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 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 26
Communicating by phone before meeting PersonallyPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
even if I am calling one of my friends, even a long time good friend,...
I always make it a habit to ask them if it is good time for them to talk.
sometimes someone can be in the middle of something.
for ex: when I am having a guest and talking to them. sometimes I dont even answer at those times since with cell phones you can see who called.
I will get back to them.
If someone is getting ready to have dinner,...or just walking out to their car,...
or just not feeling up to talking. that is why I ask.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 27
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 10:31:59 AM

even if I am calling one of my friends, even a long time good friend,...
I always make it a habit to ask them if it is good time for them to talk.
sometimes someone can be in the middle of something.

Agreed, I do the same, that's just polite... I don't really understand why anyone feels obliged to answer, rather than let it go to voice mail or machine if it isn't a good time to talk, but many do!
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 28
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 3:01:39 PM
Could be Tiger Woods...?
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 29
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 3:29:23 PM
Obviously people do meet others by not having a phone conversation, I am just saying most of the time for most people, they want to hear a voice etc etc. If I liked a womans profile and she "explained" that she was either deaf or hard of hearing, then I would understand that a phone call probably will not work. But for someone to not talk on the phone first and not give legit reasons, I would think especially for women, that would be a red flag.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 30
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:32:22 PM
Blonde Angel, I'm the same...email contact and a phone call before we meet...you can tell a lot from someone's voice and the manner in which they talk.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 31
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:55:06 PM

Obviously people do meet others by not having a phone conversation, I am just saying most of the time for most people, they want to hear a voice etc etc. If I liked a womans profile and she "explained" that she was either deaf or hard of hearing, then I would understand that a phone call probably will not work. But for someone to not talk on the phone first and not give legit reasons, I would think especially for women, that would be a red flag.


I agree. I am one of those individuals that likes to exchange a few messages and then move on to a phone coversation prior to meeting someone. The number one reason is, I want to hear the sound of his voice. This may sound strange or picky but one time I spoke with a gentleman on the phone and I really didn't care for the sound of his voice. It was high pitched and somewhat nasally. To me it was a deal breaker....I couldn't imagine him whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Is that awful?

Also it's quite easy to hide behind a computer screen and carry on a conversation when one has time to think of a witty, intelligent response. I prefer spontaneous conversation completely unrehearsed. Besides...It's nice to actually hear the laughter rather than "Lol".....lol. ....had to add that.

...mae
 sunnyway2
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 32
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 7:47:15 PM
Some people communicate better by written word, some by spoken. I want to experience both before meeting in person. First I want to see if there is anything that attracts other than a few photos. If no mental/personality connection, no matter how physically attractive he might be, there is no point in meeting. Likewise if there is a strong mental/personality connection, his looks are much less important, and I will want to meet. Since there are few matches in my local area, meeting takes some driving. I want to get to know the person before taking that step. I spend much longer talking before meeting than most of the people on the forum have indicated. As a result, I am rarely disappointed in a meeting, even if it doesn't lead to further dates. No creeps, no jerks, no being stood up. :)
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 33
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:49:41 PM
I like written words also along with talking. For me, I want the written words to actually be able to be spoken should there be a relationship. I know that is a whole other "thread" but there are people that write really well but can't communicate. That is a huge problem and one I have been dealt with in a relationship last year. The written words were awesome, but she never knew how to talk about feelings etc. That will stifle any relationship if people truly want a real one, imo. But to begin with, hear the words written and also hear the voice to those words before meeting.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 34
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 10:07:51 PM

Let's say one more strange thing, a phone conversation is not appropriate when one person isn't by the phone to hear it ringing.
You know what's strange to me? The thought of even having a land line to sit by, lol..

When the subject of texting comes up, the most annoying part for me is watching how many people often attempt to project their own values outward as though they are or should somehow be the gospel.

As Halcyon said, different strokes...

Also, I still haven't had my question answered as to how talking on the phone would have protected the Op from getting catfished.. ? That one is a mystery to me.
 ShineOnBrightly
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 35
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/8/2013 8:15:21 AM
I much prefer to talk to someone I have contacted from a dating site in person, rather than speak to that person on the telephone, before meeting them. Once I have met that person, then I am still a bit apprehensive, but much less stressed, when talking on the phone. Just one of my idiosyncrasies, I suppose.....

I like the written word better because I get the opportunity to say what I mean, rather than stumble and stutter on the phone, if I get nervous. I don't stumble and stutter when meeting in person, because I can see her eyes and get her body language - which helps with the conversation. I am 1000% more confident when emailing or talking face to face.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 36
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/8/2013 8:41:10 AM
It was 2 emails and a meet. I don't like the telephone.

I also never gave out a number or any identifiable personal information. Yes, there are ways around this using a hidden phone number but I couldn't be bothered.

If any man insisted on 'anything' with me (never happened), he'd have been deleted. A man should be sensitive to know that we have many things going around in our minds and reasons for thinking them before we meet you. Be flexible to our wishes and don't question them...you don't know our personal experiences. A phone call, where to meet, etc. is a woman's perogative. I was more flexible after I know you are safe and seem normal.
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 37
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/8/2013 8:55:42 AM
I never share my phone number prior to an in-person meeting at a public place of my choosing where I know the risk level is low. The prime reason is personal safety, as a female I have no desire to put myself in a situation where I could be stalked at home or in person. I am up front with this safety rule and I have only had one person harass me via email about my choice. After, I do the meet/greet and we are both comfortable with seeing each other again, I share my number. I know this choice may seem extreme to some, but safety and prevention tactics beats the heck out of using lethal force on some psycho.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 38
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/8/2013 9:31:27 AM
Good old common sense being spoken here. Giving out a phone number is NOT a good idea. Many people do not realize that using the reverse phone number tool, their name and address is available. I would suggest setting up a Skype account and speaking over the internet using a fake id like here on POF. Arrange to meet in person and go from there. One's intuition is better when facial expressions are there to be seen.

