of them sells, there was a book called " how to shit in the woods " by Kathleen Meyer and what is scary is there is a second edition , any body can write a book doesn't mean it will sell.

For your long list of Martial arts and MMA experience spare me, Is that supposed to impress me? because Im afraid it doesn't.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 224
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:03:00 PM
Folks should not get lulled by a false sense of security.
The best tool everyone has in his or her toolchest is the gray mass positioned precisely between everyones' ears.

The reality is millions upon millions of dates occur everyday without a hitch or trouble.
Have your own money, your own cellular, your own transportation, and meet is a very public spot. Presto!
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 225
view profile
History
Should performing a background check on a potential bf/gf be considered as a sign of insecurity?
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:44:22 PM
Public information is no longer "public" as they are now often hidden behind "pay walls" to obtain what was once public. So, if a woman does a background check on me and is willing to fork over money I have a very low opinion of that woman and we are not compatible at all. Insecurity is extremelly unattractive, and very creepy.
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