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 missajm
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 51
Red flag or honest mistake?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Its definitely a red flag as I met a guy off zoosk.com and on the very first night he pulled out his****and wanted me to suck on it and wanted me to have sex with him and then he treated me like shit/crap after that.
 roadrunner2525
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 52
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 6:24:24 PM
It sounds like he is fishing you out, trying to sneak in a question about sex yet trying to be politically correct. It sounds like a stupid question to ask on the third email. My first though is not that he is a sex freak, or a curious lad, just a stupid brainless, hopeless individual whom is convinced that he can streamline conversations. If you said yes, his next question would have been do you like to give men head. Lol, you were put off by the question because you knew he was going to get dumber by the minute.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 53
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 6:24:54 PM
We all hear that I think and what they really mean, is, are we up for sex and pretty soon. If they get intimate too quickly, and some do, just delete and move on. I have had guys ask the state of my nether regions, and all sort of other personal questions they would not dare ask in person. Cyberspace makes them very brave behind a screen lol! They are strangers even when you do talk on the phone and you need to have your wits about you if you going to bother with online dating.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 54
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 6:43:59 PM

When a man asks you in you first three emails if you are the affectionate type? Sounds innocent enough but I am not comfortable with discussing my level of affection before even talking on the phone....preferably after a few dates.


Yanno...I'd have to know the context of the conversations before I was able to make a valid comment or have a valid opinion.

If the convo was heading towards the sex topic...then...for me...it's nothing I'd even consider talking about with a stranger....

But, if it was a question implying: "do you like to cuddle, hold hands, and kiss"....well, then...It's innocent enough....and really, the question was general-and begs a general reply at best.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 55
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Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 7:33:49 PM

You woman (the op, and first responder) are to up tight. Here you complain if men talk sex to soon, yet if we touch base on affection, which could just simply imply hugging and cuddling not necessarily even kissing your freaking out also. Some of you just have to many rules and conditions. And then some wonder why their single or chronically single for that matter.


I agree.

I find most of the women on here incomprehensible. If a man even gets anywhere near talking about affection. ley alone sex - block him/delete him???

Why are you on this site at all? why not look for a platonic female companion if you are so offfended by the mere mention of the possibility that one day this relationship will lead to sex?
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 56
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 8:53:10 PM
Oh boy, here we go again bashing the op. enough.

She merely asked a question. Op you are the only one that knows the tone of the message. If you are not comfortable with the question then move along. There is not enough information to try and figure out his intent. Good luck
 _BeachGoddess_
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 57
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 8:57:07 PM
You do realize the OP has left the building, right?? As in deleted her account, lol.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 58
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 9:29:39 PM
She sure didn't last long on here. Thanks for the heads up on the op.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 59
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/7/2013 4:13:10 AM
Are you an affectionate person? I'm very affectionate towards my dog....and sometimes people.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 60
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:44:00 AM
Ladywyatt is touching on a point i seem to discuss quite a bit. The lack of other social cues such as body language, tone of voice, facial expression etc, makes it nearly impossible to know for sure where this man was heading with that question. This is the problem with email and text messages. I agree, its only after a face to face meeting can one begin to assess his real intention of that question. However, I tend to follow my gut instincts on things like this.. its I feel creeped out, I may ask a follow up question or I may just leave it alone. Too often this kind of question has gone off in the wrong direction from men who have written me. I try not to judge, burt sometimes when a similar kind of question has lead down the same road over and over again, one tends to just think.."well here we go again" is that always right, no, however it does happen.
I agree an early meet and greet is a better place to assess these kinds of questions.
 AmericasSweetheart
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 61
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/9/2013 8:03:19 AM
I would just innocently ask him if he is talking about public displays of affection PDA.if he says yes then you'll know if he says no sexually then that's a red flag he just wants to sleep with you.
 missajm
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 62
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/9/2013 7:45:27 PM
I refused to suck on his****and have sex with him and then he got extremely rude and mean with he and told me that i was playing head games with him.
 AdriaticMind
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 63
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Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/17/2013 11:46:58 PM
I've had men ask me within three emails what specific sexual acts I'm willing to engage in! Some guys have no class, and it's quite obvious what they're looking for.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 64
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 2:55:16 AM
Just wait about a millasecond and here comes unsolicited naughty bits pic!
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 65
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 8:56:07 AM
It is a red flag for trying to see how fast and how much sex they are going to get.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 66
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:00:49 AM

What about asking "Are you a hopeless Romantic"?


That is an excellent alternative, it invokes positive thoughts (flowers, chocolate, letters, candles, rose petals, fondue, beach, star watching, scenery watching, competing for a teddy bear at an arcade, etc.)

