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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Calling 3 months after first date?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Kiss_My_Soul
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 26
Calling 3 months after first date?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Most likely I wouldn't ... it sounds like a rebound for him, and that is not exactly what I like to be ... It's your decision, so follow your instincts and feelings; anyway, good luck:)
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 27
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 7:10:37 PM
""""""""""""" there seems to be a Once Per Lifetime Opportunity many singles on POF embrace""""""""""""

Sheesh... if I only had just ONE opportunity to embrace!! I think these people are overly generous even with the one. I get none. Hoo boy, I feel rejected by the world in general, and by women in particular.

Not one friggin' opportunity to embrace. Or a woman even. Zilch. Nada. Oy, geshaime Hasham, wie kann ich nicht vergessen meine susse Kati?

---------------

On a more serious note, I agree with those that the guy trampled on the dignity and pride of the OP, he has kicked her to the mud, and he is continuing his basal attacks on her self-esteem.

But he knows what he is doing, because she wants to see him again, and she will.

So even though the situation is convoluted to the max, and morally - ethically entangled with haywired senses of value and judgement, I also doubt very much, due to the known facts in this interesting life experience of the OP, that she will have any upper hand anywhere near this guy.

This is not a "once a lifetime" chance thing. it is simply that if she is willing to go back out with him, after what he did, she is showing she is the real putty in his hands, and the tables will never turn, ever, between the two.

This is NOT to say they won't get married and live in incredible marital bliss ever after. Yes, that eventuality is completely plausible and possible. I only challenge the promise by her, you support of it, and any prediciton, that she will ever have the upper hand with this guy while the world is still here.
 for4rums_loner_here
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 28
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:07:06 PM
If anyone could please tell me where the lost and found office is in the Vivikanandra Centre, I would be most grateful for that.

You see, some don't lose heart when they are debased, because hearts are more resilient than anyone could ever imagine. The heart of one loving woman for her man can conquer and defeat entire armies of advancing fierce Spartan warriors.

On the other hand, a man, when he loses his heart, in the Vivikanandra Centre, has to look up the lost-and-found, because without his heart his is not a Loin Lion any more... he is just an empty shell of protoplasmic activities, that clang emptily in the moonlit pastures, until the long fingers of a cool, tall witchy woman with the burning hot passion of the gypsy queen places the heart back into the void that has been yearning for its return in his abdominal cavity.

It is really much better explained here, I think:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15843273.aspx
 Be_enchanted
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 29
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:20:55 PM
You must have had a spectacular first date ! If I had a spectacular first date and didn't hear from him in a week or two weeks tops, I wouldn't have a second date with him. And I would question the excuses, I mean explanations, he'd give me for not calling; it only takes a minute to text or pick up the telephone.

OP, I would not answer his next call. Period.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 30
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:26:47 PM

And I would question the excuses, I mean explanations, he'd give me for not calling;...

Well, he's currently in a relationship. He told her that. So it seems reasonable to take it that that was the reason why.

I don't understand the title focus here. If this happened to me and I wrote about it, the title would be, "Man IN A RELATIONSHIP Calls, Asks Me to Wait for Break-Up!" And I would be laughing at him.

The sheer nerve of it is staggering. The three months' absence seems utterly insignificant to me next to that.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 31
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:30:31 PM
As many others have said.....it'd be one thing if he'd had the courtesy to say something to you the first time around, even if just the "You're a great gal and I had a nice time, but don't think we're a match" basic line. It'd also be a different matter if he'd called you last night, apologized for his earlier behavior, and asked if you'd like to give it another try....but to actually inform you he is STILL in a relationship, and was calling to see if you'd be willing to feather the landing for when he is ready to leap from it?????????????? Oy vey, not in a million yrs. No matter how much I'd liked the guy!

In fact, THAT phone call would have left me thinking "What a jerk! Whatever did I like about him in the first place?"

You'll not have any kind of "upper hand" if you start seeing him when he is good and ready to leave the "relationship gone bad." He will be quite aware that you like him far more than he likes you, and that you've some mighty flexible boundaries...which he will no doubt push as far as possible.

I'm sorry...not trying to be harsh, but that's the reality.
 Be_enchanted
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 32
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:32:48 PM
Well, I'm assuming (which I shouldn't) he has thought of the OP while in that relationship...

And you're right, HelenBackAgain, I should have reread the question prior to answering.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 33
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:50:54 PM
Well this one is easy.. geez I was banned for five days because someone .. (female) didn't enjoy my take on uncommon common sense..

here goes .. what in the blazes would make you believe it is time to feel stuck inside yourself..?? seriously.. this is not what a person with a healthy handle on their life should or would do.. if you want to retain some self respect.. never ever take a call from this psycho.. now twist this around .. and maybe you will see the narcissism if you wear the shoes..

okay so you are dating man .. and you meet another man.. and you have the hots for both.. and you tell the guy to wait on a perch for the "holey Mackrel" to return.. DOES this not sound sick and insensitive and very very self centered.,.. and you what.. want this self centered dude to date.. ? this is not a good idea .. primarily because not only will you find his me , me , me personality a bit pukey .. but you will also find that he will be lousy in bed.. because he is ALL ABOUT HIM.. so good luck with this one..

anyway if it was me..
and believe me it wouldn't be me in this life or about 300 or so more lives ..I'd wait til he calls and ask him for his girlfriends number .. if he inquires as to why you just tell him that you need to tell her that you and him are going to be together when SHE gets out of the picture and when is she planning to vacate lover jerks life..
I guarantee he would hang up..
You better grow a back bone because your interpretation of this is going to send you down shit creek with out any navigation tools or a paddle.. mark my words .. you will regret that you ever ever met this one..

we've all met psychos and narcissists ... if you want to engage in a relationship with one.. you need to get therapy.. you are heading towards a brick wall .. veer off and move along..

and if you are a rescuer ..this one is not fixable .. he is bad news .. really bad news..
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 34
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 8:56:54 PM

I'd wait til he calls and ask him for his girlfriends number .. if he inquires as to why you just tell him that you need to tell her that you and him are going to be together when SHE gets out of the picture and when is she planning to vacate lover jerks life..

