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 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 51
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Communicating by phone before meeting PersonallyPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I would never ask a woman for her phone number. I provided my girlfriend with mine before we met with an added statement that there was no need to provide me with hers as I realize a woman might be uncomfortable doing this. Later she said that this put her at ease and more agreeble to meeting me. Many women's first reaction to a message isn't the same us guys, 'will I like this person' but rather 'is this a legitimate guy or psycho?'.

So what if a woman turns out to be a witch or a no show? This pales compares to a woman needing to protect her personal safety or avoid some obsessed stalker. Bottom line, it's better a hundred guys waste an hour of their time (gee whiz) than one woman go through Hell. If you had a daughter going out on a date with a complete internet stranger, you'd want her in complete control of all the variables: when to meet, where to meet, type of meet, pre-meeting contact, etc. It's up to her if that includes a phone conversation or not.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 52
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 1:45:32 PM

I never share my phone number prior to an in-person meeting at a public place of my choosing where I know the risk level is low. The prime reason is personal safety, as a female I have no desire to put myself in a situation where I could be stalked at home or in person.



I know this choice may seem extreme to some,


If someone feels the need to resort to extreme choices, wouldn't it be safer for them to not even bother with online dating at all?
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 53
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:25:59 PM
I just go with the flow and have a blast doing it, if they text me --Ill text back--if they call me --Ill answer--this whole thing about what others should do is based on YOUR comfort zone--it is just YOURS and might make them as uncomfortable as what THEIRS make you--so how are you better?

If you are giving up the opportunity to meet someone based on the fact they don't do what you want them to--sounds like they dodged a bullet to me--inflexible people are such downers.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 54
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/9/2013 7:52:01 PM
^^^^^^

Yes, exactly. Dodged a bullet. This type of male is more likely to be a control freak, or odd sort. He's certainly putting his convenience above my desire to be at ease and feel safe. I passed on any on a contact if there was even an inkling of something not right. I rely on my woman's intuition
Any guy who is insistent on some requirement to meet is one to avoid. Might be a nice guy but not worth the risk.
 Dynamitefairlady
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 55
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/10/2013 10:33:02 AM
I would suggest you look elsewhere.
I read the whole message, but you wrote it best when you said, "nothing came out of it".
I believe he has given you too many red flags!!!
You can do better and I hope you do.
Run, run as fast as you can away from this one.
 Proverbs31Woman2013
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 56
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/12/2013 12:05:32 PM
Personally I would be concerned that such a person is married, that's why he can't risk talking?
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 57
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:41:21 AM
I can't understand why, since people are obviously online using this site, people bother with phones at all, you STILL can't see them. Skype is free! You don't even require a cc to sign up. :)

" I prefer to Skype with cams too - just to make sure. It's harder to hide things from Skype cameras".

Also to the fellas who insist on meeting even before a phone call! Seems men and women are REAL polar opposites on this one. I'd rather find out the answers to a few basic things, by voice, than do what it takes to meet up (which is extra effort)and THEN find out those things in the first five minutes of the meet! Especially that I have been somewhat "catfished" by someone misrepresenting themselves to the extreme. Happens WAY too often, otherwise. Every meet up I went on that accommodated the guy, that way, it turned out they hoped they could "sell" what they were AND weren't better in person. I think that has a lot more to do with their " I don't do endless calls and emails". You might get to know enough about them to forgo that meet!Few of us want endless!

I value my time and don't have lots for unsuccessful "coffees" that would have been circumvented by info that is readily available by videophone. : )

I just spoke to someone, after two mails, this way, yesterday morning. What a pleasure to hear his laugh and see that he looks exactly like his photo. Actually, because of the way he moves and lights up when he talks, even better!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 58
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:11:08 AM
When it comes to meeting someone, phone call first is critical. This is online dating remember, where you aren't meeting a woman face to face first, we are online! Big difference.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 59
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:28:28 AM

When it comes to meeting someone, phone call first is critical.

Critical? Really?

I prefer to not talk on the phone before a meet but if a woman asks I will certainly do so.. however, it has been my experience that it has made no difference whatsoever on how the first meet went.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 60
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:42:56 AM
I prefer to not talk on the phone before a meet but if a woman asks I will certainly do so.. however, it has been my experience that it has made no difference whatsoever on how the first meet went.

It might make a difference in whether or not there is a first meet at all. A couple of times, I've concluded during or after preliminary phone conversations that we would in no way possibly get along in person. They weren't terrible guys or anything, we just didn't like each other!

So, no one's time was wasted getting ready and going somewhere, only to find out we didn't like each other then. This isn't proof against that happening, obviously, it just cuts down on the incidence of it.

I don't know about "critical"... because a lousy date is hardly the end of the world... but I think it's a really good idea.