Be safe, not sorry.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 39
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/8/2013 10:36:33 AM

I never share my phone number prior to an in-person meeting at a public place of my choosing where I know the risk level is low. The prime reason is personal safety, as a female I have no desire to put myself in a situation where I could be stalked at home or in person. I am up front with this safety rule and I have only had one person harass me via email about my choice. After, I do the meet/greet and we are both comfortable with seeing each other again, I share my number. I know this choice may seem extreme to some, but safety and prevention tactics beats the heck out of using lethal force on some psycho.


I don't share my phone number either. I get his and call him. But before I dial I use *67 that way my name and number does not appear.

...mae
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 40
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/8/2013 7:32:56 PM
I don't have to worry about any of this. No one wants to contact me, let alone meet, haha!
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 41
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:51:36 AM
"I don't have to worry about any of this. No one wants to contact me, let alone meet, haha!"

Count yourself lucky. Every week I get loads of incoming messages, engage in email exchanges with dozens of guys, but it's all one huge waste of time because at some point each one will show me a Red Flag somewhere along the way. Sometimes in the first message, and sometimes on the third date...

I looked at your profile and I would love to meet you! You sound wonderful to me!

======================================================

Back on topic. I highly recommend talking onthe phone before meeting, unless you are happy to waste a lot of time having coffee with strangers you will never meet again. A lot of those Red Flags mentioned above would have been discernible during a phone call - for example, talking too much or having nothing to say. Also as others have said, is this a voice you like to hear? If a man sounds downbeat, whiney, complaining, pessimistic, miserable, critical and grizzy on the phone, he would be the same in person. You can also discern his level of education, erudition, wit, and your intellectual compatibility on the phone. Also, what is the content of his conversation? One can discern whether he is, for example, money-mad, career-obsessed, bitter about his ex, wrapped up in his kids' lives, etc, from the content of an informal chat. These can be Red Flags for many ladies.

I chatted to a guy yesterday who works long hours and spends all weekend playing golf. I asked where he had time for a woman in his life and that gave him a moment of self-awareness - he didn't. Glad I didn't waste effort and time meeting him!





 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 42
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 1:40:41 AM

I don't have to worry about any of this. No one wants to contact me, let alone meet, haha!

Well, if you're open to friends, I might. You seem pretty great.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 43
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:28:45 AM
We are all in love with DrummingNut. I'd fly to the USA to meet her!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 44
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:44:06 AM
Ooo, competition!

I'm closer.

See, DrummingNut, you are wanted. Okay, we're not the demographic you're seeking, but it's a start?

ETA: We're getting very far afield here.

To topic, I like a phone conversation before meeting, I've found it useful.
 resonance1
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 45
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 4:46:20 AM
I'm sorry to say that this user is pulling a scam. I've been a moderator for a dating website and this behavior shows up waaay to often .

Yes, he may be married or a psycho or an oversea's troll who will soon write you requesting money etc.. Whatever he is he's not someone ho respects your very legitimate requests for what you need for comfort. This should sends all your warning bells off, which is looks like it has.

The best route is to report the profile and block him.

Good luck
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 46
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:23:10 AM
Posted by alexander202:
"...Follow your gut instinct, my daughter went out with a man who had ropes and duct tape in his car. She didn't get to know him better on the phone as she usually did. Had she just talked with him for a little while longer she surely had a gut instinct , would have seen a red flag. He picked her up at her apartment #1 Mistake! She came away alright except for the (sheer) terror she felt until she got home. It was a horrible experience. She repoted him but who knows if he is still around, he was on almost every site that we checked out. This story could have been so bad , we Thank God she's okay today..."

Plumbers, HVAC, electricians, carpenters, and other skilled craftsmen often have those items in their vehicles.
To whom did she report him and why? The police? For illegal possession of home repair and improvement items? It sounds like her paranoia-o-meter needs to be properly recalibrated.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 47
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 6:01:06 AM

You know what's strange to me? The thought of even having a land line to sit by, lol..


When the subject of texting comes up, the most annoying part for me is watching how many people often attempt to project their own values outward as though they are or should somehow be the gospel.

Also, I still haven't had my question answered as to how talking on the phone would have protected the Op from getting catfished.. ? That one is a mystery to me.

NOTHING protects you 100% from getting catfished, that is just life.

Each level of communcations, PoF MSG, email, text, phone, video, in face meetings just makes it more difficult, that is all. Plenty of men in SE Asia report getting catfished in bars by men that dress as women. It's very difficult to tell without being intimate, and if they are postop, even that isn't 100%.

If a person needs 100% guarantees, then they themselves are developing mental problems.
 mnpn
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 48
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 6:21:31 AM
Right on, Shineon! I too, am not at all fond of phone conversations with strangers.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 49
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 7:06:36 AM
I won't meet someone without talking on the phone a few times first.
I don't text, and I tell a woman this up front. If I called someone and they didn't return the call, I'd assume they're not interested and move on.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 50
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:13:43 AM

I never share my phone number prior to an in-person meeting at a public place of my choosing

I won't meet someone without a phone number. There HAS to be a way to contact each other prior to date in case something happens or even to locate one another. If you don't want to give out your real number, buy a pre-paid phone to use for dating.

Further, I've never had a woman insist on a place "of her choosing". Quite frankly, I would find that rather offensive. Women who create a bucket of issues pre meeting will generally have even more issues later on...
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