How affectionate are you? invokes "what does he really mean by that question", which then turns into you asking "what do you mean", and then the other person gets defensive because they sense you're defensive about what the possible meaning of it is.

The problem with either question is that it depends on what the other person inspires in you, so it kinda doesn't make sense to ask. Some people inspire us to write poetry, others a romantic getaway, others a post-in note in your pocket when you're not looking, others don't inspire anything out of the ordinary, etc. Unless you know you have a trait that you display that may not be cool with other people (being too touchy, a$$ grabby), its not something to be discussed before meeting.

Everybody wants to know what they are getting into before the plunge but its a matter of priorities, with age and experience, the things we need or want to know about the other changes.

A man messaged me and wanted to talk about sex right away (in his 30s), I questioned his need to know that information. He explained that as adults, there should not be a restriction on the topics of conversation and its no different from discussing anything else about each other. He rather establish such things from a very beginning since it is important to him. I respected that, but my stance is that no one needs to know of things that would only apply if both feel chemistry in person.
 NinerV
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 67
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 1:24:16 PM
Not even a yellow flag to me...
 theanswerguy2
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 68
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 2:44:49 PM

When a man asks you in you first three emails if you are the affectionate type? Sounds innocent enough but I am not comfortable with discussing my level of affection before even talking on the phone....preferably after a few dates.


It's a legitimate question. If the other person being affectionate is a dealbreaker for you (or someone else), how much time do you want to spend (waste?) with them to find out that they are not- if they aren't- and that you are not compatible?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 69
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 8:54:49 PM
When a man asks you in you first three emails if you are the affectionate type? Sounds innocent enough but I am not comfortable with discussing my level of affection before even talking on the phone....preferably after a few dates.

After a few dates, he wouldn't have to ask -- he could see. Women will put in their profiles, among other descriptors, that they're the affectionate type. Like holding hands, touching the shoulders -- being a bit touchy, etc. It's expressed on different levels in different situations. It's not an invasive question at all.

Some people don't like those who are the affectionate type. Some people don't like those who are Not the affectionate type. Obviously if being affectionate is a "big deal" to you where you can't discuss the concept before 3 dates, you're most likely not the affectionate type at all! :)
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 70
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Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/19/2013 11:18:19 AM

tell him you like cuddling, but you would have to go on at least 10 dates with someone before you'd sleep with him. That will get him to stop writing.


Not me, though; I'd be pleased with that response.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 71
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Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/19/2013 1:22:49 PM
I so thought I would see a response to this question like
Q: Are you affectionate?
A: No I am not click, block sender, delete profile!!!
Or
Sure about as affectionate as Jody Arias
Before she stabbed him 29 times, shot him in the forehead, and slit his throat ear to ear after driving
Over 300 miles,
 WittyMinute
Joined: 7/5/2013
Msg: 72
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 2:18:19 PM
If this is coming in writing and not in person, it is important to ask for clarification then and there -- supports or changes your gut reaction immediately. Affection is a broad concept and means something different to most anyone.

Being a newbie to online dating, and dating at all after eighteen years, I have learned one very important thing. Meet as soon as possible. I'm used to meeting in person, getting to know each other by phone, and knowing pretty early on whether you know you want to go out together...even on the phone, you can learn a lot about a person.

Texting is unnatural and can be controlled by the person...they may or may not convey what they mean exactly, but now, one sentence has become enough to deter someone from meeting in person. If you are speaking and have a quick gut response? You can immediately ask for clarification. Via text you can read it and over think it, and take too much, or not enough, time mulling it over.

It's going to be a hard transition, being out of the 'dating scene' for so long! I remember being excited that with a huge antennae, you could walk at least twenty feet away from the home phone!

This is why I am going to have a few emails/texts and just say "Why don't you give me a call?" If that seems too forward to them? Well better to know immediately than to have the ability to re read everything you have ever "said" to one another.

Yes, do I like affection is an odd one. It's more to me that it's in writing...
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 73
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 5:35:25 PM
In my opinion, OP's response to the affectionate question was perfect "when in a relationship."
Personally, the question itself would not bother me.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 74
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 5:44:07 PM

It's a legitimate question. If the other person being affectionate is a dealbreaker for you (or someone else), how much time do you want to spend (waste?) with them to find out that they are not- if they aren't- and that you are not compatible?


It's not a legitimate question because if you love someone then naturally you want to be affectionate with someone. Who wants to be affectionat with a person they can't stand or is not attracted too? No one! People who ask this question ask it because they want to know how fast you are going to take your pants off with them.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 75
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Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 6:14:00 PM
Maybe he hates too much affection.
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