However, no phone call I have ever had resulted in not meeting. I can pretty much talk to anyone :)

I'm not surprised! You're likeable here, why wouldn't you be on the phone?
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 61
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:46:00 AM

It might make a difference in whether or not there is a first meet at all

I guess it could from a woman's perspective and I certainly wouldn't know how some men "behave" on the phone. However, no phone call I have ever had resulted in not meeting. I can pretty much talk to anyone :)
 +½½½
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 62
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 9:36:10 AM
you can be sure that if men do not want to talk on the phone, but just to chat, so then they garnti married or in relationships. It is always a good test.Jeg do not want men who will not talk on the phone.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 63
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:19:52 PM
you can be sure that if men do not want to talk on the phone, but just to chat, so then they garnti married or in relationships. It is always a good test.Jeg do not want men who will not talk on the phone.


Just because some men and women don't like to on talk on the phone, doesn't necessarily mean they're married or involved.

If someone is intent on cheating on their partner, (s)he will find a way----regardless of whether or not (s)he is willing to talk on the phone.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 64
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 9:39:55 PM
Talking on the phone after a couple emails is another step whether there even will be a "meet". For me, it is all about finding out if there is enough interest between the two of us. I am not going to meet a woman without hearing a voice and getting a feel for how she talks etc etc. A written profile is a start but not enough of one to just meet a woman without talking. Makes no sense to me at all, to each their own
 1WishList
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 65
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:47:38 PM
You have toenails to paint, rice to let steam, that gunk in your window sill corners to Finally get a screwdriver and a roll of paper towels to clean out ...... and so many other things to do, rather than giving this idiot another thought.
If you're looking for a great guy, he sounds like he isn't one.
Keep Fishing, Doll!
 needsloveheart
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 66
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:50:41 AM
maybe its a woman
 All2rosie
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 67
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/18/2013 5:49:39 PM
Only you can determine what you are comfortable with...I say go with your gut feelings.
- sometime if it waddles like a duck....
and quacks like a duck...
it really IS a duck!


Most of all be safe and try to have some fun...!
 DeborahC56
Joined: 10/20/2010
Msg: 68
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:07:00 PM
Always go with your gut. If he is no willing to communicate over the phone than I am glad you ended it. What other secrets might he have. Not worth anymore of your time. Next! hehe
 YoungerRain
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 69
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:16:37 PM
texting or e mailing I have lots of time to gather my thought and say what I mean! On the phone - I can not respond quickly.. and 2. I like to see in person the gal I am talking to..we talk or communicate a lot with our jesters . I maybe like this guy..but I would call u back..it all comes to one thing..MEET meet meet..all the tons of e mails are nothing.and seems kind of waste to write one far away U can not ever meet..so Meet meet meet..When my dating son is with a gal..there are no cell phone ,I pad, smart phones ,computers in use.. I like that.. Leave your those devises OFF,at home or back in the car. They are rude! And i have told gals . that have call up their friends while with me so. `U are one of those rude cell phone plp` Meet MEET meet with out those things..
 OC28AV99
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 70
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/20/2013 10:49:12 PM
Yeah, my guess is he's either married/committed or drinks heavily, or both. Either way, just move on, he's not going to work out. You can do better. :)
 yerkiddinrite
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 71
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:08:34 AM
My best friend learned her lesson that it isn't a good idea to meet someone without speaking to them on the phone first. She talked to a guy online for a few weeks and set up a date without speaking to him in person. When she got to the restaurant he was flamingly feminine with a light wispy voice, delicately dabbing at the corners of his mouth with his napkin, etc., definitely not her cup of tea. She had to sit and suffer through a dinner with this man who was wrong for her in so many ways. Well, she didn't HAVE to but good manners dictate that you at least finish dinner and then excuse yourself at the first available opportunity!
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 72
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:11:42 AM
Today, many people have Smart phones with their email driven to them which gives easy communication access 24/7. I always swap email addresses with the person I am meeting and have used email to verify last minute details or confirm ETA for a meet. The danger in swapping personal phone numbers too soon is that most people can be traced and a home address verified with little effort. If all people on dating sites were upstanding, honest, law-abiding citizens this is not an issue. We all know that this simply isn't true.

"A place of my choosing" is not me demanding one place......it means that if a potential date suggests some place less than what I consider reasonably safe and public, then I will either ask him to suggest another place or I will suggest another place. The meet location is always mutual. I just always retain my right to choose to agree on a place that matches my comfort level. I am do not create or have a bucket of issues pre-meeting or have many issues later.

I man who cannot understand, appreciate, or respect my right to act in a safe manner is unlikely to have my six later in life.
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 73
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:39:54 AM
The meet location is always mutual. I just always retain my right to choose to agree on a place that matches my comfort level. I am do not create or have a bucket of issues pre-meeting or have many issues later.

I man who cannot understand, appreciate, or respect my right to act in a safe manner is unlikely to have my six later in life.


+1
 bzyberd
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 74
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/21/2013 1:57:37 PM
Sounds like a big red flag. You should pay attention to it because something is off. Or.... could it
be he has a voice that is an immediate "turn-off" to women and he doesn't want to lose out before
meeting you? It's either that or his voice sounds like he's been sucking too much helium out of balloons.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 75
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/21/2013 3:27:06 PM
I hate talking on the phone and know many others who feel the same way. I want to see the person I'm talking to, not just hear their voice. Even worse is the quality of many peoples phones and the signal they get. I know with my personal landline phone or cell phone, 99% of the time, if it's a crappy sounding call, it's on the other end.
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