Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Red flag or honest mistake?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _BeachGoddess_
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 57
Red flag or honest mistake?Page 5 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You do realize the OP has left the building, right?? As in deleted her account, lol.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 58
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/6/2013 9:29:39 PM
She sure didn't last long on here. Thanks for the heads up on the op.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 59
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/7/2013 4:13:10 AM
Are you an affectionate person? I'm very affectionate towards my dog....and sometimes people.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 60
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:44:00 AM
Ladywyatt is touching on a point i seem to discuss quite a bit. The lack of other social cues such as body language, tone of voice, facial expression etc, makes it nearly impossible to know for sure where this man was heading with that question. This is the problem with email and text messages. I agree, its only after a face to face meeting can one begin to assess his real intention of that question. However, I tend to follow my gut instincts on things like this.. its I feel creeped out, I may ask a follow up question or I may just leave it alone. Too often this kind of question has gone off in the wrong direction from men who have written me. I try not to judge, burt sometimes when a similar kind of question has lead down the same road over and over again, one tends to just think.."well here we go again" is that always right, no, however it does happen.
I agree an early meet and greet is a better place to assess these kinds of questions.
 AmericasSweetheart
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 61
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/9/2013 8:03:19 AM
I would just innocently ask him if he is talking about public displays of affection PDA.if he says yes then you'll know if he says no sexually then that's a red flag he just wants to sleep with you.
 missajm
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 62
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 3/9/2013 7:45:27 PM
I refused to suck on his****and have sex with him and then he got extremely rude and mean with he and told me that i was playing head games with him.
 AdriaticMind
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/17/2013 11:46:58 PM
I've had men ask me within three emails what specific sexual acts I'm willing to engage in! Some guys have no class, and it's quite obvious what they're looking for.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 64
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 2:55:16 AM
Just wait about a millasecond and here comes unsolicited naughty bits pic!
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 65
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 8:56:07 AM
It is a red flag for trying to see how fast and how much sex they are going to get.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 66
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:00:49 AM

What about asking "Are you a hopeless Romantic"?


That is an excellent alternative, it invokes positive thoughts (flowers, chocolate, letters, candles, rose petals, fondue, beach, star watching, scenery watching, competing for a teddy bear at an arcade, etc.)

How affectionate are you? invokes "what does he really mean by that question", which then turns into you asking "what do you mean", and then the other person gets defensive because they sense you're defensive about what the possible meaning of it is.

The problem with either question is that it depends on what the other person inspires in you, so it kinda doesn't make sense to ask. Some people inspire us to write poetry, others a romantic getaway, others a post-in note in your pocket when you're not looking, others don't inspire anything out of the ordinary, etc. Unless you know you have a trait that you display that may not be cool with other people (being too touchy, a$$ grabby), its not something to be discussed before meeting.

Everybody wants to know what they are getting into before the plunge but its a matter of priorities, with age and experience, the things we need or want to know about the other changes.

A man messaged me and wanted to talk about sex right away (in his 30s), I questioned his need to know that information. He explained that as adults, there should not be a restriction on the topics of conversation and its no different from discussing anything else about each other. He rather establish such things from a very beginning since it is important to him. I respected that, but my stance is that no one needs to know of things that would only apply if both feel chemistry in person.
 NinerV
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 67
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 1:24:16 PM
Not even a yellow flag to me...
 theanswerguy2
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 68
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 2:44:49 PM

When a man asks you in you first three emails if you are the affectionate type? Sounds innocent enough but I am not comfortable with discussing my level of affection before even talking on the phone....preferably after a few dates.


It's a legitimate question. If the other person being affectionate is a dealbreaker for you (or someone else), how much time do you want to spend (waste?) with them to find out that they are not- if they aren't- and that you are not compatible?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 69
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/18/2013 8:54:49 PM
When a man asks you in you first three emails if you are the affectionate type? Sounds innocent enough but I am not comfortable with discussing my level of affection before even talking on the phone....preferably after a few dates.

After a few dates, he wouldn't have to ask -- he could see. Women will put in their profiles, among other descriptors, that they're the affectionate type. Like holding hands, touching the shoulders -- being a bit touchy, etc. It's expressed on different levels in different situations. It's not an invasive question at all.

Some people don't like those who are the affectionate type. Some people don't like those who are Not the affectionate type. Obviously if being affectionate is a "big deal" to you where you can't discuss the concept before 3 dates, you're most likely not the affectionate type at all! :)
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/19/2013 11:18:19 AM

tell him you like cuddling, but you would have to go on at least 10 dates with someone before you'd sleep with him. That will get him to stop writing.


Not me, though; I'd be pleased with that response.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 6/19/2013 1:22:49 PM
I so thought I would see a response to this question like
Q: Are you affectionate?
A: No I am not click, block sender, delete profile!!!
Or
Sure about as affectionate as Jody Arias
Before she stabbed him 29 times, shot him in the forehead, and slit his throat ear to ear after driving
Over 300 miles,
 WittyMinute
Joined: 7/5/2013
Msg: 72
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 2:18:19 PM
If this is coming in writing and not in person, it is important to ask for clarification then and there -- supports or changes your gut reaction immediately. Affection is a broad concept and means something different to most anyone.