Ha. I endorse this as a plan of action.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:34:02 PM
If he'd called after 3 months of nothing, I'd have assumed he had met someone and it hadn't worked out, no problem, most of us have done that. But to call before it's over and ask you to wait...LOL...seriously? I'd have laughed and hung up.
 Sailing78
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 36
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 10:23:48 PM

I would like to see him again, so I probably will, but I will do it with a guarded, upper hand feeling until he comes down off his cloud a little bit.


??? So you'll meet up with him again...for spite?
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 37
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:18:23 AM
You mean AFTER he met you, he hooked up with someone else and now he's wants to end that relationship and wants you to wait? So you basically were the back-up plan? Oh, hell-to-the-no.

First off, I delete anyone's number who doesn't call me within 3 days of a date/meeting. Then when they call I don't know who they are. And if I happen to answer the phone and he says "this is John" ... I automatically say "who?" I'm surprised at the number of men who are appalled that I don't remember them months down the road.

I don't think you should give this guy another chance, no matter how much you liked him. He didn't like you enough to continue trying to get to know you. Now he's stuck with bad karma.
 SouthernSlopesFella
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 38
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:25:12 AM
This ones easy, your the second option after his first option went bad for him, tell him where to shove it.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 39
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:55:03 AM
Yep I've done this. Agree with above. You were his second choice, any after the breakup, you became his first choice. However, I would not necessarily say dump him. He may have really liked you, just not as well as someone else. Nothing wrong with that.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 40
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:59:51 AM
hahaha I think u should tell him to see if he would wait while u date other ppl.


Some guys are such morons!
 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 41
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 7:03:53 AM

Yep, I felt like the "back burner girl"
.

You should because that is exactly what you are. You weren't "good enough" to end the relationship 3 months ago. You weren't "good enough" to cheat with, hell you weren't even "good enough" to keep in touch with to string along, but you are good enough to contact once the other relationship begins to unravel. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is he "good enough" to sacrafice your self respect for?
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 42
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 7:32:57 AM
He was involved with her when he met you, as someone else pointed out. He is so insecure, he wants to make sure there is someone waiting for him when he finally leaves her. He can't be without woman. Don't you think you deserve better? It's not even about lowering yourself and allowing yourself to be second choice, it is about seeing the red flags that are so blatantly waving, about his insecurity and cheating. If he would do it to her....
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 43
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 8:17:37 AM
You were his backup girlfriend in case the relationship with the woman he really liked went south. Obviously you handled it right and sent him packin'.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 44
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 8:34:50 AM
Unless you want to change your name from DORA to DOORMAT be my guess...lol
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 45
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 8:51:20 AM
u really want to be 'rebound girl'? where's your self-respect?
 Asarat11
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 46
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:41:31 AM
Wow, what kind of woman would consider this?! He was probably seeing both of you initially, then he chose the other woman, and you lost. Now, he no longer likes her, but he's hoping to f*ck you while he looks for his next first choice. So, sure, jump right into this with your "upper hand", so that he can use you and dump you when another woman looks better than you to him again and he chooses to focus on her. Barf.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 47
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:58:43 AM
Sounds like he has the mentality of a 13 year old........good luck with this one. :)
 MeggieMugster
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 48
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:40:17 PM
I have had situations like that.

For instance this one guy I went on a few dates with, he would like back off for awhile, then whenever he saw on facebook I was dating someone else he would ask to hang out, and i would be like why is it only when im seeing someone else you wanna make plans with me, and hes like thats not true, i have always liked you blah blah blah. I knew he just wanted what he couldnt have, but yet when i was single and tried to make plans with him he would ignore me, or make excuses, so i gave up on the guy. One day i saw he was seeing someone, and was like oh i see u got a girl in your life, and hes like shes not my girlfriend, and hes like i still like you, but u dont make time for me, and then i find out that the girl is knocked up that he hadnt been with long. So i was like sucks to be you.
 pattie2014
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 49
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:49:11 PM
After 3 months I would have played dumb and told him that I couldn't really remember him or the date either!
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 50
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:52:11 PM

Unless you want to change your name from DORA to DOORMAT be my guess...lol


prime ribb. you are hilarious.. thanks .. I hope she reads your fun take on this and hits the hwy running..





Sounds like he has the mentality of a 13 year old........good luck with this one. :)




russell5417 thanks great insight to the size of his upper brain.. the worst part of this is if he has a full solid erection with a niner or finer.. that leaves a big honkin wank on a****head..






WONDERING .. if she would "feel" more like a key player in this carnival of shit for boyfriend awards if he aw .. aw .. aw . ..came over and told her that he uses her name instead of the one he is humping now to condition the old one that the new one is going to be his full orgasmic delight..

This is when I wish I won a Dairy Queen for life contest.. I'd eat alot of sundaes and send him the empty plastic cones filled with gorrilla doo doo from every guy I had to screw until lover boy was ready for the oven ready Lasagna vah vah voom..

Get with the secret sauce here and get the frig away from this can o' bad beans.. go out into the chilly air and have a good fart .. and get this ass out of your system.. even if he has a penis the size of a donkeys d 'ck
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