Being a newbie to online dating, and dating at all after eighteen years, I have learned one very important thing. Meet as soon as possible. I'm used to meeting in person, getting to know each other by phone, and knowing pretty early on whether you know you want to go out together...even on the phone, you can learn a lot about a person.

Texting is unnatural and can be controlled by the person...they may or may not convey what they mean exactly, but now, one sentence has become enough to deter someone from meeting in person. If you are speaking and have a quick gut response? You can immediately ask for clarification. Via text you can read it and over think it, and take too much, or not enough, time mulling it over.

It's going to be a hard transition, being out of the 'dating scene' for so long! I remember being excited that with a huge antennae, you could walk at least twenty feet away from the home phone!

This is why I am going to have a few emails/texts and just say "Why don't you give me a call?" If that seems too forward to them? Well better to know immediately than to have the ability to re read everything you have ever "said" to one another.

Yes, do I like affection is an odd one. It's more to me that it's in writing...
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 73
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 5:35:25 PM
In my opinion, OP's response to the affectionate question was perfect "when in a relationship."
Personally, the question itself would not bother me.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 74
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 5:44:07 PM

It's a legitimate question. If the other person being affectionate is a dealbreaker for you (or someone else), how much time do you want to spend (waste?) with them to find out that they are not- if they aren't- and that you are not compatible?


It's not a legitimate question because if you love someone then naturally you want to be affectionate with someone. Who wants to be affectionat with a person they can't stand or is not attracted too? No one! People who ask this question ask it because they want to know how fast you are going to take your pants off with them.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/21/2013 6:14:00 PM
Maybe he hates too much affection.
 vick68
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 76
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/26/2013 1:33:38 PM
I second that a lot of the answers here are without any thought and seemingly, full on prejudice.

Seems as though the men are being categorized as a bunch of dirt bags just wanting sex. We aren't all like that!! I'm actually pretty hard to sleep with and find the women I have dated initiating the first conversations "hints" to that nature.

Oh crap, he asked if I am affectionate, damn dirt bag, scum, POS.

So, he asks, don't freak out. This actually gives you some better insight as to their intentions.

State that you are affectionate "as someone stated" with a person you care for. If "and I say they because this goes both ways" they start leading the conversation towards sex, you have your answer and can block/delete them or whatever.

DONE... On to the next.

Let me ask this. I have had women ask me if I am affectionate even though I state it my profile "probably because it is in my profile and using as a conversation starter".. Are they now a damn, scum bag, POS? Trust me that some of the women on here are out for only sex as well!

Either way, unless a person leads with something a little more direct like, damn you look good, i'd like to get all affectionate with you and tap that a__! I would probably allow some wiggle room and see where the rest of the conversation goes.


FUNNY THING IS...

I want to open with that line now.. ;)

I could instantly weed out most of the people that jump to false presumptions in one swoop. ;) As well as all the WE WOMAN man haters.

Regards,
Vick68
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 7/29/2013 8:20:31 AM
We as humans are funny lil creatures...it's one's way of seeing how open you are.
I once had a fellow ask if I would like to "sext"...dumb azz me starts to look at the key board to see if the s is next to the t. Nope no mistake he didn't want to text...he wanted to sext...who knew!?
 jfwayne
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 78
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 9/17/2013 1:10:14 PM
It's a sissy boys way of asking if he might get lucky...
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 9/18/2013 11:28:43 AM

Red flag or honest mistake?


Neither. To make this kind of assumption is premature. They said "affection", don't read into it unless they give you reason to. Yes, the question could be leading to sex but maybe not. With many who are divorced, the affectionate aspects of the relationship fell by the way side, or maybe their ex partner wasn't that way in the first place.


Yes, talking about sex before having it is clearly a red flag. Talking about sex while dating is a player's move, it's tacky, disrespectful and should never occur...


What ?? "Never ever" talk about sex before you have it?? What?? lol. ( funny sad, not funny haha ). In today's "don't tell if you aren't directly asked" world, smart people have some serious, adult conversation about it before hand.


Are you an affectionate person? I'm very affectionate towards my dog....and sometimes people.


Love it.
 noXchNoRtn
Joined: 3/15/2013
Msg: 80
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 9/18/2013 12:38:12 PM
It's neither a red flag nor a mistake.

Who wants to find out she is a prude on their wedding night?
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 81
Red flag or honest mistake?
Posted: 9/19/2013 5:51:08 AM

When a man asks you in you first three emails if you are the affectionate type? Sounds innocent enough but I am not comfortable with discussing my level of affection before even talking on the phone....preferably after a few dates.



I don’t think it is ever appropriate. Affection is demonstrated when there is mutual attraction. It is not something you can say, “I am the affectionate type” because no one is when not attracted to another. I would say, “Yes, I am very affectionate with those I love, like my grandchildren…but with you? I don’t know yet.”

Anyway I doubt he was looking for “affection”. Just a stupid manner of trying to find if you put out soon.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Red flag or honest mistake?